There are pregnant women who go through WORSE situations and end up carrying the baby to full term. No, I’m not trying to downplay the impact of stress on pregnancy. Life and death are ultimately in Allah’s hands. You didn’t lose your baby because you offended your MIL…that’s unreasonable. Your husband is being unreasonable. It’s one thing to respect your mother and it’s another to give her such power/status. The notion is slightly funny, but in a very very very sad way.
Gtg I disagree, some husbands DO say things like that, some say/do worse and others aren't as bad but are still jerks.
But just b/c other husbands do...that doesn't mean its right or you should let ti go.
im sorry about your loss, I remember reading your posts in the parenting thread....
are you living with your in laws while he's abroad? is it possible for you to go home to your parents even for a short while?
I would suggest stop talkign to him for the time being. Don't confront but he should know or get a feeling that you're angry. It's actually easier to get through these issues if you're not living together....
by letting it go and forgetting about it..ur setting a precedent that he can say/do whatever and you'll let it go.
I will say normal husbands dont and they shouldnt!! but then again what do I know.. I was raised by a perfect father and got married to the perfect man alhamdulillah so I havent' seen ths happening and will not consider it normal!!!
But like you said, no matter what.. it doesnt give him any right to say this to her!! Miscarriage is so hard to deal with physically and emotionally and he shoudl be supporting her not stressing her out!
dumdee... talk to him and make him understand that it wasnt right and I dont buy that "I said it in anger" thats exactly why we have been told to control our angers.. you dont fight when you are all lovey dovey,,, it's the anger taht shows the true color of the person!
what do you mean by new?
we have had many fights in the past but he had never said this much harsh to me ... he has said bakwas na kro and tum se shadi ker k ghalati ker di hy mainy but this thing is too much for me k my baby dying is bcz of me n this is saza for me .... he fought with his mother us ne apni ma k dil dukhaya hy not me and murr jao meri taraf se .... all this rubbish is for the first time in this 1.5 yrs of marriage .... and he knows very well that i am not physically and mentally healthy these days due to my miss carraige
Its not acceptable.
You need to let him know he was wrong in what he said and it can never happen again.
These are not just angry words...they are damaging words.
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talk to him and make him understand that it wasnt right and I dont buy that "I said it in anger" thats exactly why we have been told to control our angers..
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this is what he always says but this time its more than enuff
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are you living with your in laws while he's abroad? is it possible for you to go home to your parents even for a short while?
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i am with parents bcz my mil dznt want to take ZIMEDARI while my husband is not here bcz if i am at home she would have to stay at home with me where as she has to roam around all day she cant actually stick to home
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You need to let him know he was wrong in what he said and it can never happen again.
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You to hubby: you know I love you and you are the most important person in my life and I hope i mean the same to you.
Hubby: Ok?
You: Well, I need to talk to you about something very very important. Something that determines our future together.
Hubby: Well, what is it?
You: I didn't like when you said ___________ (insert what he said), and it hurt me very much. If my love means anything to you, know that when you say such things, it makes me lose respect for you
Hubby: well you said so and so and you did such and such, what about that?
You: Well, that's all i wanted to say to you and if you were here you would know what I go through. You being away does not help the situation. I am trying my best. The rest if up to you.
^that is awsome but you know what i am very bad at saying my heart and he is very good in debating thats why i always fails and remain hurt and he blames me anything he want to bcz he knows how can he relate one thing to another .... any how i will try this one
^that is awsome but you know what i am very bad at saying my heart and he is very good in debating thats why i always fails and remain hurt and he blames me anything he want to bcz he knows how can he relate one thing to another .... any how i will try this one
^ Khud main confidence paida karo.
What kind of "debate" is he doing to come up with? Your already know that his attitude and his beliefs are not supported by Islam....baat khatam....that's your strongest argument against him and you can keep using it until he is blue in the face from spewing out his crazy notions and justifications.
Hubby: well you said so and so and you did such and such, what about that?
...
^When he says that....how about you respond with "
^
Hubby: well you said so and so and you did such and such, what about that?
...
^When he says that....how about you respond with "Well, right now we're discussing your behavior. When we've received some closure with that...we can discuss my role in the situaiton. Also, you can't justify your mistakes by pointing out someone else's mistakes. If you curse at someone, you can't that it's okay just because someone else did something similar. That's like trying to throw a towel on your own mistakes. What is wrong is wrong, what's a gunnah is a gunnah. The difference is that some people can admit to it and others make excuses for their behavior. I apologize for the hurtful things I have said....but please reflect over your own actions as they are not only hurtful to our marriage, they are not condoned by religion. And in regards to to the miscarriage....life and death are in Allah's hands. There are people who do worse things than offending their saasoo maa and still manage to have children. It's important for one to respect their parents...but giving them a God-like status is not acceptable"
Those are some pretty harsh words by your husband. Alright, given you're not getting on with his mother and what not. Still doesnt give him the right to tell you to "mar jao" and mentally torture you about your miscarriage. Dont talk to him for a while, let him apologize and please give him a lecture!
If he calls say you're busy or whatever. If you're forced to talk to him just keep it as short as possible then don't say anything. Give him the silent treatment. Then when he notices and appreciates you're upset, give him the above talk that redvelvet and Theorist have said. Till then, ignore him.
he is not contacting me and its getting un bearable for me i dont know whats goin on in his mind .... what should i do should i contact him or still wait? for the first time it has taken so long
he is not contacting me and its getting un bearable for me i dont know whats goin on in his mind .... what should i do should i contact him or still wait? for the first time it has taken so long
Did he call his mum or its just you he's ignoring?
i am not living with his mum so i dont know but i am sure he calls her everyday so he must have called her .... i did nt talk to her about this and nt even let her know that we are not talking to eachother
Don't call him. Call your MIL and keep in contact with her, but wait for him to call you, whenever he's ready
Besides, you should be relaxing and taking care of yourself. Don't stress yourself out more by calling him especially when you're still hurt about his comments. If and when you completely forgive him for it then maybe you can pick up the phone and see how he's doing and stuff
as for me its first time just want to make sure there do exist couples who do not talk to eachother for many days say like a week or so? and then they end up fine
He might be feeling guilty for what he's said to you but the way he's acting seems like you're the one who said something hurtful to him. He's trying to make you feel guilty and mend things because his ego won't allow him to apologize.
I don't know about other couples, but I do know he owes you an apology.
Don't call him just to start another argument on both ends. If you've really forgiven him and don't need an apology from him then call him and try to make things okay. Or wait a couple more days and call him and ask where he's been, what has he been upto etc. Just normal conversation
