Re: Should I feel insecure?
Everything he said in the email - did you know?
Everything he said in the email - did you know?
He has said things along the same line before. I trusted him, still trust him BUT how does any of it change the situation I am in? I'll still be in this mess, right? Should I even hope for something better after 6 years of repeating the same drama everyday? He's a good person, he really is and I've said that many times in my other threads but he just can't manage to keep balance I guess. It doesn't help me, my self-respect, my privacy, or my peace of mind to know what he "thinks" when his actions clearly don't say the same.
Re: Should I feel insecure?
Maybe it's time that you stood your ground.
Re: Should I feel insecure?
BB,
I understand that this forum can, to an extent, provide help. But at the same time, just as one can become confused when seeking advice from 2-3 friends in real life....I think it can sometimes be overwhelming to be confronted with numerous opinions on here.
As for your husband, maybe he's not trying to "make" you feel guilty...as you see it. Maybe what he has shared with you is just his "truth"....his perspective from being stuck between his parents and his wife.....his clarification of his actions and your assumptions. Instead of using the word "leaving"..... You could have said that I feel frustrated and I think I'm going to take a "break" and visit my mom and it'll give us both time to sort ourselves out. It would have been a less drastic step than leaving/ending the relationship. And if you haven't tried taking just a break before......then consider doing that and clarify it with him that you just need a break and make sure that you're both on the same page before doing so. Or if you don't want a break and you also don't want to give up....then talk to him with the purpose of devising a mutual compromise/plan. You can't have it all your way, but see what you both can agree upon. Maybe take a break from GS and its varying opinions and tackle this with just your husband. Too many well-meaning cooks can sometimes spoil the soup.
Re: Should I feel insecure?
Yes He seems to be a good person… ummm but why dont he get you a new house or atleast Flat ?? 
OR why his parents keep on living with you people for 8-9 months outta year ??
I think he can do something about it.. and help himself to maintain balance in relations…
Re: Should I feel insecure?
:k: very nice 
RV: I have taken a "break" before a few times. Before he used to miss me and keep in touch. The last time, he never called and said "you don't have to come back if you don't want to." there was nothing wrong, just that he thinks "taking a break" doesn't solve anything and only gives him more reasons to think I'm tired of him and don't want to stay with him. I'm just frustrated right now. I don't even understand what I want, so not gonna base my decisions on GS advice of course but it felt comforting to know that others do think I'm being mistreated rather than telling me to adjust.
Anyways, I'm just gonna do istikhaara and go from there I guess.
Hakuna: All the “WHYS” you asked are the problem. And the biggest problem is that he CAN’T do anything about it. And WHY he can’t do anything about it, even I don’t know 
Re: Should I feel insecure?
Hakuna: All the "WHYS" you asked are the problem. And the biggest problem is that he CAN'T do anything about it. And WHY he can't do anything about it, even I don't know :(
I am speechless too... :(
Re: Should I feel insecure?
RV: I have taken a "break" before a few times. Before he used to miss me and keep in touch. The last time, he never called and said "you don't have to come back if you don't want to." there was nothing wrong, just that he thinks "taking a break" doesn't solve anything and only gives him more reasons to think I'm tired of him and don't want to stay with him. I'm just frustrated right now. I don't even understand what I want, so not gonna base my decisions on GS advice of course but it felt comforting to know that others do think I'm being mistreated rather than telling me to adjust.
Anyways, I'm just gonna do istikhaara and go from there I guess.
Behna mein aur hum sab apke liye DUA ker sakte hein ke ALLAH MIAN aapki sari mushkilaat door kare and apki family ko hidayat de aur apki zindagi me khushiyan bhar de (Aameen)
:)
and Didi kuch jald-bazi naa kijiyeey ga plz :)
Re: Should I feel insecure?
Hakuna Matata, better skid back to cafe before someone else grabs your flooder title.
BusyBee: you have a refutation for every piece of sensible advice given to you. You've already thought it alllll through. So now what?
Hakuna Matata, better skid back to cafe before someone else grabs your flooder title.
BusyBee: you have a refutation for every piece of sensible advice given to you. You've already thought it alllll through. So now what?
Sorry, but I didn't refute anything. I'm very thankful for all the advice I received. I just can't make up my mind. Hence, I decided to do istikhaara and go from there.
Re: Should I feel insecure?
Actions speak louder than words.
yes he can say he loves you and blah blah blah but if he can shrug off his family's actions towards you? sounds like a wuss to me.
Re: Should I feel insecure?
**SCHOOL WALI BAJI **… dont u think anybody can post here as it’s a open forum 
& you should focus on the problem of OP… rather than focusing on me 
Re: Should I feel insecure?
Hakuna Matata, better skid back to cafe before someone else grabs your flooder title.
BusyBee: you have a refutation for every piece of sensible advice given to you. You've already thought it alllll through. So now what?
Scherbatsky,
Interesting isn't it? The OP is quite gracious in her responses (just like Pakigirl33) but every piece of sensible advice is ignored or gets a group response but someone who floods and whose posts make very little sense gets quite a few responses by the OP. Perhaps, the "baba ji, didi ji, school wali baji... is kinda entertaining :) Just like Pakigirl33, maybe the OP just needs a little bit of attention not advice on improving the situation. Afterall, she's received a lot of responses and it can be quite confusing to hear people from every angle.
A lot of times, people already know what they will do and what they are asking for is not what is explicitly written in their posts.
[quote="Scherbatsky"]
Hakuna Matata, better skid back to cafe before someone else grabs your flooder title.
BusyBee: you have a refutation for every piece of sensible advice given to you. You've already thought it alllll through. So now what?
Scherbatsky,
Interesting isn't it? The OP is quite gracious in her responses (just like Pakigirl33) but every piece of sensible advice is ignored or gets a group response but someone who floods and whose posts make very little sense gets quite a few responses by the OP. Perhaps, the "baba ji, didi ji, school wali baji... is kinda entertaining :) Just like Pakigirl33, maybe the OP just needs a little bit of attention not advice on improving the situation. Afterall, she's received a lot of responses and it can be quite confusing to hear people from every angle.
A lot of times, people already know what they will do and what they are asking for is not what is explicitly written in their posts.
[/QUOTE]
.
Peony, I replied to everyone whoever I thought I can reply to in terms of my situation and the advice they had given. Besides, I had already mentioned that I'm gonna do istikhaara and go from there. I really needed advice, not "attention". And, it's really different to advise someone in their situation or BE IN a situation yourself, really. Sorry, but I wouldn't waste my time here when I have a million things to do, just for "attention."
Re: Should I feel insecure?
.
Peony, I replied to everyone whoever I thought I can reply to in terms of my situation and the advice they had given. Besides, I had already mentioned that I'm gonna do istikhaara and go from there. I really needed advice, not "attention". And, it's really different to advise someone in their situation or BE IN a situation yourself, really. Sorry, but I wouldn't waste my time here when I have a million things to do, just for "attention."
Oh dear, I didn't mean to be insensitive or hurtful in anyway. Sometimes when we lack the love and attention from our spouses, attention and understanding from others can be healing (albeit a temporary relief).
Sounds like your hubby is a good guy but is stuck in the vicious cycle of his selfish parents who have pulled out quotes from Quran out of context to justify their behavior. Your in-laws are clearly wrong. And your poor husband is stuck in the middle without the understanding that it is his duty to stand up to his parents and obligation to you as your husband.
Yes, do Istikhaara.
The reason your in-laws live with you for 10 months of the year even though they "LOVE" the other DIL is because they get served hand and foot. I would suggest a break from this situation. Get away from this stress for a short period (a month or more) and let them all see how they get along without you. During this time, really focus on strengthening yourself. People talk about our responsibility to others but fail to emphasize the responsibility that we have to our own selves & God. God has asked us to take care of our own bodies and to not over burden them, and to rest when we are tired. So take a break, rest, find yourself, and find God. When we obsess about anything whether it's the in-laws or our jobs or other people, we are removing God from the center of our lives and replacing these other people and effectively making them "our God". God is the source of all peace so turn to God not only physically (like most of us do in prayer) but also with your spirit/heart. I have found personally that the balance, peace, and love that we all seek is found only with God. Sorry to sound so preachy but I myself have come to that conclusion after so much struggling and am hoping to prevent more suferring on your end.
Re: Should I feel insecure?
Scherbatsky, Interesting isn't it? The OP is quite gracious in her responses (just like Pakigirl33) but every piece of sensible advice is ignored or gets a group response but someone who floods and whose posts make very little sense gets quite a few responses by the OP. Perhaps, the "baba ji, didi ji, school wali baji... is kinda entertaining :) Just like Pakigirl33, maybe the OP just needs a little bit of attention not advice on improving the situation. Afterall, she's received a lot of responses and it can be quite confusing to hear people from every angle.
A lot of times, people already know what they will do and what they are asking for is not what is explicitly written in their posts.
Yes, Peony. I frankly cringe when I see these titles used to address people.
Busybee, when you do Istikhara, please don't expect to wake up the next day with an answer clearly written on the wall. Even then it will be you (and only you) who would be responsible for making a decision and following through.
Did you do Istikhara when getting married btw?
Re: Should I feel insecure?
Oh dear, I didn't mean to be insensitive or hurtful in anyway. Sometimes when we lack the love and attention from our spouses, attention and understanding from others can be healing (albeit a temporary relief).
Sounds like your hubby is a good guy but is stuck in the vicious cycle of his selfish parents who have pulled out quotes from Quran out of context to justify their behavior. Your in-laws are clearly wrong. And your poor husband is stuck in the middle without the understanding that it is his duty to stand up to his parents and obligation to you as your husband.
Yes, do Istikhaara.
The reason your in-laws live with you for 10 months of the year even though they "LOVE" the other DIL is because they get served hand and foot. I would suggest a break from this situation. Get away from this stress for a short period (a month or more) and let them all see how they get along without you. During this time, really focus on strengthening yourself. People talk about our responsibility to others but fail to emphasize the responsibility that we have to our own selves & God. God has asked us to take care of our own bodies and to not over burden them, and to rest when we are tired. So take a break, rest, find yourself, and find God. When we obsess about anything whether it's the in-laws or our jobs or other people, we are removing God from the center of our lives and replacing these other people and effectively making them "our God". God is the source of all peace so turn to God not only physically (like most of us do in prayer) but also with your spirit/heart. I have found personally that the balance, peace, and love that we all seek is found only with God. Sorry to sound so preachy but I myself have come to that conclusion after so much struggling and am hoping to prevent more suferring on your end.
Ok, I understood that. Thanks for your advice. I'm currently doing istikhaara and will go with the flow iA. Thank you again for your positive response. I really appreciate that.
Re: Should I feel insecure?
Yes, Peony. I frankly cringe when I see these titles used to address people.
Busybee, when you do Istikhara, please don't expect to wake up the next day with an answer clearly written on the wall. Even then it will be you (and only you) who would be responsible for making a decision and following through.
Did you do Istikhara when getting married btw?
Ummm no, I'm not expecting that clear of an answer lol. I've done it for 3 days now, 4 more days iA. I'll just let things go with the flow.
Yes, I did istikhaara before I got married to him. He did it too. We didn't have a sign or anything but then again, we were both biased because we had been together for 5 yrs already before we got married. Everything was in a mess b/w the families but we still got married, I think that was enough for me to believe that it was a positive sign....but that was THEN. iA this time everything works out for the best of everyone.