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*Originally posted by ashtray: *
Yaar how can virginity be more important than the charachter of the girl? :D
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virginity in some cases can b used to get an image of the character of a person! wont u agree ?
I see that Ch******* birgade is at it again. But everything aside, what's ironic is the very idiots who roam around keeping religion up their sleeves are the ones not following it.
These guys are so "unforgiving" out their sheer stupidity and insecurities that all they gotta do is dig up some Aaya from Quran to support their convoluted minds. Pure women for pure men my arse. Your same religion looks at purity from entirely different perspective but when it comes down to virginity, you use the same religion to support your insecurities.
Chal bay bataiN na khoad, tu yeh bata teri seeti bajti hai ya baansree?
Even though it may not be wrong to ask such a question, virginity/chastity is quite important and shows the morals of a person, and also its more important than other superficial stuff such as dress sense, or the way they talk or eating manners.
But in my opinion its pointless, because the other person will usually lie.
The girl will most probably lie, because she knows she will have a greater chance of being rejected. Even guys that sleep around dont want to marry non-virgins, so why would she be honest when it will just cause her embarrasment and spoil her reputation in society.
Also islamically, your not allowed to reveal your sins which Allah has hidden, especially if you have repented and changed your ways. (Although there may be other rulings regarding this if someone finds out after getting married). So if a person has changed they may not reveal their sins anyway, and if they havent change, do you really think they would be honest with you?
Personally I wouldnt mind being asked this question though but wouldnt expect an honest answer anyway.
Good job M
That was actually I was about to write.
What is the probability that, that person will not lie.
Therefore, no point of asking that question.
M and Unreal, there still are honest people in this world who won't lie :) in any case I'd be more concerned not about the mistakes a person has made in a past but their attitude towards those mistakes. A person who has committed ten sins but now realises they are bad from the core of their heart is much better than one who has committed only one but who is proud of it, because at the end, the same morals will be transferred to the children.
Lying may cause the other person to say yes to you or whatever but what's the point of that? To start off such a relationship based on a lie? Some people would rather that their spouse knows them truthfully and honestly than lie about their past, as after all, even f you are free of such acts you still are not an angel, no body is, so why should one person look down on another just based on this particular factor?
Irem, with all due respect, but why would someone wanna lose such a good rishta (lets say its an arrange marriage) by telling the truth. And besides because of telling the truth, how would that person's parent would respond. Trust me people can do anything to protect there parents repectness.
First of all, lying to your parents and hiding things from them at the behest of 'respect' is the biggest disrespect to your parents, its more disrespectful than telling them the truth. I've done it too in many different matters but only recently have I come to realise that its shameful and in essence that is cheating them, so I'm trying to be more open with my parents and I feel much better when they know about my goods and bad rather than think of me as just goody goody.
Hypocrisy and dishonesty, no matter WHAT the reason, is never ever good.
Secondly, a rishta is not some object to be achieved, its about a relationship with another person. Its not about losing or gaining a rishta by fair or unfair means, its about building a relationship with a person. So what's the point of 'getting' that person's rishta by lying to that person?
irem, are you implying that if a guy or gal loses his or her virginity, he or she would then go and inform his or her parents in pakistan?. you gotta be kidding me.
What you think and say sounds good in a utopian society.
I look at it this way. if one's parents don't know about one's sexual status, chances are the hubby-to-be won't either.
So, why ask?
funguy, whats there to hide from ur own parents? u r after all their flesh and blood. im not saying to go and inform them but if the issue comes up one should not lie or put up a front that indicates otherwise from the truth. even if they want to kill u after knowing the truth its better that they know the truth. lying to parents is the lowest thing one can do. and i dont think not doing that is anything utopian.
irem have you never heard of honour killings 
i am just s.h.o.c.k.e.d. telling parents 
I think from now on I'll just quote M ,and say I agree.:D
Irem I believe that people should be honest with each other.However, if a person did do something wrong/immoral in the past...I think it should be left alone.
M honor killings are maybe happenning in 2% or less of Pakistani society. we're forgetting the fact that no one in this world loves us more and wants more good for us than our parents who brought us into the world. nothing at all can be hidden from them and no matter what parents always forgive their child.
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*Originally posted by Muslim_Queen: *
Irem I believe that people should be honest with each other.However, if a person did do something wrong/immoral in the past...I think it should be left alone.
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Yaar, the way I see it, two people who are married are very very close. The Quran uses the word garment in regards to this relationship. I think the closest relationships are the ones where you can share your biggest deepest secrets. Supposing I've done something immoral and am carrying the burden of the guilt, and its one of the biggest regrets of my life, a burden on my soul, wouldn't I want the person I'm spending my life with to know about it and share that burden with me or help me deal with it? If the two spouses have the right attitude towards each other, they should help out each other deal with their mistakes and overcome the guilt and give strength to each other rather than hold it against each other, because after all who among us has not committed sins? A relationship where you can expose your biggest weakness/fault and the other person supports and loves you in return is a much stronger one than one in which you have to shield your weakenesses from each other.
There's a lot of stigma and shame associated with loss of virginity (prior to marriage) in Pakistan (note: I'm not saying this is wrong) which is why people don't tell their parents. Ideally, sure, a child would be able to have a more open relationship with the folks and tell them what they are up to. In real life though, the consequences of telling the truth are too harsh.
What about covering your sins?
and where does it end? How much do you tell parents?
Like will you tell them about all the crushes youve had, all the guys youve slept with, do u expect guys to go tell their parents about what girl theyve been eyeing up, what dirty film they were watching, what nightclub they visited.
Come on Irem be realistic.
And how about giving our parents a break, if they were to hear half of what their kids get upto most of them would have a heart attack.
And honour killings only 2% , great news that considering the population is over 150 million.
Ps. Muslim Queen, thanx but Im sure well get into an argument someday 
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*Originally posted by irem: *
Yaar, the way I see it, two people who are married are very very close. The Quran uses the word garment in regards to this relationship. I think the closest relationships are the ones where you can share your biggest deepest secrets. Supposing I've done something immoral and am carrying the burden of the guilt, and its one of the biggest regrets of my life, a burden on my soul, wouldn't I want the person I'm spending my life with to know about it and share that burden with me or help me deal with it? If the two spouses have the right attitude towards each other, they should help out each other deal with their mistakes and overcome the guilt and give strength to each other rather than hold it against each other, because after all who among us has not committed sins?
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Ok personally if somebody asked me... I dont think I would kill them.I suppose they want to know- and its only right that I give them an honest answer.If I had a physical relationship with somebody , then yes I would tell my future hubby. I do believe that it's only right.
If people are going to get married, yes it should be based on honesty. Some people want to know, others dont. But I do believe that its a major question involved in rishtha asking. Some sins are best left alone.But we're talking about trust and relationships.
M --- I think I just did.I find it impossible to be agreeable for long.
My take on the issue of telling a prospective partner is that one should tell without asking. And tell it before things get too serious. I follow this rule and expect others who come close to me do the same. If I don't hear anything within a reasonable period of time, I would assume there is nothing to report.
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*Originally posted by funguy: *
My take on the issue of telling a prospective partner is that one should tell without asking. And tell it before things get too serious. I follow this rule and expect others who come close to me do the same. If I don't hear anything within a reasonable period of time, I would assume there is nothing to report.
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Some people might think you're not interested in the issue, if you dont ask.You cant always expect a person to come up to you and tell you that they had been involved in a physical relationship.
she should have asked him back the same question, but in our desi society that would be rude..innit?