Re: Should i be a loving or controling husband?
^doesn't make it right. :|
Re: Should i be a loving or controling husband?
How did we end up discussing British slang in the first place. Oh yes Mama I agree, it does make you sound illeterate on the forums but I guess it is ok to use in text messages because of the word limit.
Sometimes I find the brum slang very frustrating even though I can understand it.
Re: Should i be a loving or controling husband?
btw, title is totally wrong, sorry to say. A controlling hubby can be a very loving hubby also.
I’m not usually rude to people, but this post (original thread-starter post) really pissed me off… so no more comments from me 
Re: Should i be a loving or controling husband?
This thread's about asking whether it's better to be nice or mean....not British slangs and pronunciation! :p
Re: Should i be a loving or controling husband?
honestly speaking, you should let the poor girl go now. otherwise this will inevitably end in tears. whoever she is - she probably deserves better than to live a life under constant suspicion of being "chalaak" and "manipulative".
btw your parents are interfering way too much and giving you too much "advice". you should be able to figure this stuff out on your own....
Re: Should i be a loving or controling husband?
Mall thanks alot for ur reply. I know what ur trying to say abt drawing a line between my parents n my own new family. I think it is very important. However, that wasnt even an issue bcz i was gn do dat neway.
Mall i guess im not being able to express my concerns accurately thats why people are just going off on a tangent and not answerin my origional question. Some people are psychotic feminists who think all women r angels n all men r devils. However, sum like urself, psquared, mamao3, sk-k, redvelvet, Xxii have made genuine efforts to shed sum light on the issue for me and i appreciate your replies.
All the oda weirdos pickin on silly things like spellings etc shud address their insecurities. Im not here to show off how gud my english but sum ov u r clearly insecure n feel dat u need to prove a point. Dont project UR insecurities on oda ppl. NOW ima talk lyk dis n if ya dn lyk it, den ya all can do 1.
Re: Should i be a loving or controling husband?
phir larki ki godd me ser rakh ker rona shorow??
dude kick your uncle and aunts away. Atleast for couple of months.
You will see the person your wife is.
paindo kahan sy aa jaty heen
haven sakes its union between man and women.
Not women and your phuphoooo khala and khalooo and
one leged uncle and cross eyed mamoon.
btw, title is totally wrong, sorry to say. A controlling hubby can be a very loving hubby also.
Exactly. Two are not mutually exclusive.
Re: Should i be a loving or controling husband?
^ Yeah.....totally man. A controlling hubby can definitely be loving. He would love......the control. LOL. :)
^ Yeah.....totally man. A controlling hubby can definitely be loving. He would love......the control. LOL. :)
LOL, I think you know what that means. Good joke though.
Re: Should i be a loving or controling husband?
To OP;
Much has been said already,
I must say you are trying your genuine effort to find the solution.
Much of the problem is because of you though in my humble opinion.
You are trying to be nice to two different and opposite or seemingly opposite parties.
Just stop doubting her for your future relation with her if you really want to keep her.
*Doubt and paranoia destroys long term relation. **It may be that you are being influenced by negative comments about her from various directions and in your first post you mentioned that you are watching her! **Little things like that spoil the relation.
*
This is not right attitude I think.. Relax and think again the ways to make it work out and forget anyone who tries to come in between. That is if you really want her to be your wife/life partner. Who knows she is not really what you are thinking about her.
In essence, marriage relation requires to go in to relationship all the way. Not with any doubt or question in mind.
Good Luck!
LOL, I think you what that means. Good joke though.
Of course I know what it means. As long as he loves the control......and controls the love........life will be just peachy.
LOL. Okay I'll stop.
Re: Should i be a loving or controling husband?
^ :-)
Re: Should i be a loving or controling husband?
both
PS squared I agree with every single word that you wrote and this is exactly how I have been approaching this whole thing. I dont let any side try to wind me up against the other. I told my parents if u ask me to choose, id choose her n if my wife asked me to choose, id choose my parents. I have already arranged for separate accommodation for us even tho we had enough place in our parents. I did that without her even mentioning it or askin me abt accommodation bcz i felt that was d right thing to do. So im not expectin her to lick my parents feet. I even told her, my parents r my parents, not hers n she got married to me, not them. Similarly, her parents r her parents, not myn. Not ideal but v have to do it.
On the other hand, i wudnt tolerate her tryin to manipulate me or tel me her parents r right n myn r wrong. i found it insulting when she tried to manipulate me. Its like d oda person is thinkin ur stupid n wudnt know wat dey r tryin to do. I know all des games n im too clever for dat. im I am wonderin now that may b im givin her too much jus in an attempt to make her feel secure, loved n happy. i think all dat is her right but she has duties aswel which she seems oblivious to. I get d impression that she thinks im doin all this bcz im so madly in love with her n cant live without her which is far from reality. If i cud get outa it, i wud. I dont love her(YET) n im tryin to find sum common ground so v can fall in luv in future. Then again, i do make her feel like i love her n shes d best thing since slice bread. I think a wife shud feel dat way n its her right to be treated like dat but im scared what if this approach backfires in future. She makes me laff when she thinks dat im doin al dis cz i miss her too much or love her too much.
Sometimes i wish i cud jus say luk im doin it cz i think v need to workhard so v can b happy togeda AND I expect her to put effort into our relationship jus like i am instead of takin it for granted but i cnt say dis to her n she is not lookin at it from dat point of view. She just thinks im madly in love n i dnt wana ruin her happines by tellin her im not. THEREFORE, It seems to me dat shes takin it all for granted. so may b i shud hold back n make her work for it, instead of her takin it for granted?
Makin me question if its a gud idea to be too overly nice or ring her too often. So confusing.
GSUK,
When you work on your relationship, it doesnt mean just being nice to the person. Its complete, total and bare honesty...in all its glory. If you go see a marriage counselor, he/she will not tell you to just sweet talk and make each other feel all warm and fuzzy. They will tell you to be open and blunt about your feelings, vocalize all and any issues, troubleshoot them together and come to a conclusion. Yes, making her feel loved is a good thing BUT look what you've done: you've led her to believe you are madly in love with her, she is overconfident now and is saying things about your parents in front of you thinking you wont stop her because you love her so much. By the same token, you've also made it okay for your parents to not have good relations with your inlaws. Agar meethi meethi baatein karne se hi ghar banney hotey to ghar tootein kyun?
Being nice doesnt mean saying nice things to her. It means being good to her. Good doesnt always equal mushiness. For instance, taking an interest in her hobbies, life, friends, lifestyle, etc. Being good to her also means arguing with her about certain things and coming to some sort of a conclusion about it. Being good also means helping her figure out what she will do when she gets here.
AND it also means helping her realize her mistakes and where she is going wrong.
WHen you are looking for an honest opinion about something like your work, clothes, look, etc....you go to your family because they care enough to be honest with you.
Remember, husband and wife are together for better and for worse.
^ Yeah.....totally man. A controlling hubby can definitely be loving. He would love......the control. LOL. :)
lol jokes!
Re: Should i be a loving or controling husband?
GSUK I only said the truth. and i m happy atleast u acknowledge u need some help. pls first of all, stop ignorin these harsh comments that sum ppl are postin. ppl when they have nothin positive to say end up sayin somethin negative and further demoralising the person. so just bear in mind that u r ONLY here to find a solution to your prbs and understand how to deal effectively with ur prb.
see these women who are literally throwin shoes at u are NOT feminist and we DO NOT think men are devils. thats plain generalisation GSUK. its not abt feminism, the reason y these women are so pissed is cus despite livin in a country like UK u still are payin heed to baseless and senseless advice for ur parents. honestly, my observation is, (so far, thanks to GS also) that men from UK US, DUbai abroad are more understandin and helpful and try to be equal as compared to the typical men in Pakistan. maybe i m wrong, and maybe pak infact is progressin and givin more rites to women, treatin them like human beings, but i really believe guys abroad are a bit sensitive as compared to paki men. so thaz y ppl are angry. u r probably a educatd guy and education moulds a person's personality for the better and not worse. We are muslims, if you open the Holy Quran also, it says to the best among u are the men who treat their wives kindly. there is nothin wrong with that. no doubt the same Holy Quran also asks the women to be obedient and all, but that dusnt mean u guys become unreasonable and demnads things which are just out of this world. use ur brains. the prb with paki men is they take each and every word of Holy Quran way too seriously and LITERALLY. i mean ok its imp for wife to b obedient and khidmat ghuzaar but its not necessary that u MISUSE that rite to the max. thats where the paki men go crazy... they take us for granted.
pls GSUK be kind to urself and her. parents are parents. na parents ko interfere karna chaye in ur marital life and the wife shudnt interfere into the parent-son relationship. please understand, try to mk things work and pls pls pls dun put her under the microscope. she has EQUAL rite to b unhappy and raise a hue and cry if she feels somethin is unfair. treat her with respect and ASSURE her u r there for her and u mean alot to her. we women are v insecure creatures. just like ur parents are goin nuts thinkin oh she will steal our son, ur wife is goin crrrrrrrrrazy thinkin how dominating ur parents are and how mch they have influence on u. personally ive gone thru this feelin so i can vouch for it. and my hubs never assured me iwas imp.. i always felt secondary to his parents. and thaz the WORST way to strt a relationship trust me!!!! as mch as u love ur parents, u HAVE to love her too becus she has certain rites over u and u over her. never talk too mch abt parents and how mch u love them and all, trust me, she will forever feel shes nothin. u wud never want that. pls strt ur marriage on a happy, positive note. IA then everything will go smoothly. take care
Re: Should i be a loving or controling husband?
Diwana you are right im being influenced but i m constantly tryin to counter that and think indepdently. For the most part, i do think indepdently even when under the influence lol.
Mall what you said is true but Im always nice, loving n sweet towards her and im more than happy to listen to her criticism but I dont know how to deal with it when i feel she is doing the wrong thing for example she expects me to send presents to all her family on their birthdays, on eid etc but my family dont even receive a phone call from them or even i never receive any present or a phone call on my birthday from her family. She indirectly asks me to do that and dat makes me feel uncomfortable but i dont wana be rude and say y shud i when they dint.
So, i jus say ok but it annoys me from inside. why wud she even ask me knowing the situation between the families. I wud neva ask anyone to send my family anythin. Its abt self respect n it shows certain traits in the person which i dn feel comfortable about and worries me what future holds for me. For me things like dat r jus riasin the flag but not conclusive so jury is still out for me and im stil tryin to understand the person. However, i cnt ignore any strange traits.
PSquared your views are so balanced. Think ur very intelligent n socially clued up.
PSquared your views are so balanced. Think ur very intelligent n socially clued up.
awwww
ps how you do that?? you got to train me too.