my bf of many years is orignally a sweet innocent village boy from hyderabad pakistan who moved to karachi around 5 years back for university.he is currently a software engineer in a reputated software house and is considered his company’s strongest asset by fellow collegues n supervisors.Hes always been a small town boy at heart,he dosnt desire money or any comfort all what he wants to do is takecare of his family.Although hes been growing very fast at his work place all his friends around him have been preparing to go abroad to do their masters after alot of convincing from my side that he should dream big n give it a try too he started researching n finally made initial steps to go study in an university he really liked but recently a huge tragedy struck when his dad passed away just last week.Him being the only son has now the responsibility of his mom while his 2 sisters are both married n settled with excellent n supportive husbands.Now since last few days hes been asking me what should i do about going abroad n studying n i had no answer for him.I discussed it with his sister who told me she wants to keep mom for 2yrs n her husbands supporting it too.I told this to him but hes not someone who would let his mom be without him cuz he feels shes now his responsibility.I know if i want i can convince him to leave his mom with his sister n go study n come back n give his mom a better life as currently they dont live a lavish life at all in pakistan.i have been so confused tht i duno what to do..i feel he should go as it was his fathers last wish while on the other hand leaving his mom behind even if its for 2yrs would not be right.
i wana hear what the men in this forum would have done if they were at his place…would they hav compromised their studies n stayed back or would they opt to survive the 2yrs of sepration from their mom knowing when they come back they would be able to provide a better life for their mom.I want the girls to contribute too and teme what should i do?
Please i need serious answers
*dont mind my spelling mistakes or grammatical errors..thank you!
Its really sweet of you to worry so much about his family like this. :)
I would talk to him and see how he feels first. Really listen to what he says and where his heart is going. In the end, you dont want to push him to do something he will regret. His mother needs him but his education is important too. He can pursue his Masters a bit later in life or closer to home but it will be hard to leave his mother behind when his father just passed away.
I would say talk to him and listen carefully to what he wants.
I think he should stay with mom, she needs much love and attention. Plus, his obligation to his mom is first. If he is financially 'okay' at the moment, then there is not an urgency in getting a higher education. It really depends on his priorities.
His dad passed away just last week. I think it is too early to be deciding where he will be in a year. Give it a month or two and then decide. Right now, everybody is overwhelmed with emotions and rightly so.
And you should not be bringing up his future plans at this moment. If anything just remind him that you will always be there to provide strength to him and his mom no matter what he decides.
Depends on when he has to go if he decides to go. If father's death was just last week and he has to leave next week, I think he should skip this year and go next year. Mom need him right now but if he has to leave lets say 6/7 months from now, sister's offer is not bad. if she can take care of mom for couple of years, he can come back after finishing his studies.
A mother is not an object to be tossed around back and forth. He should ask his mom how she feels. I agree with the posts above though, its too early to address this topic right now.
Yep, I agree with kahtifah. The discussion should be between him and his mom, you should not interfere or offer your opinion and its been only a week since his father's death, its too early.
his mom wants him to go n make a life for himself shell never ever say no to him.question is after everyone supporting him n wanting him to go should he even go leaving his mom behind?
There are few relationships in life in which its really hard to rationalize. The relationship between mother and son is like that. The only person in life who is closest to you. We men don't say much but only a man can tell that how much he loves his mom.
This being said I think it won't be advisable to push him for something that his heart won't accept. He might be a very successful man one day, but you won't be able to buy him back all the time he could have spend with his mom. I think you should let him decide what he wants in life and as being good friends just be supportive. If love is truly there than money won't matter.
Btw if he is in software business than he can make decent salary even in Pakistan. Good luck to you both.
well i think he should you..as you said he will go next october so by that time situaltion would be different. very few people get change to study abroad so he should not miss the chance. i know mom is his responsibility but as you said one of his sister said that she is willing to keep mom for 2 years then its alright but i dont understand why she said 2 years. she could have said mom can stay with us until bro finish studies
***CG…The answer is very clear…don’t push him to go for a higher education and leave his mom especially now that she needs him more than before.
Things always have a way of working out…
My Dad was in the same situation , his career was taking off and because his own Dad had passed away He was his Mom’s only support. He wanted to go for further Specialization in Medicine to UK back then but his mom was alone and so he sacrificed that to be with his mom.
Mashallah things worked out so that he was able to succeed and go abroad and be able to take his mom with him a little later on when he was more established in his career and then did continue to do a Specialization in Aviation Medicine from the US …so everything has a time and place , its all about getting your priorities straight :k:
and to answer the question...if he leaves right now, then no. Yo can make many plans for the future, but nobody knows what can happen today, or tomorrow. God forbid, if he doesnt get a chance to make it all up to her later, he will probably feel resentment at himsefl, and everyone who pushed hm to go and lose out on this time with his mother.
Money can be made later, cant make up for time with parents.
Its really sweet of you to worry so much about his family like this. :)
I would talk to him and see how he feels first. Really listen to what he says and where his heart is going. In the end, you dont want to push him to do something he will regret. His mother needs him but his education is important too. He can pursue his Masters a bit later in life or closer to home but it will be hard to leave his mother behind when his father just passed away.
I would say talk to him and listen carefully to what he wants.
bf of 10yrs sara n truly he is a sweet guy at heart..
& no guys im not pushing him at all i love n adore his mom n his family id never ever do tht but at this point i duno wht to do at all thts y posted the question here.he keeps asking me wht he shld do cuz he feels so lost n i dun have an answer myself..wht sheyn said is something i feel frm my heart is right but wht ps squared said is the practical way to go,whch again dosnt mean he will go but to atleast continue his process..i still duno wat i should tell him but i feel ill ask him to continue his process...i love him tooo much, i just cnt see him in so much stress...i wish i could help more :(
Another solution. Get married and you take care of her mom and let him go finish off his higher education.
hed not ever do tht i did suggest it but he said i have just graduated n he wants me to become something bfr i get tangled in responsbilities..secondaly he said im frm dubai n he knws my life he wants to marry n gime a better life not worse..hes a gem of a person n loves me alot hed never do tht...trust me i tried hard :(