Re: Shia father and suni mother
No they don't bleed. The family where his father decided were of those who do zanjeer zani, speaks bad about sahaba and all. She knew because she raised with all those people. Anyhow, it's only about when Allah has given the right and our prophet practiced the act of asking girl's their will then one shouldn't impose.
Once again thank you for the concern and Giving the best advice.
^ this. So many irrelevant points keep coming up. Take Shia and Sunni out for one second and just keep it simple like the fact that this girl brought home a guy she worked with and her parents just disapprove because they want to decide who she will marry. It happens so often, just count the threads on GS. People would advise very differently and the choices would be simple, either accept what your father wants or simply stand up for yourself and deal with what that will mean in other aspects of your family life, ie: parents separation from not being on the same page. It's ultimately up to the girl who can decide what she is willing to sacrifice. If religion was not an aspect and she was trying to convince her parents for a guy she likes whom they did not for whatever reason people would say either listen to your dad or do own thing. She can do no nothing else but talk to her father about what she wants.
only father Disapproved her daughet's choice. Mother is with daughter. Read thoroughly
Re: Shia father and suni mother
The manner in which likes or dislikes are conveyed can be offensive. As in this case
not offensive in this care. She is going through difficult time.
Re: Shia father and suni mother
People are saying that inter-faith marriages should be fine as long as nobody imposes their views on each other. Well, when kids come about, it can be tricky to educate them about religion if there's a conflict in beliefs. Then it's left up to the kids to decide which faith they want to follow. If both parents are not attached to their respective faiths, then they won't be offended that their children chose mommy's faith over daddy's or daddy's over mom's or that all children will automatically follow the father's religion. If both parents or even one of them is very attached to their religion, then it can create much tension. I am not saying that inter-faith marriages cannot work, but I wouldn't make it sound like they're not that hard or about as easy as marriages where both partners are of the same faith, or even that avoiding imposition on one's partner or child is an easy or simple thing. That said, I don't blame a person if they desire to marry someone who is on the same page.
Those saying that imposition should be avoided within inter-faith marriages should also transfer this "live n let live" line of belief to the OP's situation, in that there's nothing wrong if she wants to marry a Sunni like herself. She shouldn't be made to feel guilty, or wrong, or closed-minded about her decision or preference.
Yeah that's exactly what I personally think.
Re: Shia father and suni mother
yeh, that is what i am saying. She is following sunni Islam and want to marry a sunni man. It is her life. Then why her father is imposing his extream religious views on her ? I just cant understand. That is extremism. And extremism exists in both shiaa suni sects. But in ths particular case, why his father is acting like a kid? Let her live her life...
She can live her life and marry the guy, but my main concern is if she is willing to take such a big step and that too against her father's wishes?
Yes I do agree that if she is Sunni, then she should marry a Sunni man but if she wants her father's blessings it may not work out that way for her.
There are a lot of parents like that unfortunately, and I don't really understand why her father allowed her to practice one way and then decided she should marry someone who doesn't have the same belief system. In the end we're all Muslims to be honest and it's kind of sad to see this type of thing going on.
I think she needs to speak to her dad firmly if she is serious about this guy, otherwise there isn't much she can really do... either go ahead with the marriage with just her mom's blessings or move on for her father.. Sad case.
Re: Shia father and suni mother
All that set aside, the issue really is a father daughter issue rather than anything else I believe. That father wants to choose and it is as simple as that.
But the guy is doing himself and the girl a disservice by not telling his family. If she gets what she wants inshallah and does get married, perhaps his family won't like not having known this
That's exactly what I'm trying to say, you can't start a marriage off based on a secret or a tiny lie. Yes she doesn't identify as a Shia but if her father is that adamant and her in laws don't know, if might cause problems for her later on, especially if she's going to be living with her in-laws. She should tell the guy to be upfront with his parents and see their reaction.
[quote="chikri_bikri, post:9, topic:315100"]
No they don't bleed. The family where his father decided were of those who do zanjeer zani, speaks bad about sahaba and all. She knew because she raised with all those people. Anyhow, it's only about when Allah has given the right and our prophet practiced the act of asking girl's their will then one shouldn't impose.
Once again thank you for the concern and Giving the best advice.
^ this. So many irrelevant points keep coming up. Take Shia and Sunni out for one second and just keep it simple like the fact that this girl brought home a guy she worked with and her parents just disapprove because they want to decide who she will marry. It happens so often, just count the threads on GS. People would advise very differently and the choices would be simple, either accept what your father wants or simply stand up for yourself and deal with what that will mean in other aspects of your family life, ie: parents separation from not being on the same page. It's ultimately up to the girl who can decide what she is willing to sacrifice. If religion was not an aspect and she was trying to convince her parents for a guy she likes whom they did not for whatever reason people would say either listen to your dad or do own thing. She can do no nothing else but talk to her father about what she wants.
only father Disapproved her daughet's choice. Mother is with daughter. Read thoroughly
[/QUOTE]
Yes. That has been the most obvious part of the thread.
Re: Shia father and suni mother
Do you think maybe the father feels her choosing a guy of a different sect is a rejection of him? Maybe they need some father-daughter bonding time to understand each other better. Maybe the guy can get to know her father and they can bond over any common interests they have. This will help win approval.
Otherwise I'd say take the blessings of the mother and the guy's family..best to move on.
Re: Shia father and suni mother
She can live her life and marry the guy, but my main concern is if she is willing to take such a big step and that too against her father's wishes?
Yes I do agree that if she is Sunni, then she should marry a Sunni man but if she wants her father's blessings it may not work out that way for her.
There are a lot of parents like that unfortunately, and I don't really understand why her father allowed her to practice one way and then decided she should marry someone who doesn't have the same belief system. In the end we're all Muslims to be honest and it's kind of sad to see this type of thing going on.
I think she needs to speak to her dad firmly if she is serious about this guy, otherwise there isn't much she can really do... either go ahead with the marriage with just her mom's blessings or move on for her father.. Sad case.
In that case she has decided not to marry anyone. She doesn't want her dad's blessing for such relationship which she never wanted and which is against her beliefs, simple as that.
Prophet Muhammad pbuh “No previously-married woman (widow or divorcee) may be married until she has been asked about her wishes (i.e., she should state clearly her wishes), and no virgin should be married until her permission has been asked (i.e., until she has agreed either in words or by remaining silent).” They asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given (because she will feel very shy)?” He said: “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4741)
Unfortunately this is still happening in our society and so called educated society.
Re: Shia father and suni mother
That's exactly what I'm trying to say, you can't start a marriage off based on a secret or a tiny lie. Yes she doesn't identify as a Shia but if her father is that adamant and her in laws don't know, if might cause problems for her later on, especially if she's going to be living with her in-laws. She should tell the guy to be upfront with his parents and see their reaction.
The guy's answer on this was that he is going to marry her not her dad plus the dad's family is basically not of shia sect, girl's paternal grand parents were suni and taaya and all, some of her dad's close relatives got married in shia and he was a child so had shia influence. That's why he doesn't feel necessary to tell his parents. Her dad is not much practicing shiaism though, infact not at all practicing Muslim even.
To me it seems that because it's a broken family issue so he is just disagreeing to his wife and doing for the sake of ego.
He has always been disagreeing his wife.
Re: Shia father and suni mother
Do you think maybe the father feels her choosing a guy of a different sect is a rejection of him? Maybe they need some father-daughter bonding time to understand each other better. Maybe the guy can get to know her father and they can bond over any common interests they have. This will help win approval.
Otherwise I'd say take the blessings of the mother and the guy's family..best to move on.
Yeah sort of rejection plus he has always been doing opposite to his wife.
One important thing in this scenario is that he doesn't want to marry his kids. Her elder brother is also 30 but they even haven't seeing any rishta for him too. He never talks about his children to get marry. Whole family has been saying and asking him over and over but he doesn't bother.
What to do to make him realize that children are getting late to get marry ?
Re: Shia father and suni mother
Yeah sort of rejection plus he has always been doing opposite to his wife.
One important thing in this scenario is that he doesn't want to marry his kids. Her elder brother is also 30 but they even haven't seeing any rishta for him too. He never talks about his children to get marry. Whole family has been saying and asking him over and over but he doesn't bother.
What to do to make him realize that children are getting late to get marry ?
If he's always been doing it to his wife he won't change now especially not for his children. Why doesn't he want to marry kids? What will he do with keeping them at home?
Maybe tell him the later the children marry the later the chance he has to be grandfather. It could even reduce chances. If he's a very old grandfather he won't have chance to play or run around as much with children. Kal kis ne Dekha ..agar woh kal kabhi Nahi aaye to ?
All his brother and and sisters will have grandchildren and if his kids don't marry he won't. dreams he couldn't fulfil with children he can fulfill with grand children. Dream that shayad Bacche next shahid afridi, wasim akram, Rahat fateh Ali khan ya nazia Hassan banenge. Agar grand children Nahi honge to yeh unke liye kabhi sach Nahi hoga.:(
30-40 yrs from now when he is remembering Allah(swt) and having his final breaths how does he want to be remembered be his children? As loving and caring father or dictator who never listened to them. Choice is his. Decision is his.
I think girl should get married anyway..she can't waste away her life because father doesn't care enough.
Re: Shia father and suni mother
If he's always been doing it to his wife he won't change now especially not for his children. Why doesn't he want to marry kids? What will he do with keeping them at home?
Maybe tell him the later the children marry the later the chance he has to be grandfather. It could even reduce chances. If he's a very old grandfather he won't have chance to play or run around as much with children. Kal kis ne Dekha ..agar woh kal kabhi Nahi aaye to ?
All his brother and and sisters will have grandchildren and if his kids don't marry he won't. dreams he couldn't fulfil with children he can fulfill with grand children. Dream that shayad Bacche next shahid afridi, wasim akram, Rahat fateh Ali khan ya nazia Hassan banenge. Agar grand children Nahi honge to yeh unke liye kabhi sach Nahi hoga.:(
30-40 yrs from now when he is remembering Allah(swt) and having his final breaths how does he want to be remembered be his children? As loving and caring father or dictator who never listened to them. Choice is his. Decision is his.
I think girl should get married anyway..she can't waste away her life because father doesn't care enough.
He's already in 60's. Nothing could change him.
He has alot of issues in business. He has always been in trouble in business he's nit understanding that he's not doing according to islam and not completing haqooq ul ibaad plus basic family rights as a husband and father that's why he's never stable in business. A part from this he never fulfilled his children wishes though they are certainly worldly wishes yet he was a father. Girl's mother had always been seeking help from her sisters not because they can't afford but he doesn't give enough for household even.
Things are certainly tough, remember her in prayers everyone.
Re: Shia father and suni mother
He's already in 60's. Nothing could change him.
He has alot of issues in business. He has always been in trouble in business he's nit understanding that he's not doing according to islam and not completing haqooq ul ibaad plus basic family rights as a husband and father that's why he's never stable in business. A part from this he never fulfilled his children wishes though they are certainly worldly wishes yet he was a father. Girl's mother had always been seeking help from her sisters not because they can't afford but he doesn't give enough for household even.
Things are certainly tough, remember her in prayers everyone.
Things sound pretty tough. Mujhe samajh mein Nahi aata aise fathers kaise hi sakte hain who neglect children's wishes and don't do their duty.
Will think of her in my prayers and hope it all work out. Maybe he will get sense in this age .
Re: Shia father and suni mother
Insha'Allah hope so, jazak Allah khair.
Re: Shia father and suni mother
The girl is a hypocrite if she and her boyfriend hide the truth from the boyfriend's parents. After all, that's thhe very basis for which the girl holds her father in contempt - for lying since according to you, it wasn't the Shia-Sunni issue but rather mean and cruel and lying daddy issues.
And you know what they say about munafiqs...
Re: Shia father and suni mother
.you have seen plenty of shia suni merriages doin good . Really ? Tell me more and show me one example. Ap hava ma tirr chalaa rhe han. The bigest exampl of Shia suni merriages failur is this thread.. here, hubby is trying to impose his religious decision and beliefs on that Poor girl. And sill you guys are taking sides
maybe you should be a little more educated......
All that set aside, the issue really is a father daughter issue rather than anything else I believe. That father wants to choose and it is as simple as that.
THIS. Why is it so hard for people to understand? Take out the shia/sunni in this issue and it becomes the same.exact.issue. of the countless threads we've seen here--children who want to choose their own spouse but the parents refuse on silly reasons."
Seriously, the stupidity and narrow mindedness exhibited by some people here is amazing.
Re: Shia father and suni mother
The girl is a hypocrite if she and her boyfriend hide the truth from the boyfriend's parents. After all, that's thhe very basis for which the girl holds her father in contempt - for lying since according to you, it wasn't the Shia-Sunni issue but rather mean and cruel and lying daddy issues.
And you know what they say about munafiqs...
She says so because her Father didn't tell her Mother (husband not telling a wife).
She and the guy both are of same belief and know each detail.
Wedding is between a girl and a boy not between a boy and girl's family or vice versa. Leave shia suni for a while and take muslim girl and reverted muslim boy then we say it's not necessary.
Rather than imposing a fatwa of Munafiq, read and advice as I'm sure you know what islam says about giving an advice too.
Re: Shia father and suni mother
maybe you should be a little more educated......
THIS. Why is it so hard for people to understand? Take out the shia/sunni in this issue and it becomes the same.exact.issue. of the countless threads we've seen here--children who want to choose their own spouse but the parents refuse on silly reasons."
Seriously, the stupidity and narrow mindedness exhibited by some people here is amazing.
Yeah, shia suni discussion or shia suni marriage is not an issue both are Muslims with different beliefs.Just consider an adult muslim girl who wants to marry with a guy she likes and the same beliefs they follow.
Re: Shia father and suni mother
I also know what Islam says about narrow-minded people who stand in judgment of others...
Very well, hopefully boyfriend-girlfriend can solve their ishq ki dastaan - after all, ishq kiya to darna kya? Tell you what, Dono ko bhaag hai court marriage karna chahiya - then no issues of the her dad or his family - after all they have the right to marry according to their own wishes.
Re: Shia father and suni mother
THIS. Why is it so hard for people to understand? Take out the shia/sunni in this issue and it becomes the same.exact.issue. of the countless threads we've seen here--children who want to choose their own spouse but the parents refuse on silly reasons."
Seriously, the stupidity and narrow mindedness exhibited by some people here is amazing.
Yeah, shia suni discussion or shia suni marriage is not an issue both are Muslims with different beliefs.Just consider an adult muslim girl who wants to marry with a guy she likes and the same beliefs they follow.
Yeah, I don't think you really get it. Because I said the exact same thing a few posts back.....
Take out the Shia/sunni part and this becomes just like any other situation about a broken home.........the sects really don't make a difference here
You may say.
But here her father said shia is not a choice it's a must.