Re: she cheated
i find the logic very intersting…many guys get away with it…so nobody should be reprimanding the girl…
i have never heard such arguments thrown around when a guy is found to be cheating…nobody ever says "oh for him to be considered guilty, there should be 4 witnesses…and its alright if he lies about it…since its ok to not air your sins’'… i love it in here :k:
Re: she cheated
Queen Ji, she should tell the truth to her current or future husband. If her current husband forgives her, then she has found a gem of a guy if not then she should find one. Because one way or the other news about these encounters might surface in future then image the scenario, with her husband, couple of kids, her family and his family. That would be devastating for everyone.
If she repents and stays on the right path in the future, *Allah *is there to help her and he does not close all the doors.
We all read this since our childhood that honesty is the best policy. Its time for her to put this into practice.
Re: she cheated
Queen Ji, she should tell the truth to her current or future husband. If her current husband forgives her, then she has found a gem of a guy** if not then she should find one**. Because one way or the other news about these encounters might surface in future then image the scenario, with her husband, couple of kids, her family and his family. That would be devastating for everyone.
If she repents and stays on the right path in the future, *Allah *is there to help her and he does not close all the doors.
We all read this since our childhood that honesty is the best policy. Its time for her to put this into practice.
and should tell the other one too? and keep finding men and telling them the truth unless she finds someone who accepts her and then marry him? just wondering!!
Re: she cheated
**
One poster wanted a religious answer and that was given.. **and it was stated earlier on that attitudes should be the same for BOTH genders (by some of us at least)..
Re: she cheated
and should tell the other one too? and keep finding men and telling them the truth unless she finds someone who accepts her and then marry him? just wondering!!
One has to pay for his/her deeds. Deceit will buy you sometime but not all the time, this is the life as far as I know.
Re: she cheated
May Allah direct her the right path. Afsos hi hota hay aisa sab parh ke. Its just making me feel Ewww.....that somewhere in the other corner of the world, some girl is going through this in real.... Allah sab ko burai se bachaye....
Re: she cheated
we ALL sin in a major or minor way, knowingly or unknowingly and that's why Allah has kept the door for repentance/istiGhfaar but for that one must admit he/she has sinned, feel guilty, turn to Allah, ask for forgiveness, make a covenant with Allah not to repeat it again and ONLY then iA Allah will forgive...start your life afresh and be honest with your your hubby. show complete steadfastness in a determined way not to sin again.
May Allah guide us ALL, men and women, to the straight path...aameen
Re: she cheated
well she is repenting to Allah...i suppose her only dilemma was if she should confess to her husband and if its mandatory for her to do so...will Allah forgive her even if she doesnt tell her husband or does she HAVE to confess to her husband and accept the punishment from him to get Allah's forgiveness.
Re: she cheated
well she is repenting to Allah...i suppose her only dilemma was if she should confess to her husband and if its mandatory for her to do so...will Allah forgive her even if she doesnt tell her husband or does she HAVE to confess to her husband and accept the punishment from him to get Allah's forgiveness.
i'm glad to hear that she has already taken the first step towards reconciliation with her Creator, Allah.
telling her husband is NOT mandatory because, as Deeba said in one of her posts, Allah does NOT wish to promote this stuff. better be unsaid and path to rectification taken.
she should recompensate her husband now by giving him her undivided attention and love...that's all that is needed to save this marriage.
May Allah help her in achieving her goals...aameen
Re: she cheated
She should marry a guy who is soooo broad minded, so experienced himself, that he doesn’t mind having a wife who has had a couple of passionate flings of her own.
why is that so difficult for women?
Re: she cheated
According to my knowledge, it is forbidden to tell your sins. If no one knows it except you, then you shall seek for the forgiveness of Allah and not tell everyone about it.
Because only the girl could know what’s in her heart and not we here, I would rather stop assuming about the girl’s character and would like to share this link.
“Allah forgives all sins…†| IslamToday - English](http://en.islamtoday.net/artshow-299-3181.htm)
I don’t think it will be a good idea that she discusses it with her husband if she is really regretting her act (and only she knows that). She should seek forgiveness from Allah.
I can just pray that she doesn’t get involved in the same act again, amen.
Re: she cheated
She should marry a guy who is soooo broad minded, so experienced himself, that he doesn't mind having a wife who has had a couple of passionate flings of her own.
why is that so difficult for women?
Do you know her personally? how can you pass such a judgmental sentence about her. Who knows if she intends to look for the same as you described. Did she say its difficult for her?
Re: she cheated
its really different when you know someone in person...she comes from a good family and her parents raised her well and she didnt slip until the age of 26...i was shocked to hear her story too. she was the girl who never even flirted with guys back in college or got too friendly. well what's done is done i suppose and she realizes her mistake and is not justifying it. she said she sinned and it was a horrible thing she's done.
i advised her to keep quiet and ask for forgiveness from Allah and maybe once her husband is here she can tell him, that she has made mistakes in the past and she is sorry for them (depending on their relationship).
Re: she cheated
its really different when you know someone in person...she comes from a good family and her parents raised her well and she didnt slip until the age of 26...i was shocked to hear her story too. she was the girl who never even flirted with guys back in college or got too friendly. well what's done is done i suppose and she realizes her mistake and is not justifying it. she said she sinned and it was a horrible thing she's done.
i advised her to keep quiet and ask for forgiveness from Allah and maybe once her husband is here she can tell him, that she has made mistakes in the past and she is sorry for them (depending on their relationship).
I would have more appreciated you if you'd have practiced yourself on what you advised her for!!
Re: she cheated
I would have more appreciated you if you'd have practiced yourself on what you advised her for!!
what?
What would waiting for him to get there do? How is this at all beneficial? Because he’ll be out of his comfort zone?
What she did is wrong. No if and/ or buts about it. It’s not experimenting or spur of the moment. She is old enough to know what she’s doing. Having relationships before marriage is one thing. But continuing then even after you’ve vowed to be loyal to someone is a whole other ball game
She made her bed and slept in it (no pun intended).
There is no way this is justified. She made the mistake. Now she should own up to it. Point blank.
If he judges her, he has every right to. I’m sure if he went and slept with an ex she wouldn’t take it lightly either. 
Re: she cheated
Are you kidding me...
Okay, given the unfair consequences for women, and the religious argument about repentance to Allah, I could see keeping this quiet if she's truly remorseful. But guess what? Words don't mean squat. Actions do.
Has she learned anything about how she will behave with guys in the future, i.e. not going out alone with "trusted friends", or men she may be attracted to? Is she mature enough to realize that attraction to others is normal but we have to ensure that we are aware of our feelings and are more guarded around these people? Does she understand boundaries between the sexes? This is not a Desi thing, counselors in the West suggest this even for the can't-do-wrong white couples. Has she considered shutting these two guys out entirely (or as much as is reasonable)? She needs to reflect on what she's learned from these mistakes, and more importantly, **what steps she will take to ensure that this never happens again. **As her friend, you need to ensure that this happens so that some good comes of this.
Otherwise she's just making excuses and I'm willing to bet this happens again.
Re: she cheated
Do you know her personally? how can you pass such a judgmental sentence about her. Who knows if she intends to look for the same as you described. Did she say its difficult for her?
Women who have had their fun often lament that men dont want to marry them because of their past. I was simply suggesting why dont such women marry guys who are so sexually experienced, secure and broad minded that they don't mind women having a past.
Your post implied that that is not easy.
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and should tell the other one too? and keep finding men and telling them the truth unless she finds someone who accepts her and then marry him? just wondering!!
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Re: she cheated
THis girl is going around openly confessing her sins to her friends.... things like this don't remain hidden forever. The guys she cheated with could be going around spreading the news themselves and it could get back to her husband. I think its time for her to be honest with herself and her husband and let him know who she really is. wouldn't she want to know if he had done the same? Id rather know and decide whether I want to stay or leave than to walk around happy as a clown while other women smirk with the satisfaction that they had him after we were already married.
Re: she cheated
I would have more appreciated you if you'd have practiced yourself on what you advised her for!!
Why don't you slow down and think before posting?
How did you arrive at the conclusion that the OP does not "practice" what she advised her friend? If you are trying to point out that OP did not stay "quiet" about her friend's sin as she is advising her do.....then that question has already been answered in the thread. The friend asked her to post the problem and told her what to write in the original post. If the "keeping quiet" is referred to for the future....then hopefully OP will honor her friend's trust.