What bothers me is that there's no telling how the husband would react if she were to tell him. He may spread news of her infidelity within the community she lives in and maybe even in Pakistan and if she relatives overseas...they may come to know as well. I feel bad for the drama and heartache that her family might have to endure and shouldn't have to.....they're innocent. If she has any unmarried siblings....especially unmarried sisters.....the stigma of her actions will affect them too. If he divorces her....the divorce itself will be a hindrance in getting remarried as it is in our culture unfortunately.....but the gossip can impede things further. If her husband chooses to "forgive".....it doesn't mean he will "forget" completely; he could throw her infidelity in her face during arguments, at random times, struggle with trusting her to the point that he watches her every move like a hawk. Even if she were to reform herself, the mistrust and psychological aftermath of her confession can strain her marriage.
I might get egged for this.....but considering the potentially far-reaching effects of a confession (it will hurt/shatter so many people)......whether it results in divorce or keeping the marriage intact.......I am more inclined to go with not confessing. I know gossiping is not on the same level as cheating, but what if our spouses were to find out all the unsavory things that we have vented about them and their families.......would such knowledge not also break the trust between relationships. It certainly would, it creates a bad vibe and grudges that can be hard to overcome....and if divorces result because of extramarital affairs, they can also result from careless wagging if the tongue. But rarely is it advised to confess your backbiting to the one you gossiped about even if it was your spouse or his/her family. And it's an oft-repeated sin. ****Again, I know that infidelity and gossiping are not on the same level and even the Islamic punishment for the former is much harsher. But it's something to reflect on...food for thought.
The girl in question is creating the image of her being "helpless" ......for all we know she is the one who wrote the original post or told the OP what to write. I don't think anyone here is treating her like a "helpless" bechari. But considering how our culture is very unforgiving and how badly even innocent people like parents/siblings are affected.......it makes it harder to treat it in a black n white way.
Op, if hypothetically speaking....your friend's husband divorces her and after her confession and if she were to run back to her ex, he may not accept her as he could think that if she can cheat in her husband, she could do that with me too. It's hypocritical thinking, but it's just one of many of the double standards of society. OP, do you plan to tell your friend the responses or will she read them for herself. If she's already wallowing in misery, the responses may have an adverse effect. If she's still taking it lightly....reading them might knock some sense into her and get her to think more deeply about everything. Something to consider. If you think it will only do more harm, then don't show her. She really needs to reflect on what triggered it....maybe there's something lacking in her marriage.....or she's acting upon the frustration of feeling stifled...or maybe it's a rebelling against some resentment...but she can't dismiss it; she has to figure it out.
she read the responses for herself RV...and i wrote exactly what she asked me to cuz obviously its her dilemma so i figured she should get to express it in her words. and she appreciates everyone's comments especially RV who took the time out to analyze the situation.
Despicable and unforgivable behavior. Two men in 2 weeks while being married? I’m sorry, not buying that this is a good girl just suddenly acting out. She seems to be very comfortable in getting chummy and cozy with men. Your little friend isn’t being honest with you and herself about who she really is: A woman with loose character, no morals, and not much of a conscience apparently. For arguments sake, ok the first guy was a chance encounter while she was ‘hormonal’ it happened spontaneously. But the second time around, she planned things out with an ex boyfriend and did the deed. No excuses there. Yuck.
She should do the guy a favor and just divorce him. Spare him the details but tell him she’s just not ready for marriage. Can’t turn a into a housewife!
The only person who can do something about this situation is her husband (he needs to divorce her). Unfortunately you are not her husbands friend.. you are hers. So you have a responsibility to look out for her interests even if she is in the wrong. There isn't much you can do here.
She may or may not cheat in the future. To a great extent that will depend on how attractive her husband is and how he compares to the men she can get in bed. You say the family friend guy she hooked up with was a player so obviously he must be hot, well built, exciting. You also say she was madly in love with her ex which again means he must be hot (How many guys have a girl madly in love with them? )
I would request you to make an objective comparison here among the 3 men on their attractiveness.
If the 2 men are significantly more attractive then her husband, then I would suggest you to push her to get out of this marriage in her own interests as well. Once a woman has had the taste of bigger better looking penises she usually cant go back without long term resentment and being 'unfulfilled' (pun intended)
Wow you guys are tough. Forgiveness is always better, you never know she might really be regretting .
She should tell her husband and seek his forgiveness. We, in this forum, are not concerned if she is regretting or not... she did one wrong thing, then did the second one... clearly her husband deserves someone better.
sadly women cheating is bigger stigma than men cheating both in west and east for a married woman. what kinda of morals was this girl raised with? And what kind of morals were these 2 men raised with if they are so called Muslims? what kinda of family allows their married daughter to take another person around unless he was a relative ? Even then both parents shouldn't allow it. It's sad sometimes girls who no will marry go to Pakistan to find unsuspecting spouses. No wonder alot of pakistani suspect all the girls in the west of being of loose character. Her behavior is unforgivable. She should ask Allah (Swt) for help and guidance. This is no small matter. Even if guy didn't it is horrible but for woman to do this is big betrayal of trust and honor. I hope honestly this not a TRUE STORY and that Muslim girls do not behave like this.
after reading this i feel sad ! their is nothing i feel like saying, looking at few people these days and their approach to life.. We are muslims, and our prophets (P.B.U.T) sacrified their lives to spread our religion. We have forgotten our roots & belonging anyway coming back to this sadly, this is zina ..astakfirullah! no hormones take control of a person in a such a way! she should repend and yet repent wholeheartedly, get her deen more stronger. Get in her head, She's married, & belongs to that man completely.
Even people who had the best upbringing can do ‘bad’ things..
As we get older a lot of us change and learn to think for ourselves.. That’s not really in line with traditional cultural thinking which puts more emphasis on following elders and their ideals and morals..
Btw it’s more common for the ABCD guys here to ‘mess around’ than girls.. They have more opportunity and freedom to stay out late and their parents often turn a blind eye to them having white gfs as long as they end up marrying a Pakistani girl in the end
Yes, it’s obviously wrong but a girl cheating isn’t worse than a guy doing it.. BOTH are equally bad..
very true! men are NOT above women when it comes to morality…
…it was such an oxymoron tradition among nawaabs in olden days to encourage their sons to visit koThaas of tawaaifs in order to learn the art of mingling with women…and, at the same time they would confine their daughters within the walls of the maHal.
this type of behaviour should and must not be permissible under religious and/or cultural norms.
so a girl cheating is "bad" and yet married muslim men are visiting strip clubs/watching porn/ or cheating as well multiple times...no one lashes out against them and ostracizes them but you guys think this girl should be staked?
so a girl cheating is "bad" and yet married muslim men are visiting strip clubs/watching porn/ or cheating as well multiple times...no one lashes out against them and ostracizes them but you guys think this girl should be staked?
i DID say that it's equally wrong for men too.
Ok. I was thinking about one thing. Most of you are saying she should divorce and this and that (& I found myself on the same page as you all are, too), But I was just wondering, if not “he” then there will be “someone” she might be marrying to in the future IF she divorces him. What then??
So actually, should she never be marrying??? Just a thought!!
So what's the punishment/course of forgiveness if any for a woman who has committed zina?
From a religious point of view the punishment is actually nothing unless there were 4 people watching them doing 'it'.. or she confesses (and that's discouraged anyway)..
From an ethical point of view it's not fair on the guy imo.. she should leave him if she doesn't love him enough to stay faithful..
From a religious point of view the punishment is actually nothing unless there were 4 people watching them doing 'it'.. or she confesses (and that's discouraged anyway)..
From an ethical point of view it's not fair on the guy imo.. she should leave him if she doesn't love him enough to stay faithful.. People can change but I think it's rare, especially when there's no 'push' for them to change because either no-one knows what they're up to or they do know but just turn a blind eye..
deeba, can you bring any evidences for it? I mean, who would perform such a sin necessarily in front of 4 people??
I think, a punishment is a punishment? no?
^The evidence is on here somewhere.. If you do a search the hadiths and rulings should come up..
The 4 witnesses thing is more to discourage the act becoming acceptable in society (ie stopping it from becoming 'normal') rather than to stop every single person out there committing zina (sex outside marriage has happened in the past and will happen in the future.. It's just not possible to stop every single person doing it)..
Islam is more pragmatic and less harsh than culture in many ways..
it happened spontaneously. But the second time around, she planned things out with an ex boyfriend and did the deed. No excuses there. Yuck.