Re: sh!T hit fan again....
Nadz, it's simple...stay away from her. Don't ask her/expect her to do anything for you, even if its at your MIL's request. And if possible, why don't you and your husband hire your own personal help, even of it's on a part time basis?
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
NO point. am off in march. bring on march already sounds like years awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
If you ask a 'kaamwali' in UK to serve someone who was not included in the initial employment contract, she would call the labour department.
True.
acha yeh pakistan main hai.
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
pre conceived notions are there for a reason.
so are cliches.
just by the name "pre-conceived" you can understand how misplaced these notions are......nobody should form an opinion about anyone else just by their shape, size, colour, creed or rank in life.
shes not old.
shes rude. she screams when she doesnt wsnt to do anything. this is her. ive been her 2 years.
shouldn't you have known how to handle her after the FIRST time that she was rude? even if she wasn't rude to you and you saw her behave this way to someone else, shouldn't you have learned the ropes?
my husband was feeding my daughter at the time NOT ARGUING with her, he then obv got peed off and thats when she stomped off and told me in no uncertain terms that god will punish me.
so. whatever.
but didn't you say that MIL said that God will punish you? or was it the kaamwali that said this?
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
Those of you who haven't had naukars, you don't know what its like to deal with them. Muft k experts.
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
I gotta go back to the first post.. If you don't think you were wrong then why are you here posting it and then getting mad at people who disagree with you? If you don't think you were wrong then carry on.
sh!T hit fan again....
I can't help but be in favor of Nadzz from everything she posts. Even though there's always two sides to a story, this kaamwali lady seems pretty rude and ungrateful. She has no business getting involved in the MIL /DIL battle and no she shouldn't be behaving the way she does. But it seems pretty clear Nadzz, she's basically being fed by your MIL and it seems as if your MIL has gotten her involved in the family drama. I think it gives your MIL ammunition against you Nadzz, to have the kaamwali also behave with you in that matter. So again your not wrong but your approach is, yet again. One thing that you could of done different was not be in the room when your husband started having this conversation with this woman. And maybe he should of waited till she had taken a hit at him before he brought you into it. No matter how right you are everything will be your fault, your name will always come up. This all seems to come off as a power struggle for your MIL between her demands and what you and your husband want. It's common, I've seen it myself first hand but I can't help but think how insanely catty and determined your MIL seems. Nothing you do will be enough so stop trying to prove whose wrong. You know your not but you will always be the evil bahu in your MIL eyes because it pretty much seems to be that she hates you. I don't think you should react and try being non chaulant about the whole thing. I agree with most that you shouldn't even be talking to this woman, she doesn't work for you! She does not, so if she's talking to you the way she is it's because of the mother in law and you can not change that. She has trained this woman clearly so i dont think it's that the woman is batameez, it's the MIL controlling the situation. Maybe you should try acting like you don't care, maybe your biggest downfall could be possibly your reaction to everything, and even though you feel like you are not wrong maybe you just need to keep your self away from the drama. You only seem to be right in the middle of it all or atleast keeping yourself in it??
Re: sh!T hit fan again…
Very thorough analysis indeed :k:
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
just by the name "pre-conceived" you can understand how misplaced these notions are......nobody should form an opinion about anyone else just by their shape, size, colour, creed or rank in life.
true that. but sometimes people fall very categorically within a particular stereotype. I have seen the sort Nadz has to deal with in real life. These people (Nadz type kaamwali) take utter advantage of the place they are at and the people they work for.
you hire household "help". You pay halal money to them and help them in all their needs. in case of long term servants, ANY issue, (death marriage birth floods wrecking their homes) the employers dish out openly and freely. I know this for a fact. That is by no means treating someone like a slave.
but even if you don't do that, even if you just pay them to help out in the house and don't give them any other benefits as agreed upon when they come to work for you, it is** not asking for a lot that they don't mess up the environment of the household by screaming and yelling at any member of the house, or anyone within that house. nor is it unreasonable to expect that the house not be subjected to such drama from their end at least. there are polite ways to decline things. if nadz is saying she spoke politely, then the kaamwali should have politely refused if she didnt want to. no need to yell, *especially if nadz is saying she didn't act rude herself (totally giving OP benefit of doubt here)
*
whether or not you are a kaamwali or a resident of a house or anything, **none of that has any basis in this.
Nadz basically said kaamwali is super rude.
Nadz husband got yelled at.
this is atrocious behavior.
NOONE has a right to do that.
and if they are people you are giving shelter to and paying to "help out", then im sure** this isn't the sort of "help" your halal money is paying for**
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
Im curious by the way, where is your FIL during all these scenarios? Does he not have a say? (If he is in the picture that is.)
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
Anyone who can solve/resolve Nadz issues deserves a Nobel Peace Prize (I await an infraction for defamation)
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
Those of you who haven't had naukars, you don't know what its like to deal with them. Muft k experts.
Those of you who have not been naukars don't know what it is like to deal with bosses. Muft Kay experts.
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
Just because someone is your employee, it does not mean you are giving them shelter. That is a stretch. If the lady in question is staying under the employer's roof, that is just part of the contract. When an employer starts thinking in terms of they are giving shelter, it gives them a sense of entitlement to expect service that is not part of the contract.
The lady ' s job is to do the bidding of the MIL. Not sure her work involves doing OP's bidding to get stuff from outside.
It is naive to believe OP asked nicely and got yelled at. This has been going on for a while. OP has expressed in the past the lady does not do her bidding. Everyone has a trigger point. Maybe OP triggered the lady with this request. Or maybe OP was not as polite as she thinks she was.
Employers need to rid themselves of this sense of entitlement. And be humble.
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
^ giving someone shelter is specific to this situation. this woman resides in the home where nadz is.
and there are many cases of family retained servants. the situation in pakistan is pretty dire for the common man. giving shelter is literally what most need and cannot afford anymore when signing up.
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
i asked nicely. and got yelled at. simple as that. i most certainly wouldnt have opened a thread had i yelledat her and she yelled back. ive never hidden anything on here, ive always said I DID THIS SO HE DID THAT approach. i have never blamed anyone completly.
and demesne is right. ive seen it all now. the way naukars are. but there are so many, who may not do the work, but are never rude. they poliltly say yes or no. matter closed. even the members of my household, exc mil, say that mil nei sarr pe behta ke raka hai kaamwali ko....im not the only one.
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
Just because someone is your employee, it does not mean you are giving them shelter. That is a stretch. If the lady in question is staying under the employer's roof, that is just part of the contract. When an employer starts thinking in terms of they are giving shelter, it gives them a sense of entitlement to expect service that is not part of the contract.
The lady ' s job is to do the bidding of the MIL. Not sure her work involves doing OP's bidding to get stuff from outside.
It is naive to believe OP asked nicely and got yelled at. This has been going on for a while. OP has expressed in the past the lady does not do her bidding. Everyone has a trigger point. Maybe OP triggered the lady with this request. Or maybe OP was not as polite as she thinks she was.
Employers need to rid themselves of this sense of entitlement. And be humble.
entitled? excuseme , wether mil is her boss or not, she doesnt hve the right to shout. if an employee doesnt want to do a certain job, they can
-resign- which kaamwlai wont do, as all her bills, food etc is free as well as a house etc.
or
politly refuse to do job.
she chooses option c, which is yell and shout and swear.
so southie and co, if this is how you guys expect people to behave towards YOU, i assume this is how YOU behave towards people. shame.
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
^ giving someone shelter is specific to this situation. this woman resides in the home where nadz is. and there are many cases of family retained servants. the situation in pakistan is pretty dire for the common man. giving shelter is literally what most need and cannot afford anymore when signing up.
That doesn't mean that they can be exploited.
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
entitled? excuseme , wether mil is her boss or not, she doesnt hve the right to shout. if an employee doesnt want to do a certain job, they can -resign- which kaamwlai wont do, as all her bills, food etc is free as well as a house etc.
or
politly refuse to do job.
she chooses option c, which is yell and shout and swear.
so southie and co, if this is how you guys expect people to behave towards YOU, i assume this is how YOU behave towards people. shame.
Dear Nadz
I have always liked your threads and concede you are candid and don't hide anything. You are in pain. I am sorry I added to it.
I hope by March all of this will be behind you.
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
That doesn't mean that they can be exploited.
question, have u ever seen this situation before?
and what do u mean by exploited? Nadz says the kaamwali should not have yelled. I dont see how that expectation is exploiting a kaamwali
Re: sh!T hit fan again....
^ however, implicit in your post wad that giving shelter somehow gives the employer a moral high ground.