Nina and Blackforest are right!
But I have a question though… if you feel like getting out of this relationship and that spark has vanished as well. How can you sleep with that person/hubby? I mean to have a kid intercourse is necessay and without feelings is a rape. (atleast to me)
Nina and Blackforest are right!
But I have a question though... if you feel like getting out of this relationship and that spark has vanished as well. How can you sleep with that person/hubby? I mean to have a kid intercourse is necessay and without feelings is a rape. (atleast to me)
oh please!! without feelings it's rape? gosh girls like you can truly defame a guy in legal marriage.
Honey anything thats FORCED upon you AGAINST your wishes EVEN AFTER telling to STOP - is rape.
Rape is a big deal. Please choose your words wisely.
Just because your hubby wants to be cozy does not mean he is attacking you. Please spare him from these cruel and absolutely low mentality words.
Re: What do I do?
Actually she is married stoppit ... and she raises a very valid point.
Actually she is married stoppit ... and she raises a very valid point.
i don't think so. one can have sex without feelings, how is that rape? rape is when you don't want to have sex and are forcibly made to do so.
i don't think so. one can have sex without feelings, how is that rape? rape is when you don't want to have sex and are forcibly made to do so.
It may not be a valid point to you, but it certainly sounds valid to me. Some people are able to seperate their feelings from sex, which is how they are able to do it with someone they may not even be attracted to. More power to those people I guess. Not everybody is programmed the same. For those individuals who are unable to make the seperation, the emotional consequences of essentially forcing yourself to sleep with someone you may not like can be quite devastating, psychologically and emotionally. It isn't "rape" as you and I see it, but the after affects of it can be quite similar. Again, this would only apply to those individuals who are unable to seperate themselves emotionally from the act.
It may not be a valid point to you, but it certainly sounds valid to me. Some people are able to seperate their feelings from sex, which is how they are able to do it with someone they may not even be attracted to. More power to those people I guess. Not everybody is programmed the same. For those individuals who are unable to make the seperation, the emotional consequences of essentially forcing yourself to sleep with someone you may not like can be quite devastating, psychologically and emotionally. It isn't "rape" as you and I see it, but the after affects of it can be quite similar. Again, this would only apply to those individuals who are unable to seperate themselves emotionally from the act.
call it something else then.
why anyone would force themselves to sleep with someone they feel this strongly against (enough that it will devastate them) is beyond me. but that's certainly not rape, even though they might have similar feelings afterward.
Sex in a strained marriage
This is a topic that deserves its own thread.
I can see both sides of this....
On one hand it makes sense that for many women, they cannot have sex with someone they do not like (in case of a strictly arranged marriage or in this case, a bad marriage). But yet many women do whether willingly or by force, and they end up having children. They remain in unhappy marriages. what can be said about thsoe women who do that? Are htey to be blamed for making poor choices?
But on the other hand, I feel like it's overcomplicating matters. To put it simply, marriage = sex, and one shoudn't feel guilty for having sex with their spouse...no matter how the other aspects of the
Re: Sex in a strained marriage
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Re: Sex in a strained marriage
I dont think u can compare a situation as such with rape. Rape leaves deep emotional scarring. If you think of a rape victim, they are usually vulnerable and victimised. People who are in a strained marriage still had feelings for that person once upon a time. Mentally i suppose you could say they are used to being intimate with their spouse. At the end of the day if the person cannot bear being intimate with their partner, im sure it can be made obvious by the way he/she may react during intercourse. An uncomfortable person may be more frigid therefore signs of a failing sex life may become apparant.
I think usually, this type of situation is addressed BEFORE it ever can get to the stage of rape.
Re: Sex in a strained marriage
Firstly - the use of the word rape is totally unjustifyable. Its NOT rape - its lots of things eg lacking passion or interest or feeling - but thats it.
When couples fight or argue - arent on talkng terms etc, they still live together, eat in the same house, do tasks for each other, have marital relationships with one another.
If one partner doesnt consent - says NO, and the other forces their way onto you - then you have a rape scenario.
To even say 'its almost like rape' is an insult that have been put through such an ordeal.
Back to the point raised n the thread, you have Pakistani women who appear to have a terrible relationship with their husbands, yet still capable of breeding like rabbits.
YOu have couples that are threatening each other with sepearation & divorce yet still continue to have children
How or why they do it is beyond me. I think that 'Using sex as a weapon' thread may have some answers.
But its always women that use that!
Re: Sex in a strained marriage
If marriage is strained and you don't feel like having sex, then don't. If you still consent to it, without pressure from your husband, then it can hardly be called rape.
Re: Sex in a strained marriage
Theres a oft-repeated joke in Punjabi stage shows, where the wife is always complaining of never being loved, yet still has 9 children to show for it!
Nina and Blackforest are right!
But I have a question though... if you feel like getting out of this relationship and that spark has vanished as well. How can you sleep with that person/hubby? I mean to have a kid intercourse is necessay and without feelings is a rape. (atleast to me)
What? That is not rape by any stretch of imagination.
If that is what you 'feel' then say no. Get divorce.
No need to have a marriage with ambivalent feelings. Simple.
No need to make his life miserable.
But if this is a temporary state of mind then try to work it through.
Either 'clean' the 'spark plug' or change it. Don't drive with 'bad' spark plug!
Re: Sex in a strained marriage
I doubt people have sex in a strained marriage. What the heck is going to trigger the feelings when you don't even want to look at the other person?
If there is sex, it's just a booty call and not rape.
Re: Sex in a strained marriage
dekho hubby ki bhi kuch needs hoti hai. wife ka farz bnta hy poora kerna.
call it something else then.
why anyone would force themselves to sleep with someone they feel this strongly against (enough that it will devastate them) is beyond me. but that's certainly not rape, even though they might have similar feelings afterward.
I find it highly annoying that anything sexually uncomfortable is desribed as "rape" by the eager-martyrs of GS.
Were you held down, powerless screaming for help? Was there brutality involved? Were you really that tramatised that you lost your sense of self, turned to self harm and needed councelling? Are you THAT wounded?
If so, then obviously you are either over sensitive, glorifying your "trials" or wrong.
In all three cases I would agree that therapy would be potentially beneficial.
Were you held down, powerless screaming for help? Was there brutality involved? Were you really that tramatised that you lost your sense of self, turned to self harm and needed councelling? Are you THAT wounded?
Hmmmm, sounds more like a prerequisite for foreplay rather than rape.
Re: Sex in a strained marriage
this thread is becoming funny -
What? That is not rape by any stretch of imagination.
If that is what you 'feel' then say no. Get divorce.
No need to have a marriage with ambivalent feelings. Simple.
No need to make his life miserable.
But if this is a temporary state of mind then try to work it through.
Either 'clean' the 'spark plug' or change it. Don't drive with 'bad' spark plug!
Good analogy ............Clean spark plugs...:)
You can have clean plugs but if the **fuel **that keeps the marraige moving and on track itself is dirty............the marraige vehicle aint moving.........