[quote]
Originally posted by Najim:
*1) Not applicable to me. *
[/quote]
Hmmm isn't "I already did" the correct answer here?
I am married already is the correct answer to (1).
1) Would you do it?
No.
2) What are the pro's and con's?
Pro: Temporary physical pleasure.
Con: Guilt, pregnancy risk, STD risk, feeling like a slut etc.
3) Would you understand why someone Did?
Depends. If the person had sex with numerous other people then no. But if he/she had sex with a bf/gf(if it was a serious relationship) or fiancee...then yes.
[quote]
Originally posted by Mem Sahib:
**Mmm wow this post grew quickly!
I agree with Abdullah K on this one..
Im not talking about casual sex .. like I said.. I'm talking about two people who are very much in love and do plan to get married one day... What if they meet one time and Just end up making love.. not out of lust.. or anything pervy.. just purely for the reason they love each other and it feels right to them..
I know Islam says its wrong.. .. and at the end of the day.. its down to each person how they deal with it afterwards...
I think maybe I'd feel too guilty afterwards but I also know that being in the arms of the person you love... making love would seem like the most natural thing to do...
You really need to be in love with someone.. feel close to this special someone.. and then understand what point i'm trying to make...
**
[/quote]
This is true! I understand your point!
Pyaar Bhi Zindagi Ki Tarah Hota Hay.
Hur Mor Asan Nahin Hota, Hur Mor Pay Khushi Nahin Milti;
Pur Jub Hum Zindagi Ka Saath Nahin Chortay To Pyaar Ka Saath Kyon Chorayn
Thank you Deewana Tera and all the others who have replied to my post.
Its easy for alot of people to make judgements on other people.. and think they are immoral or indecent for having sex before marriage.. but at the end it comes down to how you cope with the aftermath (so to speak!)
I could justify it to my inner self by telling it that I did it purely out of love.. I know wrong is wrong in the eyes of Islam and there are no excuses for it.. but deep down I could make peace with myself if I had gone and made love to Gizzy.. purely because I love him enough to want that with him.... Ideally I'd wait for marriage.. and I'd stop myself.. but I also know that it would be hard to say No.. Its just LOVE!
Let me tell you a story:
I have a good friend who is Arab and lives in UK. She had a Jordanian boyfriend who was studying there. Same language, same culture, right? He went home at a certain point for his sister's marriage promising to come back. He never even contacted my friend again. She was heartbroken and destroyed and it came out later that she had had sex with him so felt that she would never be any good again for anyone else.
Now, I don't know what happened to her boyfriend. Maybe he was just "using" her, but somehow I think he truly meant to marry her. Just that when he got home he either lost his courage or he spoke to his parents and they refused to consider it.
My friend and I had a lot of long heart to heart chats. She slowly recovered and realised that although the first sexual relationship she had was important, she was much more than sex - and she remains to this day a lovely caring woman. But once she recevered her self esteem she met and married a man who didn't give a damn about her past, he just wanted her and they have now been married several years and have two beautiful children. I think that the man she married is lucky. You don't find women of that sweetness easily.
So what do you think?
“The end”
Happily ever after
Thats not love mem shahib, thats a sign of insecurity… think again…
[quote]
Originally posted by Shirin:
**Let me tell you a story:
I have a good friend who is Arab and lives in UK. She had a Jordanian boyfriend who was studying there. Same language, same culture, right? He went home at a certain point for his sister's marriage promising to come back. He never even contacted my friend again. She was heartbroken and destroyed and it came out later that she had had sex with him so felt that she would never be any good again for anyone else.
Now, I don't know what happened to her boyfriend. Maybe he was just "using" her, but somehow I think he truly meant to marry her. Just that when he got home he either lost his courage or he spoke to his parents and they refused to consider it.
My friend and I had a lot of long heart to heart chats. She slowly recovered and realised that although the first sexual relationship she had was important, she was much more than sex - and she remains to this day a lovely caring woman. But once she recevered her self esteem she met and married a man who didn't give a damn about her past, he just wanted her and they have now been married several years and have two beautiful children. I think that the man she married is lucky. You don't find women of that sweetness easily.
So what do you think?**
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Very Good for her. However, if the moral of the story is that having premarital affairs isnt THAT bad, then I totally disagree. What she did cant be accepted in any manner. And Allah is of course the merciful.
Mem Sahib, even if your jumping bumping feelings make you beleive its acceptable or rational, you are mistaking grossly. I hope, for the sake of both you and Gizzy, that this will never occur. Irrelevant of how rational or justified premarital sex may seem.
Amigo .. it’s a personal choice.. whatever we do - we will have to live with that.. not anyone else.. so dont you worry!
"Sex before marriage": Lots of it....
And also after marriage.
you wish..
PA: how pedestrian of me.
i think its very easy answer!
adultery is not allowed in islam, its prohibited....
Amigo, for me the lesson of that was different. I saw what a bad state my friend was in and vowed I would never let myself get involved in anything similar.
But we all make mistakes and not all of us are strong or have the right support. Although I don't think that such a thing would be right for me and I wouldn't want any one else to do it, I know that life is different for each one of us. I think there are worse things, can't you think of them? Or do you feel that extramarital or premarital sex is the worst and ultimate sin?
People come first in my list of priorities.
Mem Sahib, why dont you get married ?!?!?!?! Whats between you and Gizzy is stricly ur business and I have no curiosity in it whatsoever, Im just stating the facts and "advicing" seen from an Islamic Point of view, which I mean is the ONLY path which should be followed. Every other path eventually leads to personal despair and what worse may be. Ur free to choose ur path.
Shirin, there are other grave sins as well, of course. However, I have heard people make that kind of reasoning and ending up with the beleif the premarital affairs are not THAT bad. Premarital affairs are not acceptable in any way. However, staying away from such acts shouldnt keep us from making the world a better place to live in, so to speak.
Though I feel the urge at times but i dun think i'll go for it.. No pros i can think of..
well the last Q.. I would definetly prefer if he hasn't had it..but i guess i will accomodate other wise too.. i.e. if he assures me of his fidelity afterwards..cuz when it comes to guys they mostly have it solely for lust purposes... luv shuv least involved..
But then again u always have a 'lil sumthin' at the corner o ur mind..no matter how 'broad-minded' u are..
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
You're right in one thing and that is that its none of your business whatever we do..That depends on the choices we make ourself...
As for me getting married - We will - Inshallah one day..
I just started this topic because its something I've thought about.. its something I've debated about with my friends.. so thought to start here.. to see what fellow guppies thought - Im not about to fly to Holland for a quickie with Gizzy.. and then think about the moral and Islamic consequences... Whatever each of us do in this lifetime we all will have to pay for it when we go to Allah.. No one has the right to judge people for whatever they do.. or whatever they think is OK for them to do..
At least I can be honest and say that I know its wrong Islamically but I dont know how Ill feel when Im with Gizzy and making love feels like 'right' thing to do.
Why should anyone have a problem with me saying that?
Just coz someone elses opinion is different - that doesnt make it Wrong!!
[This message has been edited by Mem Sahib (edited April 23, 2002).]
Ur opinion IS wrong, completely and totally wrong. But suit urself.
Wrong for you.