Re: ...Sex And Protection...
i think most of the time teens dont use protection because they believe nothing will happened to them.
Re: ...Sex And Protection...
i dont know who said they blame the parents for their kids action, i totally agree with that person. if you keep an eye on your kids they wont do stupid stuff. lately, desi people want to be "modern" so they let their kids go out to bars and hang around everywhere in situation like these is when intimate relationship starts.
I have 2 little daughters and just the other day my husband and I were talking about realities of life, this topic being one of them, and how we could protect our daughters. I know Shikra doesn't want this thread to take a religious turn so I won't go there, but I think if from a very early age we could be best friends with our children and create an environment of trust between us, maybe my girls could trust us to discuss what's on their minds or what other girls are doing and their influences and inclinations. Maybe as parents we could be more invloved in their lives not to the level of being wickedly inquistive but sharing our values. I guess a lot has to do with the temperature at home and the example we set as parents, the kind of social set up we have and what we do in our spare time. If kids are invloved in healthy activities they may not get distracted that easily.
I agree, very well said!
if the condom iz good and strong then therez no need to worry lol coz even if u bust a small part of ur nut itz all out :o
What?
Anyway, condoms are not 100% when it comes to protection, I hope you have read the warning on the box.
I know one pakistani couple who wanted to get married, but parents were strictly opposing their union. The guy made a plan and told the girl that if he got her pregnant, the parents would have no choice but to get them married. Things didnt work out too well, he left for Pakistan even before she discovered that she was expecting, and now she's stuck with no option but to terminate it.
So in this case, they werent using protection because they wanted to guarantee that their relationship wouldn't end.
So he fooled the girl into having sex with him.
Re: ...Sex And Protection...
Well said Niksik.
Shikra, please forgive me if this is off-topic and moderators can remove this if they see it to be.
** would like to just point out to the parents here that majority of Pakistanis who grew up HERE (forget Pakistan) never received any sort of 'talk' from the parents and they are perfectly fine. So why the sudden change? Why do you feel that your kids need to know about this? If you create the environment for them, isn't that enough? IMHO...**
as to your question Shikra, it's nothing but LUST. Heat of the moment or whatever you wanna call it, at the end of the day one thing leads to another as they say...
No, it is not enough, from any perspective you look at it from. yes there majority of people in Pakistan, never talk to their kids about sex, and most come out ok. Thats is what we might think. There is so much more involved in all this. It is not merely about having sex....it is something that is affecting all of society. IMHO, I think Pakistani society is losing its values and morality...i was shocked when I went in 2005 on Lahore's Mall Road, to see a huge Lux billboard of a bare shoulders model.
it is the message our society is sending our children, that it is ok to become more and more like the west, especially when it comes to our daily lives. National pride is so swelled up, but only evident in the words, not in the actions. Look at the clothes, Capris! For heaven sake! Capris have forever considered to be a summer casual apparel here in US...and we Pakistanis found a way to implement them into our wardrobe and to make them the hottest trend. look at the models, and they are also the actresses who are acting in dramas, which pakistani families follow religiously. And so without even knowing it, the message that is being sent out is that, its ok to be like them...and so all this is now becoming more prevalent as is evident in the earlier posts.
I know the moderators do not want to turn this into a religous discussion, but i beg to differ. How can you not on a Pakistani forum, bring religion into such a discussion, when it is the core of real problem. How can there be a meaningful discussion without discussing that. Because that is the central point and the one that holds the answer.
"** would like to just point out to the parents here that majority of Pakistanis who grew up HERE (forget Pakistan) never received any sort of 'talk' from the parents and they are perfectly fine. So why the sudden change? Why do you feel that your kids need to know about this? If you create the environment for them, isn't that enough? IMHO..."
**Just because millions of people are doing something in one way does not make it right, and slowly, slowly it is showing up as to why that is.
In seeking this knowledge, shyness does not stand as a barrier in this case, but such knowledge must be imparted in a modest and dignified manner. Almighty Allah says, “Say (unto them, O Muhammad): Are those who know equal with those who know not? But only men of understanding will pay heed.” (Az-Zumar: 9)
`A’ishah, the wife of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, made this clear: "Blessed are the women of the Ansar (the citizens of Madinah). Shyness did not stand in their way seeking knowledge about their religion." (Reported by The Group save at-Tirmizi).
I have seen that us pakistani put more weight into culture and tradition rather than religion. We go through the motions without understanding what they mean or what they represent.
It was an amazement to me when in Pakistan, that the adhaan would come, and it would hit me right in my soul. My son who at that time was about 9 years old would look at me in amazement as he felt the beauty and splendor of actually hearing the adhaan, 5 times a day, everyday from every direction. But so sad that it was like background music to most others.
Growing up in the US, I think that there is good opportunity to raise our children in the best possible Islamic environment. I am so blessed and thankful to Allah, that he gave us the ability to live in such a location. Here in our community, we sendoutr children to full time Islamic school, where they receive the best Islamic education, environment and academic education as well. They not only learn about their religion, there has been engrained in their foundation the love of Allah, Islam, the Prophet. They have the fear of Allah. It is not that they just know of the rules, and that this is halal or that is haraam, it is much broader than that. they understand why it is so. They rejoice in the coming of Ramadan, in being involved in Islamic activities. All because it is done as a part of their everyday life. it is not just a sermon they hear on Friday. The girls dress modestly most wearing hijab...But they all also enjoy life. Because of the environment, parents are at ease at letting their children plan outings annd activities, because we know their friends. They go to movies, (of course appropriate ones), they have parties, they go camping, they are involved in sports. Alhamdulillah, Allah has made it possible for us to be able to provide them such the best of facilities and environment. Of course after that whatever happens is out of our hands. Unfortunately, even having this choice available for their children, however there are those who choose not to take this opportunity.
Anyways, they have a good set up in the community where they have gril groups and boys groups, and they have the leaders who are like them, often someone who has grown up in the our community, with whom they identify well with, and they usually talk to the kids and make them comfortable to come talk to them.
I personally, have it so that my children are comfortable in talking to me about anything. i think it is very important. So they will participate in everything and they will share with me all that goes on, Alhamdulillah.
The school did their part also by 7th grade they had taught them the biology of how a child is created. and i also spoke to my son. As more and more girls were starting to get their periods, and so they would not pray. I thought i should at least explain. Alhamdulillah, my son is very mellow and well mannered. And he was very practical about it, as he knew the biology and so to put into perspective was easier, and he understood. he is respectful and it is not something for him to snicker or make jokes about.
Sorry about the long post, but wanted to share my thoughts on something I think is very crucial.
Re: ...Sex And Protection...
whats the point behind threads like these....?
Re: ...Sex And Protection...
I guess the purpose of this thread is to share ideas about what parents can do to be more open to their children and discuss these issues in a positive and effective manner.
Like unprotected and pre-martial sex, use of drugs in high school and college is another issue that should be discussed in a positive and effective manner with the children.
Re: ...Sex And Protection...
Its more about people using common sense and the children's upbringing than parents 'talking' to their children.
Ive been bought up by the idea that messing around before marriage is wrong. I didn't have parents 'talk' to me or anything like that, it was obvious how I was expected to behave. This naturally means I won't mess around before my marriage and if by some miracle I do end up doing something then I'll be clever enough to use protection. Its common sense. For me if people are clever to have sex then they're clever enough to know about simple measures such as condoms. The reason for the unwanted pregnancies is people aren't **bothered **when it comes to protection.
Re: ...Sex And Protection...
I am getting an impression here that its OK for young ones to have sexual activities but they should be taught about the ways to prevent pregnancy . . . that is very confusing . .
Instead of creating an environment at our homes and community to stop such activities we are thinking that why they do not use protection and furthermore how they can be taught about such protection techniques.
We need to create an environment at our homes/ schooles / community / media to tell our young ones about good and bad. consiquences in this world and life here after.
We can not just leave the Islam out of it . . . because its a code of life . . .
Khush Raho . . .
We can not just leave the Islam out of it . . . because its a code of life . . .
Khush Raho . . .
I agree, we cannot leave Islam out of it. The reason why I asked people not to involve religion in it because every Muslim should know that pre-marital sex is wrong. We already know that, there is no point in discussing this topic if every single reply said "Islam doesn't allow it". We KNOW Islam doesn't allow it, but that does not mean that pre-marital sex does NOT happen. It still happens, whether Pakistan, Saudia, or any other Muslim country.
Just because Islam says you can't do something, Muslims do not stay away from it, I am sure you would agree with me on that. So I wanted to ask questions keeping religion out of the discussion to save us from same replies........k bhai jo nahi hona chahiye tha woh tou hogaya, NOW WHAT? How can we prevent it because obviously religion is not stopping people from having premarital sex :)
I hope this helps clear things up.
I agree, we cannot leave Islam out of it. The reason why I asked people not to involve religion in it because every Muslim should know that pre-marital sex is wrong. We already know that, there is no point in discussing this topic if every single reply said "Islam doesn't allow it". We KNOW Islam doesn't allow it, but that does not mean that pre-marital sex does NOT happen. It still happens, whether Pakistan, Saudia, or any other Muslim country.
Just because Islam says you can't do something, Muslims do not stay away from it, I am sure you would agree with me on that. So I wanted to ask questions keeping religion out of the discussion to save us from same replies........k bhai jo nahi hona chahiye tha woh tou hogaya, NOW WHAT? How can we prevent it because obviously religion is not stopping people from having premarital sex :)
I hope this helps clear things up.
Dear Brother
as some one has already mentioned, England has the highest rate when it comes to teen age pregnancy and you will agree that they are getting sex education and their Parents / media is quite open when it comes to prevention methods but even then they are not able to suppress this issue.
why . . .
My dear brother here I beleave that moral education is the solution for such kind of issues. No doubt that such things happen in Pakistan, KSA or any Muslim country but u will agree that the ratio is very low when we compare it to non muslim countries.
Such things is happening in Muslim Countries is all because we are forgetting our moral values and adopting western moral values. Only and only if we can teach teenagers about our moral values we will be will be able to minimise such incidents . Exceptions will always be there . . .
Sex Education . . Media presentations . . is not a solution . . .
*Moral Education is . . . *
Such things is happening in Muslim Countries is all because we are forgetting our moral values and adopting western moral values. Only and only if we can teach teenagers about our moral values we will be will be able to minimise such incidents . Exceptions will always be there . . .
Sex Education . . Media presentations . . is not a solution . . .
*Moral Education is . . . *
Zulfi bhai, I agree.....but where does that Moral education come from? From parents? School? or Mosques? that's the question. That's the part that we are trying to figure out that if religion clearly says don't do it, but people are still doing it (even if the ratio is low), how can we stop it?
Should parents talks to their kids? You think sex education and media presentations are not solutions, then what is the solution in your opinion?
Re: ...Sex And Protection...
wow i didnt relize it was like this for pakistani people....
Zulfi bhai, I agree.....but where does that Moral education come from? From parents? School? or Mosques? that's the question. That's the part that we are trying to figure out that if religion clearly says don't do it, but people are still doing it (even if the ratio is low), how can we stop it?
Should parents talks to their kids? You think sex education and media presentations are not solutions, then what is the solution in your opinion?
Sohail Bhai
Initially we have to define what are our objectives.
If we are thinking ways to teach them about preventive methods. It’s like we are giving them an option k Beta G this is not a good thing but if you can not control your urge you should use these methods to prevent pregnancies.
By doing this we are creating an acceptance for pre marriage sex. That is what really bothering me.
First of all we need to accept that this is bad and it is not acceptable. Then we need to change our thinking and stop finding ways to prevent pregnancies and all related issues. We should be looking for methods to prevent the actual root cause not the after effects.
Be friendly with your children but not that friendly that they would take everything for granted. There should be some fear in their minds a balanced approach.
Involve them in healthy activities. Create opportunities of interaction between you and them in a more relaxed environment. Give them enough of our time so it should be in their minds that we are there and looking out their matters quite often.
Give them their privacy but keep a check on it as well. as a community we should condemn such activities and by community i mean Schools / Neighborhood mosques etc. As a nation we need to check our media policies as well. Now a days our media is giving a sense that sex is a style. It needs to be changed if we can not at least we need to create an anti sense for it.
If Islam can do it 1400 years ago it can definitely do it again . . . its all about belief and faith. . and the sad thing is we don’t have these virtues in us any more . . .
I was not able to avoid.
Re: ...Sex And Protection...
Malik bhai some excellent points! I also agree with you, especially about media. Media portrays it as something acceptable or something that is fun with no consequences (pre-marriage sex, that is). Achi taleem ghar sey hi shiroo hoti hai, as you said, if the foundation is strong, the building will stand forever and last through anything :)
I think its really sad, that pakistanis are doin this, (I also opened a thread regardin "pakistanis becoming to western " before I read this thread.)
I think it all boils down to the parents, I am in London and was brought up here and would of never thought of this, I think to many apne are copyin gorai, I new of girls sheedniya and goriya gettin pregnant in school and we were very shocked, and eveyone thogh thier slags and now to here pakistanis are in the same oat it is very sad, I think if girls are treated with respect and love from their parents and families they wont dare do this, and I understand that u r sayin that it is happenin therefore we need to deal with this, but I recently watched a documentry and basically the school was focusin on controception, and what steps to take if u get pregnant, and they found that instead of the number of pregnancies fallin they went up, and the parents slatered the school for concentrating too much on sex becomin acceptable!!