first of all i did not mean to imply that you said that we should blame the parents, not at all. i was just giving my own views and was kinda thinking out aloud;)
anyway abt the contradictions, what i meant to say is maybe the schools should involve parents more and play a role that they bring kids and parents a bit more closer when it comes to certain topics. maybe this way in future we will be able to communicate more about certain things with our parents and parents with us. maybe we need a third party to help us develope this communication level, and i would think schools are a good way.
Shikra, please forgive me if this is off-topic and moderators can remove this if they see it to be.
would like to just point out to the parents here that majority of Pakistanis who grew up HERE (forget Pakistan) never received any sort of 'talk' from the parents and they are perfectly fine. So why the sudden change? Why do you feel that your kids need to know about this? If you create the environment for them, isn't that enough? IMHO...
as to your question Shikra, it's nothing but LUST. Heat of the moment or whatever you wanna call it, at the end of the day one thing leads to another as they say...
would like to just point out to the parents here that majority of Pakistanis who grew up HERE (forget Pakistan) never received any sort of 'talk' from the parents and they are perfectly fine. So why the sudden change? Why do you feel that your kids need to know about this? If you create the environment for them, isn't that enough? IMHO...
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very well said. We never recieved and talk (thank god for that .. cant imagine my parents talking to me about that) and I think I was raised OK .. and raised with the concept of sinful nature of the act ..
I did not stick it as I am not a moderator in life 1. Read reply #8 by Angel Eyes.
Cricketplaya I agree. I was 14 when I moved to USA, so I was pretty much raised up in Pakistan. I know you are talking about people raised in the US because it’s even harder here because of easier access to such material, but fortunately for me when I was in Pakistan, the culture and the religion helped me stay away from such sins. As you said, it all depends on what kind of upbringing you have at home. There are people living in west that never had this chat with their parents and they turned out to be fine. Then there are people in Pakistan that have religion all around them at all times but they end up making such mistakes.
Also, you asked why do I think kids need to have these talks these days: In my opinion (which may be wrong and that’s okay), as years pass, we are not sticking to our religious values. Day by day, we (including me) are drifting away from religion because it’s harder to follow strict ethics than to enjoy all the evil around us. Parents now need to have talks with their children because abroad, the community doesn’t help when it comes to sticking to culture or religion as neighbors and media aren’t desi/Islamic. It entirely depends on the family and parents to instill religious and traditional values in their children.
Is the ability to think before getting intimate limited? Or are they lazy to get protection? Less pleasure?...
it's nothing but LUST. Heat of the moment or whatever you wanna call it, at the end of the day one thing leads to another as they say...
these factors i guess leads to teenage /pregnacies among young girls.
however i also believe just one or few encounters of unprotected sex ,esp if happened accidently ( after taking drugs , alcohol, date rape or plain rape ) rarely leads to conception , so usually such youngsters who have proper sex @ regular basis do end up getting pregnant ( it's not hard & fast just what i believe)
In a survery that was conducted in our school, majority of girls said it was a 'heated moment' when they did things and did not remember to use protection... which honestly is bull to me. Another large number said they didn't care. With such attitudes, it's not a surprise that so many are pregnant.
^ exactly. Such attitudes are the very reason, the UK has the highest no. of teen pregnancies in the whole of EU. They're playing with their lives and dont even care.
I am surprised no one has actually mentioned the most obvious reason (may be someone did - I just quickly glanced through the replies).
May be the girls actually WANT to get pregnant.
In the recent case of 16 high-school girls who got pregnant in MA, it appears that the girls actually wanted to and were trying hard to have babies. According to experts, part of the reason may be psychological, where girls coming from broken and dysfunctional families have nothing around them which they can call their own (parents marrying multiple times with assorted half brothers and sisters), so they decide to have a baby, who will be their own, and no one can take it away from them. So teen-age pregnancy is actually a calculated move for their own benefit, rather than an unwanted surprise after heat-of-the-moment unprotected sex.
Of course, we can all argue that a 16-yrs old has not developed the right brain cells to make good judgement calls, not to mention complete lack of experience to make right decisions. STD's can be very painful.
Cases that I personally knew in uni where chicas got knocked up were because the dude and the dudette were partying and were wasted when they did it or close to being wasted and the pull out in time 'method' either did nto work, or they did not even remember what they really did. Its not that stuff was not available, or they did not know. alcohol is the great equalizer, turns the most intelligent ppl into bumbling idiots sooner or later
well guys get better hardon , with condom.. it is a handcap. You get better neurological sensation which excites you more, which in terms gives a better pleasure and satisfaction. With condom you dont get that kind of excitement even with the latest polytherene condoms which are very thin.
Faisal, you can't take one case of crazy teens and try to pin the whole issue on it; there are suicide pacts and cults that do all sorts of things but we don't use those examples as the norm; rather they are the exception. You could even compare this logic with the notion that Muslims want to "kill infidels" because most terrorist attacks are perpetrated by Muslims; of course we all know that those fanatics are not the norm. Therefore, we can go ahead and put that notion aside that for some reason the majority of teenage girls who become pregnant do so out of their own volition.
I'm surprised that people are somewhat over-analyzing the situation. Let's just call it like it is: a lot of teenagers and young adults do not have self-control of their desires or emotions and therefore land themselves into situations of intimacy. In that atmosphere, a human's emotions tend to supersede rational thought (especially because it took a lack of proper thinking to get into this situation in the first place). Obviously the majority of teenagers wouldn't want the burden of a pregnancy or an STD, but their carelessness (and in my opinion, moral decadence) steers them into that eventuality.
Personally, I find the teaching of "safe sex" instead of abstinence to be akin to increasing the supply of life vests on beaches.. instead of telling people not to jump in the water if they can't swim. :)
^ I don't know how you jumped to the erroneous conclusion that this is the ONLY reason why teen-age girls get pregnant. All it means is that this is one additional possible reason (i.e. girl wants to bond with her bf by way of a baby, or wants to have a baby to get over a dysfunctional family) There can be 101 other reasons too. No one is disputing that.
I know one pakistani couple who wanted to get married, but parents were strictly opposing their union. The guy made a plan and told the girl that if he got her pregnant, the parents would have no choice but to get them married. Things didnt work out too well, he left for Pakistan even before she discovered that she was expecting, and now she's stuck with no option but to terminate it.
So in this case, they werent using protection because they wanted to guarantee that their relationship wouldn't end.
Riya, that's a really sad example of what can happen when passion and emotions overtake maturity and rationality. If they sooo badly wanted to get married, there are better and more acceptable ways of doing so; if we take the Islamic perspective then the girl doesn't need her parent's permission anyhow and things can be worked out.. but it is very immature to go for broke and get pregnant just for the sake of a relationship. Without knowing the specifics of that case, it seems the guy either wasn't sincere or not very bright as he left the country knowing there was a chance that the girl was pregnant; what sort of behavior is that for the person you are dying to be with? And the girl was being immature and short-sighted as well.
Faisal, sure there can be all sorts of reasons. :) I got the impression from your post that you were emphasizing that specific reason, that's all.
riya .........courtship is what a lot of couples do including one's in our community, i knew few families where the full-term first child was born long before the 8-9 months of gestation , so that makes it obvious that girl was pregnant @ the time of wedding , but since they were commited to get married one day hence having unprotected sex would've been acceptable for them , the couple u've mentioned might have planned the same except that the guy didn't fulfil his commitment.
but since they were commited to get married one day hence **having unprotected sex would've been acceptable for them, the couple u've mentioned might have planned the same **except that the guy didn't fulfil his commitment.
if it's a Muslim couple, it obviously wouldn't be acceptable.. but for the public in general, the stigma of pre-marital conception is not as strong anymore.
The simple answer is that young people do not act rationally and intelligently, as much as they like to think they do. That's why they need the framework and limits that adult supervision places around them.
peace , samad........... i used term acceptable while referring to a particular situation / couples who do courtship,
on a side note, alhamdulillah i'm aware of islamic rulings and believe that such activities r not acceptable at all