This is my marriage. My information is not incomplete at all.
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
I can't believe people on this forum are so willing to write off the wife. What woman walks out of her home at 1:30 in the morning? Unless she is extremely unhappy and doesn't know what else to do. Imagine if that woman is you. What circumstances would make you act the way Mrs. Najeeb is acting?
I don't think it is as simple as her being a brat. There is WAY more to this story than Najeeb is telling us or he is THE best troll life1 has seen.
I know what you're saying Passy, but we both know there are some girls out there who demand blind devotion, the one's with a princess complex and unless everything goes their way - they refuse to be happy.
I know EXACTLY a woman like najeeb's wife - and this woman convinced her husband to move away from the family (he did) and she's still not happy. Her husband had to bribe her with super expensive jewellery to attend his niece's wedding. The same woman invited her in-laws to a housewarming (they drove 4 hours each way) and she didn't ask anyone to stay. She refused to attend her husband's grandmother's funeral because she's afraid of dead people.
She doesn't want to maintain a good relationship with her in-laws and there's no reasoning with her otherwise. The rest of the family (made up of jethaanis, devraanis, nands) manages to get along well, so why is she the only holdout?
In her mind in-laws are evil and there's no redeeming them. End of.
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
This is my marriage. My information is not incomplete at all.
Just explain one thing. Bv shuroo se hi aisi thi.....ya her attitude changed. Ifnit changed....then aisi kaun si baat ya baatein thi that led to the change? Simple sa sawal hai...that's what we're trying to figure out.
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
Could you describe some of your wife's good qualities, Najeeb?
My problem is with the fact that you have portrayed yourself as this calm, understanding, compromising, angel of a husband and your wife the complete opposite. It makes absolutely no sense to me.
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
so how can najeeb786 find out for sure if his wife is evil or just a victim of misunderstandings? someone please come up with a fool proof scheme he can implement in the course of a day or two, or this thread will go the way his first one did - no conclusion, page 100 same as page 1.
She is not after expensive items like jewellery etc but she has said many a time about me spending time with her. The only thing I can guess is that she doesn’t want to live in our house and she wants us to move and she had mentioned that and we both agreed that in one year we will move as only I’m saving all the money.
One time she stated we don’t spend together and I mentioned that every evening I get back from work I don’t leave your side literally but she said that your mum is there so it’s not spending time together is it. Then we had a discussion about moving and she was fine with mum being with us.
Personally I think, no I know deep inside that she wants to move without mum BUT I now don’t know whether I would want to do anything after seeing her behaviour. I think she wants complete separation from my family, I don’t know.
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
If her agenda is to have you to herself and not share you with your mom and siblings, then she should be willing to give up her own family. No more week-long/month-long visits to her parents home. No more calls to them. No more travel plans with them.
She has to be willing to do what she herself is demanding/expecting.
Before marriage is obviously didn’t know exactly how she was.
After marriage for the first few days she woke up at around 9-10am and then it went later and later. You could tell that whenever we had adaawat she wouldn’t want to go but wouldn’t make an issue with me. Didn’t like going to relatives as there was no point in formalities and when people return from pakistan who have kids.
I remember Ramadan with her and she didn’t ever get up early to make something for me and my mum. Mum would already be downstairs and eat something as she didn’t want her to wake up early but never said. My own fault as I didn’t even mention it.
My fault has been that I’ve let all this happens and could have possibly put a stop to it.
I’m sure her problem is the house and just the way my family are with coming around for a chat etc. She would rather be in isolation I believe.
Assumptions though…
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
Maybe ask siblings to give the couple a break for few weeks. Instead them visiting, Najeeb's mother can visit them. Or maybe his mother can go on vacation to another siblings house for few weeks. This should give the two some privacy and freedom to work on their marriage.
ps. it is very disturbing the way your wife left. I agree with passionate that it has to be something awfully bad for wife to leave her home at that hour all alone, walk to some gas station/convenient store and wait for her siblings to pick her up. I also have a feeling that her reason for walking out was you and not your family. I also have a feeling that you do know the reason whatever it is but you don't want to accept it.
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
wow 
How long have you been married? And you still don’t know how your wife feels about these things? You are just assuming how she feels, *assuming *the reasons behind her behavior??
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
Maybe ask siblings to give the couple a break for few weeks. Instead them visiting, Najeeb's mother can visit them. Or maybe his mother can go on vacation to another siblings house for few weeks. This should give the two some privacy and freedom to work on their marriage.
ps. it is very disturbing the way your wife left. I agree with passionate that it has to be something awfully bad for wife to leave her home at that hour all alone, walk to some gas station/convenient store and wait for her siblings to pick her up. I also have a feeling that her reason for walking out was you and not your family. I also have a feeling that you do know the reason whatever it is but you don't want to accept it.
And this would be EXACTLY what she wants. To be rid of his family. Fine, is she willing to forego her own family - you know the mum who wanted her daughter to go to PK with her because it wasn't safe for a woman alone, but it miraculously became safer for two women alone to engage in real estate sale transactions in PK.
Every time the issue is different. Recently it was my sibling. Before that she wanted a car before that it was a trip to Pakistan for two months before that it was something else.
It’s not one thing that’s been present all the way through, different each time. So how can I resolve this.
When my brother chatted to her she mentioned that she left because I disrespected her and went to sleep in the other room.
Same thing she has done to me twice. I just wanted some space.
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
yeah but there is a theme running through all these issues, i.e. maybe she wants some independence. Well a car screams for independence.
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
When my brother chatted to her she mentioned that she left because I disrespected her and went to sleep in the other room.
Same thing she has done to me twice. I just wanted some space.
When she went to a different room, did you follow her to find out why and bring her back? Seems like you guys are playing tit for tat game.
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
yeah but there is a theme running through all these issues, i.e. maybe she wants some independence. Well a car screams for independence.
For someone who doesn't work and wants to move to another home, asking for a car is fiscally imprudent. How practical is that of her?
What does she need the car for? To get out of the house? If that's the case, she should ask for the car some days (actually wake up early for a change) offer to drop him to work and keep the car. There are always transit options if it's just getting out of the house.
[QUOTE]
For someone who doesn't work and wants to move to another home, asking for a car is fiscally imprudent. How practical is that of her?
What does she need the car for? To get out of the house? If that's the case, she should ask for the car some days (actually wake up early for a change) offer to drop him to work and keep the car. There are always transit options if it's just getting out of the house.
[/QUOTE]
Are you seriously saying that women that stay at home and don't work, don't deserve to have a car of their own?
What if his work hours do not allow the type of arrangement that you are suggesting? What if he really isn't the angel he has portrayed himself to be and doesn't want to share his car with his wife?
She will wake up at noon and have something to eat. May put something in oven for mum and then after that she will make something around 7pm for me to eat with her. The rest of the time she is free to do what she wants. Work, voluntary or gym or whatever.
I have discussed the issue of moving to another house in the near locality and she has stated that we can wait and buy our own house. Although twice she had mentioned that what is the point of moving in the same area when I persisted in asking what she meant each time I didn’t get a reply.
I’ve always felt like she doesn’t want to interact with anybody from my family if given the choice and would rather well move to a cave with her family.
I do honestly feel that she doesn’t want to be near my mum rang family and just wants me but then every time I ask the answer is that it’s fine so I just go around in circles.
She sulks over something and won’t come downstairs for two day. Finally she talks to me and mentions whatever issues such as appreciation etc then we stayed that this behaviour cannot be accepted and from now on no more sulking ancient staying upstairs. Fast forward a week and the same behaviour but before the discussion starts she is already sulking and not mentioning what the problem is. Then at the end of the day she decides to speak. All the time I don’t know what to do. A part of me tells me to ignore her as it’s so common but another part tells me to stay near her. If I ignore and go about my chores she will complain that I wasn’t with her when she felt emotional.
Yes I followed her and tried to talk but she fell asleep. And from 2:30am to 5:30am I sat there in the freezing cold waiting for her to wake up as I didn’t know what to do. She woke up and told me to get in. When I woke up in the morning she had shifted rooms and beds and conditions tinted to ignore me. This is one time that I actually cried loads because I sat there waiting for her to wake up, not realising what time it was and not wanting to leave the room or bother her but in the morning she continued to ignkre.
I don’t have time for tit for tat.
I swear there’s a bus that takes me straight to work and have mentioned this to her that I wouldn’t care it I had to go on that.