Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
It's merely an equal and opposite reaction to some girls' attitude. What else do you expect guys to say when girls keep talking about how the guys' parents can never compare to their own. That might be the truth but it doesn't mean one must not make effort to treat them as their own.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Ashy, you and your brother could both share the responsibility of looking after your mum..
It might be 'tradition' that the son is expected to do everything but why place so much constant/long-term pressure on one person who also has his future family to look after and household to run when that stress and hassle could be halved if you both did your bit..
She could live with your brother + his future wife for a while then live with you and ur future husband..
Deeba I am sorry but i don't like the idea of being here and there for time being. If wife is Islamically using her rights.. then where in Islam is it mention that mother is not responsibility of her son. Wife should understand that her MIL needs her son and she should give him chance to earn some place in Jannah by taking care of his mon. What if your children taking turns on you... is week yahan us week wahan ..............................
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Ping Pong Ball...
but if the wife of brother exercises her islamic right......should she live with the daughter?? and if the daughter's husband also exercises islamic right?? then??
Every 6 months to a year or so is hardly ping pong ball and that way the hard work is shared equally..
I don't think the average wife would complain about having the MIL in her home if they know the other sibling is also going to help, imo they mostly can't handle living in their inlaws home cos of the lack of privacy etc.. Girls seem to kick up a fuss when they're literally having to live out of one bedroom in the inlaws house, doing most if not all the cleaning etc and reckon they are going to be stuck like that for a looooong time...
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Ping Pong Ball...
but if the wife of brother exercises her islamic right......should she live with the daughter?? and if the daughter's husband also exercises islamic right not to support her family?? then??
Thats what I meant. If all the spouses of our parents children exercise their Islamic rights, what will be the future of our single parents? Or for that matter both the parents who will be retired by that age?
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Thats what I meant. If all the spouses of our parents children exercise their Islamic rights, what will be the future of our single parents? Or for that matter both the parents who will be retired by that age?
Ask the lady above you :D
Re: Seriously…this whole supporting the parents business!
Deeba wht if they has sent you here and there for six months when you were kid so that you wouldn’t have been a burden on your parents 
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
The wife will eventually become a mother and become old. She should be able to do the math on that one.
I can't speak for other men, but I would have no problem supporting my wife's parents if they had no sons.
I don't know what my husband will do? Thanks God i have best brothers-in-law but they have their families to support. So i am little scared what type of man i will get and how much he takes my parents responsibility in case they need me (Allah na kary). Right now its a big question mark for me.
But i won't depend on my husband income... I will definitely do everything for my parents in case they need financial support i just expect moral support from my husband and understanding.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Hmm, I don't think it's wrong if the parents move back and forth. I figure this way they can maintain their relationship with all their kids and be involved in their grand kids as well. I suppose on the flip side, they may feel they no longer have a home if they're constantly being shuffled like the seasons.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Ask the lady above you :D
If you give out love + respect to your sons and DILs imo you get love + respect back - usually..
Regarding the Islamic rights issue despite what our culture says** it's actually all the kids' responsibility to look after their parents, not just the sons..
**Imo if daughters also did their bit in looking after parents it would take away a lot of the resentment that the DIL might feel if she is being made to do too much work.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Hmm, I don't think it's wrong if the parents move back and forth. I figure this way they can maintain their relationship with all their kids and be involved in their grand kids as well. I suppose on the flip side, they may feel they no longer have a home if they're constantly being shuffled like the seasons.
My grandad does this and he loves it because it means he really gets quality time to spend with all his grandkids and he is not 'stuck' in one place feeling as tho he is a burden (not that anyone has ever given him that idea anyway lol)..
As long as he/she isn't being moved around too often I don't see what the problem is.. Many months to a year in one place then moving to another familiar environment where another child is living isn't a big deal imo and keeps the level of collective family stress down..
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Ask the lady above you :D
Deeba has her own views. My views are shaped by the situation and experiences I have been going through and see myself go through in the future. Women not so keen on their husbands supporting their parents and families should just show some understanding. We also tend to spend on charity (its a shame to think like that but I am just trying to explain). Why would we make it such a big deal if our husbands spend on their parents?
Its only husbands/ guys who need to act strong in this matter and take along wife well so that the wives cooperate with them in this issue.
May be we can work out a solution. Daughters can do the khidmat part for the parents and sons can keep the parents with them with both daughters and sons sharing the financial responsibilities of the parents. There must be some workable solution for the problem.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
My grandad does this and he loves it because it means he really gets quality time to spend with all his grandkids and he is not 'stuck' in one place feeling as tho he is a burden (not that anyone has ever given him that idea anyway lol)..
As long as he/she isn't being moved around too often I don't see what the problem is.. Many months to a year in one place then moving to another familiar environment where another child is living isn't a big deal imo and keeps the level of collective family stress down..
Deeba sometimes its not possible. What if there are only two children with one child living in say USA and the parent is unable to travel alot? Daughters are usually more likely to be doing khidmat willingly as compared to DILs. But I just expect DILs to at least keep the parents in their house and 'allow' the husband to financially support them with most of the khidmat being done by daughters. Wives can make an issue definitely if the husband starts spending unnecessary huge amounts on parents. But we women should have enough bardasht to allow BASIC needs fulfilment of parents even if we have a sacrifice a bit (like cutting down on five star dining etc.)
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
If you give out love + respect to your sons and DILs imo you get love + respect back - usually..
Regarding the Islamic rights issue despite what our culture says** it's actually all the kids' responsibility to look after their parents, not just the sons..
**Imo if daughters also did their bit in looking after parents it would take away a lot of the resentment that the DIL might feel if she is being made to do too much work.
Beshak daughters should take care of their mother but if mother doesn't need any special support except financial and house to live.... why daughter in law DOES NOT keep her in her OWN son house?
My grandmother used to live with my mamoo when she got ill and paralyzed, my mother and other khalas went there and took care of my grandmother with my Momani. Alhamdulillah my Momani was taking care of her very well all alone as well but my mother and other khalas felt their responsibility to take care of her. So with mutual understanding my grandmother got all the attention at my mamoo's place from her children. So in this type of cases yes daughters should be there as well but in cases where mother is healthy but need a house son should keep her with him.
Re: Seriously…this whole supporting the parents business!
:k:
Haathon se khidmat daughters’ responsibility and financial and shelter can be sons responsibility. That will be a workable solution. And this should be a chain.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
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Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
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Re: Seriously…this whole supporting the parents business!
Yup Ashy but some people here are not going to give permanent shelter to their MIL 
. I wonder where are we going?
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
I just want to let people here know that sons have a responsibility towards their parents and wives should understand this. My mom is not the type asking for unnecessary money. She would even hide her need for medicines from her DIL just to keep her happy. It will be DEFINITELY on my brother to make sure my mom is supported and it will be upto him how he will manage his wife. Communication and understanding will be the key techniques. My mom will be my brother's responsibility but he will be under his wife's influence and he will have the responsibility to balance his mom and wife.
Ashy, the idea behind the thread is not that MIL should not be considered. Parents should always come first...BUT...you need to keep a balance between wife and mother. If you cannot do that, its best you not marry because it ruins someone else's life. Being a good child doesnt mean you become a bad wife or husband.
One more thing I'd like to point out here is that your mother is not your brother's responsibility only. She is also your mother and you are equally in charge of everything concerning her. She should not be treated as if she is your brother's and his wife's problem because you're going to get married and nothing more is required of you.
Nowhere in Islam does religion distinguish between a son's and a daughter's responsibility towards their parents. Its the same all across the board. Before you implore your SIL to please be a good DIL and take care of your mother...you should remember that you are the child she gave birth to and you owe her your life.
funny rant..
usually the guy just means he isn't going to go out of his way to pamper the prissy princess wife at the cost of neglecting his parents' welfare. no need for the drama and theatricals.. calm down, no one is selling the wife's kidney to buy his dad a porshe..
If this was your total contribution to this thread...you could have easily just not troubled yourself.
actually I know a guy like such .. very decent looking and very well paid job. I tried to arrange him for someone as he once asked, but then a week later called me and said that he talked to his mom and she said that he has too many responsibilities to fulfill namely getting his sister married and taking care of the widow mom.
guy is now almost 40 years old now. I really felt bad for him as I could sense from his voice that he was angry at his mother for being so selfish.
TLK...if he had gotten married...would that have made him a happy man? Judging from what you're telling us, he is influenced by his mother heavily. Would he have been able to have a family if his mother was able to make him stay single and never marry?
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
My grandad does this and he loves it because it means he really gets quality time to spend with all his grandkids and he is not 'stuck' in one place feeling as tho he is a burden (not that anyone has ever given him that idea anyway lol)..
As long as he/she isn't being moved around too often I don't see what the problem is.. Many months to a year in one place then moving to another familiar environment where another child is living isn't a big deal imo and keeps the level of collective family stress down..
My grandma does the same, she has a bedroom in every one of her childrens houses. When my grandad passed all her children (sons and daughters) fought to have her live with them but she just stays with them all for a few months at a time. Shes like a popstar on tour.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
OH and by no means am I saying that wives are allowed to be unreasonable have their husbands pay for luxuries while his parents starve. They are not and its cruel to emotionally blackmail your husband in that manner.
I just think we lack balance when it comes to these particular relationships.