Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
As long as the wife isnt cutting coupons whilst mian jis's behen bhai are getting throughly spoiled by luxurious stuff that he financed, its all good.
Balance is the key.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
We should send all un-married desi men to a special university so they can learn all these etiquettes of marrying a desi girl. So desi girls can teach them all about how to treat their parents and future wife. If they dont pass the criteria; send these men to nut houses.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Parents comes first whether they are mine or his
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
I just don't understand why some girls keep on comparing themselves with husband's parents. I dont know why they want to create and environment of "I" vs "them". They should understand that equation is I **and* them* and not I **or* them*.
There is nothing wrong in being "obsessed with being there for their parents".
When will girls understand that supporting parents SHOULD BE guys first priority (if they need a support) than buying iPhone or that "oh so pretty ear-rings" for wife and if this means I am not fulfilling my wife's "needs" then be it!
and finally, supporting parents DOES NOT MEAN ignoring wife....
Well Said.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
All this discussion has left me thinking about the possible future of my widow mom. When her daughters will be married off, and her ONLY son will be married, there is a possibility that her wife won't like to stay with my mom and we can't force her and my brother to keep my mom with them (Islamically, her wife will have a right to live separately).
Even if the daughters support my mother (with our husbands consent using our/ our husbands income), we know all desi moms think that its son's duty to support the parents rather than daughters responsibility. They don't even like staying with daughters for longer periods of time.
I can just hope for the best that my SIL has enough Allah ka khauf that she keeps my widow mom with her but from what I learn here on GS that we cannot just force her to do so. She can decide to stay away from my mom at any point and she will be right Islamically. It will be upto my brother to be careful when choosing his life partner but there is no guarantee that his wife will continue to stay with my mom for life. My mom will need medical care and expenses because she has no source of income. Desi parents are willing to accept care and khidmat from daughters but for financial support/ living together, they look to their sons. How can we be so insensitive to our parents needs?
Re: Seriously…this whole supporting the parents business!
Bhai G…yes…i also had that question in mind…
girls why don’t you understand that??
Hmm…whats wrong with you ashy? like seriously??
BTW…your mother has only your brother…and your SIL exercises her islamic right…what is he supposed to do then?? Ask your friends here and let me know too…
Re: Seriously…this whole supporting the parents business!
I am talking about my future SIL agreeing to keep my mom (even though my brother will be giving her monthly expenses, my mom will need shelter and moms stay with their sons in our society).
I am just thinking about the worst case scenario (Allah na karay but from all the discussion happening on GS these days, I can’t stop myself from thinking about this). My future SIL asks my brother to just give my mom monthly expenses and she does not want her to stay with them. No one in the earth can force her. Of course we can convince her. But it will her right to live separately. And most of the guppans here say that husbands should be listening to their wives. Urrrgggg… Negative thinking 
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Of course we can convince her. But it will her right to live separately.
ya..so what would you suggest your brother to do in that case??
Old home??
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
ya..so what would you suggest your brother to do in that case??
Old home??
Mujh se tau jootay khai ga agar aisa karay ga tau. But what I gather from the views and opinions of majority of people here on GS, we cannot even force him and his wife. Of course, whatever tarbiat has mom provided to my brother, he will hopefully NOT be doing anything like that.
I just want to let people here know that sons have a responsibility towards their parents and wives should understand this. My mom is not the type asking for unnecessary money. She would even hide her need for medicines from her DIL just to keep her happy. It will be DEFINITELY on my brother to make sure my mom is supported and it will be upto him how he will manage his wife. Communication and understanding will be the key techniques. My mom will be my brother's responsibility but he will be under his wife's influence and he will have the responsibility to balance his mom and wife.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Mujh se tau jootay khai ga agar aisa karay ga tau.
So what should he do if his wife exercises her right.....that she doesn't want to live his mother......as you said....he can't force her...its her islamic right.........what solution do u suggest??
Re: Seriously…this whole supporting the parents business!
I have the same dilemma. My mom is a single parent and the thought of abandoning her scares me. In my line of work I am constantly visiting clients and one of our clients happens to be a nursing home/seniors residence. Every time I visit them I come back thinking I need to stop aging. The people living there just sit on their wheel chairs and stare into nothing but thin air all day long.
Getting married and raising your family is definitely a part of life but the concept that the couples life, desires, wants, supercede everyone else doesn’t jive well with me. Heck, I would think that my SO parents would be an equal part of my family circle as well and I would prefer to spend time with them just as much as I would with my family.
I once read an article that the concept of grand mothers also exists in whales. They have apparently evolved to realize that the grand mother can stick around and help raise the calf (baby whale).
EDIT: Link to BBC Article: Whales and humans linked by ‘helpful grandmothers’
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
funny rant..
usually the guy just means he isn't going to go out of his way to pamper the prissy princess wife at the cost of neglecting his parents' welfare. no need for the drama and theatricals.. calm down, no one is selling the wife's kidney to buy his dad a porshe..
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
funny rant..
which rant you talking about?? the OP??
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
I am talking about my future SIL agreeing to keep my mom (even though my brother will be giving her monthly expenses, my mom will need shelter and moms stay with their sons in our society).
I am just thinking about the worst case scenario (Allah na karay but from all the discussion happening on GS these days, I can't stop myself from thinking about this). My future SIL asks my brother to just give my mom monthly expenses and she does not want her to stay with them. No one in the earth can force her. Of course we can convince her. But it will her right to live separately. And most of the guppans here say that husbands should be listening to their wives. Urrrgggg... Negative thinking :(
First of all Ashy... dont think so negatively. If you read all the views here, noone has denied the parents rights here. They all are saying that if husband parents are well off and he is spending all his money on his parents and siblings luxuries then it is wrong. Otherwise they all said they OK if parents are dependent on son. Why you are thinking that SIL is some EVIL witch.
Remember if your brother leave your mother alone to please his wife .. he will has to be answerable in front of Allah.. because parents k haqooq bhi kuch hoty hain. You can not leave them alone.
But your case gives me another thought about my parents. As we are only three sister.. what will my parents do after my marriage. Thanks to Allah they are not dependent on others... my father is still working (May Allah gives them healthy life so that they won't be dependent on others), but still i think about them specially when one of them will die (God Forbade)...... how will the other one survive.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
which rant you talking about?? the OP??
yup.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
I have the same dilemma. My mom is a single parent and the thought of abandoning her scares me. In my line of work I am constantly visiting clients and one of our clients happens to be a nursing home/seniors residence. Every time I visit them I come back thinking I need to stop aging. The people living there just sit on their wheel chairs and stare into nothing but thin air all day long.
What I conclude is that its the husbands responsibility to financially support the parents and balance with mom and wife. But wives can make the lives of their husbands a bit easy if they are understanding of the situation of their husbands. After all, they also have parents and they also would like their brothers to support them. If we just put ourselves in others shoes, life would be a bit simple.
First of all Ashy... dont think so negatively. If you read all the views here, noone has denied the parents rights here. They all are saying that if husband parents are well off and he is spending all his money on his parents and siblings luxuries then it is wrong. Otherwise they all said they OK if parents are dependent on son. Why you are thinking that SIL is some EVIL witch.
Remember if your brother leave your mother alone to please his wife .. he will has to be answerable in front of Allah.. because parents k haqooq bhi kuch hoty hain. You can not leave them alone.
But your case gives me another thought about my parents. As we are only three sister.. what will my parents do after my marriage. Thanks to Allah they are not dependent on others... my father is still working (May Allah gives them healthy life so that they won't be dependent on others), but still i think about them specially when one of them will die (God Forbade)...... how will the other one survive.
Yaar I said I talked about the worst case scenario. Allah na karay aisa kuch ho. But what if it happens. I again repeat, the husbands should be able to balance their responsibilities but wives should be supportive and understanding because they are the life partners.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
The wife will eventually become a mother and become old. She should be able to do the math on that one.
I can't speak for other men, but I would have no problem supporting my wife's parents if they had no sons.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Ashy, you and your brother could both share the responsibility of looking after your mum..
It might be 'tradition' that the son is expected to do everything but why place so much constant/long-term pressure on one person who also has his future family to look after and household to run when that stress and hassle could be halved if you both did your bit..
She could live with your brother + his future wife for a while then live with you and ur future husband..
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
- his future wife for a while then live with you and ur future husband..
Ping Pong Ball...
but if the wife of brother exercises her islamic right......should she live with the daughter?? and if the daughter's husband also exercises islamic right not to support her family?? then??
Re: Seriously…this whole supporting the parents business!
actually I know a guy like such .. very decent looking and very well paid job. I tried to arrange him for someone as he once asked, but then a week later called me and said that he talked to his mom and she said that he has too many responsibilities to fulfill namely getting his sister married and taking care of the widow mom.
guy is now almost 40 years old now. I really felt bad for him as I could sense from his voice that he was angry at his mother for being so selfish.