Some men are so obsessed with being there for their parents…yet they choose to get married.
Why bring someone into a nut house where they are constantly having to fight for basic rights?
When you have every intention of putting your wife in her place by telling her in no uncertain terms that she doesnt come first in your life…dont get married.
Just dont do it. Dont sign the papers and dont date any girl that wants to get married.
I dont understand why some people think being good to their parents means being bad to someone else?
Will that be their excuse when they’re questioned about how responsible they were towards their wives and children?
Being there for your parents does NOT excuse someone (man or woman) from being there for your spouse.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Yes my primary concern is supporting my parents. They have supported me since birth, and whatever I am today it is because of their unconditional love and support. Now what a lot of ladies don't seem to realize is that supporting my parents being my primary concern does not mean I am going to lock my wife up in the basement and feed her sewer rats. It means that I will apportion my income in a way that I can keep my household running as well as financially support my parents when needed. How many cases have you come across where women have been denied their basic rights by her husband who is paying for his parents or siblings' luxuries? Don't quote some souped up life1 thread, or one of those Star Plus soaps for that matter. I have seen quite many cases where women get bent out of shape if the husband financially supports his family, even for very proper and legit reason. If my parents are in some financial difficulty, she is going to have to postpone a vacation. And I would expect her to be supportive of that. Having said that, if her parents are in a financial difficulty, it is again my responsibility to support them if her brothers can't or won't.
Re: Seriously…this whole supporting the parents business!
Man…don’t bother explainin…seriously…
Ladies…please post your respective spousal abuse stories related to the husband and his family…preferrably keept it relevant to the finances only…thank you..
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
I was wondering as well if there are unmarried sisters or brothers relying on him and in their late teens or older why don't they just go out and work?? Pride? Laziness? Even just part-time work like tutoring means other siblings can contribute to the household if the family is short of money. Seems ridiculous to rely so heavily on** one person who has another household to run..**
I would never expect a brother to pay my way after marriage. Why don't ppl learn to be more self-sufficient instead of using their relatives as some sort of financial crutch.. (am not talking about those who have no other choice and for some reason can't work)
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Thats all I wanted to hear Jay...
Being there for mommy and daddy does not mean you have to necessarily NOT be there for wife...and vice versa.
I dont think I would marry a man who didnt care for his parents because if you dont care for the people that put you on this planet then I dont stand a chance. However, if you dont have the maturity to be just and fair to both parties...its not a good idea to be married at all.
And Im not talking about only Life1 threads where men go all up in arms when we dare talk about their parents...Im talking about some real life examples I have seen of men ACTUALLY saying "what will I tell Allah swt when He asks me if I was there for my mother" in response to why he hid his income from his wife and kept it between him and his mother. Wife was expected to shut up and stay out of their business and THAT is being a good son according to some men who are still roaming the earth and havent been run over by my lawn mower.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Now what a lot of ladies don't seem to realize is that supporting my parents being my primary concern does not mean I am going to lock my wife up in the basement and feed her sewer rats
See that's the thing--most women do not have a problem with this as long as they know the dude is doing his best to create a balance.
What most women DO have problems with is when it turns into that situation (not literally of course but you know what i mean...where the dude can't keep a balance and his own wife/kids suffer.
You really don't think that that situation ever happens? where the guy doesn't care about his own wife and kids but his own relatives have to be living like kings?
There were men who posted the very same stuff, that a man has to keep balance, I don't see anybody bashing them over it...its only the women who are getting bashed. surprise surprise
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Being there for mommy and daddy does not mean you have to necessarily NOT be there for wife...and vice versa.
The problem is that...'not being there for wife' encompasses everything against her will or whims.......
If a guy is supporting his parents/family.......it does NOT mean that he is not being there for the wife......this part is very difficult for the 'lot here' to understand i know..
Beejamalo bannay ke liye koi aur thread nahin mila aaj?
I care for the time and energy of my brotherman......thats why i make sure he knows......
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Thats all I wanted to hear Jay...
Being there for mommy and daddy does not mean you have to necessarily NOT be there for wife...and vice versa.
I dont think I would marry a man who didnt care for his parents because if you dont care for the people that put you on this planet then I dont stand a chance. However, if you dont have the maturity to be just and fair to both parties...its not a good idea to be married at all.
And Im not talking about only Life1 threads where men go all up in arms when we dare talk about their parents...Im talking about some real life examples I have seen of men ACTUALLY saying "what will I tell Allah swt when He asks me if I was there for my mother" in response to why he hid his income from his wife and kept it between him and his mother. Wife was expected to shut up and stay out of their business and THAT is being a good son according to some men who are still roaming the earth and havent been run over by my lawn mower.
Well yeah, thats another extreme. I don't approve of that, but that definitely is not the majority. The blind generalization by our sistah feministahs is what pisses me off. Your parents being your priority doesn't automatically mean you are going to be a piss-mop of a husband.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
The problem is that...'not being there for wife' encompasses everything against her will or whims.......
If a guy is supporting his parents/family.......it does NOT mean that he is not being there for the wife......this part is very difficult for the 'lot here' to understand i know..
No, I think you have it reversed. Case in point your own thread and some people posting in there.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Well yeah, thats another extreme. I don't approve of that, but that definitely is not the majority. The blind generalization by our sistah feministahs is what pisses me off. Your parents being your priority doesn't automatically mean you are going to be a piss-mop of a husband.
Parents should be your priority but your spouse should be your priority too right. Can't it go hand in hand? Why do people have this constant need to create a hierarchy of such precious relationships.
Your points are valid and I can't imagine me or my husband not supporting our parents. But it leaves a bad taste in one's mouth when one claims "my parents are my priority or my primary responsibility and you come second." Why can't they all be at the same level? It's like saying I love one child more than the other....parental and marital relationships are both such precious relationships and should be given their due equal importance.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
My prince charming is supposed to be a family-oriented man. Mr. Majazi Khuda can go to hell if he doesn't believe in this hierarchy: Allah taala, then parents, then spouse, then kids, then everything else.
If he has to give more to his family (parents and siblings) so be it. Mere haath nahin tootay, I can fend for myself. Allah ka shukar karna chahiye k we (most girls on this forum) are the privileged ones who received good education, live in "free" countries, and have a bright future ahead. It's 2011, women can and do earn more than men, so why should we be afraid of how he manages his finances?
I don't understand this fear of women. After marriage, you and your husband are one. Your home is one. I cannot see how my dad wouldn't give my mom enough money to run the household properly because it is his very own household too. If mum's in trouble, so is he and his household! So I don't get this fear. No sane man would neglect his household, his wife, his kids OR his parents for that matter. This thread speaks of very rare and extreme cases.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
I just don't understand why some girls keep on comparing themselves with husband's parents. I dont know why they want to create and environment of "I" vs "them". They should understand that equation is I **and* them* and not I **or* them*.
There is nothing wrong in being "obsessed with being there for their parents".
When will girls understand that supporting parents SHOULD BE guys first priority (if they need a support) than buying iPhone or that "oh so pretty ear-rings" for wife and if this means I am not fulfilling my wife's "needs" then be it!
and finally, supporting parents DOES NOT MEAN ignoring wife....
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Parents should be your priority but your spouse should be your priority too right. Can't it go hand in hand? Why do people have this constant need to create a hierarchy of such precious relationships.
.
Exactly. Most of the times in life there is absolutely no need for this hierarchy. That's why I said this thread speaks of very rare cases where one might be foced to prioritise these relationships or where one might neglect family members.
