Re: secret second marriage
Quite right. Not only that but most 2nd, 3rd, or 4th marriages are not for the humanitarian reasons that polygamy was originally intended for, such as war widows. Interesting that most 2nd wives these days are almost always women who have never been married and are much younger than the first wife. 
Re: secret second marriage
The way the middle eastern culture is, where for a woman to go even to the market she needs to be with a mehram male, polygamy becomes a need of the society. I know multiple Arab ladies who are totally ok with the concept of their hubby bringing in another wife. They are raised with that mindset, so it's ok for them.
And this is the kind of thing that makes me laugh and cry at the same time. You know why? This system is in place to protect women from prying eyes but they end up being taken for a ride anyway by entering into marriages with men who are already married. It's probably the same type of men that these women are probably seeking protection from.
Re: secret second marriage
wow you hit the nail right on the head:biggthumb:
if it weren’t for this man-made issue of ‘protection’ women would be much more free.
Re: secret second marriage
I'd like to add that polygamy in the Middle East is not as common as people tend to think. It does happen but it is mainly among the older generation. Among the younger generation, it is definitely not so common to the point where wives happily welcome another woman into their families.
I've spent quite a bit of time in Dubai over the years and from what I've heard from two childhood friends of mine, it's actually rare among our generation (born in the 90s) for the reasons people have already mentioned on here: it is not needed for security in an age where many women are self sufficient and can provide for themselves. In addition to that, the cost of living is extremely high and as they don't do joint families, a man must be able to independently provide for his wife and children and given the high cost of living, even providing for one family is no small feat.
Re: secret second marriage
Polygamy causes too much hurt, period. It should be illegal globally and only allowed through court in cases where it is absolutely needed. There are only very few cases where a woman finds protection in 2nd, 3rd, or 4th marriage. Usually these places treat women like livestock. They are better off being someone's pet than livestock. None of this polygamy crap applies to GS women so I highly doubt they would be any less hurt knowing that the other woman holds a lower status than them.
But isn't that what u said, an affair wud be less hurtful than marriage.
Re: secret second marriage
^Didn't you read my response to that?
Here it is again for you:
[QUOTE]
"It is because not only does it imply that he had an extramarital affair he actually went ahead and made it official. I may be able to understand secret affairs as this is human nature and believe it or not we are polygamous by nature. Everyone slips here and there! This holds true for both men and women. I will not understand his secret 2nd marriage because that would mean he did not respect me as a partner to confront me about our issues. It would mean he gave our relationship no chance at all and instead of telling me before going ahead with the "secret" marriage, he kept me around as his backup plan. No one likes that! It's too big of an insult to get over."
[/QUOTE]
Re: secret second marriage
Yeah I read it theorist, but I could not understand Ur perspective. May be it's a different way I think or men think.
I mean dont don't all the things u said also imply, in case of an affair? That is not discussing any problems in marriage, not giving relationship a chance, keeping wife as back up while doing the things with mistress? The only thing I thought different was giving the second woman an official status, which I can understand from an individual wife's perspective but not in terms of the act itself.
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i think men should try to put themselves in that woman's shoes. how would men feel if their wife secretly married another man at the same time?
Re: secret second marriage
^ well said, Bella! we don't feel how the other partner may be feeling and that's one of the main reasons of the deterioration in a relationship. we are kinda selfish/insensitive.
Re: secret second marriage
I think men will feel equally bad whether their wife had a secret affair or secret second marriage.
Re: secret second marriage
Yeah I read it theorist, but I could not understand Ur perspective. May be it's a different way I think or men think.
I mean dont don't all the things u said also imply, in case of an affair? That is not discussing any problems in marriage, not giving relationship a chance, keeping wife as back up while doing the things with mistress? The only thing I thought different was giving the second woman an official status, which I can understand from an individual wife's perspective but not in terms of the act itself.
Let me put it in simpler words then: a marriage is harder to break than an affair. An affair is between two people but a marriage involves court. It solidifies commitment. This means individuals entering into a secret marriage know they can't just walk away from each other without harsher consequences. In essence, they have thought about it long and hard and went through with their plans with no regards for the first partner.
I don't understand this rampant mentality on GS that if I speak for women I must be against men. NO! I agree that it would hurt men just as much if not more. You may disagree but I actually think infidelity hurts men more because nothing else could hurt a man's ego/manhood like knowing he couldn't satisfy his wife.
Re: secret second marriage
No I don't imply that you are against men, what I meant was men and women think differently. And I agree it would hurt men more bcoz men are territorial. And I did say b4, that I understand from an individual wife's perspective that marriage is worse bcoz now the second woman has a status equal to first but in terms of acting out or thinking about and betrayal, I don't think the two are different. However, I do think most women seem to agree with you here, I wud like to know how men think about the two situations.
Re: secret second marriage
No I don't imply that you are against men, what I meant was men and women think differently. And I agree it would hurt men more bcoz men are territorial. And I did say b4, that I understand from an individual wife's perspective that marriage is worse bcoz now the second woman has a status equal to first but in terms of acting out or thinking about and betrayal, I don't think the two are different. However, I do think most women seem to agree with you here, I wud like to know how men think about the two situations.
Exactly! and I would like to know too how men would feel if the tables were turned.
Re: secret second marriage
Polygamy causes too much hurt, period. It should be illegal globally and only allowed through court in cases where it is absolutely needed. There are only very few cases where a woman finds protection in 2nd, 3rd, or 4th marriage. Usually these places treat women like livestock. They are better off being someone's pet than livestock. None of this polygamy crap applies to GS women so I highly doubt they would be any less hurt knowing that the other woman holds a lower status than them.
Polygamy causes too much hurt but still u cant really advocate to make something illlegal or a crime which is alloewed by the religion. There is a hikmat behind every permissible n non permissable thing so how can we with our limited perspective advocate changes to this. And even where poygamy is illegal men over there do satiate thier appetite by keeping extra marital affairs..
I am mysrlf not at all in support of men taking second wife just cuz he gets attracted or fell in love wid her but i cant denounce da rules of islam regarding this either.
Re: secret second marriage
Polygamy causes too much hurt but still u cant really advocate to make something illlegal or a crime which is alloewed by the religion. There is a hikmat behind every permissible n non permissable thing so how can we with our limited perspective advocate changes to this. And even where poygamy is illegal men over there do satiate thier appetite by keeping extra marital affairs.. I am mysrlf not at all in support of men taking second wife just cuz he gets attracted or fell in love wid her but i cant denounce da rules of islam regarding this either.
Barking up the wrong tree, pal. I am not religious. Something that hurts this bad and breaks families apart should be made illegal. Secret marriages do not resolve issues of extra marital affairs. That's like saying my chai has too much Cheeni so I will add some namak to make it better. It doesn't make chai any less sweeter, does it? It renders the chai undrinkable.
^ Maybe not polygamy, but secret marriage should be banned for sure. As I said earlier, there us not even a single proof we get from Islamic history that secret marriages are permissible.
Regarding polygamy, if the first wife knows and decided to still stay with the hubby, then it's a matter between them, otherwise she can always ask for divorce.
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Yes, she can but not all women can survive without a man in heartless cultures like our very own. It is so cruel to put someone through this especially if they dont deserve it. You said it yourself a woman must accompany a mehram to even go outside in the Middle East… 
Re: secret second marriage
Cheeni kum is the answer?
^ O God Mr. Naidu this Is not the Bharat Natayam, this is the Cha Cha Cha
Re: secret second marriage
Mr. Naidu
Gir mathu janaa
yahaan tumhe
Kal phir aana
Bharatanatyam