Today I was watching morning show they are discussing second marriage. There some guests who married with 2 wives.when host ask why u married he said my first dnot go with him for outing parties etc because she is busy in household chores and with kids.
Second guest said he married because his wife gain alot of wg and he told her to join gym she joined but her husband secretly married.
I don't get all this becoz I think there must be some valid reason for 2 marriage?
A 'valid' reason can be being attracted to someone.. it doesn't need to be something literally necessary..
It might be distasteful to you or me but it's allowed..
Most of the cases people are referring to on here deal with middle aged men entering second marriages. Is it possible that this could be a sort of mid-life crisis, so to speak?
Oddly enough, the only case like this I've heard about in our community, the gentleman was not middle aged (he was in his mid 20s) and it was definitely not viewed as normal or common.
The only case I’ve heard of in our community about someone entering a secret second marriage was a younger guy who’s only a couple of years old than me. Before beginning uni, he married a girl from back home at the behest of his parents (apparently, his parents are close friends with the girl’s parents and gave their word ). However, he moved out and moved to Leeds where he was attending uni a couple of days after the wedding. He went about uni and his life as if nothing had happened and has not seen the wife since (the poor girl lives with his parents). Apparently, he got “married” (though not in a civil marriage) a couple of years ago and is happily living with his wife as if the entire episode with his first marriage never happened.
To some extent, I could somewhat understand a younger guy doing something like that because of immaturity, inexperience, stupidity and the like but an older 60+ man?
If your living in the US get legally married. Even though you have her as a beneficiary, you are going to cause her multiple problems.
Tax purposes, If your filing as "married filing Jointly, currently its fraud as you know your not actually married.
Transfers of property between spouses is not taxable, if you passaway, since your not married, all the property that will be giving to her will be subject to taxes after the gift tax.
Godforbid, you in a coma, or whatever health condition, she wont have rights to your health choices (like being on lifesupport)
Thank you so much for taking the time to explain, I checked in my Canadian province, the common law partners seem to have same inheritance laws, I would love to do the legal thing but she is so much nicer now, after learning that we are only Islamaiclly married, we argue a lot about raising kids she has a hard time grasping that actions lead to outcomes, big parathas and choori with sugar and butter is not necessarily a display of affection, pampering is not loving.
My ex-sil’s uncle took a second wife for a similar reason to that you mentioned.. it wasn’t a secret though (the guy is very religious but the second wife was the one he wanted all along).. I think it usually is the younger guys doing it and often because their parents have pushed them to marry someone they wouldn’t have chosen.. Bizarre that taking a secret wife seems like a better option than saying ‘no’ and twisted that wife 1 from ‘back home’ is left at home looking after his parents whilst he’s sleeping with someone else..
^^That's interesting about common law marriage in Canada.. Over here it doesn't have any legal meaning..
Hope things get better for you..
Thank you, it is governed under Adult Independent Relationship Act, actually things are really good, just some times the eastern ways are so deeply entrenched in people, they seem to agree with you but keep repeating the behavior, my kids are athletes and athletes have to eat as athletes, the coach never refers to them as boys/girls, always as athletes, they should not eat parathas and butter. In order to improve they have to put themselves thru grueling regimens and sometimes it is hard for eastern moms to see that but this is how you grow. Saturated fats start to narrow the arteries at a very young age and they need fully open arteries to accommodate oxygen flow and also need to increase the pain threshold.
I don’t think it was all that secret in the case I mentioned either as loads of people attended his “second” wedding. It rather sounds like the only people he kept it secret from are his parents and first wife. The guy isn’t religious or anything of that sort. He simply didn’t want to get married at the time his parents pushed him to (I believe he was only 18/19 at the time) or to the girl in question and only did so to get his parents off his case.
That’s what I’ve never understood either, particularly this gentleman. So, he was man enough to move away and cut ties with his parents and marry someone else, but he wasn’t man enough to say “no” to a marriage he didn’t want in the first place? Bizarre indeed.
I have yet to come across one person I know who married a second wife in secret. In fact I'm surprised this thread has generated 4 pages of comments; must be a more common phenomenon than I imagine.
The spouse has a role, but please you and I both know of women who only go after married men so that they can feel better about themselves and since gender lines are blurring consistently on a daily basis there are many more women going out and doing whatever they want sexually.
The days that women were more docile sexually and more loyal are long gone.
Additionally it takes two to tango.** In the case a man cheats or a woman cheats there must be something lacking in the marriage right? Nobody just goes up and cheats for the hell of it**.
Most do cheat for hell of it, till they get caught.
It's almost like you guys are equating secret second marriage with extra martial affair. Are they both cheating?
I think the reason for this is that secret second marriages often start out as extra marital affairs. I find it rather unlikely that people who enter into secret second marriages go through the usual channels and do the whole family meeting bit, which people on here fondly call "the chai parade," when acquiring their second wife. It's more likely that they met someone on their own, proceeded to engage in an extramarital affair and decided to make it "official" by marrying the person.
Both would, and both would cause me to file for divorce and given the fact that I live in the US in a woman-friendly divorce state, I'd take him for every penny.
So from a woman's perspective, what would be more devastating? That her hubby is having an affair, or that he is secretly married to another woman?
Might sound bad but a second marriage would be worse for me personally because it would mean she'd probably be around forever (and the relationship has more meaning to him than a fling obviously)..
I'd probably divorce over an affair anyway but of the two situations the other is worse to me..
I think the reason for this is that secret second marriages often start out as extra marital affairs. I find it rather unlikely that people who enter into secret second marriages go through the usual channels and do the whole family meeting bit, which people on here fondly call "the chai parade," when acquiring their second wife. It's more likely that they met someone on their own, proceeded to engage in an extramarital affair and decided to make it "official" by marrying the person.
And/or possibly got her pregnant and had to quickly 'fix' the situation..
Polygamy is not to gloss over the act of cheating, or to cover up an out of marriage pregnancy. There were other justifications for it, and it's been discouraged over monogamy clearly in the Quran.
These guys you folks speak of are just greedy cheaters.
What's funny is the inherent contradiction of polygamy and adultery. In order to get to the point of performing polygamy (a second, third, fourth marriage), you probably committed a form of adultery to get there if you include eyeing some other woman while married as a form of adultery.
So how is Polygamy a more favorable choice of circumstances? It was more a mechanism to deal with harems, without causing too many women to be abandoned when men were asked to divorce their 100 wives. And a mechanism to deal with widows in an economy where women have no economic independence.
). However, he moved out and moved to Leeds where he was attending uni a couple of days after the wedding. He went about uni and his life as if nothing had happened and has not seen the wife since (the poor girl lives with his parents). Apparently, he got “married” (though not in a civil marriage) a couple of years ago and is happily living with his wife as if the entire episode with his first marriage never happened.