Something like this happened in our community. The middle-aged man lived away from wife and kids for work, so obviously they never suspected anything when he would be away for weeks. They found out because his second wife (a white lady [dont know how she agreed to be a second wife]) tagged him in pictures on Facebook when they went for their 'honeymoon'! The son had his father on Facebook, even though the man (the father) was not active on Facebook. The son then showed his mother. He doesn't think he has done anything wrong. Of course the first wife and kids are devastated. I think it would have been less harsh if he had told his first wife about marrying this other woman rather than her findin out from her son and Facebook.
I still don't understand home wrecking women. Men can look for their own lust and find nothing if a woman says no. In these cases the women actively seek out to wreck homes, destroy lives and agree to these secret marriages. These women are really special.
^ I don’t think I agree with your comment, but maybe I’m misunderstanding it. I’m in no way condoning the other woman - she’s wrong, but she’s not the one who “wrecked the home” so much as the unfaithful husband. The other woman doesn’t have any loyalty to the husband’s first family - so what do they matter to her? She does what she wants for whatever motivation. All you can hope for is that history repeats itself and she ends up being the betrayed partner - wishing karma to catch up with her.
It will always be the husband who has been disloyal and who has wrecked his own home. He was the one who owed his wife and children his loyalty. Temptations abound - resisting temptation is up to each individual.
2 people in on a crime (assuming). Blame just one.
Second Marriage - blame the guy
Pre marital Sex - blame the guy
Extra marital affair - blame the guy ('coz he is cheating on wife & bcoz he is not looking after his girl, causign the girl to have an affair)
Money Problems - blame the guy
In laws issue - blame the guy
There are plenty of men and women who wish to cheat. The ones who do actually cheat are the ones who find a woman or man to sleep with. I have two friends where their married wives cheated on them.
In this case the woman who married an already married man with the knowledge that he is married. She took the decision to wreck the home. It was a conscious decision to get involved with a married man for her own happiness at the expense of an existing marriage.
1 + 1 = 2. You need to players to destroy a marriage. One has the intent (the man) the other one has the decision to make that will she actively destroy another home for her own happiness.
^ At the risk of getting mired in semantics - the difference in my mind is as follows:
The married spouse is the one who wrecked his/her home. He/she owed their partner their loyalty. The married spouse was the one who made the commitment to their partner to be faithful and if there was a betrayal of that commitment, it was by them. If it wasn't with the this particular person, it would have been with another person because the adulterous spouse did not value their commitment to their spouse.
The "other person" (what shall we term them - mistress/gigolo?) at no point made a commitment or owed any direct loyalty to the longsuffering and now cheated-on-spouse, aside from moral and social conventions. The "other person's" transgression is a betrayal of social norms and morality, moreso than a betrayal of the cheated-on-spouse.
I'm not advocating for the "other person" in any way - they are wrong and their sin or transgression has its own conseqeunces (societal, moral, eternal damnation) - but how can one person be responsible for another's fidelity? The other person can be the temptation, actively pursuing a married individual or allowing themselves to be pursued by a married man/woman and that is wrong at every level - but its up to the married partner to remain faithful or to cheat.
^It's very strange to blame a stranger to be responsible for your partner being unfaithful.. If the intent is there and it wasn't her it could just as easily have been someone else..
This 'tempting' argument is ridiculous to me.. and funnily enough when it's the wife doing the cheating she isn't blamed **less **for being tempted the way the husband is here..
People are responsible for their own actions.. they have free will to choose what to do..
That is not what I am saying. I am not attributing more or less blame. At no point have I said anybody was more or worse. I just find it amazing that even after a woman has slept with a husband, the woman gets off scot free.
I guess feminism has played its part. Men are to blame for everything always.
That is not what I am saying. I am not attributing more or less blame. At no point have I said anybody was more or worse. I just find it amazing that even after a woman has slept with a husband, the woman gets off scot free.
I guess feminism has played its part. Men are to blame for everything always.
Now you've disappointed me - I expected better from you. I didn't make this a man versus woman issue, that *naik kaam *was someone else's.
In my mind this about a spouse owing his or her loyalty to their spouse and being responsible for the success or failure of their own relationship.
The spouse has a role, but please you and I both know of women who only go after married men so that they can feel better about themselves and since gender lines are blurring consistently on a daily basis there are many more women going out and doing whatever they want sexually.
The days that women were more docile sexually and more loyal are long gone.
Additionally it takes two to tango. In the case a man cheats or a woman cheats there must be something lacking in the marriage right? Nobody just goes up and cheats for the hell of it.
Additionally it takes two to tango. In the case a man cheats or a woman cheats there must be something lacking in the marriage right? Nobody just goes up and cheats for the hell of it.
Sure, something is probably lacking in the marriage, but are we getting into a who is to blame more competition? The cheater or the cheated-on-spouse who did something to push their husband/wife into the arms of another person? And what of those marriages where the husband or wife is a good spouse and the blame can be laid on the loose character of the philandering spouse - some people are not capable of monagamy and you can't blame the cheated-on husband/wife for the cheating partners character flaw.
Here's the thing - where the marriage isn't working for the husband or the wife - then end it!!! Cut ties and thengo out looking for another relationship. There is never going to be an excuse for cheating while remaining in a relationship. While he or she is married, the spouse owe their loyalty and their effort to working on the marriage. If the marriage is unhappy because of the other partner, then either resolve the issues or divorce the partner.
Only after the marriage is over should another relationship be considered. Cheating while married is trying to enjoy the best of both worlds - being a happily married family man/woman and then having the other relationship on the side - the only person whose interests are served are the married partners - not the cheated-on-spouse or the mistress/gigolo.
And for those mistresses or gigolos who pursue married partners - no one is calling them innocent or a victim. They've chosen this path for themselves and hopefully karma's gonna get them in its own way.
Sure, something is probably lacking in the marriage, but are we getting into a who is to blame more competition? The cheater or the cheated-on-spouse who did something to push their husband/wife into the arms of another person? And what of those marriages where the husband or wife is a good spouse and the blame can be laid on the loose character of the philandering spouse - some people are not capable of monagamy and you can't blame the cheated-on husband/wife for the cheating partners character flaw.
Here's the thing - where the marriage isn't working for the husband or the wife - then end it!!! Cut ties and thengo out looking for another relationship. There is never going to be an excuse for cheating while remaining in a relationship. While he or she is married, the spouse owe their loyalty and their effort to working on the marriage. If the marriage is unhappy because of the other partner, then either resolve the issues or divorce the partner.
Only after the marriage is over should another relationship be considered. Cheating while married is trying to enjoy the best of both worlds - being a happily married family man/woman and then having the other relationship on the side - the only person whose interests are served are the married partners - not the cheated-on-spouse or the mistress/gigolo.
And for those mistresses or gigolos who pursue married partners - no one is calling them innocent or a victim. They've chosen this path for themselves and hopefully karma's gonna get them in its own way.
Again you and I don't disagree on anything. Having a good friend who is a constant womanizer trust me the cheating spouse is never truly happy. They are just ****ed up in the head.
My entire point was not the subject matter at hand but the nature of comments provided by individuals. Everybody blames one gender consistently.
Today I was watching morning show they are discussing second marriage. There some guests who married with 2 wives.when host ask why u married he said my first dnot go with him for outing parties etc because she is busy in household chores and with kids.
Second guest said he married because his wife gain alot of wg and he told her to join gym she joined but her husband secretly married.
I don't get all this becoz I think there must be some valid reason for 2 marriage?
If we can identify the circumstances under which second marriage happened then it's easy to figure out the responsible party.
If the man is actively seeking out a second wife then he will find one, I can guarantee you that. But in that case he should get the blame.
If a woman is out there on a mission to win a man over another woman like a trophy, just to prove that she has what it takes, then she will find one no matter what. In such case, this woman is the home wrecker.
If both the woman and the married guy are acquainted, and he is using her companionship to open up how miserable his married life is, or she is telling him her dukh bhari story, and sympathies turned into feelings and feelings into love, and they both decided to get married, then both need to be blamed.
Surprisingly, I have seen more of the third kinds then first two.
Again you and I don't disagree on anything. Having a good friend who is a constant womanizer trust me the cheating spouse is never truly happy. They are just ****ed up in the head.
My entire point was not the subject matter at hand but the nature of comments provided by individuals. Everybody blames one gender consistently.
^ I don't. I don't allocate "blame" according to gender, I blame according to culpability, but culpability is determined through the lens of one's own experience. And more than that, who am I to blame? I have an opinion and I state it.
But what I've noticed of late is that even when an even-handed response is provided - no one focusses on those responses, it's the few outliers that are held up as the standard. And agree or disagree with the outliers, the outliers are responding based on the lens of their own experiences.
Anyhow, I've stated my own opinion and I'm not looking for approval of my opinion, since its my own. I think I've beaten this topic to death - so the less said by me, the better.
Again you and I don't disagree on anything. Having a good friend who is a constant womanizer trust me the cheating spouse is never truly happy. They are just ****ed up in the head.
My entire point was not the subject matter at hand but the nature of comments provided by individuals. Everybody blames one gender consistently.
Er there are plenty of threads where the dil or wife is told she's in the wrong..
I don’t think I agree with your comment, but maybe I’m misunderstanding it. I’m in no way condoning the other woman - she’s wrong, but she’s not the one who “wrecked the home” so much as the unfaithful husband. The other woman doesn’t have any loyalty to the husband’s first family - so what do they matter to her? She does what she wants for whatever motivation. All you can hope for is that history repeats itself and she ends up being the betrayed partner - wishing karma to catch up with her.