Saying 'No' - Serious Advice needed

[Hakuna_Matata_1]

Re: Saying 'No' - Serious Advice needed

@Little Princess

Agar as you said," mera bhi meter ghoom jata". Then wht kind of a friend are you? One requests to borrow,expecting either a positive or a negative reply,one doesn't demand to borrow.

this is because I am alway lending everything to my friends :) wo alag baat ke kisi ko koi problem ho.. that's it simply..

and the reason is..."kyunke me jaldi jaldi kisi se koi cheez borrow kerta hi nahi...tab tak ke iske bina koi chara na ho..."

[muqawwee123]

Re: Saying ‘No’ - Serious Advice needed

@Hakuna_Matata

Pyare Bhaiya firstly dont take it as offence as I respect so much you one cant consider… but ahmm ahmm, I am sorry to say that ur “NO” made him rude, the problem was not of “NO”… it was ur excuse abt the gate timing ETC, seriously I wasnt expecting you will reply him in that straight sense…

aik dafa to mera bhi meter ghoom jata

I didn’t tell him the gate problem. I just said 'If you can return car by 12, I’ve no issue.. Otherwise I extremely sorry to say ‘No’. Was that anything that lead to rude behavior?

This… why didnt u share this before ??

but here’s a point, agar koi aisa hai to us se kinara-kashi behtar hai, rather than hum bhi un jese buray banke un jesa salook karein… so aapko chahiyeey tha koi THos Excuse kerte takay wo baat kerne wala na rehta

He knows my routine very well and I personally don’t like telling a lie for whatever reasons just because I was not comfortable lending him car for whole night.

[muqawwee123]

Re: Saying 'No' - Serious Advice needed

@queen_24

Best way to taalna........ "erm.......ok I'll see what I can do to help. ....." ;)

That is not easy with the people when you are supposed to reply in 'yes' or 'No' in shorter time. Probably with lending money, you can make such excuses easily, but not in the current situation.

[Hakuna_Matata_1]

Re: Saying 'No' - Serious Advice needed

@Little Princess

Oh yes, everyone is entitled to their view. But don't look down at those who decide to stand up and say no rather than be pushed around into saying yes even if they don't want to.

aray nahi... I am not saying that reply NO is bad, but dosti bhi koi cheez hai.. and hame help kerna sikhaya gaya hai... me Bhai ki baat nahi ker raha.. mujhe ab pata chala ke unka friend RUDE hai... lekin on the whole baat ker raha hoon...

[LP]

Re: Saying 'No' - Serious Advice needed

@Hakuna_Matata

this is because I am alway lending everything to my friends :) wo alag baat ke kisi ko koi problem ho.. that's it simply..

and the reason is..."kyunke me jaldi jaldi kisi se koi cheez borrow kerta hi nahi...tab tak ke iske bina koi chara na ho..."

It still doesn't justify getting upset at a frnd for refusing to lend something.

[Hakuna_Matata_1]

Re: Saying 'No' - Serious Advice needed

@muqawwee123

I didn't tell him the gate problem. I just said 'If you can return car by 12, I've no issue.. Otherwise I extremely sorry to say 'No'. Was that anything that lead to rude behavior?

ok ye bhi thik hai but koi mujhse kehta to me ye sochta usko mujhpe yaqeen tha to mujhe kaha...

but winding up to his exasperation and rudeness OF THE PAST, You did Right!

[QUOTE]
He knows my routine very well and I personally don't like telling a lie for whatever reasons just because I was not comfortable lending him car for whole night.
[/QUOTE]

so would you not consider it A good idea if he pick you up the next morning ?

[muqawwee123]

Re: Saying ‘No’ - Serious Advice needed

@Little Princess

No..my side doesn’t have to be an emergency for me to say no…i may simply not feel like lending…

There have been circumstances when this guy asked me to give my car to him (as his family wanted to attend some wedding), though had a car at their home, but they say their father is particular about giving his car to children

There was a time, when I gave him my car for a month and was commuting with a friend for office purposes as it was his brother’s wedding and at that time I was not comfortable in driving. On Walima day, he picked me in my car (his sister with children was with him on way to Hall) and after ending of Walima, he said me to wait as he wanted to drop me at home. But his brothers kept on dropping relatives and I came back in rikshaw when it was too late (as I had to go to office next day). People just don’t remember previous favors given to them. They just remember the latest ‘No’.

[Hakuna_Matata_1]

Re: Saying 'No' - Serious Advice needed

@Little Princess

It still doesn't justify getting upset at a frnd for refusing to lend something.

I dont know why you didnt get my point, but this is how I would do.. and claim my right of friendship and sacrifice for Oneself

[LP]

Re: Saying 'No' - Serious Advice needed

@Hakuna_Matata

I dont know why you didnt get my point, but this is how I would do.. and claim my right of friendship and sacrifice for Oneself

So friendship is conditional? If I do a favor, you have to return it. Or I'm your friend, you can't say no to me.
Its not a friendship really then.

[muqawwee123]

Re: Saying 'No' - Serious Advice needed

@Hakuna_Matata

ok ye bhi thik hai but koi mujhse kehta to me ye sochta usko mujhpe yaqeen tha to mujhe kaha...

but winding up to his exasperation and rudeness OF THE PAST, You did Right!

so would you not consider it A good idea if he pick you up the next morning ?

He got different office timings and our routes are different. he goes on his bike. What do you think after passing a night at airport all night, he would be able to pick me in morning at 8. Definitely, he would have asked one of his brother to drop the car at my gate in morning and leave the keys with chokidar, but I'm not comfortable with leaving keys with chokidar.

The other thing that I considered later, that this guy got many friends and relatives who have cars with them, why didn't he borrow car from them? If its a family commitment, his Brother in law got car that could have been borrowed for a night.

[Microbian]

@muqawwee123:9822802

That is not easy with the people when you are supposed to reply in ‘yes’ or ‘No’ in shorter time. Probably with lending money, you can make such excuses easily, but not in the current situation.

It’s very easy muqa or maybe i find it easy to say NO to people who are not friends.I hope you can differentiate between friends and those who are using you like a tissue paper.From your posts i can tell he is not a friend

[Hakuna_Matata_1]

Re: Saying ‘No’ - Serious Advice needed

@Little Princess

So friendship is conditional? If I do a favor, you have to return it. Or I’m your friend, you can’t say no to me.
Its not a friendship really then.

you named it **conditional **

as I told you this is how it looks to you.. but for me, a GOOD friend is no one other than a Brother… so anything for Him… and a brother needs affection and many more things too including a CHAABI

[Ali_Syed]

Re: Saying 'No' - Serious Advice needed

@muqawwee123

No harm in giving car, but the timing is odd.

Ok let me tell you complete scenario.

A friend said that I need your car to pick my brother from airport, who is coming with family and has luggage. This guy got a car at his home as well. I asked him that if the flight is early in night and you can return car by 12 night, I have no issue. (I restricted him for 12 as there was some complaint going by union in our building that people remain outside for longer time in night and all the night watch-man has to open main gate for cars. Further, I have to go to office in morning and I can't wait till early hours of morning for return of car).

When I text this to the guy, he replied 'Thanks for your conditional approval, but flight is in late hours. I'm going to arrange rent a car'. I replied 'Hope you understand and there are no harsh feelings'. In reply I got a message ' stop messaging me followed by a slang'. I knew the slang but reconfirmed 'slang?'. he said it again and then I've to given him shut-up call. See how inconsiderate people are and how it is difficult to say 'No'.

At least now he wont ask you...cheer up.

[KKF]

Re: Saying 'No' - Serious Advice needed

Muqwee, now that i know the story, so here are my 2 paise:

-he wasn't your friend to begin with...someone so selfish can't be a friend. since he has a car of his own, and he can afford a taxi ride, i don't see him to be polite to ask you for a favour.

-car is something that no one should ask to borrow...it doesn't matter where that person happens to be, God forbid, there can be legal issues. i would rather be rude andsay no than to lend my car and have stressful time until the car is returned.

-if he used slang [verbal abuse], shun him!!!

[muqawwee123]

Re: Saying 'No' - Serious Advice needed

@Ali_Syed

At least now he wont ask you...cheer up.

I dind't have problem with lending the things. I've the problem with the attitude of people when they are refused favors.

[LP]

Re: Saying ‘No’ - Serious Advice needed

@muqawwee123

There have been circumstances when this guy asked me to give my car to him (as his family wanted to attend some wedding), though had a car at their home, but they say their father is particular about giving his car to children

There was a time, when I gave him my car for a month and was commuting with a friend for office purposes as it was his brother’s wedding and at that time I was not comfortable in driving. On Walima day, he picked me in my car (his sister with children was with her on way to Hall) and after ending of Walima, he said me to wait as he wanted to drop me at home. But his brothers kept on dropping relatives and I came back in rikshaw when it was too late (as I had to go to office next day). People just don’t remember previous favors given to them. They just remember the latest ‘No’.

You simply need to have the courage to say no. Saying yes is easy.

[muqawwee123]

Re: Saying 'No' - Serious Advice needed

@Khalil KhaaN FaaKhta

Muqwee, now that i know the story, so here are my 2 paise:

-he wasn't your friend to begin with...someone so selfish can't be a friend. since he has a car of his own, and he can afford a taxi ride, i don't see him to be polite to ask you for a favour.

-car is something that no one should ask to borrow...it doesn't matter where that person happens to be, God forbid, there can be legal issues. i would rather be rude andsay no than to lend my car and have stressful time until the car is returned.

-if he used slang [verbal abuse], shun him!!!

Thats what I'm going to. For me basis of every relationship is respect and there is no respect for those who value material things more than relationships.

[LP]

Re: Saying ‘No’ - Serious Advice needed

@Hakuna_Matata

you named it **conditional **

as I told you this is how it looks to you.. but for me, a GOOD friend is no one other than a Brother… so anything for Him… and a brother needs affection and many more things too including a CHAABI

But im talking abt expecting your frnd to say yes to you and getting upset if he says no.
Yes acc to what you told…your friendship sounds conditional so its not really friendship but acquaintance with benefits.

[muqawwee123]

Re: Saying ‘No’ - Serious Advice needed

@Microbian

It’s very easy muqa or maybe i find it easy to say NO to people who are not friends.I hope you can differentiate between friends and those who are using you like a tissue paper.From your posts i can tell he is not a friend

From the behavior he shown today, I have known depth of his friendship.

[Ali_Syed]

Re: Saying 'No' - Serious Advice needed

@muqawwee123

I dind't have problem with lending the things. I've the problem with the attitude of people when they are refused favors.

I understand, but people must learn to say NO too at some times.

The timing was an issue, I am sure you wouldnt have gotten the car by morning next day. Hence you'd have gone to the office again on a taxi or rickshaw. This thing your friend should have thought even before asking you.