ageism is hardly limited to the desi community its worldwide. Why does Hugh Hefner run around with young enough to be his great grand daughters? He's not going after women even in their 40's or something, he's going for them as young as he can.
when you're dating someone you don't always take into consideration things like age, background, race, etc. because you're going out with a person because you already feel a connection with them and those things are secondary. But in the arranged marriage world you have to set some sort of criteria for even getting to know people in the first place otherwise you'd be entertaining 100 rishta's in a year. Religion, looks, education, age all are all parameters you use to weed out people.
Honestly if all things were equal then why wouldn't anyone go with a younger person if they could? Youth is a much desired thing, and it isn't the only trump card but if you could choose someone who was smart, beautiful, funny, caring, mature and young , there's no pressing reason you would choose an older person with those some characteristics just because they're closer to your age.
can I give you a blunt answer. Main reeason is, keeping the age same, guy has more productive (read it reproductive) years in front of him than you have. At age 50, you are done - while he can go on till sixty five and even later. If he brings someone younger than him, he has more span to produce.
Let's not play around, we all know guys cringe at the idea of babies and kids.
I think its more about personal preference than anything else.
I know few guys who married girl of same age (one in fact married a girl 1.5 year older than him) because age difference was not their preference but if some guy think that girl of same age is too old for him, we should respect his choice. It does not make him stupid.
I think the point is... why is a girl who is around the same age as the guy considered too old? It makes no sense for her to be "too old" when they're the same age. If a girl is 25 and the guy is 35, it's ok for the girl to say that he's older, because he actually is.
And as much as you all say that it's the guy's loss... It's really tough to find someone who is ok with marrying a girl who is the same age. If one of my male friends marries a girl who is like 9 years younger, I've heard the other guys actually say, "well if he can marry a really young girl, we can manage to get one too." Stupidity.
It's unlikely that these guys are going to have kids in their 60s that they need a really young wife.
I think the point is... why is a girl who is around the same age as the guy considered too old? It makes no sense for her to be "too old" when they're the same age. If a girl is 25 and the guy is 35, it's ok for the girl to say that he's older, because he actually is.
And as much as you all say that it's the guy's loss... It's really tough to find someone who is ok with marrying a girl who is the same age. If one of my male friends marries a girl who is like 9 years younger, I've heard the other guys actually say, "well if he can marry a really young girl, we can manage to get one too." Stupidity.
It's unlikely that these guys are going to have kids in their 60s that they need a really young wife.
Thank you, someone understands my argument precisely.
You're not "too old' if you're the same age as someone.
perhaps he only meant too old for HIM. (as per his preference) and there is nothing wrong in it.
Being the same age as someone is NOT being too old for them! If you're a couple of years older, I get it. There are maturity differences, differences in the way people think, etc.
Being the same age as someone is NOT being too old for them! If you're a couple of years older, I get it. There are maturity differences, differences in the way people think, etc.
Everyone knows their mental age and their preferences. If someone feels that girl of same age will be too old for them and they will not be able to have a good relationship, they know it better. Its just like some girls thing that marrying some guy who is 8 years old is zulm and some are really FINE with it.
a couple of posters here gave examples where they know guy is younger than the girl. I also know a guy who married girl atleast 3 yrs older than him. They are happily married and have kids. So all men are not stuck on having a younger wife. But if some are then thats their choice.
I knew a girl who wanted to marry a guy atleast 8 to 10 yrs older and who was all settled. Her choice, she married such a guy.
May be the second guy meant to say 'you are too old for me' and not exactly just that you are too old.
PCG, I see where you are coming from. However, for most desi men and their moms in the arranged marriage senario the girl's age is a big deal and the younger the better (it appears). For the moms from what I've seen it's about getting someone who is young and can easily be manipulated / threatened / oppressed etc. For desi men, usually they are prepared to go as younger as they can (the Pakistani men living abroad appear to be better re this than men in Pakistan but that's just generally).
What I always find more surprising is why these younger women agree to marry men who are so much older and / or uglier than them. I'm thinking money and financial / job security or wealthier families attract them? I know some women who I went to University with, who are married to men who could be mistaken for their dads! Yeech!
