i just find it funny that we're all about "well if the Prophet (SAW) said blah blah blah, we should do just that, if he wore this, we should wear that, if his wife wore this, then we should wear that, if he cleaned his teeth with a miswaak we should do that"
Yet, as he was open to marrying an older woman - TWENTY YEARS older, other women later on who were divorced, widowed, etc.
YETTTTTTT, when it comes to matters pertaining to their genitals, aa jaa thay hai apni asliyat par.
a close friend was 28 and her hubby was 26 when they got married. she was rejected by many guys cuz of her age but finally this guy liked her and they had mutual understanding despite the fact he was 2 yrs younger. (this is in canada).
fret not! there are good guys out there who do not gv age much importance. mentally the guy and girl should be in line...
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Yet, as he was open to marrying an older woman - TWENTY YEARS older, other women later on who were divorced, widowed, etc.
.
And it didn't hurt the Prophet (SAWS)'s ego that Hazrat Khadija (RA) proposed first...it didn't make him feel like less of a man. Unlike the Prophet (SAWS), ordinary guys have a hard enough time with farz acts like praying 5 times a day.......let alone things like using a miswaak, or being okay with the girl being the pursuer/several years older, LOL. Not saying us women are any better.
I hope things work out for you, PCG. I know it's easier said than done...but stressing out is not gonna make anything happen faster. Don't let this guy...who is a stranger and whom you're not impressed by...get you down. Continue enjoying your life. The right guy will be attracted to you and interested in you as a person. And if he isn't..then he's not the right guy....why settle for that, right?
You guys are missing my point. I'm not offended on a personal level. It's more of a societal worry.
As in ... this is the community I was born into? Really? We call ourselves muslim?
I don't know how you can't take personal offense at that level. No, I'm not heart broken. But I am sad that there are people out there who think like this, and it worries me that this is how we find mates for each other - on these stereotypes.
No wonder the good girls get married late or never get married at all.
PCG, the problem is its not just limited to our desi community.... its actually quite widespread.
there are so many other things wrong with our desi community, that this is not even a big deal.. it's annoying, Yes.. but not as big as a deal in comparison to a lot of other crap happening in Pakistan or amongst Pakistanis elsewhere.
age, income, looks, height, weight, place of birth, accent, ethnicity, education level, are all among factors that guys and girls reject each other. may not be fair, rational, but its kinda hard to tell someone their preferences are silly.
YETTTTTTT, when it comes to matters pertaining to their genitals, aa jaa thay hai apni asliyat par.
Everyone wants a blithe 18 yr old virgin I guess.
well all vary from person to person, many people who got chance to marry a younger girl like less than 20 or 25 & they are above 40 or 50 they will avail it,
mostly due to their position or wealth (we have examples from our so called politicians who are above 60 or 70 and marrying with 18 or 20 year girl for 3rd or 4th marriage )
its a sad fact, but all or not same or equal, their are good people too, but we can't predict about any 1, girl or guy whats so ever
We are quick to blame the society PCG. When it's really about personal preferences. I agree there are a quite big number of men who want young girls (in their early twenties) as life partners. But then there are those who want girls within the same age bracket. And then some who wouldn't mind even if the girl was elder than them. And in my family there are alot of couples where the girls are elder than the guys and its working out perfectly. One of my friends is marrying a guy 2 years younger than herself. I'm just telling you this because I don't want you to blame the society too much and stop hoping or trying for someone who'll appreciate you regardless of age.
And if you're living in a community where age does matter, how about finding guys who are in their thirties?
So if you reject a guy because you don’t prefer his age bracket, its ok. if he does the same, its wrong??
so you expect guys to follow the sunnah relating his openness to marry widow,older,divorcees, but you object when some guy want to marry more than one wife, as practised by the prophet SAW himself?
its not only the men who are picking and choosing, women do the same
Don't get me wrong, it's not about hurt. It's just the irrationality of the thought process.
You will NOT get to know a girl or give her a chance based on age...when she IS YOUR AGE?
How does that make any sense?
can I give you a blunt answer. Main reeason is, keeping the age same, guy has more productive (read it reproductive) years in front of him than you have. At age 50, you are done - while he can go on till sixty five and even later. If he brings someone younger than him, he has more span to produce.
I think the point is... why is a girl who is around the same age as the guy considered too old? It makes no sense for her to be "too old" when they're the same age. If a girl is 25 and the guy is 35, it's ok for the girl to say that he's older, because he actually is.
And as much as you all say that it's the guy's loss... It's really tough to find someone who is ok with marrying a girl who is the same age. If one of my male friends marries a girl who is like 9 years younger, I've heard the other guys actually say, "well if he can marry a really young girl, we can manage to get one too." Stupidity.
It's unlikely that these guys are going to have kids in their 60s that they need a really young wife.
