Ok sista, I am going to spell it out the way i see it, so sorry if it hurts.
Give him a frickin break!! He has changed his religion, food and drink habits and god knows what for you. What have you done for him other than throwing tantrums over silly reasons like not calling you every day when he was abroad?
Taking the phonbe line off the hook, and checking into a hotel in a fit of anger shows a lack of maturity. No wonder he is disillusioned! Perhaps if YOU show some understanding and empathy, he will be more likely to understand your feelings.
He said I'm a taliban because I refuse to eat at any place that serve pork i.e - pizza hurt. Thai restaurants, western restaurant like Olive Garden, TJ mx etc. I told him some foods using bacon - example clam chowder and sometimes they used wine. I cant consume this foods.
Whenever his parents come and visit - he took them to the chinese place. His parents will order porks and when he went to his brother place - his mom will served pork meat. his cousin text him a message saying " let have breakfast together and I will cook some bacon for you". I asked him did he eat pork? he denied it. But the looks of his face telling me he is lying.
This may sound harsh, but I don't blame him for distancing himself from you. Your behavior is a bit extreme and you're not being reasonable/mature yourself. When you live in a western country, you need to make adjustments. Just because a restaurant serves alcohol and pork doesn't mean that you have to order those dishes and you can always ask the server about the ingredients in the dishes......this is where your iman comes in. Your husband's parents eat pork in front of him, but if he avoids it...that's a reflection of his faith. Though you haven't mentioned it, I hope you don't expect him to stay away from his parents/siblings. It could even be that his brother was teasing him about the bacon. Before you said that he told you that he doesn't eat pork and now you have doubts that he's lying to you......you need to try backing off and having some trust in him. Again, if nagging and only focusing on his negative points is not helping matters.....then try giving some space and acknowledging/appreciating the good things he does. If you believe that you are a woman of faith.....then you should understand that faith shouldn't be forced...Islam was not embraced though harshness, it was compassion that helped people accept it. Try talking to him gently (in a non-defensive way) about your concerns and give him some space and pick and choose your battles......see if that works. If things are getting worse....take a break from him and figure out what you want out of your marriage, if you even want one. But don't make rash decisions based only on your emotions....you have a child to think about as well.
^
This. Why would you have a problem with his parents going to a chinese place or ordering pork? You want them to lay off the pork as well?
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They were staying with us for one month and half. They know in our house we only eat halal meat. I only buy meat from Pakistani shop (never from Iranian shop). They can always eat pork when they go out with my sister in law every weekend because she also took them to the Chinese restaurant. Last time I do go with them to the restaurant when they having a dim sum - but after saying they ordering foods with pork I no longer go with them. I said it’s no respect. My in law did not eat beef - their reason is same as hindu people. I never cook anything with beef at our house, never order beef when we are at Pakistani or middle east restaurant - because I respect them. They have few relatives who married a muslim.
I took them to chinese vegetarian restaurant and chinese muslim restaurant but they complaint it’s expensive. I told them I can’t go to the ordinary one because they use the same utilities to cook pork meat. I know some Muslim dont care abt it but not me. I know you guys will said I’m childish but it’ just me.
When our son is born - my parents in law ask me to pray in front of their ancestor to aks the ancestor to protect our son. I told them I can’t do it because I’m muslim and my son also a muslim. We only pray to Allah to seek help and protection. My father in law understand my situation because he belives in Allah. He understand more abt islam compare to my husband. Sad is he know lost all his memory (Alzheimer)
My husband listen to his mom and pray. It;s syirik
In Malaysia chinese people wont take a muslim friend to a chinese restaurant who serves pork. Chinese company always order HALAL food when they make a party because they have muslim workers. They always respect us Muslim. Every chinese will serve box water and halal cookies on their chinese new years. My mother in law born there, have muslim friends and few of her relatives married muslim girl/boy.
She should know better.
And this cousin of him know muslim canot eat pork yet making bacon for my husband. No sensitivity at all. When my in law come and visit they always bring chinese moon cake with them. They said it’s halal but I didn’t eat it because I know how they make mood cake. I pray to Allah pls help me to avoid this kind of foods - he granted my wish. Since 2005 LAX confiscate moon cake that have egg yolk inside it. Thank you Allah.
This may sound harsh, but I don't blame him for distancing himself from you. Your behavior is a bit extreme and you're not being reasonable/mature yourself. When you live in a western country, you need to make adjustments. Just because a restaurant serves alcohol and pork doesn't mean that you have to order those dishes and you can always ask the server about the ingredients in the dishes......this is where your iman comes in. Your husband's parents eat pork in front of him, but if he avoids it...that's a reflection of his faith. Though you haven't mentioned it, I hope you don't expect him to stay away from his parents/siblings. It could even be that his brother was teasing him about the bacon. Before you said that he told you that he doesn't eat pork and now you have doubts that he's lying to you......you need to try backing off and having some trust in him. Again, if nagging and only focusing on his negative points is not helping matters.....then try giving some space and acknowledging/appreciating the good things he does. If you believe that you are a woman of faith.....then you should understand that faith shouldn't be forced...Islam was not embraced though harshness, it was compassion that helped people accept it. Try talking to him gently (in a non-defensive way) about your concerns and give him some space and pick and choose your battles......see if that works. If things are getting worse....take a break from him and figure out what you want out of your marriage, if you even want one. But don't make rash decisions based only on your emotions....you have a child to think about as well.
Thank you for your input.
I have few muslim friend that dont mind at all eating at restaurant that serves pork and wine. I told them why should we go there? they are so many HALAL restaurant that we can go. In Islam if you feel uncertain abt the foods halal or haram you better avoid it.
My husband ate non halal foods at work during his lunch. Maybe some of you dont know that chinese restaurant always used lard in their cooking. To ask them not to put lard in their foods or not to use msg is no point because they cooked the food early in the morning.
Ok sista, I am going to spell it out the way i see it, so sorry if it hurts.
Give him a frickin break!! He has changed his religion, food and drink habits and god knows what for you. What have you done for him other than throwing tantrums over silly reasons like not calling you every day when he was abroad?
As others said he is only Muslim on name. He stop drinking before even know me. He not change his food 100% because he still eat non halal foods outside the house.
[quote]
Taking the phonbe line off the hook, and checking into a hotel in a fit of anger shows a lack of maturity. No wonder he is disillusioned! Perhaps if YOU show some understanding and empathy, he will be more likely to understand your feelings.
[/QUOTE]
I do that because I dont want to have fight over the phone. I want him to know how will he feel when he can't talk to his son. I stay in the hotel because I still in anger - which is not good. I dont want to go home and see his face and withour knowing I lash out infront of our son. I want cooling time so I can think what is my next step. I know my weakness that is why I stay away from him.
Would you have given up YOUR religion for him? At least he tried! It's a HUGE sacrifice.
Stop giving him such a hard time. As others have said, religion change cannot be forced. If this is something you cannot live with, you should seriously consider a divorce.
They were staying with us for one month and half. They know in our house we only eat halal meat. I only buy meat from Pakistani shop (never from Iranian shop). They can always eat pork when they go out with my sister in law every weekend because she also took them to the Chinese restaurant. Last time I do go with them to the restaurant when they having a dim sum - but after saying they ordering foods with pork I no longer go with them. I said it's no respect. My in law did not eat beef - their reason is same as hindu people. I never cook anything with beef at our house, never order beef when we are at Pakistani or middle east restaurant - because I respect them. They have few relatives who married a muslim.
[/quote]
just curious- what is wrong with the iranian shop??
They were staying with us for one month and half. They know in our house we only eat halal meat. I only buy meat from Pakistani shop (never from Iranian shop). They can always eat pork when they go out with my sister in law every weekend because she also took them to the Chinese restaurant. Last time I do go with them to the restaurant when they having a dim sum - but after saying they ordering foods with pork I no longer go with them. I said it’s no respect. My in law did not eat beef - their reason is same as hindu people. I never cook anything with beef at our house, never order beef when we are at Pakistani or middle east restaurant - because I respect them. They have few relatives who married a muslim.
I took them to chinese vegetarian restaurant and chinese muslim restaurant but they complaint it’s expensive. I told them I can’t go to the ordinary one because they use the same utilities to cook pork meat. I know some Muslim dont care abt it but not me. I know you guys will said I’m childish but it’ just me.
When our son is born - my parents in law ask me to pray in front of their ancestor to aks the ancestor to protect our son. I told them I can’t do it because I’m muslim and my son also a muslim. We only pray to Allah to seek help and protection. My father in law understand my situation because he belives in Allah. He understand more abt islam compare to my husband. Sad is he know lost all his memory (Alzheimer)
My husband listen to his mom and pray. It;s syirik
In Malaysia chinese people wont take a muslim friend to a chinese restaurant who serves pork. Chinese company always order HALAL food when they make a party because they have muslim workers. They always respect us Muslim. Every chinese will serve box water and halal cookies on their chinese new years. My mother in law born there, have muslim friends and few of her relatives married muslim girl/boy.
She should know better.
And this cousin of him know muslim canot eat pork yet making bacon for my husband. No sensitivity at all. When my in law come and visit they always bring chinese moon cake with them. They said it’s halal but I didn’t eat it because I know how they make mood cake. I pray to Allah pls help me to avoid this kind of foods - he granted my wish. Since 2005 LAX confiscate moon cake that have egg yolk inside it. Thank you Allah.
[/quote]
Hein?
Egg yolk is haram now?
Okay I have to say…you sound like a very difficult person to live with. I wouldn’t be happy being married to someone who was so rigid. And quite honestly…please stop imposing your beliefs on others. Your faith is YOUR business. Maybe you’re spoiled since you live in Malaysia but in the US…we follow Islam to the best of OUR abilities. We don’t make other people go out of their way to accommodate us all the time as if its their job to do so. Its not.
Your inlaws bring a cake and you say no because its made of egg yolk? Since when is egg yolk haram?!
Would you have given up YOUR religion for him? At least he tried! It's a HUGE sacrifice.
Stop giving him such a hard time. As others have said, religion change cannot be forced. If this is something you cannot live with, you should seriously consider a divorce.
I will never given up my religion for him or for any other reason. If he tried to be a muslim - believes in Allah and his Prophets, Quran i will be very thankful. .
I talked to other converted sister and they advice me to stay with him and give him some simple Islamic book to read. they told me abt Asiah (wife of firaun) they said it's not too late for me to help my husband understand abt Islam. They told me to do all my best and tawakal to Allah swt.
I will talk to our imam to get some advise and have a talk with my husband tonight. I dont expect him to be like mulah, just be a good muslim. I want him to open up and tell me what he want in his life so that I dont expect anything which he cant deliver.
You're being way too harsh, suffocating him and I am not surprised that he is unhappy.
If I changed my FAITH...my RELIGION...which is something I grew up with and ALL I have ever known for someone out of love and all they had for me was complaints, restrictions and no compassion...I'd probably be really happy too when I got away from them.
Let me explain- after taking out from the oven they will wipe the cake with oil that came from pig's lard. That is why the moon cake is haram. Since my husband only like moon cake with the eggs yolks inside it - his parents will bring this type of cake to US.
LAX (the customs) banned some items i.e vegetables, plants, fruits,meat from entering US -including foods with eggs yolks inside it.
That is why I'm so happy and so thankful to Allah swt.
I just want him to eat halal foods, dont pry to his ancestor, dont celebrate and go to the graveyard on "ghost festival" He need to believes in Allah and the his prophets.
he dont have any religion before because for him religion is controlling, religion should be free will not fear and intimidation. I wish he told me yrs ago :(
I just want him to eat halal foods, dont pry to his ancestor, dont celebrate and go to the graveyard on "ghost festival" He need to believes in Allah and the his prophets.
AND
he dont have any religion before because for him religion is controlling, religion should be free will not fear and intimidation.
Seems like you are confirming his worst fears about religion. You're pushing him away instead of drawing him in.
I have one question-if you married a hindu girl/boy and she/he do all things that not supose to be done as muslim what should you do? Will you stay with her/him?
If she/he said he/she dont believes in Allah - what will you do?
i'm not being stubborn just need some feedback. i'm a silent reader all this while but I read all the threads in this forum - I do save some threads in my bookmaks as for reference = it helps me with my prob (i.e husband not calling home by artty) and few other thread reg prob with husband, parenting skill, bollywood, religions, mother in law etc - i really like how some members gave their inputs. Thank you
I have one question-if you married a hindu girl/boy and she/he do all things that not supose to be done as muslim what should you do? Will you stay with her/him?
If she/he said he/she dont believes in Allah - what will you do?
i'm not being stubborn just need some feedback. i'm a silent reader all this while but I read all the threads in this forum - I do save some threads in my bookmaks as for reference = it helps me with my prob (i.e husband not calling home by artty) and few other thread reg prob with husband, parenting skill, bollywood, religions, mother in law etc - i really like how some members gave their inputs. Thank you
Well, he converted to Islam but for you. So he started out with faith in Allah swt. Somehow...you've made it go away. I hate to be so direct but its true. His issue is with how you're forcing him to do things.
He doesn't like the way you show him Islam...you're the closest thing he has to a guide and your method of bringing him to Allah swt is wrong.
You cannot force anyone to do anything...its **not **your right or place.
And furthermore...when you married someone who converted to Islam...you knew what you'd be getting into. He is not a born Muslim...he will have to understand things on his own. So why is his faith an issue now?
your english is fine, don' worry...it's your thoughts that are scattered and hard to understand...you started complaining about his lack of interest in Islam, and now you're going in a whole different direction..it sounds like you're using the religion factor as a crutch for other issues/problems...
it would help if you started from the beginning...how did you meet? what made you decide to marry him in the first place?
but I feel, she is trying to say here that He isn't a good muslim as well as a husband! so what should she compromise at! I think thats the issue!
