Sad, angry and confuse

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

The point is Indonesia allowed muslim marry to non muslim because they said christian is "people of the books)

22

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

If he wasn't passionate about Islam...why would you make him convert? He is Muslim only by name and that is not good enough for a marriage if Islam is really all that important to you.

Right now, I believe he is looking for space. He might feel pressured and suffocated because he is being forced to be something he doesn't believe in. There is a certain beauty in Islam that we see plain as day. But if you force it on someone...they cannot see it that way.

I am not saying he is right in his treatment of you and your son. He IS an adult and fully responsible for his own actions as well. Why did he agree to convert if he wasn't interested in being a Muslim?

What can you do? Stop pushing him to pray. He converted for you. You need to let him become a Muslim on his own.

23

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

I thought I can change him. People said teach one new thing in one day. Never force him to change in one month I.e in month or Ramadhan I ask him to try not to eat for an hour, two hours or half a day. To recite bismillah before eating, sleep, driving etc. I try to be patient as long as he believes in Islam but now :(

24

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

Reha,

If I knew this thing will happen I will not married him.

25

Are you sure its his attitude toward your sons thats making you angry or could you possibly be using you son as a shield to address your own issues with him. To me, it seems the latter.

26

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

Of course not.

But like some people have already stated...these issues do involve your son but they don't stem from your son. There are other problems between you two.

27

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

are you malay?

thing is, when you have a fight, all the things that annoy you about your husband comes up together, even thought at other times you seem to be ok with them. and clearly his being not religious, not being an involved parent etc are irritants. you'll have to address these issues one at a time, get it resolved.

28

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

:confused:

how?!

29

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

We do sit down and talks abt so many issues between us before - so many times. I always email him telling what annoy me. I.e he went to Vegas without telling me, buying so many stuff for his parents and not for my parents. We had big big talk last Sept and he promise will not hurt my feeling and will try to be more involve with our son. But now?

I got the answer that I been looking for - he told me he not believe in Allah. he know that Muhamad is a person.

Pls help what should I do. the only thing I know is talk to our Imam. If the imam said our married is over .. I'm worry he will use this religion thing to fight for child custody in the court.

30

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

how what? pls explain. If I know the question I will answer it.

31

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

^LOL, yup...I looked up her previous posts a while back too and wondered the same thing. I thought she only had one child (the son)...but I'm guessing she has more than one and she's only mentioned the son's attachment to the dad? It's confusing, Ain. How many children do you have? Also, as much as you want to have more children, I think it would be more stressful since you're having problems in your marriage. Work that out first before you taking on additional responsiblities.

32

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

i thought you said you have one son and want to have more kids. but your older posts say you have two sons and a daughter already. maybe its the english. :s

33

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

the others is from my previous marriage. We been trying because he said our son is lonely and the gap between my son with his step sister and brother are too far away. As i told before after few things happen (I pray istiharah (spelling)) and Allah show me that this is the issues that I need to resolve first. I wish i know how to explain more details.

34

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

Hm..I m sorry to hear what you are going through. But to be honest you two seem very different. If you can't tolerate living with a guy who doesnt believes in Islam. Then you should split up. But if you are still willing to live with him then talk to him about how you feel about the relationship between him and the son. Good luck with whatever the decision you make

35

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

Edited Just realized that you may have been married for a fairly short time to your current husband. So either he never displayed an interest in religion from the beginning or maybe this is a recent problem? Maybe reflect over your own actions that might be pushing him away from you? It takes two to make a relationship. Try not to nag him, don't pressure him. And praise him when you see him do something positive. If things don't improve, try taking a break from him...and that space/time apart can help you both decide what needs to be done.

36

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

You have several issues going on at the same time

1) Yous husband is muslim only in name but not in temrs of following it - and you have a problem wit this
2) Your husband does not show enough caring for your son
3) Your husband feels like he needs more time with his cousin/buddies etc - away from family.

Not sure if the severity of all 3 are the same or if one is more severe than the pthers. Figure out what bothers you most, see what you are doing to make it worse, and consider what you can do to make things better.

37

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

I knew him since 1995.

We get closer and in 1998 - I told him if he is serious let get marry but first he need to convert.

We went to religion department - there he was brief abt Islam and been ask with few question example why he want to convert, did he belives in Allah etc, will he follow the islamic rules etc - He was converted when they satisfied with his answer. He took and say willingly kalimah syahadah. We were married in Canada in 2000. Imam in Canada told us to nikah first and he can learn abt Islam later/slowly.

we been married for almost 12 yrs! I dont know he dont believes in Allah till today - when he gave his opinion abt Quran, Islam, Taliban, suicide bomber, protest is Egypt is more to negative side. That's where I start questioning him (but i never ask).

I asked him just now if he is not happy with this marriage? he said he never say that.
I asked him if he regret not going out at nite like some of his friend - he denied it.
I asked him if he want to be single again - he said no
I asked him what is he want from me? - no answer.
I told him why dont he talk to me if there is something that bothering him - he said there is nothing that I did that bother him.

He said I'm a taliban because I refuse to eat at any place that serve pork i.e - pizza hurt. Thai restaurants, western restaurant like Olive Garden, TJ mx etc. I told him some foods using bacon - example clam chowder and sometimes they used wine. I cant consume this foods.

Whenever his parents come and visit - he took them to the chinese place. His parents will order porks and when he went to his brother place - his mom will served pork meat. his cousin text him a message saying " let have breakfast together and I will cook some bacon for you". I asked him did he eat pork? he denied it. But the looks of his face telling me he is lying.

38

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

Right now the that bother me is the most is he not saying sorry for not calling us on that day. did not ask me why I'm so upset. Never want to know where is his son at this time. He should ask "where are you and how is son when you want to come home and lets have a talks. He said now everything is on my hand no need to tell why. just tell him what is my next step.

Second is about the religion. Third - tonight he didnot call and say good nite to our son.

39

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

Thank you for your advice. I am writing a letter to him. i;m telling him its not okay to live together if he dont believe in Islam/Allah?Mohammad.

Thank you again

40

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

what the hell are you talking about.

what a selfish woman you are to divorce even though he's making an effort with eating halal meat at home, not drinking, smoking or eating pork.

He's making an effort and why can't you see this? I don't understand is it so easy to divorce your spouse because of a fight? I mean really you should act more mature about this given you have three children wait till you calm down and then write an email.

you aren't thinking clearly and this is all emotion.
seriously ~_~
he's not a woman why can't you give him some space?