Rules your children follow

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1- What rules do you have for your kids at home? And what Dos/Don’ts do they have when going out specially to someone’s house?

2- How did/do you ensure your child does not have excessive (or no) sodas/carbonated drinks/sweets/chocolates?

3- lately, kids have an obsession with phones/ipads etc. Ipad i am okay with since there isnt much they can do home so indoor games is okay but phone NO NO! But how does it happen practically?

4- Some mothers really try their best to control their children but still their children misbehave and embarass by being very stubborn in what they want. How do you handle it?

My baby is very small .. But there is no harm putting habits in place from the start. Thanks -

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Peace Sister DaffyDuck

  1. Our rules in the home are not really defined - but outside the kids are not allowed to answer back or get in to a debate with us - which as you can see is sort of encouraged in the home for learning purposes.

  2. Only one way - we need to cut them out ourselves

  3. Usually parents these days have a grown up child inside them … when we get games for ourselves - our kids want to play too. Kids will do what we lead them to do.

  4. Threaten them with real warnings … things they can understand in tangible terms. Like time out, not speaking to them, rewarding their siblings is more effective than saying no gift for you. So if they are fighting a sibling you say if you hit so and so then he will get a chocolate. It is worse than them not having a chocolate than to see the one who they are fighting with being rewarded. We try to always reinforce love between siblings.

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Rules your children follow

Even if we ourselves cut out sodas etc or even cell phones, many children and elders in the surroundings take these specially at gatherings… How can you ensure that your child doesnt have these and yet doesnt feel deprived?

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If anyone offers my son soda or candy, I say no to them. We have not allowed him to use our cell phones unless it is really needed.

My son loves fruits and vegetables, he prefers them over candies. Whenever we visit grocery store, he gets to pick a veggie/fruit to munch on instead of candies or junk.

Alhamdulilah, we don’t have any behavior issues outside home. We just redirect him as needed. We have set boundaries for him at home, we do teach him how to use things, what he can touch, and what he can just look at, etc. When playing, we clean up as we are done playing or at the end of the play session. If he is throwing toys, he gets a warning, if he continues, we clean up. I also take some sort of activity with me when we are visiting someone.

He gets to use iPad at home, however there are lot of other things we do at home…coloring, play doh, matching games, puzzles, doodle board, he has plenty of riding toys, pretend play with play food, helping with house chores (yup, he helps with laundry, putting cutlery back in the drawer, folding clothes, etc. Yes, I do have to redo everything but it doesn’t matter/bother me much), playing with ball, playing with bean bucket, reading books, flash cards, etc.

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lusi how old is your son? MA your doing a great job

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1- What rules do you have for your kids at home? And what Dos/Don’ts do they have when going out specially to someone’s house?
At home I religiously follow the “3 strikes” - If he does something, I will tell him off twice and on the 3rd time there are consequences - He loses some TV/Game time, has to go to his room etc. But now he’s old enough so he just stops at the first strike. He understood the game :hehe:. At someone’s house, it’s “1 Strike” rule. If he misbehaves, I usually take him out to the car until he knows how to act again. Again now he is old enough, it rarely happens. Usually it happened before when there were many kids at the same place and one does a shararat and everyone follows him/her :hinna:
**
2- How did/do you ensure your child does not have excessive (or no) sodas/carbonated drinks/sweets/chocolates?
I have a big sweet tooth myself so this one is kind of hard. We’ve a “candy day” which is friday. He can eat anything and everything that day. He’s not so big on the soda, but if we’re out and he wants some, I don’t mind giving him a glass. Occassionally is fine, I think the problem starts when it’s every day or so. Beside we had soda growing up and it went alright so I’m sure they are going to be fine too.
**
3- lately, kids have an obsession with phones/ipads etc. Ipad i am okay with since there isnt much they can do home so indoor games is okay but phone NO NO! But how does it happen practically?
30 mins/day is Ipad/TV/Gaming time. He can do whatever he wants. He does also use Ipad for school stuff, especially for some math games etc and I think that’s fine. Never had an issue with phone. At times he borrows mine and takes random photos, I think that’s fine. I don’t have any games on my phone anyway.

**
4- Some mothers really try their best to control their children but still their children misbehave and embarass by being very stubborn in what they want. How do you handle it?**
Kids will be kids. They have bad and good days just like us. I think it’s important to let them “act out” sometimes (obviously not at someone’s place but at home). I think it’s important that you’re firm in your rules. You can’t make a rule and then not follow it because you’re lazy or something. Like I often see parents threatning their kids with “I will take your toys if you do it again” - the kid does it again and no one takes the toy away. You’re just wasting your energy and undermining your authority at the same time. Or like when they are at someone’s place and they tell their kid to behave or they will go home, kid still misbehaves and no action is taken. I don’t do empty threats, if I tell him we’re going home if he does something, then we’re going home - I will just apologies to the host and leave.

I do think I’ve an easy kid so all this could be just random stuff I have started to believe works :cb:

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Thank you! :slight_smile:
He will be turning 2 in August. inshahAllah. :slight_smile:

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Lusi’s son is such a gudda mashallah…i fell head over heels in love with him :wub:

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Why no debate outside house?

How can u reinforce love between siblings when u are also rewarding one of them becuz the other misbehaves?

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Lol khatti, he was acting up at the restaurant. :smack:

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What rules do you have for your kids at home? And what Dos/Don’ts do they have when going out specially to someone’s house?
My rules at home are very simple.

1)Absolutely no eating or drinking outside the kitchen area, no food or snacks allowed in the living room/bedrooms/playroom etc.

  1. You eat what is put in front of you or stay hungry. I don’t put up with nakhray lol. It won’t hurt them to stay hungry for 1 night.

  2. If I have to tell you more than 3 times to pick something up, it goes in the trash. And I’m firm on this. I don’t do empty dhamkis. When they saw put a trash bag of their toys on the curb they learned real fast! Mashallah, now they clean up after themselves.

When going to someones house, my children know what is expected of them behavior wise. From a young age, I’ve always told them/taught them they when they leave our house, whether it’s going to school or whatever, they are a representation of our family and it’s their duty to uphold our family’s name.

**2) How did/do you ensure your child does not have excessive (or no) sodas/carbonated drinks/sweets/chocolates?
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Very Simple. We don’t keep sodas in our house at all. They don’t see us drinking them or ordering them at restaurants. Sometimes at a dawat or wedding etc they are allowed to have a Coke but the intake is monitored strictly. Same with candies/sweets…I don’t keep any at home. If they get some from a goodie bag or something at birthday party for example, then yes, I allow them to eat them but in moderation.

**3)- lately, kids have an obsession with phones/ipads etc. Ipad i am okay with since there isnt much they can do home so indoor games is okay but phone NO NO! But how does it happen practically?

**All of our tablets/ipads etc have parental locks on them. After a certain programmed time, the kids can’t even log in :blush: For Xbox, they have set times during the day they are allowed to play. Summer vacations I’m more relaxed on these rules, but during the school year, they are not allowed any “screen time” M-F, unless they need to use something for homework. Weekends they can play unrestricted as long as their chores are completed and rooms are clean.

**4- Some mothers really try their best to control their children but still their children misbehave and embarass by being very stubborn in what they want. How do you handle it?
**
Kids will be kids. There is no denying that. Even the most well behaved child will have his/her moments. How I handle it is by handling it! If we’re at a party or dawat or out shopping and my child has a melt down or is misbehaving then I stop what I’m doing/cut out my own socializing and deal with my child. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to leave a grocery store with a cart full of groceries left unpaid, or pulled over into an empty parking lot while driving to deal with my kids fighting in the back seat or left my own group of friends at a party to deal with my child misbehaving. The key is you have to be consistent in what you do. You can’t give empty threats or say something and not follow up on it. If my kid can’t get his act together and behave, we all leave. Simple as that.

**My baby is very small .. But there is no harm putting habits in place from the start. Thanks -
**
Again, just be consistent in the expectations you set and you’ll be fine!

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no we wasn’t :mad:

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  1. At home, he has to clean up after an activity before he moved on to the other one.. If he doesn’t, it stays there as long as it takes him to clean up. If he is having a moment, I offer to help and then we do it together.. It gets him rolling.
    Outside.. He has to stay in the sight of mom or dad.. No exceptions. I watch him like a hawk even at the masjid if he is playing with kids. At others house , if kids are playing in the basement.. I stay there.. I usually end up as the mother supervising all kids but it’s okay. I don’t mind it and I enjoy kids interaction anyway :smiley:

By the way I don’t interfere in his playing at all.. At home he plays in his room all the time, I don’t monitor that.

  1. We don’t buy soda much anymore.. Occasionally we do and he totally understand it’s mama babas “juice” and he can have his own juice.. Outside, again no soda and honestly no one has offered him yet. In case of juice, I don’t mind.. Like the other day he wanted to drink rooh Afza at masjid Iftar, I let him.. Once a week isn’t going to hurt him neither is it going to become a habit.. Special occasion is okay for juice and stuff.

I used to dilute juice with water until he turned 2.. I no longer of that.

  1. He does t know what iPhone is capable iof except taking pics..I let him see pics on my phone and that’s it.. I don’t have any apps for him on it neither do we watch you tube so it works. Although I have two apps on iPad for him that I let him play but honestly he has no interest in it.. He would rather make monster truck out of play dough. Nothing on my part, it’s his personality. He is not a tv watcher either even though I sometimes wish he did :smiley: bit you know we hardly watch tv at home or play games on phone do probably he never picked on it either.

  2. Kids will misbehave.. They are not angels.. Sometimes they are tired and hungry and sometimes just overwhelmed.. We just deal with it. Usually getting down to his level, giving him a hug, and telling him I understand he is tired or he wants that but we can’t have it, it’s not ours or that he he can lay down in my lap works.. But most importantly I remove him out of that situation.. Distraction works! If it doesn’t then we just leave and go home.. It hasn’t happened yet but if my kid will be frustrated somewhere, I m not staying there to make him miserable after my attempt to comfort him .. Not worth it!

One thing that has really worked for us us setting boundaries.. He knows some stuff is just mama and babas.. No compromise! He knows he can’t touch any electrical outlet even if it’s covered.. No compromise! He also understands that when mama says " I will take it back" she means it! He has learned that the hard way :wink:

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Peace Sweetmoi

For the adab of parents and public … I don’t see the two positions to be mutually exclusive … the reward punishment is a scenario during a heated moment … the reinforcement of love is general as a learning point not during disciplining. It is more important to get them to listen when they are angry and want to fight - so it is useful to use their momentary aggression as a tool against them … rather than losing ones temper or telling them off … you can punish them by rewarding the other party.

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Do you think parents are too much/over the top these days?

Not having a go at anyone I am sure majority of parents are doing a fantastic job

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1- What rules do you have for your kids at home? And what Dos/Don’ts do they have when going out specially to someone’s house?

No shoes allowed in any of the rooms except the hallway, and kitchen/ conservatory. He has to take his shoes off and wash his hands as soon as he comes home.

He he has to put his coat in his room, and put his shoes straight in the hall.

He he has to wash his hands before and after eating,

He/we have to tidy up toys once he’s finished playing or at the end of the day.

if he picks something up he has to put it back in the same spot.

He’s firmly what he can and can’t touch, and if he misbehaves he goes to time out.

if he asks for something he won’t get it until he says please.

he has to shake the hand of elders when we go out (unless he’s being very shy).

we don’t pander to tantrums, they are ignored.

2- How did/do you ensure your child does not have excessive (or no) sodas/carbonated drinks/sweets/chocolates?

we don’t have sodas or chocolates around him, and if we do have a soda in front of him, he gets juice. He’s never had chocolate, so doesn’t know what it is.

3- lately, kids have an obsession with phones/ipads etc. Ipad i am okay with since there isnt much they can do home so indoor games is okay but phone NO NO! But how does it happen practically?

The phone is my biggest challenge, as my mum likes to speak to him on the phone, so he wants it all the time. We’re addressing this by limiting the amount my mum speaks to him, and telling him he can only have it for x minutes.

iPad, he plays with when we allow him, again we express a time limit. At other times the iPad is asleep as far as he’s concerned.

4- Some mothers really try their best to control their children but still their children misbehave and embarass by being very stubborn in what they want. How do you handle it?

If your child is tired or unsettled they will act up, or simply because they can. I we’ve never really had major issues with hi when out, but of needed have taken him to the side and spoken to him, or taken him for a walk for a change of scenery. I always take toys with me to entertain him, and snacks etc in case dinner is running late.

He’s just turned 2 btw.

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yes, i think there are two sets of extremes in parenting styles these days…those “helicopter” parents who are extremely into hovering around their kids and and pay close attention to each and every minute aspect of their kids schooling, eating, socializing etc. sometimes I think these parents are more interested in raising a soldier than a child.

and then there is the flip side..the ones who are so lackadaisical that there kids rule over them, because everything is acceptable and ok and they don’t want to “hurt” or “befriend” their child.

me personally, i’m just happy if my kids grow up to be achay insaan, the rest will follow.

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What CEO said

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A question just entered my mind. Do you guys feel that your own parents had fewer rules and did less monitoring of of you? I

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Even I find you kool, khatti! Hahha

I am sure they will turn out fine! iA.