Re: Rules your children follow
I was brought up in a more relaxed atmosphere but there were clear boundaries. If my dad ever caught myself/siblings being disrespectful/swearing we were in big trouble.
From what I have seen outside of this forum mostly parents are precision based. Everything must be on point and little leeway is given to alternate. This is the difference I see with my upbringing and the newer generation. Also my mother wouldn’t think twice to give us naughty children a whooping.
Re: Rules your children follow
I have set the same rules for my kids as there were for myself as a kid - with some minor changes like the TV/gaming monitoring, my parents didn’t do much of that. Otherwise it’s pretty much the same. We were all expected to behave ourselves and my dad only had one rule “do well academically and the world is your play ground” and I think that’s pretty much how it will be for my kids too.
My goal is to raise well balanced children with a good dose of empathy for the people around him.
Re: Rules your children follow
I think I follow my Ammi’s style of parenting for the most part. I wasn’t micromanaged and had a fairly open relationship with my mom, but rules were rules and yes, she didn’t hesitate in pitai if it was needed!
I have a relaxed, yet specific style of parenting. I don’t expect perfection from my kids and it’s okay if they’re not the best students or athletes or whatever…as long as they are trying their best and are applying themselves/not just being lazy, it’s all good.
Where I differ from my own upbringing is that I am definitely more physically affectionate with my kiddos (hugging and kissing, I didn’t get that much growing up) and also I’m more involved in my kids schooling and activities…but that’s also because my ammi didn’t have the luxury of being a SAHM and was a single mom, so I can’t really place fault there.
We grew up being taught respect for elders above all else and also being empathetic to all, and I’m making sure those carry over to my own kids as well.
Re: Rules your children follow
Phones are important once kids are in middle school or earlier even if they go on the school bus and return to an empty home. Kids bring their electronic devices to school as well and use them to look up stuff for school related activities. Rest, it’s not easy that is why patenting is hard especially once they grow older and assert themselves.
Re: Rules your children follow
There are things that we have to be more careful about, for example how much candy and junk we will let our kids consume and how much we will consume as a family. My side of family has a history of diabetes and my husband’s family has a history of cardiac problems. We cannot ignore it, we have to make effort for a healthy life style for ourselves and our kids. Yes, it might sound we are being helicopter parents depriving our kids of the fun stuff we grew on.
It doesn’t mean we force them to munch on fruits and veggies all day long, we eat out (actually almost every weekend), I make stuff for them at home, we have chocolates at home, however my child is not living on bags of candy, and other junk food.
We have a very relaxed atmosphere at home. Things like cleaning up, etc is just part of our daily routine, it is not something they feel miserable about.
I know as they grow up, they will change and we will make changes to our parenting style to accommodate their needs, however the core values remain the same.
Re: Rules your children follow
**1- What rules do you have for your kids at home? And what Dos/Don’ts do they have when going out specially to someone’s house?**wth my 3.5 year old I am bit flexible the two things I stress is fixed bed time and eating time, no negotiations on these two things. while visiting she needs to listen to mum dad,say salam to every one,no junk eating, sharing toys no fighting pushing pulling, putting back toys after using them.we revise these things every time we are going I keep telling her in car.
**2- How did/do you ensure your child does not have excessive (or no) sodas/carbonated drinks/sweets/chocolates?**I am very strict about this hse simply knows tht these stuff are not for her, everyone in my social circle knows this hence no one gives her, evn if someone offers her she simply refuse it. but I just introduced her ice cream at 3.5 and tht she knows she can eat only when mum dad are eating.
3- lately, kids have an obsession with phones/ipads etc. Ipad i am okay with since there isnt much they can do home so indoor games is okay but phone NO NO! But how does it happen practically?
i didn’t give her phone or ipad till 3 years, i used to download nursery rhymes from you tube and put on my tv. now i give her i pad only when we are outside.
**4- Some mothers really try their best to control their children but still their children misbehave and embarass by being very stubborn in what they want. How do you handle it?**well i can understand this sometimes it happens to me my daughter has speech delay so sometimes when she is not able to express herseld hence meltdown . the only thing tht helps me is distraction , i have kept her toys book wth me either i give tht to her or something to eat, water. and i don’t care if anyone is looking at me or watching us i simply ignore wht ppl around me thinking.
**My baby is very small .. But there is no harm putting habits in place from the start. **
you can start as early as possible just keep patience and repeating the stuff. even now sometimes things don’t go as planned but the only thing i have learned in these years patience.
Rules your children follow
Its interesting how once we used to question and argue with our parents over some rules they had for us and how we ourselves are implementing them yet again but for our own children 
Re: Rules your children follow
yes …
Re: Rules your children follow
YES YES YES to all of the above, and sooner parents start reinforcing the rules the quicker and earlier kids understand and follow them.
parenting is hard, well actually good parenting is hard, and parents have to lead by example. My son is almost 7 and I have so many dilemmas on daily basis but I dont give up and being consistent is the key, because when parents send mix messages kids get confused.
Re: Rules your children follow
I guess my kids are a bit too old for me to have that elaborate list of rules. My eldest is 15 and youngest is 6. I won’t dare say they are very well behaved, but from what I get to hear from people around, they actually are! alhamdulillah for that.
Since my husband isn’t around for most part, it’s only me playing the bad cop 
I can’t really come up with a list of rules as each age group needs it’s own set of rules. However I try my best to let them know what is expected of them and I appreciate when they show respect for that.
I’ve had a fair share of problems with kids but now when I look back, I think it’s not been as bad as I thought it was. They don’t really watch TV… Elder 2 get the phone when needed (especially when they are outside and we need to know pick up times etc.) girls are younger and they get to play on iPads like once/ twice a month. Mostly we are too busy to actually think if passive Games on devices.
We don’t buy soda… We have a chocolate day I.e. Tuesday n crisps day on Friday. Other than that we hardly ever eat junk. On parties and functions or eating out, I let them decide for themselves. As a result, my daughters (6 & 10 years old) don’t like soda at all.
All four are into reading, alhamdulillah … If you enter our home, mostly you will find all of them drowned in some book of their interest. My boys regularly go for karate/ workout.
I had to go oversees for three months and everyone kept telling me that they were good in my absence too. One of my boys completed his hifz in eight months, out of these 8 I was away for three but I’m glad that he could manage.
Parenting is a tough and very demanding job but it is very rewarding as well. In my humble opinion one should not be too uptight but should not compromise on the basic values. I’m a firm believer that we can only wish to be good parents and try our best while the end result is what Allah decides.
Re: Rules your children follow
What… 15 already??? Mashallah
Afia Baji.. You are awesome and so are your kids.. Even if you did nothing, they would have been great just because you are their mother. It’s in their blood
Re: Rules your children follow
^
Yes mashaAllah! He will be sixteen actually on this eid, if we follow Islamic calendar.
And you are way too generous in commenting. It’s nothing but Allah’s blessing… Alhamdulillah for that.
Re: Rules your children follow
He memorized entire Quran in eight months ???
Re: Rules your children follow
^
Yes, alhamdulillah! 
He left school after grade seven for Hifz, and told me he will join the same class of his friends after an year, inshaAllah. I only smiled back then, thinking he has no idea of the task ahead. But he was committed…he completed the Hifz in eight months and seven days, to be precise, then tried making up for grade grade 8 course and now admitted to school again for his start of O-1 class (grade 9), scheduled to start in august inshaAllah.
Some people were skeptical of the quality of Hifz in his case but he proved em all wrong when he secured 3rd place in all Pakistan Hifz and qirat competition held by ministry of religious affairs, in May this year.
By the grace of Allah, he is the same child who was Dawn spelling bee champion for Northern Pakistan and islamabad region, two years back and now gearing up to participate in this competition again, in September this year.
Then which of the favours
Of your Lord will ye deny?— (surah Rahman)
Daffy Duck, sorry for hijacking your thread! 
I didn’t really mean to do that.
Re: Rules your children follow
MashAllah! May Allah keep him and all children in his iman. May Allah give him success in all walks of life. Ameen.
Re: Rules your children follow
Mashallah.. I have two boys 18 and 2 months old. We plan to put them in hifz program inshallah.
Re: Rules your children follow
My friends taught their kids to brush their teeth in the morning and evening military style and even made a song for them to sing while they did it …
After the kids did this for three of four months they rebelled big time … 
Re: Rules your children follow
My rules for my baby
apart from sleep she is following every rule Alhamdullilah
Re: Rules your children follow
1- What rules do you have for your kids at home? And what Dos/Don’ts do they have when going out specially to someone’s house?
Rules change but I had read that @khattichic once mentioned she either her boys will clean up when she tells them too or out comes the garbage bag for a overall sweep and that rule is implemented. If you don’t clean it up, in the garbage bag it goes and for them seeing that is enough. I live with my inlaws and sil so I discourage talkback. They are five and they are learning what flies and what doesn’t and along with them I am learning how to reprimand them without crushing their self esteem and confidence. I want them to respect their elders but I don’t want them to lose their voice or stifle their personality for the sake of lehaaz. Rules for others house is you don’t leave a mess, you don’t scream or shout, you don’t touch anything unless you ask and you do not abandon your sister or mKe her feel left out.
2- How did/do you ensure your child does not have excessive (or no) sodas/carbonated drinks/sweets/chocolates?
They are allowed juice once in a day, they don’t really have a sweet tooth and dessert is occasional. I don’t want to forbid anything because it just becomes more tempting but I dont make a big deal about their consumption either. I mainly show them I eat healthy and hope they watch and pick up good habits.
3- lately, kids have an obsession with phones/ipads etc. Ipad i am okay with since there isnt much they can do home so indoor games is okay but phone NO NO! But how does it happen practically?
They are allowed to play on the ipad for about 1 to 2 hours but and 2 is when I am super busy but they usually play educational games or watch instructional diy videos on youtube. Don’t ask me why but they are more interested in watching how to make, bake, build stuff than cartoons so in moderation, it is allowed.
4- Some mothers really try their best to control their children but still their children misbehave and embarass by being very stubborn in what they want. How do you handle it?
We as adults can barely contain our emotions so we cannot expect children to do the same. Every child will throw a tantrum here or there but one thing I refuse to do is give in. They are more than welcome to throw a tantrum and either we will walk out and get some space or I will walk away and wait for it to be over. If I tell you to go to a timeout, you go and if not i give you three chances to get your butt into the timeout and failure to do so returns in you lose ipad for a day and keep it up and you wont get it for a week. I have taken it away for a week and Ill make it a month if I have to. They aren’t perfect and they have good and bad days but so do I. I don’t want them to stifle them and living with extended family members their voices are beginning to drown out amongst too many parental figures
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Re: Rules your children follow
haha khatti my mum had this rule with me but it backfired on her she was trying to get me to eat brocolli and I basically refused. I went hungry for 2 days before she finally broke. Before that she told me that I had to sit there until I finished the food, I sat there for 2 hours, stubbornly refusing to eat it before she sent me to bed.