Re: Room issue.
Okay so you didn’t argue and you didn’t mock.
And your MIL admitted that her husband is a mean old ogre.
Still…why could you not simply take the smoothie and have a sip?
And why do you think that you, the newest member of the family, who does not even LIVE in the same house, would look good defying the man of the house whose reputation for being abrasive is well known?
Re: Room issue.
I’m just asking randomly.. When someone visits your house.. Do you force them to drink something? Or eat? If it’s not something they like? Or do you make it a personal mission to feed it to them?
I eat alot of things he forces me to eat like trying prawns and little birds. I did puke later. But when I’m fasting I do not feel like being forced into something I don’t want to drink
yes I don’t drink milk so I didn’t lie. Only time I drink milk is when it’s full of ovaltine.. Im also lactose intolerant but I occasionally have chocolate milk as I need it for my bones. I have weak bones.
And if he’d give me chocolate milk I’d definitely drink that.
His tone with me was extremely rude. My parents would never speak to my husband like that. There should be a barrier. Esp when I said nothing.
Even my sister in law on the table said she doesn’t wanna drink it and no one screamed at her?
Re: Room issue.
first of all…you’re not asking ‘randomly’…you’re asking with a specific purpose…to arrive at a conclusion that you have already formulated in your mind. please learn to communicate properly and don’t take the readers/members here to be fools who can’t see where you are leading. it’s insulting.
to answer your question, no, I would never force guests to eat/drink anything that they politely decline. (fyi: I would force my daughter to at least take a sip)
but I’m not your FIL. He has a different personality. I have been a guest in homes where my plate was forcefully taken from my hands and filled up with food that I really did/could not eat. This was the host’s way of showing their hospitality. I was not offended and I did leave some in my plate with a genuine apology because I couldn’t finish it.
so just like you have eaten “little birds” and prawns at his request, you could have taken a sip of the smoothie…it wouldn’t have killed you.
as for his tone…if you already know a person is like that then why be surprised or offended by it?
and of course your parents do not treat your husband like this…they are different people with different personalities and standards. why do you have the same expectations from other people?
you seem to have a problem comparing…your parents do this, his parents do that…you are treated this way, the jethani is treated that way…you were told to drink, the SIL got away with not drinking…sheesh.
you still haven’t answered my question: why could you not just take the smoothie and have a tiny sip to please an old man?
Omggggg enough with the sipppppp lol. Hahaha.
Muzna.. im laughin so hard here. Haha. 
Mere haath laptop nahi laga…verna mein bhi madam ko khoob suna thi.
OP… you have learned nothingin the past 5-6 (or however many yrs) you have known your inlaws. Al those.meetings,.down the drain.
The purpose was to meet and connect dots about personalities so you would.know exactly HOW to deal with diff ppl …but You are just as lost as a newly married dulhan in an arranged marriage setting.
Really… your posts are the PRIME reasons WHY elders are usually against free mingling of “spouses” before ruksathi. Patha nahi ruksathi ka time aye bhi na, baath pehlay khatam hojaye. That kinda thing.
Cuz really… from all the threads you have made so far… the issues are petty and immature and show zilch understanding of your inlaws.
Know why?
Cuz it is quite simple: it us IMPOSSIBLE to know someone until you have lived with em. There just is NO way you can guage whoyour fil, mil, even husband is just by visitng.
There is a reason WHY ppl like muzna, khatti are sayin what they are. Women that have been married for donkey yrs.
Take heed.
And seriously, CTFD.
What does your mom say about all of this?
Cuz my mom would have slapped me into reality 2 weeks ago!
Re: Room issue.
what you got against my “sip”???
Re: Room issue.
Also… you know how you keep saying jethni gets away with everything… have you ever thought why?
She may have lived according to inlaws rules initially and now that she has been married long enough, she can do as she pleases and no onee will notice nor care cuz…
woh dil pe charrgayi hai.
Ever heard of that phrase? That phrase was repeated to me non stop when i reached marriageable age and long after i was married.
It helped.
Dil pe charho… kaam aisay pyar lene walay kaam karo ke poora ghar aur uss mein rehnay walay, ek din tumharein ho. Ek chota kamra kisnay dekha hai?
Re: Room issue.
and in case you didn’t pick up on it…your MIL was telling you that you need to shut up and put up…that she’s been through the same thing and she survived just fine so you need to follow suit.
Re: Room issue.
This is so rude of you. Madam ko sunati. Is that what you want to say to someone whose sharing their concern?
Anyway sorry I thought differently. You people have experience hence i thought you’ll understand. Anyway clearly you all think from limited views. I don’t want to argue I feel insulted enough. Kindly show respect to fellow posters.
My jethani is a relatively hence best treatment. My fil scolded her slightly once and she didn’t talk to him for six months. She also said really bad things to mil..and me..and so there’s been alot of drama but since blood is thicker than water it’s always different for her.
I’d appreciate If you’d all ask my questions instead of saying rude things to me. I’ve been very depressed and maybe I’m immature but at least I’m seeking help. You guys aren’t helping my depression. I’m better left alone. Thanks everyone.
Re: Room issue.
Everybody has a different way of expressing themselves…you shouldn’t take every little comment to heart. If we did the same then we would be offended by your comment:
How come we all think from limited views and your view is perfectly correct and very open? Are you above being wrong? Could it be that we all are seeing something that you are yet unable to see? You want people to show you respect but you don’t want to be measured by the same standard.
khawateen asked a very valid question…what does your mom say about all of this? Does she agree with your opinion? What is her view?
You’ve answered your own question here…your jethani is a relative. Her bad behaviour will be tolerated, yours’ won’t. Accept that. It will be easier to move on. If you continue to compare your treatment to hers’ you will fall deeper into depression.
Good for you for seeking help.
Unfortunately being led to the well alone does not remedy a horse’s thirst. The horse must drink the water from the well in order to benefit.
Re: Room issue.
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Re: Room issue.
You will be going through a major change in your life, despite your efforts to get to know them before your rukhsati, has it really helped? It’s okay to feel nervous about the change, someone elses house until it becomes your own, and the rules that come with it.
Right now - tread carefully, no matter how much you love your husband or he loves you, be aware of what battles you are picking and if they are worth it. They are his family. Your FIL is not going to change once you move, he hasn’t changed for his children or his wife, what makes you think his behavior will change towards you. Since you’ve already spent quite a lot of time with them, any lehaz he may have had early on, he doesn’t have any longer. So yeah, pick your battles wisely. It’s not nice to shove food down peoples throats, but it wouldn’t have hurt to taste it and keep mum. Now that he’s been rude to you, and your MIL acknowledged it, just let it go, he is not going to apologize to you.
And stop comparing yourself to jethani, she has known them a lot longer than you have. You will need to make your own place in their hearts and home, and that will happen if you learn to deal with people appropriately. No one is going to treat you like your parents, learn to accept that. These are different relationships, learn to treat them so.
As for the room issue, I’m not sure why you are creating a fuss before your rukhsati, certainly you aren’t going to be sleeping under the stars. Your husband should be able to speak to HIS family about this, not sure why he’s putting you in the front, despite your lovely relationship with your MIL. Move there first, and then you can figure out how to handle it. Sleeping in a smaller room for a little while is not going to be the end of the world.
Re: Room issue.
OP… you say you asked here cuz we have exp…
then why are you not agreeing with ANY of it? we are giving you ideas and tips on how to settle and please your difficult inlaws… but you wont listen. as women, that have been married a long time, with relations to inlaws STILL intact.. we are telling you … these stunts you are pulling… and your thought process… it will NOT take you far …
so yes. you are a madam and i am sunnaing you. as your mother should.
seriously… my life line was my mom… i know her how she has lived her life… and i used to ask her for tips… and she is a wise woman…
ask her! not random online strangers who by the looks of it… dont know jack.
and in all honestly.. im sorry i came off as rude… that i will retract. but the rest remains.
yes!.. in a perfect world, no would mean no, ppl would get along etc… but it isnt a perfect world. so get smart or move out. for your sanity… choose the latter cuz you cant do the former. you have limited patience for it.
also.. you have already made it clear that the only ppl imp to you are your family and husband .. which means in laws best act good or you dont give 2 hoots bout em. which brings me back to what i said earlier… move out. thats the best option here… not in a rude mean way.. cuz there is nothingw rong with asking for your own pvt space… but in this situation.. it seems to be a necessity.
good luck .
Re: Room issue.
there you go OP.. a much nicer way of putting the same stuff we are saying…
couldnt like your post lishi 
Re: Room issue.
So all this is over a room and a drink?
Re: Room issue.
Life1 main aap ka swaagat hai 
Re: Room issue.
What completely amazes me that you’ve know your future ILs for the last what, 7 years? And you’ve had tea parties and shopping sprees with your MIL in the last 7 years, and you’ve probably talked to your husband daily at least once in those last 7 years. But not ever, not ONCE you thought it would be necessary for you to sit down seriously with your MIL or your future husband and ask, nay, demand that you want a bigger room? Especially since you know exactly what the current family member’s living situations are? So what exactly was the purpose of you mingling with your future ILs? To appear all “maadrun” and enlightened? Absolutely ridiculous. Jab kaam ki baat time par nahi karni thi to ain waqt par dhandora peetnay ki kya zaroorat hai? Suck it up. Take what’s been given to you, feel grateful for even the small things, because believe me your ILs could have easily put you in a servant quarter and there is nothing you could have done, except sit there pissed off.
Re: Room issue.
And oh yeah, if you’re really lactose intolerant even ovaltine or chocolate milk would give you a serious case of the cramps. Eat some Vit D+ Calcium tablets for your weak bones. At least that would take away a reason for your **future **ILs to be naraz with you in the future
Re: Room issue.
Been a while 
Re: Room issue.
lol Muzna, all that sip talk was really funny.
newbee, it’s not the room that matters. It’s the company. Focus on that. Everything else will get easier.