Re: Room issue.
Kids take at least 9 months, first get married, move with your husband, live in the designated place for few months and then talk to mil.
Seriously, grow up!
Re: Room issue.
Lusi… What’s there to grow up about? I think my in laws need it grow up and realise that their son is getting married.
Secondly eventually they’ll have to make changes…why not when I want them? And not when the responsibility makes it important.
Because if I don’t get the bigger room..ill never shift to it post children. And yeah room getting extended seems okay later too.
Re: Room issue.
hmmm… you’re saying your MIL didnt ask you if you want anything for your room? I thought in pakistan the DIL(you) brings her own things herself or her parents give them to her. I would move in and see how things are…
Re: Room issue.
Yes you’re right that’s what happens.. However that trend needs to come to a stop.. My parents asked my in laws and they said no need to give anything at all. Hence I can’t do anything. My jaithani bought nothing and my mother in law got everything done for her according to her wishes
Re: Room issue.
stop comparing…that seems to be the bigger problem
why do you feel that it will not be possible to change things after you have moved in?
I would think that asking for the larger room when a family is on the way would be taken in the light of “necessity” rather than the potential for someone to perceive your demand pre-marriage as greed.
once you are expecting a child then even the MIL will have a legit reason to swap rooms for her two DILs
Re: Room issue.
Kids soon? This will take time!!!
Seriously if I were you, I would not speak to the MIL about the room. Let your husband do it. It will not look good coming from you, no matter what way you say it. And how is the room issue mistreatment of you?
As I said previously get the wedding out of the way and focus on the important stuff like building relationships n get your husband to store clothes in spare room of its such a bother to you. They will soon see that you need the room. Be Patient!!
Re: Room issue.
Thank you everyone for your replies. Everytime I post here the insight I get.. The views from experiences help me alot.
Today I had a bad fight with my husband.. And after the fight I felt very bad. I apologized to him and for now I’ve decided to let it go.. For good. I hope I don’t come back on the issue again..
In our fight today he told me he had spoken to his mom twice and she said they’re not agreed to give up the room what can she do? ( technically she can since she owns the house and can make a decision) however she’s scared of her and won’t.
So I guess all is said and done.
And you’re right..it is about comparison. Because my jethani just gets the best of all. And I’m the good girl who deserves it but doesn’t get it.
My father in law who I’ll be living with is also quite difficult. Hes demanding. Wants us to seek permission for everything so I’m also very upset about that.. God help me. I have a loving husband..
Re: Room issue.
Well at least he tried, but what can you do. All I can say is that you need to pick and choose your battles, so be careful in the future. Inshallah it will work out in the end.
Let your husband deal with his father. Maintain a distance but be courteous and polite to him.
Re: Room issue.
you might want to look up nadz123 threads and read through in your spare time…
Re: Room issue.
I will look it up. How can I let my husband deal with his dad? He won’t speak up. In his household everyone is scared of his dad. Even the eldest brother.
Yesterday on aftari my fil made a smoothy. I don’t like milk or bananas..so I refused to drink and told him I like chocolate milk only.he said this is chocolate.. I said it’s not.. He got angry all of a sudden and said do you think I’m lying to you? Don’t argue with me. And after that the rest of the dinner I didn’t talk. I ate a bit and went for namaz. Later my mil told me if I minded.. I told her no but he gets angry too much and I’m worried about my married life.. If he’ll put restrictions. She said just tell me whenever you wanna go I’ll handle him.
But ladies.. I don’t want to be seeking permission all the time? It would be so difficult for me asking if I can go here and there. We’re married let us make our decisions.
Re: Room issue.
You’re at iftari with them at their house…you’ve mentioned that you spend a lot of time with your mil going out to movies, shopping etc, fighting with husband..you say kids are coming soon…yet no “ruhksati”…sounds more like a formality, no? From the looks of things you’re already practically living there lol, the way you have such in depth knowledge of the workings and politics of their household.
Why the holdup on moving in together under the same roof if you’re already married? Call me old fashioned but I was raised with the ideology that shaadi se pehlay larkiyan susural nahin jaati (meaning the time between engagement/shaadi/ruhksati girls don’t frequent their inlaws house) and we definitely do not have nikkahs without immediate ruhksati (only if there is a pressing situation like immigration)…your situation highlights the reason why prolonged nikkahs are frowned upon…not even under the same roof and so much drama and demands already.
Re: Room issue.
what harm would it have done if you had politely accepted the drink and taken a few sips?
and why so argumentative? if you already know that even his own eldest son does not argue with him, shouldn’t that be a clue to you about how to behave to keep the peace?
I’m actually surprised that they haven’t expressed reservations about you moving in…
Re: Room issue.
I’m against the ideology of girls not visiting in laws before marriage. Nothing stops girls from dating and meeting outside. It’s better if they meet the family and get to know the family. It helps in settling down when you know the members. I prefer that I was allowed to meet my in laws post engagement and nikkah .and these days everyone does that..atleast in my circle.
Second I know so much because I’ve been going once a week or every alternative week.. In some 5-6 years you gain alot of knowledge of the other person.
Rukhsati might be a formality now sure but kindly address the issue instead of criticizing me meeting them.. I highly disagree with old backward ways adopted by our society.
Re: Room issue.
I didn’t argue. He said it’s chocolate and I laughed slightly and said it’s not. I said It very politely and his comments were very harsh hence my mil asked if I’m upset. If I was wrong she wouldn’t be asking me.
Secondly I don’t drink milk or eat mangoes. They makes me vomit. So I don’t see the point of forcing someone to eat something they dislike.
Re: Room issue.
Sometimes there is wisdom in those “old backward ways” as you put it. And for the record, I also had a “love marriage”, born and raised in the U.S., raised by a single working mom, met and dated my husband in college and am almost at my 17th wedding anniversary so you’re barking up the wrong tree pal. Don’t really confirm to your idea of a paindu now do I?! 
And given your past threads about 1) not being taken to Dubai for shopping like your sil 2) not wanting to leave your parents house at all and being “told what to do” 3) where to stay when husband is out of town (where you CLEARLY said you’re already living with him lol, so which is it?!). 4) resentment for having to give up your career…you seem to have a pretty consistent track record…if you can’t even handle the “pre marriage” phase with these people when you’re ahem not even living with them, how sure are you that you’ll be able to handle the real thing lol.
Maaaardren sonch ftw!!!
Re: Room issue.
I’ve seen multiple marriages failed due to the old ideology of not meeting.. Their marriage ended in a year as they didn’t know what they were getting into.
Secondly you can judge my old track record no issues.. I’ve had alot of issues in the past but this is what this forum is about right?
The post about staying with in laws while husband is away( it was a question I was wondering about. This issue was faced by my jethani and she never consulted me on this matter but I wanted to know if what I was thinking alright or not.) I can’t give anymore proof that I’m not living with him and there’s no motive here to lie.
Re: Room issue.
I’ve seen multiple marriages failed due to the old ideology of not meeting.. Their marriage ended in a year as they didn’t know what they were getting into.
Secondly you can judge my old track record no issues.. I’ve had alot of issues in the past but this is what this forum is about right?
The post about staying with in laws while husband is away( it was a question I was wondering about. This issue was faced by my jethani and she never consulted me on this matter but I wanted to know if what I was thinking alright or not.) I can’t give anymore proof that I’m not living with him and there’s no motive here to lie.
Btw congratulations on completing 17 years I wish I can too:)
Re: Room issue.
You clearly are still not understanding the “not meeting” part lol or the point being made. You’re so adamant about your position and your wants and your needs that nothing else will make sense. Challo, koi baat nahin.
Re: Room issue.
oh wow…you even laughed slightly…I guess you can chalk me up for being backwards because by the rules I was brought up that behaviour would have been classed as “argumentative” and with the slight laugh added it would have fallen in the category of “batameezi” since it would suggest that you were mocking him.
your MIL asked if you were upset because you stayed quiet for the rest of the dinner…which, btw would have been seen as passive aggressiveness where I come from.
and even if she did think that her husband was harsh, she obviously did not speak out against him in front of everyone else. she asked you privately…shows class…whereas you defied him publicly even though you knew that nobody messes with him. (btw, what makes you think that you are in a position where you can challenge a man that does not tolerate challenges from his own sons?)
you just finished explaining that you prefer chocolate milk…now you don’t drink milk…so you were lying and making an excuse so you didn’t have to drink the smoothie? what if later he offered you chocolate milk? then what?
at the end of the day I would have taken the glass and taken a sip…wouldn’t have killed me and the small gesture/sacrifice would have made an elder happy. I might have taken him aside and whispered to him, “Abbu mind nahin kariyay ga, magar main doodh nahin peeti. Socha kay aap ko bata doon. Aap ko uss waqt mana nahin kar saktee thee. Hope you understand.” but then again…I’m quite backwards myself.
Re: Room issue.
Omg What’s wrong with all of you? I did not argue. If I would have I’d say it. I said one light. Laugh not in a sarcastic way but a nice way. I’m always politely smiling and laughing. So this would mean I’m mocking the whole world? My mil was telling me how unreasonable her husband gets and how her fil was just the same and how she’d shiver in front of him. So I’m sure no one felt like I was arguing or mocking. But you guys don’t even wanna listen.