Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
my mom says she would rather keep my brother single then marry him to a girl (pakistani origin) from uk. does anybody else has noticed this?
What will happen to her granddaughters who will be born and raised in UK... do ask her this question.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
ok i want everybodys view on this, me and my husband came to uk almost 12 years ago. we both are born and raised in paksitan. now general perception is everyone in pak wants to marry their son/daughter to someone who is settled abroad. but what i have noticed is people do want their sons to marry someone from abroad in senarios like where they do not have a respectable job in pakistan or not that well educated and if their sons are well settle in pakistan they want traditional pakistani bahu. in almost all marriages i know off where groom is from pakistan i find girl is far more educated/settled then boy. my fathers brother lives in lahore he got both his sons engaged to his brother in laws daughters who were canadian national. but as soon as one of his son got admission in nust in electrical engineering and other is commissioned in army they broke the engagement. my daughter is mashAllah 10 year old now and i am just terrified by the thought of not finding the suitable match for my daughter in pakistan. my brother was a student here in uk and he really liked this girl she was lovely he brought her my home even her family was very friendly and nice but my mom says she would rather keep my brother single then marry him to a girl (pakistani origin) from uk. does anybody else has noticed this?
may your daughter get a good husband and a good family when the time comes.
keep praying to ALLAH but don't stress over it too much.
also times are changing now, by the time your daughter would reach marriageable age, you will find more people who are open-minded and doesn't stereotype individuals based on where they are born and bred etc.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
disagree: girls abroad are not good looking or pretty than girls in Pak. disagree: girls in Pak only have to take care of their homes & themselves
and a million dollar question is why would a girl even want to marry a guy with such a mediocre mindset that a girl should wear shalwar kameez, cook and clean and speaks urdu and above all has a well paying job????
I never said that ALL girls from pak are better looking. I am saying that girls in pakistan have more time to take care of their looks. Its common knoweldge that there alot more chubby girls in the US/UK vs in Pakistan. Secondly, girls in pakistan, I dont think they are worried about paying off creditcard bills/student loans, alot of them don't have jobs, there home most of the time. Girls in the US/UK, alot of them start working when their in high school for pocket money, and continue to work after graduation.
OP was worried, She wants to make sure she can do the best she can to get the best rista she can, I gave her an answer to cover all her bases. If her kid is a good person, well paying job, she can probable find someone at or above her level herself. If not, she will have all the tools to have many options if she goes through matchmakers.
As for speaking Urdu and knowing how to cook, I dont think thats mediocre at all. If I had a son or a daughter I would teach them both those things. Knowing how to cook gives u confidence, a sense of accomplishment, and most of all independence. Think about it, its a skill, ask any one, when you first start cooking, and the food starts to come out better, dont you feel good about yourself? As for speaking another language, i think its great, why limit yourself to one culture when you can easily have 2 cultures, take the best of both and improve yourself. There is nothing wrong with being well rounded
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Honestly, anyone can find a rishta where they are. For the OP, I would focus on making sure she is smart, educated, has a really good/ well paying job, and in the meantime, build up your social circle, and purhaps put urself in a strong financial position. Like have a house or two.
If you raise her to be smart, educated, fit (not overweight, and your daughter maintains her looks) she will probably have rishtas coming to your house when she gets to her twenties. Say she is the shy or reserved type, and doesnt really get any rishtas. When you do go to a rishta wali, or if you have a social circle, when people see, " oh, this family has like 2/3 houses, the kids are really smart and well spoken, and have professional jobs" You will definatly get interests. I say start kind of training her when she is 12-14. Like if you see she has the tendancy to get fat, make it a priority to give her healthy meals, go to the gym with her. Make sure she learns how to cook, and does well in her education. Make her watch pakistani dramas and introduce her to family politics. By they time she will be 20, you and her will both know she can easily handle marriage. This way, if you guys get a great proposal at 21, you wont think, OMG, we can't marry her off, she doesnt know anything. Because its not just getting married, its being able to make it last as well.
I think alot of UK/US girls have issues with ristas is because alot of them, maynot be as pretty as the girls in Pak. Like we have to take care of jobs/education/home/our own finances. Girls in pak, they only have to take care of their home, and themselves. Also, I feel like we tend to wait until we are 25-26 when we start getting interested in marriage. Add 2 years in finding a rishta worth marrying. Add 1 year for engagement, if that breaks or something, your going to start over, and by then yoru already 28/29.
Girls in pak, start looking at 18/19. So they have a bigger pool of guys, and more time, so by the time they are 27 they are usually married. Also, if your kids are well mannered, knowledgeable about pakistani culture/traditions, then people wont think like oh, she was raised in the UK/US.
The problem is alot of people, let there daughters dress provocatively, be bathameze, not know how to speak urdu, and then expect them to be married off to a pakistani guy. The thing is the traditional Paki guys will want a girl who is more traditional. Traditional meaning, wear shalwar kameez at home/cook, clean/ speak urdu. At the same time, they want someone with a well paying job as well. Best is to have that balance of modern and traditional.
so agree. alhamdullilah. we live abroad but my sisters and i are very close to our roots and try to be as desi and inslamic as possible, with a good balance of being modern as well. that is how i would like to raise my future children as well.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
I never said that ALL girls from pak are better looking. I am saying that girls in pakistan have more time to take care of their looks.** Its common knoweldge that there alot more chubby girls in the US/UK vs in Pakistan.** Secondly, girls in pakistan,** I dont think they are worried about paying off creditcard bills/student loans, alot of them don't have jobs, there home most of the time**. Girls in the US/UK, alot of them start working when their in high school for pocket money, and continue to work after graduation.
Really? My cousins and a lot of the girls I see out and about back home seem curvier (or 'healthier' in desi speak) than the girls here.. I was often labelled 'too thin' by relatives when really I was about average for a western girl..
Also more time to spend on looks but I wouldn't have thought more money.. The girls who are working usually have a decent amount of disposable income before marriage (most still live with their parents and don't have many financial commitments)..
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Really? My cousins and a lot of the girls I see out and about back home seem curvier (or 'healthier' in desi speak) than the girls here.. I was often labelled 'too thin' by relatives when really I was about average for a western girl..
Also more time to spend on looks but I wouldn't have thought more money.. The girls who are working usually have a decent amount of disposable income before marriage (most still live with their parents and don't have many financial commitments)..
Healthy is beautiful, from my extensive exposure to competitive sports I can share the basics of being healthy is, exercise, diet, rest and stress free mindset.
Girls in Pakistan don't have opportunity to exercise, cooking to death all nutrients in salan will not make your skin glow, all the yelling screaming dramas, emotional black mailing is not conducive to stress free life, you get the picture. They seem more beautiful as men that would be rejected here by good looking girls end up marrying girls they often don't deserve because parents want to send their girls into an environment where they have rights and society protects them, I have 5 very handsome cousins who are professionals, athletic and polished and believe me these girls raised here are not begging for their rishtas, It is not if you will accept them, it is more like if they will accept you, As far as moms go, no girl is attracted to a grown man where him and his mom are clinging to each other...taking care of their legit needs is one think but taking your mom on the honeymoon also...some of the posts I read tell me that you cant separate these little boyz from the mommy clutches.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
I never said that ALL girls from pak are better looking. I am saying that girls in pakistan have more time to take care of their looks. Its common knoweldge that there alot more chubby girls in the US/UK vs in Pakistan. Secondly, girls in pakistan, I dont think they are worried about paying off creditcard bills/student loans, alot of them don't have jobs, there home most of the time. Girls in the US/UK, alot of them start working when their in high school for pocket money, and continue to work after graduation.
Not common knowledge at all...never heard of such things.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
A jungle of generalizations. run forrest run
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Healthy is beautiful, from my extensive exposure to competitive sports I can share the basics of being healthy is, exercise, diet, rest and stress free mindset. Girls in Pakistan don't have opportunity to exercise, cooking to death all nutrients in salan will not make your skin glow, all the yelling screaming dramas, emotional black mailing is not conducive to stress free life, you get the picture. They seem more beautiful as men that would be rejected here by good looking girls end up marrying girls they often don't deserve because parents want to send their girls into an environment where they have rights and society protects them, I have 5 very handsome cousins who are professionals, athletic and polished and believe me these girls raised here are not begging for their rishtas, It is not if you will accept them, it is more like if they will accept you, As far as moms go, no girl is attracted to a grown man where him and his mom are clinging to each other...taking care of their legit needs is one think but taking your mom on the honeymoon also...some of the posts I read tell me that you cant separate these little boyz from the mommy clutches.
Everyones seems to be generalizing here including you.
Gone are the days when people use to be excited for rishtas from abroad...after so many of bad cases, people have become cautious now! Secondly, i am not saying it is right but from what i have seen and also heard and read, girls abroad have more of rishta problems in comparison to the local conditions so i really doubt the girls abroad are actually finding it hard to accept rishtas as oppose to just being not accepted their self. Otherwise not majority of them would be coming back home for rishtas or making efforts from abroad to hook up here.
Btw im completely in agreement with what you said about what being healthy is all about. However you are forgetting, some people here might be overcooking salans ...but they might just tad bit be better than all the junk you people consume :). And i don't think you are familiar with health stats,foreign countries esp america ranks way high for obesity than our country. So perhaps even having the resources and the time for exercise is not doing you guys any good.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Everyones seems to be generalizing here including you.
Gone are the days when people use to be excited for rishtas from abroad...after so many of bad cases, people have become cautious now! Secondly, i am not saying it is right but from what i have seen and also heard and read, girls abroad have more of rishta problems in comparison to the local conditions so i really doubt the girls abroad are actually finding it hard to accept rishtas as oppose to just being not accepted their self. Otherwise not majority of them would be coming back home for rishtas or making efforts from abroad to hook up here.
Btw im completely in agreement with what you said about what being healthy is all about. However you are forgetting, some people here might be overcooking salans ...but they might just tad bit be better than all the junk you people consume :). And i don't think you are familiar with health stats,foreign countries esp america ranks way high for obesity than our country. So perhaps even having the resources and the time for exercise is not doing you guys any good.
No one with a straight face can say that people in general in a third world country will be healthier than a developed country, as for health stats Pakistan still has a fairly low life expectancy and fairly unhealthy population, I personally know many people in our community that married girls with alarming age difference and o way in hell they would be able to court these kind of girls here,I have not seen any stats that show Pakistan progressing on human rights. Girls here are financially, socially. physically independent and Rishtas are not the biggest priority, loving relationship is amazing but single life is better than abusive and loveless union. Don't get me wrong I think Pakistani girls are amazing but the misogynistic and feudal culture exploits the girls.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Yes, yes we all know...girls in Pakistan have more time to spend on themselves in order to appear better looking.
Usually girls in western countries are more focused on their careers, livelihood, religion, etc so much more successful in practical life.
The cultures are different...its not good nor bad...it is what it is. You have marriage becoming a reality for girls around 18 or 19 in Pak while here its not a big deal for us until muchhh later. We have time and opportunities for us that girls there might not. They have opportunities to marry men we might not.
Is that so bad? Not really...I don't think its an epidemic anymore either like it was in the 90's.
And yeah...these are severe generalizations.
One thing I will say to OP: marriage happens when its meant to happen. Until then, don't let your daughter sit there and think its her goal in life to be married because it isn't. The Prophet's (SAW) wives were examples of how different Muslim women can be...they weren't just wives...they were individuals.
A quality woman lacks nothing...absolutely nothing.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
No one with a straight face can say that people in general in a third world country will be healthier than a developed country, as for health stats Pakistan still has a fairly low life expectancy and fairly unhealthy population, I personally know many people in our community that married girls with alarming age difference and o way in hell they would be able to court these kind of girls here,I have not seen any stats that show Pakistan progressing on human rights. Girls here are financially, socially. physically independent and Rishtas are not the biggest priority, loving relationship is amazing but single life is better than abusive and loveless union. Don't get me wrong I think Pakistani girls are amazing but the misogynistic and feudal culture exploits the girls.
Refute my claim that obesity is way high in foreign countries esp America. Don't tell me what you or other people feel or think! Health and human rights are not entirely related so one argument at a time.
Rishtas are not the biggest priority? Hah. Great. Awesome. I am all for women or men's right to remain single, after all marriage is highly recommended but not a must. But who are we kidding here? Most human being long for companionship and being Muslims marriage is the way for it. No matter how successful, popular, wealthy you may be...desi or not, everyone at some point eventually want to settle down.
i think some of you here at this forum really need to visit back and see that things here are not same as you probably left them here....alarming age differences? I don't think they are as common as before and even if they are what about in west people doing the same? How is that counted as symbol of real love, liberation but when same happens here you guys are quick at pointing it out to be against human rights.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
i think some of you here at this forum really need to visit back and see that things here are not same as you probably left them here....alarming age differences? I don't think they are as common as before and even if they are what about in west people doing the same? How is that counted as symbol of real love, liberation but when same happens here you guys are quick at pointing it out to be against human rights.
YOu're right about things not being the same as they were when our parents left. Times have changed and so have people and mentalities.
But girls in Pak are still getting married much earlier compared to western countries. And I don't think that's a negative.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Girls in pakistan don't focus on religion and a failure in practical life. I wish pakistani girls were dragged into every discussion where ''desi girls born and raised abroad'' are the subject.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Girls in pakistan don't focus on religion and a failure in practical life. I wish pakistani girls were dragged into every discussion where ''desi girls born and raised abroad'' are the subject.
They're not a failure at all in any aspect of life. A girl who gets married young might not have the time to do things she could as a single person.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Refute my claim that obesity is way high in foreign countries esp America. Don't tell me what you or other people feel or think! Health and human rights are not entirely related so one argument at a time.
Rishtas are not the biggest priority? Hah. Great. Awesome. I am all for women or men's right to remain single, after all marriage is highly recommended but not a must. But who are we kidding here? Most human being long for companionship and being Muslims marriage is the way for it. No matter how successful, popular, wealthy you may be...desi or not, everyone at some point eventually want to settle down.
i think some of you here at this forum really need to visit back and see that things here are not same as you probably left them here....alarming age differences? I don't think they are as common as before and even if they are what about in west people doing the same? How is that counted as symbol of real love, liberation but when same happens here you guys are quick at pointing it out to be against human rights.
Three very recent marriages in a very small community, guys are in upper sixties and married girls in 30's imported from Pakistan, there are many more activities that girls do here, they belong to sports teams go camping, bicycling, skiing, jogging, get together and stuff, they have financially rewarding careers and have many other goals, they won't get married for sake of getting married they will wait until they find someone they can relate to, most married Pakistani women are lonely also, my younger niece and nephews shared with me that whenever they go for sleep overs they hardly saw parents of their friends talk to each other, that is lonely. Healthy is beautiful, skinny girls marry fit guys, all my family is very fit and all the girls they approached were fit also. I have seen many pictures from a wedding and pollution and polluted foods will make you unattractive never saw a salad on a Pakistani chicks plate, you don't become beautiful not eating fruits and veggies.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
....... I have seen many pictures from a wedding and pollution and polluted foods will make you unattractive never saw a salad on a Pakistani chicks plate, you don't become beautiful not eating fruits and veggies.
:D
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Three very recent marriages in a very small community, guys are in upper sixties and married girls in 30's imported from Pakistan, there are many more activities that girls do here, they belong to sports teams go camping, bicycling, skiing, jogging, get together and stuff, they have financially rewarding careers and have many other goals, they won't get married for sake of getting married they will wait until they find someone they can relate to, most married Pakistani women are lonely also, my younger niece and nephews shared with me that whenever they go for sleep overs they hardly saw parents of their friends talk to each other, that is lonely. Healthy is beautiful, skinny girls marry fit guys, all my family is very fit and all the girls they approached were fit also. I have seen many pictures from a wedding and pollution and polluted foods will make you unattractive never saw a salad on a Pakistani chicks plate, you don't become beautiful not eating fruits and veggies.
You don't really need salad to appear healthy, at least until you turn 30. Until then it's not about what you eat, but more so about how much you. If you're getting just enough protein and carbs, you're gonna look decent ( with some exercise of course). Gotta lift those weights. Iron is what it's all about, or calisthenics if you can do that.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
You don't really need salad to appear healthy, at least until you turn 30. Until then it's not about what you eat, but more so about how much you. If you're getting just enough protein and carbs, you're gonna look decent ( with some exercise of course). Gotta lift those weights. Iron is what it's all about, or calisthenics if you can do that.
Micro nutrient and phytonutrients dude, that is what turns a beautiful girl into a goddess, I saw this beautiful girl that started juicing, you can see the glow of her skin and the shine of her hair from space.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
I personally don't totally like how mammoth emphasis is placed on finding the perfect 'rishta'. Sure it's nice and certainly helps if parents are looking for a suitable match for their children, but this shouldn't be the entire story. All adults must have a choice to choose their own partners, if they are mature and responsible, chances are they'll make a good enough decision. As parents, you can pin point the potential dangers and red flags in an individuals, but outright rejection of any 'outsider' and dictating choices is not healthy.
If they are adults and still needing parents guidance, what the hell were the parents doing when the kids were younger, that is the time to mold them and give them decision making skills, My eldest is fifteen and some well wisher came up to me and said I should guide him about some matters, I looked the guy in the eyes and told him that my son is a bigger man then I ever was, he makes his own decisions.