Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
If I were you...I'd focus on making sure your daughter can adjust in any society she chooses to be in. Whether is desi or non-desi. A smart, confident, morally sound and capable woman will attract an individual who finds those traits attractive...be it Pakistan or UK or US or wherever.
Marriage is not her goal and considering the trend you're describing...I'd make sure it isn't.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Do people look for rishtas? I thought all foreign born and bred girls and boys marry their first cousins.
Your daughter is too young, concentrate on other more important thing.
So strange...I don't know anyone married to their first cousins here in our generation.
I usually see this trend in Pakistani dramas...they call them "ghar ke bachay" or something and it seems first preference to look for rishtas within the families.
You know if you left out the first paragraph, your reply would seem a lot less obnoxious. Just a tip for the future.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
LOL!
Let's just say, It'd be nice if I cared.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
LOL!
Let's just say, It'd be nice if I cared.
I don't think its about caring what others think as much as it is about whether your post has any substance.
Obnoxious or spiteful posts just don't hold much value/merit and are rarely taken seriously.
A little bit of grace/class go a long way.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
I don't think its about caring what others think as much as it is about whether your post has any substance.
Obnoxious or spiteful posts just don't hold much value/merit and are rarely taken seriously.
A little bit of grace/class go a long way.
Ha! How ironic. The post which apparently has no "substance" "value" or "merit" gets qouted thrice. Pretty impressive.
Well then, no one is asking you take that post seriously, and sadly looks like quite a few people have taken it seriously, and really, it's not my headache.
Don't bother preaching grace/class on internet. I really don't give a hoot about what any thinks of my posting style. I don't and I see no reason why anyone should either. So no point barking up the wrong tree.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Ha! How ironic. The post which apparently has no "substance" "value" or "merit" gets qouted thrice. Pretty impressive.
Well then, no one is asking you take that post seriously, and sadly looks like quite a few people have taken it seriously, and really, it's not my headache.
Don't bother preaching grace/class on internet. I really don't give a hoot what any thinks of my posting style, I honestly don't and I see no reason why anyone shoould either. So no point barking up the wrong tree.
It got quoted because it was childish and tacky...grace/class are not for everyone.
It sounds like your posting style is something you're having a hard time with...whatever it is...try to keep the baiting under control. Its not necessary everywhere you go.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Who on earth are you to preach about class or grace on bloody internet? I must say that's also very childish and tacky thing to do.
Trying not to look so hard and close for finding bait in every post might help.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
I don't think its about caring what others think as much as it is about whether your post has any substance.
Obnoxious or spiteful posts just don't hold much value/merit and are rarely taken seriously.
A little bit of grace/class go a long way.
thank you
Ha! How ironic. The post which apparently has no "substance" "value" or "merit" gets qouted thrice. Pretty impressive.
Well then, no one is asking you take that post seriously, and sadly looks like quite a few people have taken it seriously, and really, it's not my headache.
Don't bother preaching grace/class on internet. I really don't give a hoot about what any thinks of my posting style. I don't and I see no reason why anyone should either. So no point barking up the wrong tree.
Well let me just tell you...no one takes your posts seriously. Everyones used to the acerbic tone and monotony and just glances over them.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Well let me just tell you...no one takes your posts seriously. Everyones used to the acerbic tone and monotony and just glances over them.
LOL! Well you for one certainly didn't.
I'm glad people in this part of the section don't take my posts seriously. In all seriousness, I'd be quite worried if they do. I wonder how many times you and the other one will quote my post to actually tell me you haven't taken me seriously? It's all getting so embarrassingly ironic and superficial.
I'm just laughing at this buffoonery.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
??? Ok. Bye.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
twinkle, do you feel your mother is justified in her treatment/assessment of girls raised abroad? do you think that it is correct for her to dismiss them entirely as viable options for your brother? what assumptions does your mother have that lead to her assessment? do you think that the way your mother characterizes girls abroad is true for your daughter and other women you've seen raised abroad?
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Just because girls abroad know how to uphold their integrity and not let useless , mindless cultural practices ruin their confidence nor the way they wish to lead their lives , the rishta searching mothers think they are unfit for their sons?
I feel this is perfect case of why one should look for a rishta in the same place where you have lived and grown up.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
^ THIS!!! :k:
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
I personally don't totally like how mammoth emphasis is placed on finding the perfect 'rishta'. Sure it's nice and certainly helps if parents are looking for a suitable match for their children, but this shouldn't be the entire story. All adults must have a choice to choose their own partners, if they are mature and responsible, chances are they'll make a good enough decision. As parents, you can pin point the potential dangers and red flags in an individuals, but outright rejection of any 'outsider' and dictating choices is not healthy.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Honestly, anyone can find a rishta where they are. For the OP, I would focus on making sure she is smart, educated, has a really good/ well paying job, and in the meantime, build up your social circle, and purhaps put urself in a strong financial position. Like have a house or two.
If you raise her to be smart, educated, fit (not overweight, and your daughter maintains her looks) she will probably have rishtas coming to your house when she gets to her twenties. Say she is the shy or reserved type, and doesnt really get any rishtas. When you do go to a rishta wali, or if you have a social circle, when people see, " oh, this family has like 2/3 houses, the kids are really smart and well spoken, and have professional jobs" You will definatly get interests. I say start kind of training her when she is 12-14. Like if you see she has the tendancy to get fat, make it a priority to give her healthy meals, go to the gym with her. Make sure she learns how to cook, and does well in her education. Make her watch pakistani dramas and introduce her to family politics. By they time she will be 20, you and her will both know she can easily handle marriage. This way, if you guys get a great proposal at 21, you wont think, OMG, we can't marry her off, she doesnt know anything. Because its not just getting married, its being able to make it last as well.
I think alot of UK/US girls have issues with ristas is because alot of them, maynot be as pretty as the girls in Pak. Like we have to take care of jobs/education/home/our own finances. Girls in pak, they only have to take care of their home, and themselves. Also, I feel like we tend to wait until we are 25-26 when we start getting interested in marriage. Add 2 years in finding a rishta worth marrying. Add 1 year for engagement, if that breaks or something, your going to start over, and by then yoru already 28/29.
Girls in pak, start looking at 18/19. So they have a bigger pool of guys, and more time, so by the time they are 27 they are usually married. Also, if your kids are well mannered, knowledgeable about pakistani culture/traditions, then people wont think like oh, she was raised in the UK/US.
The problem is alot of people, let there daughters dress provocatively, be bathameze, not know how to speak urdu, and then expect them to be married off to a pakistani guy. The thing is the traditional Paki guys will want a girl who is more traditional. Traditional meaning, wear shalwar kameez at home/cook, clean/ speak urdu. At the same time, they want someone with a well paying job as well. Best is to have that balance of modern and traditional.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
^ I'm just going to wait for some kind of uproar to this one.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Honestly, anyone can find a rishta where they are. For the OP, I would focus on making sure she is smart, educated, has a really good/ well paying job, and in the meantime, build up your social circle, and purhaps put urself in a strong financial position. Like have a house or two.
If you raise her to be smart, educated, fit (not overweight, and your daughter maintains her looks) she will probably have rishtas coming to your house when she gets to her twenties. Say she is the shy or reserved type, and doesnt really get any rishtas. When you do go to a rishta wali, or if you have a social circle, when people see, " oh, this family has like 2/3 houses, the kids are really smart and well spoken, and have professional jobs" You will definatly get interests. I say start kind of training her when she is 12-14. Like if you see she has the tendancy to get fat, make it a priority to give her healthy meals, go to the gym with her. Make sure she learns how to cook, and does well in her education. Make her watch pakistani dramas and introduce her to family politics. By they time she will be 20, you and her will both know she can easily handle marriage. This way, if you guys get a great proposal at 21, you wont think, OMG, we can't marry her off, she doesnt know anything. Because its not just getting married, its being able to make it last as well.
I think alot of UK/US girls have issues with ristas is because alot of them, maynot be as pretty as the girls in Pak. Like we have to take care of jobs/education/home/our own finances. Girls in pak, they only have to take care of their home, and themselves. Also, I feel like we tend to wait until we are 25-26 when we start getting interested in marriage. Add 2 years in finding a rishta worth marrying. Add 1 year for engagement, if that breaks or something, your going to start over, and by then yoru already 28/29.
Girls in pak, start looking at 18/19. So they have a bigger pool of guys, and more time, so by the time they are 27 they are usually married. Also, if your kids are well mannered, knowledgeable about pakistani culture/traditions, then people wont think like oh, she was raised in the UK/US.
The problem is alot of people, let there daughters dress provocatively, be bathameze, not know how to speak urdu, and then expect them to be married off to a pakistani guy. The thing is the traditional Paki guys will want a girl who is more traditional. Traditional meaning, wear shalwar kameez at home/cook, clean/ speak urdu. At the same time, they want someone with a well paying job as well. Best is to have that balance of modern and traditional.
As mean as it may sound to people...its true.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Girls in the West get involved in excelling and being the best we can be.
That being said, I am seeing this trend dying in the US. Not very many families are importing brides and grooms anymore. It still happens but not at the rate it was happening in the 90's. You will find balanced, educated and cultured families in the US...and they're not in the minority either.
Re: rishtas for desi girls born and raised abroad
Honestly, anyone can find a rishta where they are. For the OP, I would focus on making sure she is smart, educated, has a really good/ well paying job, and in the meantime, build up your social circle, and purhaps put urself in a strong financial position. Like have a house or two.
If you raise her to be smart, educated, fit (not overweight, and your daughter maintains her looks) she will probably have rishtas coming to your house when she gets to her twenties. Say she is the shy or reserved type, and doesnt really get any rishtas. When you do go to a rishta wali, or if you have a social circle, when people see, " oh, this family has like 2/3 houses, the kids are really smart and well spoken, and have professional jobs" You will definatly get interests. I say start kind of training her when she is 12-14. Like if you see she has the tendancy to get fat, make it a priority to give her healthy meals, go to the gym with her. Make sure she learns how to cook, and does well in her education. Make her watch pakistani dramas and introduce her to family politics. By they time she will be 20, you and her will both know she can easily handle marriage. This way, if you guys get a great proposal at 21, you wont think, OMG, we can't marry her off, she doesnt know anything. Because its not just getting married, its being able to make it last as well.
I think alot of UK/US girls have issues with ristas is because alot of them, maynot be as pretty as the girls in Pak. Like we have to take care of jobs/education/home/our own finances. Girls in pak, they only have to take care of their home, and themselves. Also, I feel like we tend to wait until we are 25-26 when we start getting interested in marriage. Add 2 years in finding a rishta worth marrying. Add 1 year for engagement, if that breaks or something, your going to start over, and by then yoru already 28/29.
Girls in pak, start looking at 18/19. So they have a bigger pool of guys, and more time, so by the time they are 27 they are usually married. Also, if your kids are well mannered, knowledgeable about pakistani culture/traditions, then people wont think like oh, she was raised in the UK/US.
The problem is alot of people, let there daughters dress provocatively, be bathameze, not know how to speak urdu, and then expect them to be married off to a pakistani guy. The thing is the traditional Paki guys will want a girl who is more traditional. Traditional meaning, wear shalwar kameez at home/cook, clean/ speak urdu. At the same time, they want someone with a well paying job as well. Best is to have that balance of modern and traditional.
disagree: girls abroad are not good looking or pretty than girls in Pak.
disagree: girls in Pak only have to take care of their homes & themselves
and a million dollar question is why would a girl even want to marry a guy with such a mediocre mindset that a girl should wear shalwar kameez, cook and clean and speaks urdu and above all has a well paying job????