Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
would you marry someone who had aids or cancer? probably not, because who wants to get married only to get widowed shortly after.
alcoholism is a disease. its probably more deadly because most alcoholics are phsyically/mentally abusive. also, alcoholism gets passed on to the children, too (just like any other disease) so think about that, too.
alcohol and gambling are two things strictly forbidden by islam and has proved to be one of those habits which destroys families and generations.
Alcohol is a "nasha" and nasha is very hard for anyone to get rid of. I agree with Psquared and RV's posts. Men do not change after marraige , it's the misconception of us women to think that things will change but they dont. If i were at your place i would prefer my sister to be NEVER MARRIED than to be married to an alcoholic. Once you get into a marriage its not easy to get out even when you are suffering alot ! One can live a normal single life but it's not easy to live a normal happy life once u have gone thru some serious crap.
Just imagine the things he can do to your sister when he is drunk ! because one loose senses when drunk. in what kind of environment their kids will be brought up ? it's not a one or 2 days things , its a matter of whole life time.
my sincere advise is SAY NO TO THAT RISHTA even if Godforbids that is the last rishta on this earth for your sis.
in fact, ask your aunty to make him join rehab, and if he honestly gets better then you guys will reconsider this rishta.
I agree. Living with an alcoholic can ruin your life. Problems are very very deep.Can change you and effect your personality too much. Alcoholics do not change because the relatives want them to. They will give up alcohol only if they themselves realize the problem and most of the time they don't see it as a problem. It can have a detrimental effect on the children as well. Please think hard before you say yes for thr rishta
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
^ its an addiction it will never go away!
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
Bebo, the situation seems easy for your sister to handle because she is not actually married to him yet. Being married to a non-alcoholic requires so much patience and dedication (lol) I can only imagine the amount of work one must put into marrying an alcoholic.
You know your sister, is she really that patient and mature enough to tolerate his behavior? There is no guarantee he will change just because she is understanding.
My sister is 25. She just got a rishta from a family that we are good friends with. The guy is 32 and he's an alcoholic.
Well, my sister is completely OK with this rishta, knowing all of this!
sista Bebo... umm - you and the rest of the guppans will really knock me out - but I'll still take a stand.
Could it be that he's really good in bed? and your sista already knows about it! That's THE ONLY REASON a girl would lose her head.
Tell your sister to snap out of it.
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
Ill be honest, heart to heart from a guy here, he wont change.
I havnt cleaned my room for nearly 10 years, my mum and sister do that. Yeah, when I get married I might clean my own room for the first week or so.....but after that i aint cleaning sh|t.
The moral of the story is that he will give up alcohol to get into your pants, when he realizes that its pretty easy to get into those pants he will start drinking again
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
Slickstar you have hit the nail on the head!
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
Can ur sis not insist he goes to rehab to prove he can get clean before agreeing to marry him? I seriously would not advise her to marry hoping he'd change cos the chances of that happening without some serious help are slim to none. Like redvelvet mentioned, desi mothers/aunties often think marriage will lead to their sons changing and turning over a new leaf (what a cop-out, rather than fixing their own son's behaviour they just palm him off to someone else to try and sort him out), I know of lots of men sleeping around before marriage and rather than changing like their parents think they will just cos they have a new wife they just carry on like before but are hiding it..
OP, if you had a daughter and she had recieved the said Rishta, wouldn't you want to know EVERYTHING about the guy and THEN make an informed decison with your daughter?
This all depends on the extent of his drinking. If he's an excessive drinker, then it will be a very hard marriage between the three of them; your sister, the Husband and the bottle..
Yes, some people do change, but they have to want to change. Is there anything about this person that suggests he wants to change or is even able to change? If not, I wouldn't touch him with a barge-pole...
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
This is the dream world of parents that after marriage their boys will become a nice citizen. This is 101% wrong. But now a days most of the peoples are getting materialistic and just ignore the character of boy and see which family he belongs and how much he is earning.
Just compare the life of other girls who are living with drunkun guys and wasting their lives.
My Opinion is just to refuse it.
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
I was thinking about this post in the car about what would bother me most about my husband drinking..
and i thought ok so he is really nice from a nice family and i EXPECT him to change because of me and also his family will look after me etc etc...
Then i get married to him and for 2 weeks everything is great, after coming back from the honey moon, i cook dinner for the evening.....and he says he is going to meet some friends and i wait until 9 then 10 then 12 then go to bed and he rolls in stinking of alcohol at 5 am and falls asleep with his shoes on.
1 year down the line....i ask him to spend to evening with me, he is already drunk waiting for his night out and gets angry and he is so drunk he doesnt know what he is doing he pushes me away and i knock my head on the table.
I cant talk to anyone because i didnt tell my parents and his mum is just happy he got married to a nice girl so doesnt want to know.
5 years down the line...i have to handle 2 small kids alone because my husband is in prison for drink driving.
scary thoughts...
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
I think you must tell your parents about eveything you have been told by the sister. Ot's best they know now rather than your sis coming over to her parents house crying ( after marriage). I don't think she understands what she's getting into. There's no hope for him. You can expect people to change. It may take 20 years. Can she tolerate that? He's been with girls in the past, no girl would come over to his place screaming for no reason. The child must've been his. Who knows another 3 girls might turn at his house later claiming the same thing after he married your sister. What's she going to do then? Once you are married to someone you tend to be very posessive about them. You can be all cool about these things.
I was thinking about this post in the car about what would bother me most about my husband drinking..
and i thought ok so he is really nice from a nice family and i EXPECT him to change because of me and also his family will look after me etc etc...
Then i get married to him and for 2 weeks everything is great, after coming back from the honey moon, i cook dinner for the evening.....and he says he is going to meet some friends and i wait until 9 then 10 then 12 then go to bed and he rolls in stinking of alcohol at 5 am and falls asleep with his shoes on.
1 year down the line....i ask him to spend to evening with me, he is already drunk waiting for his night out and gets angry and he is so drunk he doesnt know what he is doing he pushes me away and i knock my head on the table.
I cant talk to anyone because i didnt tell my parents and his mum is just happy he got married to a nice girl so doesnt want to know.
5 years down the line...i have to handle 2 small kids alone because my husband is in prison for drink driving.
scary thoughts...
um, social drinker does not necessarily lead to being an alcoholic/going to prison for drunk driving etc.
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
^ no it doesnt im saying he is an alcoholic....im just going by seeing what ive seen living away from at uni where everyone drinks alot...loads of my friends who drink have been caught drink driving, slept around and got into fights....
And for some reason the muslms i know who drink on a night out get into more trouble....a guy at uni beat up his girlfriend and went to prison.....
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
Bebo please do not side with your sister.
HE IS AN ALCOHOLIC!
Then that screaming girl at his house means that he has had premarital sex at least…otherwise girls do not come to your house saying such things.
What else is left to make him shareef.
The Qur’an, chapter 24 (An-Noor), verse 3: “The fornicator shall not marry any but a fornicatress or idolatress, and (as for) the fornicatress, none shall marry her but a fornicator or an idolater; and it is forbidden to the believers.— translated by M. H. Shakir
PLease do not let the goodness of your sister go to waste on such a person…It is not her responsibility to undo what he has done with his life…SHE DESERVES SOMEONE WHO IS AS GOOD AS HER
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
And bebo when a man is into sleeping with different girls before marriage.......the urge never leaves him......he will stray...100% of men will.....If they were that strong they would never get into fornication.
quick question is there a difference between an alcoholic and an occassional drinker ... well ofcourse there is but is it better to be an occassional drinker and not know for sure that it wont effect the relationship?
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
Its the same thing as a pan-eater. An occasional pan doesnt do much but eating it constantly makes your teeth fall out.
Drinking occasionally doesnt do much - it is haram and that should be enough of a reason not to do it - but overindulgence can put you in the hospital.