Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
By the way where is Bebo Shah ???? PSquared it seems you have not read all the posts above ...... you can't compare Pan eater with Drinking guys who just start beating their wives without any reason ...
Maybe she is banging her head against a brick wall 
trying to convince her Sister that this guy is an Alcholic Moron!!
By the way where is Bebo Shah ???? PSquared it seems you have not read all the posts above ...... you can't compare Pan eater with Drinking guys who just start beating their wives without any reason ...
gypsy,
Im comparing the habit when it comes to a person's health...not the situation.
Just so you know...you dont need alcohol to be a wife-beater. Lots of desi men beat their wives with no alcohol in their bloodstream whatsoever.
gypsy_lonely, i am here :) I asked my sister to read everything you guys were saying since it was all so helpful!
I had forgotten about Ramadan starting this weekend so we ended up meeting the guy and his sister for coffee last night. He seemed to come clean about everything even before we asked him our questions. Turns out he did have pre-marital relations with not one but several girls.. some while he was drunk.. and most he doesn't remember.. but he denies having any children. He still has a drunk driving case open against him so we don't know what's going to happen with that. It's entirely possible that he'll go to jail since it's not his first offense... well.. there was a lot more that he said but to keep this short.. he pretty much asked us to say no to the rishta.
I think actually hearing everything from his own mouth made the situation hit home with my sister.. especially the part about him sleeping around.. STD's are one thing but just the fact that he's been with someone else is disgusting itself. We told our mom to say no to the rishta but we didn't tell her the reasons.
So I think crisis averted.. thank God!
Thanks everyone for your advice!! This was unchartered territory for us and I know the posts really helped my sister! :)
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
yay for bebo shah's sister!
Im glad this man had some decency to come clean and tell your sister everything and protect her!
But your sister needs not be so.....quick in making decisions and learn to think objectively too for future rishtas!
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
Good job Bebo!!!
Kudos to the guy for being open and honest about his past and future too. Its despicable behavior but would have been even worse if he had lied about it and married your sister.
:)
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
quite meaningless discussion going on.
so the guy has a drinking problem and rest seems to be fine,
everyone of us has a bit of a problem we are not all saints here even your sister might have a problem or more.
lets be realistic,
is there a guarentee for all the other "rishta's" coming on the way, to be completely flawless?
You can tell latoo is a guy, I don't think he would be so understanding if it was a girl with alcohol and chastity problem.
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
i dont understand why people take alcohol so lightly...ok people have some bad habits- they pick their nose, they are lazy, they bite their toenails, they have a short temper what ever..
But drinking is a pretty big sin in islam...yes we arent all perfect muslims but in my opinion someone who drinks/does drugs is a bit no no!
if i was drinker/drug user fine! but for a girl who hasnt even touched alcohol its not fair on her.
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
I know what you are saying because alot of my friends at uni ( in england) are drinkers and drink when we go out or have parties....its totally fine! and no it doesnt make them bad people.
But the muslims i know who drink, even if they have grown up in the west, are more out of control and do stupider things and cant control them selves.
My non muslims friends have been having a glass of wine with their meals ever since they were 15-16 with their families, muslims havnt to them the reason for drnking...getting as drunk as possible.
I do not have a problem with non muslims drinking, but i wouldnt marry a muslim man who does especially as i dont do it myself.
quite meaningless discussion going on.
so the guy has a drinking problem and rest seems to be fine,
everyone of us has a bit of a problem we are not all saints here even your sister might have a problem or more.
lets be realistic,
is there a guarentee for all the other "rishta's" coming on the way, to be completely flawless?
It's not just the drinking problem, it's all the other problems caused by the drinking problem.. like pre-marital relationships, drunk driving, arrests, etc. There's no guarantee for future rishtas of course, but that doesn't mean settling for something this bad.
And yeah if the tables were turned and the girl had even one of these flaws, would anyone consider marrying her?
Thanks for your opinion though.
Re: Rishta of an Alcoholic!
Sahar and alvena, you are absolutely right about Muslim drinkers and non-Muslim ones. Alcohol is a way to rebel for the non-Muslim kids only until they are 21 (in USA) and can legally drink.. at that point, there's nothing to rebel so it's easier for them to be moderate and social drinkers. But for the Muslims, alcohol is never allowed and so it's always a means to rebel.. and what's the point of drinking in moderation when you are trying to be rebellious? I think that's why more Muslim drinkers get drunk and lose control of themselves.
You can tell latoo is a guy, I don't think he would be so understanding if it was a girl with alcohol and chastity problem.
why does it always has to be guy and gal thing?
I guess gals cannot immagine anything in life without involving guys,
anyways, lets not start the battle of the "sexes" here.
also being a "guy" i respect your openion and for your kind information I
would think the same if it was a gal or a guy or anything else for that matters.