If a rishta prospect told you they have gotten into physical fights growing up, until early 20s, would you be hesitant about considering them?
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
What is the nature of the fights? Self defense? Trying to protect/defend someone is getting hurt? Or simply due to a terrible temper?
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
Terrible temper.
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
Personally, if a gentleman has a terrible temper and cannot control it, to the point where he is getting into physical altercations, I would never consider him in the first place. If he cannot control his temper and is prone to violence, you run the risk of him being violent with you. Even if he is not physically violent, someone who cannot control their temper is likely to be extremely difficult to live with.
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
Yikes. No. A bad temper that only results in verbal disrespect is bad enough. One that has a tendency to culminate into physical abuse is even worse. I imagine it's rare that a rishta prospect would even admit to that of their own accord unless the other person asked how they handle conflicts. But if the prospect had mastered control of their temper to where they are no longer violent and haven't been in years....I'd think they wouldn't mention it then, right? But if it is mentioned, that seems to indicate a warning/ or heads-up...so the individual still has that tendency.
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
No won't consider.
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
No won't consider.
Khatoon-e-khana se pitai honay ka khadsha hai?
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
Yikes. No. A bad temper that only results in verbal disrespect is bad enough. One that has a tendency to culminate into physical abuse is even worse. **I imagine it's rare that a rishta prospect would even admit to that of their own accord **unless the other person asked how they handle conflicts. But if the prospect had mastered control of their temper to where they are no longer violent and haven't been in years....I'd think they wouldn't mention it then, right? But if it is mentioned, that seems to indicate a warning/ or heads-up...so the individual still has that tendency.
It's possible that the gentleman admitted to it on his own accord because his bad temper and tendency towards violence are common knowledge and he knows that potential prospects will eventually hear it from someone else, so he figures he might as well admit to this himself. It's also possible that this tendency towards violence has resulted in him having problems with the law, which he knows people will also find out about eventually. If either of these is the case, that is more than enough reason not to consider him.
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
^Good point. I didn't even think of that.
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
Last incident appeared to be years ago, and it was mentioned that it doesn't happen anymore. The topic of fights/conflicts has come up more than once...
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
It's possible that the gentleman admitted to it on his own accord because his bad temper and tendency towards violence are common knowledge and he knows that potential prospects will eventually hear it from someone else, so he figures he might as well admit to this himself. It's also possible that this tendency towards violence has resulted in him having problems with the law, which he knows people will also find out about eventually. If either of these is the case, that is more than enough reason not to consider him.
Hmm. This is reminding me of something else that was said. But I do not have enough knowledge to say anything conclusively.
Damn.
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
Would I consider it? No.... Are you considering it Jasmine??
One thing that has surprised me recently is just how common domestic violence is. The number of women who have been physically abused by their spouse is incredible!
In a study carried out by the Human Rights Watch in 2009, they estimated around 70% of women have suffered some form of abuse in Pakistan (this includes verbal abuse). Around 5000 women are killed each year through domestic violence and thousands more injured of disabled.
Bearing this is mind, why would anyone consider a rishta from a man with a history of violence?
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
Who are these fight btw...him and his brothers or strangers? Brotherly fights are normal...growing up things.
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
If it's fights with brothers those happen
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Fights in early teens, i understand but fights in early 20s, something is wrong...
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
People with bad temper don't start to have fights with everyone.... do they?......... there must be some reason for those fights...... bad temper? bad temper doesnt develop within a day ... people must be, while growing up, irritated him to death hence he developed such a temper .......
do you even know what those fights were for? ......
things happen, people change & you yourself mentioned that the last incident was a year ago ..... & anyways who knows which person was at fault?? ...... may be he has some issues with his family, most of the people have them .... so what, people fight for their rights sometimes & he might be using his temper for that purpose .....
there are prople out there who seems to be really calm & quiet but they turn out to be really violent afterwards.....
& you are not perfect either ....
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
yea fight happens but you don't get physical unless its for self-defense.
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
Would I consider it? No.... Are you considering it Jasmine??
One thing that has surprised me recently is just how common domestic violence is. The number of women who have been physically abused by their spouse is incredible!
In a study carried out by the Human Rights Watch in 2009, they estimated around 70% of women have suffered some form of abuse in Pakistan (this includes verbal abuse). Around 5000 women are killed each year through domestic violence and thousands more injured of disabled.
Bearing this is mind, why would anyone consider a rishta from a man with a history of violence?
I am trying to understand it. Here's the kicker. I am very closely involved with an organization that supports victims of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. It's a part of my life.
But not having been in that situation myself, I don't know what might the warning signs be. I need to do more research.
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
No, physical fights are not normal, especially in adulthood. Something is clearly wrong there. To those of you stating that physical fights are quite normal between siblings and that it's not a major issue, fights with siblings usually occur in childhood. Physical altercations as an adult are quite disturbing. Even if these fights were with siblings, which apparently is quite alright according to several people here, consider this: if he couldn't control himself with his siblings, what makes you think he will control himself with his wife?
People who are quite calm and seemingly normal have been known to become violent and abusive after marriage. I would hate to think what would happen if someone was already violent before marriage. The fact that the gentleman felt the need to disclose this to a potential prospect is also quite telling. It indicates that either it still continues to happen and happens quite often or was quite severe when it did happen. Also, if he had anger issues before, it's quite likely that he still does as those don't resolve themselves on their own and usually require some sort of counselling.
Re: Rishta and history of physical fights
I majorly doubt I'd consider him, ive seen people who are not violent turn violent after marriage.. so what would someone violent do?