If it is son's duty to live with and take care of his parents, where would son's wife live?
It states that if he is able he should provide her with a separate accommodation, which obviously means that husband and wife would live together.
There are a lot of girls who don't have sons.. they live alone too do you realize? but no one ever cares about them. although regardless of having daughters or sons.. we love our children the same.
What if the spouse is a homosexual and was never attracted to his wife and plus it was one of those really bad, volatile marriages? Like he never wanted to marry her and it was something that he had to do for his culture, family's sake. Everything seemed wrong in the marriage. No happy times.
What if the spouse is a homosexual and was never attracted to his wife and plus it was one of those really bad, volatile marriages? Like he never wanted to marry her and it was something that he had to do for his culture, family's sake. Everything seemed wrong in the marriage. No happy times.
Except for the homosexual part, the situation GlobalGal described is not as rare as you may think. I actually know of a couple of people who married people they were never attracted to in the first place (in one case, the guy even disliked the girl) simply because "they had to" (read: family pressure) for their family's sake. Both of said marriages have been on the rocks since day one and seem to be headed for divorce.
What if the spouse is a homosexual and was never attracted to his wife and plus it was one of those really bad, volatile marriages? Like he never wanted to marry her and it was something that he had to do for his culture, family's sake. Everything seemed wrong in the marriage. No happy times.
is that grounds for divorce?
^Only if husband's disgruntled lover got tired of sharing him with his wife and as a result divulged his secret to the gossipy aunties that came into his salon to get their hair done.... after which the husband couldn't hide his face in society anymore so he decides the only solution is to get into his jeep and go for a lil drive. He runs his car over a cliff and there's a huge explosion, but miraculously he escapes the wreckage with a charred face. An investigation led by the skilled, Detective Private Pigeon, somehow strangely confirms that the husband had turned to ashes and dust with the combustion of the engine. Meanwhile the husband checks himself into a shady back alley plastic surgery clinic with the hopes of getting a "makeover" that will help him begin a new life with more dignity. The operation successfully renders him unrecognizable, but he is no longer the pretty homosexual he once was. He curses his lover for his betrayal and realizes that the only person who was true to him was.....wifey. He goes to her and after several angry outbursts of denial and hysteria, he convinces her of his identity, seeks forgiveness, and pledges his unwavering devotion. To which she pertly quips...."I'm sorry. I'm not attracted to you anymore. I'll mail you the khula papers. I don't even want the haq mehr...it's all yours"....and she jets out of there.
But all of the above can only happen if the husband is also impotent.
I know of a couple in that very situation. Never had the suhaag raat stuff it was like no intimacy no love, care nothing from his side, cold and emotionless. He married her because don't know how common it is but desi men that might be homosexual or not attracted to their wives don't go around announcing it. It's hidden it from society because it's shameful for him and his family especially in conservative society for him to "come out". Everything was hidden in the marriage, he was a total loner type and the frustration of being not attracted to his wife and not straight was taken out on his wife. Volatile and no happiness ever since the engagement til now. People marry for their families, they see it as their responsibility to their parents because desi parents give up so much for their kids so they cannot go against their wishes. It's seen as selfish. Some desi men see it like that.
Redvelvet, i'm not sure if it's impotence. Only the wife would know the details. But they have one child because both sets of parents wanted a grandchild of course.
How many gay desi men do we know that are proudly out? No desi man would announce that. The couple is divorced now after years and years of unhappiness.
Some of the things that the wife told me about when I was the shoulder to cry on as her friend, totally scared me about marriage. Especially when you first meet someone, you don't know much about them and their history. And for those of us that don't believe in dating like they do in the west, how do we know how straight men are or how they really act if men and women aren't allowed all that before marriage. Please don't call me naive.
Except for the homosexual part, the situation GlobalGal described is not as rare as you may think. I actually know of a couple of people who married people they were never attracted to in the first place (in one case, the guy even disliked the girl) simply because "they had to" (read: family pressure) for their family's sake. Both of said marriages have been on the rocks since day one and seem to be headed for divorce.
No offense, but I did ask often. And even if you take out the homosexuality factor from the mix, it still doesn't become often.
Though If someone makes a stupid choice (read; under family pressure) which apparently the guy did make in one of your above examples, nobody sounds more to be blamed there than the guy himself. Nothing worth a disagreement there, really.
However, disqualifying the fact that the women couldn't do any better in telling what had been up before ending the walk of marriage? Allow me the chance to leave unsold.
Some of the things that the wife told me about when I was the shoulder to cry on as her friend, totally scared me about marriage. Especially when you first meet someone, you don't know much about them and their history. And for those of us that don't believe in dating like they do in the west, how do we know how straight men are or how they really act if men and women aren't allowed all that before marriage. Please don't call me naive.
Your knowing of a single couple's mess of a situation mustn't undermine the endless other successful marriages going strong around you today.
To think only women in the west go around dating, I'd want to disagree.
No, you can't dump your spouse because they aren't so attractive anymore.
Please don't use Hadith to suggest that being a superficial jerk is ok. You can't be married to someone, get some stretch lines or put on some honeymoon love fat from all the desserts, and then be dumped by the husband and it's ok. That's superficial.
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Men are less prone to use euphemisms. Womens attraction to their husbands doesn't fade away through a different mechanism.
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it's ok for a woman to factor in attraction, which to this day is taboo for desis.
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Its not taboo in educated classes. It has partially to do with priorities and partially with 'market dynamics'
the divorce rate in the muslim community is rising because girls arent taught anymore that you must compromise no matter what. ive heard of stories of domestic violence within my extended family and those marriages are surviving...as opposed to a young couple that recently got married..and the guy slapped the girl once and she went and got a divorce.
i believe someone has already pointed out that women arent as tolerant of a bad marriage as they used to be nowadays and so they choose to step out. before even if a muslim guy took a second wife, the frst wife would beg to not be divorced and allowed a small room in his parents' house where she could spend the rest of her life. it still happens today but the more independent/less tolerant women wouldnt really stay in that marriage anymore.
the divorce rate in the muslim community is rising because girls arent taught anymore that you must compromise no matter what. ive heard of stories of domestic violence within my extended family and those marriages are surviving...as opposed to a young couple that recently got married..and the guy slapped the girl once and she went and got a divorce.
i believe someone has already pointed out that women arent as tolerant of a bad marriage as they used to be nowadays and so they choose to step out. before even if a muslim guy took a second wife, the frst wife would beg to not be divorced and allowed a small room in his parents' house where she could spend the rest of her life. it still happens today but the more independent/less tolerant women wouldnt really stay in that marriage anymore.
I am sure you're right to a certain degree but I don't think its solely the women that are causing issues here. You cannot hope to unlock a door with the wrong key no matter how hard you try. Very simplified example but you get the point.
I don't know what education is supposed to do for us if at the end of the day, people still want to place all the blame on a woman's shoulders. Its women who don't want to compromise, make a marriage work, raise their families, etc etc etc?
1- ability to be independent and self sufficient
2- societal acceptance is much higher of ppl going their own way
2- the stigma of being a divorcee is less
So on past there were ppl who just hung on because it was just what was expected and it was not feasible to split. Now similar situation, walking away is a real option.
I am the one who is upset and its you with your caps and boldface. Every time I see someone use caps on a message board I can picture them pointing their finger and yelling at the computer screen, pacing the room, possibly even punching the dry wall “Does it upset you SO MUCHHHH?”. “Have I HIT A NERRRRRVE?, God damn where are my pills”. Calm down lady. Simmer it down a few because you are making it awkward. I like how you summed me up in a grand total of 1 post, that I need therapy. Quit pitching therapy lady, I don’t need it.
It was a cherry picked Hadith, because I am sure someone as knowledgeable as you and of your caliber, in your extensive research must have come across Sunan Abu-Dawud 2218.
The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: If any woman asks her husband for divorce without some strong reason, the odour of Paradise will be forbidden to her.
Jacqueline Kennedy said that all men are unfaithful in marriage. JFK was such a womanizer but she tolerated it and still loved him deeply. Grounds for divorce yes.
Jacqueline Kennedy said that all men are unfaithful in marriage. JFK was such a womanizer but she tolerated it and still loved him deeply. Grounds for divorce yes.
Men at the top - the best looking, the most powerful or ones with fame - Never had to be monogamous. They shouldn't get married.
Men at the top - the best looking, the most powerful or ones with fame - Never had to be monogamous. They shouldn't get married.
if you look at marriage from a practical point of view and why the concept of marriage may exist within a society...its so that our offspring can have a stable environment and living...i really think marriage exists so that our offspring can have a safe and stable environment to grow up in until they are adult enough to move on. you're right if a man is powerful/rich/extremely attractive...then he doesnt need to marry one woman and be stuck with her forever....but if he wants a family and his kids to have a mother, then he may have to get married...unless he has some sort of financial contract with a woman..where she will raise his kids for a certain monetary value (which sounds a lot like marriage). but of course if a guy wishes to only enjoy his life, experience different women all the time and have no offspring/scattered offspring everywhere then he shouldnt get married.
if you look at marriage from a practical point of view and why the concept of marriage may exist within a society...its so that our offspring can have a stable environment and living...i really think marriage exists so that our offspring can have a safe and stable environment to grow up in until they are adult enough to move on.
How many 27 yr old guys get married because they have a yearning for kids and family?
Children are a by-product of marriage. Society can organize itself in radically different ways to bring children up.