-lack of understanding between couples
-rigidness in their attitudes
-inability to compromise
-less respect for spouse and his/her family
-selfish nature
-money vs necessity ratio
-too many unrealistic demands
-lack of religious/cultural considerations
-illicit relationships
Is the divorce rate higher amongst desis living in Pakistan or outside of Pakistan?
*there is no statistical source to compare the two.....however, it is less in Pakistan due to social stigma, desi culture, stupid pakis etc
*
Is it because of facebook, twitter and other social networking sites?
no its because of paki husband, MIL, SIL and other ILs...
Is it because girls are now taking serious stands against abusive desi husbands and wont put up with their crap any longer?
Yes...exactly
Everyone's opinions are welcome, but bonus points if you can back your opinion up with a reason.
*reasons? no mate...all you get is longass emotional rants..........
*
The biggest reason is the higher level of intolerance in our people. We've seen this obvious change in our society in general, and that lack of tolerance has affected their personal life too.
I feel that the rise in free mixing has caused a decline in monogamy. The change in gender roles has caused imbalances in family life which have again contributed to the high divorce rates.
May be because this is some kind of a joke for them .... I am just talking about western people though …. Not all but majority of them ….. anyways here are my reasons ....
Parents pressure of marrying someone from back home which most of the times ends up in a divorce due to so many differences ….
People just using marriage to import their relatives, cousins etc abroad & when they get their citizenship they divorce them just like that ...
Most of the ladies are earning way more than men in a marriage, oh yeah they have a career & what not, so who needs a man yaar….. ladies can do everything that men can …. Chalo chalo divorce de dete he ….. goli maaro aadmiyo ko hame inki zaroorat nahi …. 100% agree with areeb55 ….
I don’t think ladies born & raised in the west can live with anyone …they are less compromising …... They sometimes don’t even like to be with their parents & family … WHY??? “Ohhh Myy Goddd we need privacy”
& there is no comparison between the two you mentioned OP ….
Ok, personally, I divorced my ex because he a. He Couldnt keep it in his pants. B. didn't provide a single penny of financial support c. His mother thought I was her personal slave. But mostly a.
And your right. I have a career; he didn't provide whatsoever to myself or our child (nothing, not even food on the table) so why would I be stupid enough to stick with a violent cheater and risk getting aids, when I can take care of myself and my child. Pakistani society can go damn itself if they think it's ok to stay in that situation.
Ufsana..you're incredibly courageous. Some women hold on to these kind of abuse and not say a word. But my question to you would..be and i apologize if it is personal question...before getting married to this pal..you had no clue he wouldn't support you financially and all that?. You may choose to ignore my question..
Is it necessarily a bad thing that the divorce rate has increased? Surely a divorce is better than being stuck in a bad relationship?
I would add to KKF’s list lack of compatibilty.. In the old days it didn’t matter so much if the couples weren’t really compatible as the wives were expected to adjust completely and accept whatever came their way.. Nowadays people don’t always need to stay in marriages they aren’t happy with.. unlike before..
Our family is going thru this right now and whilst everyone is unhappy it hasn’t worked out we still think it’s for the best (the other party actually asked for the divorce).. Why should people stay in a ‘dead’ marriage?
(And no I’m not saying it’s ok to divorce ‘for fun’ )
I think we Pakistanis (no matter how modern a family) still have certain ideals about the roles of a wife and a husband and in laws etc but they don’t actually fit in with realities of life, ie DIL working 9-5but expected to be a full time daughter in law. Equally the husband feeling he has to provide for everything on a lesser wage than his wife- obviously these examples are very general but thay are all too common. This then causes resentment which then evolves into other problems. There are couples out there making it work! Well done to them
problem number 2: as desis we are obsessed with everything wedding, Facebook YouTube instagram: everyone is all about the wedding day!! The focus is not on marriage itself but on the chase to find the perfect rishta! Unfortunately not many think about the reality of not being a new dulhan anymore and facing the reality of day to day living… Like I did
Ufsana..you're incredibly courageous. Some women hold on to these kind of abuse and not say a word. But my question to you would..be and i apologize if it is personal question...before getting married to this pal..you had no clue he wouldn't support you financially and all that?. You may choose to ignore my question..
May be because this is some kind of a joke for them .... I am just talking about western people though …. Not all but majority of them ….. anyways here are my reasons ....
Parents pressure of marrying someone from back home which most of the times ends up in a divorce due to so many differences ….
People just using marriage to import their relatives, cousins etc abroad & when they get their citizenship they divorce them just like that ...
Most of the ladies are earning way more than men in a marriage, oh yeah they have a career & what not, so who needs a man yaar….. ladies can do everything that men can …. Chalo chalo divorce de dete he ….. goli maaro aadmiyo ko hame inki zaroorat nahi …. 100% agree with areeb55 ….
I don’t think ladies born & raised in the west can live with anyone …they are less compromising …... They sometimes don’t even like to be with their parents & family … WHY??? “Ohhh Myy Goddd we need privacy”
& there is no comparison between the two you mentioned OP ….
Did a divorced woman steal your man or something?
you're the kind of person that makes up the society that makes life miserable for everyone else.
Can you please clarify what you mean by free mixing? I agree with your second sentence to a degree. Yes the change in gender roles causes an imbalance in family life. However, the change usually occurs when a man will marry a woman who has a greater earning potential than him (e.g doctor vs. office clerk). I personally think it’s more about the man’s inability to put his pride aside and accept that his wife is the bread winner.
Totally agree with you there. Unfortunately, often arrange marriages are a pot luck sort of situation. I’m glad you were able to get out of your predicament before too much time passed. InshAllah all your future relationship endeavours are more fruitful.
I’m glad you added the little bit at the end in the brackets.
Is it a bad thing divorce rates have increased? Absolutely.
Divorce not only puts a lot of pressure on the two individuals involved, but it’s affects both families. It is sad to see that the girl’s family tends to suffer more when it comes time to look for new suitors.
My question isn’t about whether or not you should stay in a crappy relationship or pull the plug and divorce. It’s more about causality.
Yes, nowadays people don’t need to stay in crappy marriages. I just think there are circumstances that can be worked in but people throw their hands up a little to quickly and say “nah screw this. im out.”
I suppose what I’m trying to say is the institution of marriage is not as sacred or treasured as it once was. Rather than taking the option of divorce completely off the table, forcing two individuals to solve their issues; divorce is one the things that instantly springs to people’s mind when it comes to conflict resolution. Or rather, lack of a resolution.
This is quite an unfair statement. Do you have any own personal experiences that showcase this? Or are you just going from sunni sunai baat that usually floats around about western Pakistanis.
I’m living abroad and I was engaged to be married back in Pakistan to a girl. I was accommodating to all of her needs, but she was very bad when it came to compromises. Despite being from a middle class family, her attitude was that of a spoilt brat you’d find kicking and screaming because they didn’t get sprinkles on their ice cream.
She was far less compromising than girls I have met who were born and raised in the west. Oh and she was older too. Wouldn’t it be fair to say you’d expect some level of maturity? But you don’t see me using this case to drag through the mud all girls that were born and raised in Pakistan in middle class families.
Divorce is usually the very last option especially for desi women. I look at the desis that did divorce and most of their situations were either abusive where the wife tried to suggest marriage counselling but it was not really okayed from the other side or it just got more and more worse as the years went by and she was living in fear and had to pay her own way. Every dollar she spent of his she had to pay him back or else her things were taken away so she couldn't buy anything but she stayed in the dead marriage for years hoping it would improve because who would want to get a divorce. It takes intense amounts of emotional abuse, bullying, physical harm or fear of it for I think desi women to consider the big d word because Divorce has a very bad tag associated with it especially in desi circles.
Divorced women are not seen as victims even if the marriage was violent or volatile. I've seen it where married women rushed to their husbands' sides as soon as they saw their husbands' talking to a divorced woman. Most desis are still very very conservative. Especially in our circle of the community where I live, even if the spouses are having affairs or they are not happy and living separate lives, divorce isn't considered because of the negative view of it in society and couples would rather live in hell than get it. Divorced women don't shout out or make it public to everybody that they are divorced. Only to a select few trusted people do they reveal it. So you would need to think how bad and painful must the marriage have been for them to prefer this life of divorce rather than the marriage that they left. One lady just completely closed herself up to the world and her friends after her abusive marriage after her divorce and just became a workaholic. The desi world isn't very kind to divorcees atleast they get to escape from abuse and being hurt constantly, a safe life alone doesn't seem so bad.
Please. Its not the last option. I know a few girls who got married to guys when everybody including the freaking naukars knew that the marriage was a bad idea and it ended in a few months. Its getting more common in Islamabad, Lahore and other major urban cities to be divorced by 30 for both men and women.
Its a mixture of things. But the major reason in my humble opinion is a mix match of partners who are married because of family pressure or due to bollywood and hollywood ideals. Marriage takes hard work and a commitment to the other person.
This is quite an unfair statement. Do you have any own personal experiences that showcase this? Or are you just going from sunni sunai baat that usually floats around about western Pakistanis.
I'm living abroad and I was engaged to be married back in Pakistan to a girl. I was accommodating to all of her needs, but she was very bad when it came to compromises. Despite being from a middle class family, her attitude was that of a spoilt brat you'd find kicking and screaming because they didn't get sprinkles on their ice cream.
She was far less compromising than girls I have met who were born and raised in the west. Oh and she was older too. Wouldn't it be fair to say you'd expect some level of maturity? But you don't see me using this case to drag through the mud all girls that were born and raised in Pakistan in middle class families.
What I posted is what I have seen happening …. I already mention that in the start of my post that not all of them but majority of them ….. most of them are like this …. Because the environment they are raised in is totally different than Pakistan?
& you are giving an example of a girl from pakistan lol I am not even talking about them …. I just posted about western ladies … WHY? Because there is no comparison between the two ….. girls from Pakistan are illiterate, weird, jahil, paindoo, uneducated etc etc I mean how can you compare them with highly qualified, extraordinary girls raised in the west?
Living in the west, why you went for a Pakistani girl to begin with??
@ufsana
Its good that you got separated from that miserable dude ….. if you don’t mind me asking,did not you know that beforehand that he could not keep it in his pants & he is a characterless person….. did not you investigate about it before marriage or he just changed all of a sudden after marriage because you guys have a kid together?.... did not you know about his mother, i mean you must have met her before marriage, one can get an idea though? Did not you have an engagement period or something to get to know each other, his family & discuss things?
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