The divorces I know of - man and his family were treating the girl poorly. Either the girl left or the in laws frustrated with her convinced the son to get rid of her.
Shameful how people treat each other these days. Treat your wife the way you want to be treated. Home making and cooking is no longer exclusively a woman's art and sometimes you need to contribute and work on your marriage. How many men do you know get home from work and do something small but meaningful like helping with the dishes or helping set the table? Or complimenting your wife on her cooking if you make that her responsibility?
Biggest frustration I hear is - he won't listen to me, he won't help me, he listens to his mom but not me, he helps his sister not me. It's not that these girls are being selfish. They want attention and love and many Pakistani men can somehow create that for their sisters , moms, bhabis, and white girls they date. So why is it hard to be good to your wife ?
It's because traditionally we do not treat the wife = family. She IS family, not an outsider. There is no double standard on how to treat blood relatives vs wife.
I just spoke to this man in Pakistan who was in the states then went back to work in Pakistan, and his friends tell him he should have done a green card marriage or gotten some desperate Pakistani girl in America to marry him so he could get a green card.
This is the value people put on women. He told his friends that the woman he married would be family so how could he take advantage of family like that?
Sad thing is his friends have wives. Goes to show how they really value women, that they condone ruining the lives of Pakistani girls in the states!
i find it interesting, the strength of belief life1 guppans hold that men are always at fault in cases of divorce....
They're not at fault always but you have to be logical about marriage now instead of old fashioned. Using an older formula on a modern machine is not smart.
You have women and men who are independent and don't have the same limitations our grandmothers did. What does that mean? It means acting like a traditional man while marrying a non-traditional woman simply won't work. That's all there really is to it.
Since when did saying ‘women aren’t always at fault’ mean men must always be instead
Some people on here seriously lack common-sense..
Just to break it down for those who have comprehension issues marriages can break down due to problems from BOTH sides..
Our culture tho has a tendency to put the onus on the woman to put up with more or blame her for the marriage not working when it takes TWO to make a marriage work..
some people lack basic manners and start throwing rude remarks… learn to decipher difference of opinion and personal attacks… you are gonna go through the roof if your attitude was to be reciprocated …
you didn’t answer the earlier question about the ‘‘allowed list’’ and angels cursing the wife…
^ This is what some of the western ladies on this forum are good at( even though they claim to be civilized & educated) when they don’t have anything to argue about & just try to bail out by doing such things ….
I can’t find the exact study butthis article did come up. It specifically highlights the phenomenon of women divorcing because they’re “bored”, or because they have “grown apart”. That has nothing to do with physical attraction. It’s an emotional connection which must be worked on, or it fades. This is also attraction, though not physical. Divorcing for this reason is a big factor for the high divorce rate.
Excerpt:
*But times have changed. Last week, a survey of 101 family lawyers conducted by the consultancy firm Grant Thornton revealed that adultery was no longer the principal reason for break-ups. Instead, the most popular explanation was couples saying they were simply “no longer in love” and had “grown apart”.
** Relationship counsellor Andrew G Marshall, author of I Love You, I’m Just Not In Love With You, says he has noted a trend towards such splits. “In the past 10 years, I’ve seen a huge increase in couples who don’t actually hate each other, they just don’t love each other enough to stick at it. Ninety per cent of these marriages would be perfectly serviceable if the people involved would just put in more effort.” *
Well let’s divorce eastern vs western and man vs women from this situation because thats an argument that will never end until judgement day comes. There are some good nuts and some bad nuts. How about those situations where it’s the in-laws that force the divorce? I had a friend who’s mother made him divorce his first two wives (even though they were her own nieces) for the most bogus reasons. The third wife he made sure to get pregnant right away so his mom couldn’t make him divorce her (well not yet anyway…)
^ lol what you posted is totally irrelevant to my quoted post ….. what I am saying is some western ladies on this forum who think they are very well-mannered start passing personal remarks, start calling names, post weird things & use bad language just because they have nothing left to argue about OR some people are not agreeing with them & have different opinion.
^ lol what you posted is totally irrelevant to my quoted post ….. what I am saying is some western ladies on this forum who think they are very well-mannered start passing personal remarks, start calling names, post weird things & use bad language just because they have nothing left to argue about OR some people are not agreeing with them & have different opinion.
that's human nature in general. doesn't matter if they eastern western nothern southern etc etc etc. But didn't you call eastern girls paindoo, uneducated, jahil in that amazing writing style you call sarcasm. Oh please almighty BBBCD, why don't you enlighten us western women why the divorce rate is on the rise. I need a good laugh today.
^ lol ..When you ladies do it then its human nature when others do it then its a sin ….. lol now you are showing human nature in general too as you don’t have anything to argue about …. You need a good laugh I am already laughing at your posts ( dint you notice the lol in my previous post) …
Why don’t you just go & get your photos clicked ???
^ lol ..When you ladies do it then its human nature when others do it then its a sin ….. lol now you are showing human nature in general too as you don’t have anything to argue about …. You need a good laugh I am already laughing at your posts ( dint you notice the lol in my previous post) …
Why don’t you just go & get your photos clicked ???
Bechara. I'll make sure to make dua for you to learn compassion. Must be so sad that all you can do is pick on ppl.
While divorce in the case of abuse is justified, the numbers don't lie, and two thirds of divorces in the West are initiated by women, a la Eat, Pray, Love and "finding myself" nonsense.
Abuse is intolerable. Attraction can be worked on if marriage is valued. Our generation is all about me me me and **instant gratification **so you can see how divorce is highly likely.
^The above bolded reasons (among other factors) because when two people are compatible ...thus ruling out the mismatch factor....it's these two traits (in terms of character/personality) that prevent them from maintaining a marriage. Today I've been thinking about what is lacking in the home and parenting that is playing a role? Maybe that's another thread altogether. When we read threads where marriages are strained because the wife, two kids down the road, is still fuming over the number and quality of wedding gifts she received from her in-laws and the husband is nursing an ulcer over how his in-laws/wife did not fulfill a formality, etc. ....these grudges don't suddenly develop during the course of wedding preps. Often times these behaviors (nitpicking, excessive complaining, holding grudges, more emphasis on materialism and social status than developing relationships and character, more emphasis on winning every battle than on mending bridges, anger management issues, etc) are there long before kids even reach the age of marriage...and they are learned by the kids. It's something to think about. These things, along with the fast-paced world we live in, are maybe what's fueling the "me me me" syndrome. I know that a few people have mentioned that women today are educated and independent and don't put up with crap and that's true...and it's all well and good....but then I think that some women today perceive every little thing or request as "crap" or as a threat/challenge/battle that must be fought. The older generation lacked opportunities, but....and I know there are exceptions....they had more sabar/tolerance/lihaaz.
There was this family in US, this lady in that family (has a job),in her 30’s, got married to a FOB without telling her parents …. When their parents came to know about all this …. Whole tamasha happened & that lady took khula from him ….. now after getting divorced she got married to her cousin from back home who was not educated at all …. She visit Pakistan every now & then as importing of the groom is still in process ……..
& a guy from this same family … who is mentally unstable by birth ….. they married him with his cousin ( uneducated & from a poor family) from back home …. Even though this nikah is not valid to begin with so divorce is out of question as the guy did not even know what Allah is, what marriage is , what wife is & what her rights & duties are ….. lol pata nahi kis maulvi ne nikah parhaya he ….. people in the west do all kind of stupid things & at the end of the day they wear hijab & claim to be religious, educated & civilized …. Talk about double standards ….
Let me give you an example of UK too …. This family have 4 daughters & 1 brother ….. that guy is happily married even though the mother was not happy but that’s a different story altogether ..... their first daughter got married, imported her cousin then she left him… after divorce( no kids) got married to FOB from US after online love shove …. 2 one got married to her cousin living in UK, after 2 years guy they got divorced coz of some family drama & that lady got married just 2 months after her divorce to some unmarried guy in UK …. 3 one did the same thing as the first one & this fourth one just recently got nikafied …. I hope her marriage works out …. The thing is misfortune can happen to 1 time 2 time but not everytime …....Obviously there is something fishy ….
there are so many stories of divorces ....
all the weird & illegitimate kind of marriage & divorce stories comes from western countries esp. from UK & then people say these ladies are compromising lol ….. we have seen an example of aisam-ul-haq & his wife …. Some BBCDs just cant compromise …… & then people compare them with Pakistani girls when there is no comparison at all ..... & when the time comes for a little bit of flexibity & compromise they start having issues on all the tinsy winsy things like having communication problem with in laws, there visiting their son ( that’s a sin man), making roast chicken other then lasagna (who wants to get abused & mistreated by in laws) etc etc …… jab divorce lena hota he tu har choti baat mein bhi keere nikaalty he ….…
although I have not heard a single divorce case from Canada & Australia or from gulf countries …. strange ....
I'm from Canada so tell me how many stories you wanna hear? I myself went through it.
There's a famous hadith about a woman who went to Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) and said she was no longer physically attracted to her husband but there was nothing else wrong with the marriage.. He was fine with that and granted the divorce.. If you look it up the full details should pop up here on GS.. Am sure it's been posted more than once..
You have a habit of quoting Ahadith to defend your stance, don't you? Your cherry picked Ahadith. Lets talk about it. How does it work? You wake up one day and realize "Oh God I am no longer physically attracted to this piece of s**t"? How can a man change so drastically, that you are no longer physically attracted to him? In that case, is it perfectly fine if a man isn't attracted to his pregnant wife, her stretch marks? What if flatulence was a deal breaker? Lets see you quote the same Hadith if a man were to start a thread about how he divorced his wife, because she chipped a nail. "Sorry toots I just can't look past the chipped nail, here is your mere pittance of a haq mehr". Lets see you ladies cheer him on "Glad you got out of that one".
taking away the abuse factor which might get better if there is a radical revelation made by the abusive partner. Maybe i'm only basing my opinion on the two couples i've seen. theirs was volatile and even if one person tried to change and adjust the other person did not seem to want to make it work or improve because in his eyes there was nothing he saw in himself that needed improvement because it was all of the wife's flaws that were pointed out and even with countless marriage counselling suggestions he was unyielding. It was plain to see that there was not a tiny bit of happiness in the marriage. He didn't see his bullying,abusive, and controlling ways. There was one couple where the wife caught her husband being unfaithful.
when I look at couples during the 1950s and before, women did overlook when their husbands' were unfaithful. I just wish I had something to go by. peek into the life of a couple that lived during those times just to see how women handled themselves and every difficult situation and smoothed it over so they can keep the marriage together even if the husband might not have been compromising as much. The same man now is totally dependent on his wife and so very flexible and compromising so.....what happens in those elderly years.
If it's anything other than volatility and adultery I hope couples look towards counselling if both are willing and both want the bond to last. Both should want to make it work and divorce shouldn't even come into their minds, it is really the very last option like plan z or something. The "we grew apart" couples.....darn I hope that really isn't a reason they had to get a divorce. It's unbelievable.
They're not at fault always but you have to be logical about marriage now instead of old fashioned. Using an older formula on a modern machine is not smart.
You have women and men who are independent and don't have the same limitations our grandmothers did. What does that mean? It means acting like a traditional man while marrying a non-traditional woman simply won't work. That's all there really is to it.
I like how you narrowed it down to limitations. Why limitations? Why can't it be that our previous generations possessed more grit and determination? More resolve and capacity for sacrifice? They didn't have unrealistic Bollywood ideals of love? They didn't perceive every minor inconvenience as "BS" that is worth divorcing over. They respected their husbands? They didn't have the warped feminist idea of equality, whilst retaining the expectation of men being chivalrous (talk about having the cake and eating it too). Maybe they didn't condition manhood on our ability to stand up to our mothers?
Or maybe it was just that, limitations. Maybe it was limitations that made them soldier through the tough times. That extra bit of push? How many of them regret staying in the marriage now? Wouldn't we like to think that it was more than just limitations that kept our parents together?
Pray tell, what is a non-traditional woman? How did one gender stay traditional and the other evolve into a non-traditional one?
