For me primarily is the lack of Islamic knowledge because everything else is come under it like tolerance, comparison with others etc. Divorce is rising in the west in Muslims because here both husband and wife works, so the women is just like men, they don’t tolerate if there is any argument comes up and they don’t care because they have a career too What will happen, what others will say, it’s just doesn’t matter for them. I know better because I was one of the unlucky husbands. My ex wife also didn’t wanted to listen or had tried to workout the situation and left me in 4 months because he liked somebody else whom she got married later and her Pakistani friend who’s a daughter, also left her husband on such a petty issue because he didn’t wanted to come to Canada as he was settled in Pakistan. I saw the study on the website, and here is the link and it’s the same year we separated also. This will define you who’s usually responsible for the breakups in west and it’s opposite of Pakistan where usually men are responsible. Divorce in the Muslim Community: 2010 Survey Analysis - SoundVision.com
What I posted is what I have seen happening …. I already mention that in the start of my post that not all of them but majority of them ….. most of them are like this …. Because the environment they are raised in is totally different than Pakistan?
& you are giving an example of a girl from pakistan lol I am not even talking about them …. I just posted about western ladies … WHY? Because there is no comparison between the two ….. girls from Pakistan are illiterate, weird, jahil, paindoo, uneducated etc etc I mean how can you compare them with highly qualified, extraordinary girls raised in the west?
Living in the west, why you went for a Pakistani girl to begin with??
How can you say that Pakistani girls are illiterate, jahil etc. It's your choice if you wanna go for these type of girls otherwise there are lot of educated, cultured girls all over Pakistan and they're lot better than most of the western Pakistani girls. Anyways I don't live in Pakistan.
This is solely based on some of the incidences I have personally witnessed, among friends and family so won't be true representation of the actual reasons and by no mean I am implying this has anything to do with statistics.Reason one to my surprise was money matters. Girls not earning, guys not giving enough money to run the house. Girls earning, guys not contributing to the everyday expenses. Girls earning and spending all on kids and in-laws with no idea where the money of the husband was going. This alone however didn't result in a divorce though. If this was the only issue, I have seen girls compromise and let it be. This definitely cause enough friction though.Second issue - not willing to communicate or sort things out. One of the party's made up the mind that its not going to work, and instead of involving someone just separated and eventually ended things.Compatibility - Totally different mind sets and not willing to compromise to make the marriage work. As some one else put it, too much of 'me/i' instead of 'we/us'. Cheating spouse - its quite self explanatory
How can you say that Pakistani girls are illiterate, jahil etc. It's your choice if you wanna go for these type of girls otherwise there are lot of educated, cultured girls all over Pakistan and they're lot better than most of the western Pakistani girls. Anyways I don't live in Pakistan.
Recently I've noticed a great rise in divorce rate, number of engagements breaking and breakups in general. I believe its due to awareness. women are now more empowered.
Previously women used to tolerate a lot of things, just because of societies pressure and that they knew their families wont take them back.. men took women for granted and thought they could treat women in whichever way they like.
Now with education, exposure and jobs they aren't ready to withstand all this.. and I don't think there is anything wrong with them. I think men need to respect women more, compromise should come from both ends, you should let them decide what they want to do with their lives (just the way men decide what they want to do with their lives.)
In laws also need to treat their bahoo's the way they want their daughters treated. this double standard in opinions and behavior causes resentment and fights which in long run ends up in divorce.
so all in all I think both parties need to be considerate, they need to consider women are of equal level and deserve a life too.
Maybe look up on rights of wives? Islam doesn't tell you to live with your inlaws or take care of them. its the sons duty.
Apparently it is too much to expect of women to determine that.
I was gonna bring this up. One of the main reasons cited by western women for seeking divorce is that they married the ‘wrong’ person for the wrong reasons. They married men they were never really enthusiastic about because their biological clocks were ticking and they wanted stability in life. Few people call them out on this B.S.
Apparently it is too much to expect of women to determine that.
I was gonna bring this up. One of the main reasons cited by western women for seeking divorce is that they married the 'wrong' person for the wrong reasons. They married men they were never really enthusiastic about because their biological clocks were ticking and they wanted stability in life. Few people call them out on this B.S.
Yeah so true & when someone else write about it, they just start posting long essay type gibberish posts that you should not marry for wrong reasons bla bla bla , how can you have a healthy & happy marriage when you yourself is not happy with you etc etc etc ….
There was this family in US, this lady in that family (has a job),in her 30’s, got married to a FOB without telling her parents …. When their parents came to know about all this …. Whole tamasha happened & that lady took khula from him ….. now after getting divorced she got married to her cousin from back home who was not educated at all …. She visit Pakistan every now & then as importing of the groom is still in process ……..
& a guy from this same family … who is mentally unstable by birth ….. they married him with his cousin ( uneducated & from a poor family) from back home …. Even though this nikah is not valid to begin with so divorce is out of question as the guy did not even know what Allah is, what marriage is , what wife is & what her rights & duties are ….. lol pata nahi kis maulvi ne nikah parhaya he ….. people in the west do all kind of stupid things & at the end of the day they wear hijab & claim to be religious, educated & civilized …. Talk about double standards ….
Let me give you an example of UK too …. This family have 4 daughters & 1 brother ….. that guy is happily married even though the mother was not happy but that’s a different story altogether ..... their first daughter got married, imported her cousin then she left him… after divorce( no kids) got married to FOB from US after online love shove …. 2 one got married to her cousin living in UK, after 2 years guy they got divorced coz of some family drama & that lady got married just 2 months after her divorce to some unmarried guy in UK …. 3 one did the same thing as the first one & this fourth one just recently got nikafied …. I hope her marriage works out …. The thing is misfortune can happen to 1 time 2 time but not everytime …....Obviously there is something fishy ….
there are so many stories of divorces ....
all the weird & illegitimate kind of marriage & divorce stories comes from western countries esp. from UK & then people say these ladies are compromising lol ….. we have seen an example of aisam-ul-haq & his wife …. Some BBCDs just cant compromise …… & then people compare them with Pakistani girls when there is no comparison at all ..... & when the time comes for a little bit of flexibity & compromise they start having issues on all the tinsy winsy things like having communication problem with in laws, there visiting their son ( that’s a sin man), making roast chicken other then lasagna (who wants to get abused & mistreated by in laws) etc etc …… jab divorce lena hota he tu har choti baat mein bhi keere nikaalty he ….…
although I have not heard a single divorce case from Canada & Australia or from gulf countries …. strange ....
People don't feel the need to put up with BS anymore.
What on earth will hold a woman to a man who isn't treating her well? Or the other way around?
Women in general were financially dependent and socially cast out of society if they left their husband's homes. They had no place, no respect and no acceptance in respectable homes if they chose to divorce. They were looked at as a burden, an unwanted responsibility and unwelcome. Now, who needs to be a burden? No one. Who cares if they're not invited to someone's dholki? No one. Who's going to be the idiot that tries to defame a woman because she's divorced? No one. There is less dependence on men...so men have become just as dispensable as women are to them (depending upon who they are of course).
The marriages that work realize the value both bring to the table. The marriages that merely survive don't. The marriages that fail don't care anymore.
Is it a bad thing? No. I'd rather be happy and healthy than miserable. Life is short, precious and a gift from Allah swt. Its not meant to be spent crying. Your parents didn't give their entire lives up to raise you so you can lead a miserable life. Make their sacrifices worth something.
A lot of our desi families want to have their cake and eat it too. They want a woman who is well educated but also want to stuff her into the traditional mold of DIL.
I previously stated that free mixing was a reason was for divorce. What I meant by that is that when a male or female has a friend of the opposite gender they can fall into a lot of sins. Now to say that cheating will occur is like saying you go into war and you will die. It is not as simple as that. There are many other things such as comparing your spouse to your non mahram friends and becoming resentful because your spouse isn't at that level etc. For those who are married and work in a mixed environment have a honest internal self check at how you interact with the opposite gender.
And ofcourse there are many other reasons. Women that are in oppressive marriages don't need to stay in them and they have the right to leave. That's fine.
There's a famous hadith about a woman who went to Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) and said she was no longer physically attracted to her husband but there was nothing else wrong with the marriage.. He was fine with that and granted the divorce.. If you look it up the full details should pop up here on GS.. Am sure it's been posted more than once..
(On a side note there seem to be so many hadiths and rulings which show womens' right that most of us desis have never heard of whilst the same ones about rights of husband, parents etc. are drummed into us from an early age.. The flip sides of those are usually never even taught to us such as the woman's right to live in her own home, to decide who she marries and so on)
While divorce in the case of abuse is justified, the numbers don't lie, and two thirds of divorces in the West are initiated by women, a la Eat, Pray, Love and "finding myself" nonsense.
Abuse is intolerable. Attraction can be worked on if marriage is valued. Our generation is all about me me me and instant gratification so you can see how divorce is highly likely.
Just because women initiate divorce doesn't mean they must be to blame..
Divorcing due to lack of attraction might not sound good to you but the point is it's allowed.. To some people it's not a huge deal but others it is..
Personally I would find it hard to stay married to a guy I wasn't physically attracted to at all.. I would not want to sleep with him and I don't believe in doing 'it' or staying in a marriage just for the sake of it when one or both partners would rather be elsewhere.. I wouldn't want a guy to stay with me out of pity or some sense of 'duty' either..
is there a list somehere on the internets of the 'allowed reasons' for divorce?
PS: like if someone were to quote the hadith about women cursed by angels who don't 'do it' upon their husband's demand....... do you accept that hadith too?