This question is for my friend who is married and lives with her husband and children. Her father is ill and requires medical attention, doctor visits, etc. She usually does not participate in taking care of her dad’s needs as her husband says that it is not her responsibility as there are other family members available. They live in the same city.
She wants to know if after she gets married her responsibility as a daughter is only toward her husband and children or does she have to take care of her parents as well.
Please answer from the Islamic perspective. We all know the common sense answer.
If she live sin the same city, I do not see why her husband has an issue. Is he of the old school in terms of thinking etc? So god forbid if the guy's parents get sick, the women should just respond, it is NOT my responsibility, tough luck.
personally i think her husband is wrong to try to restrict her the right to care for a father who is ill… he in fact should encourage it as looking after parents is highly commended within Islam and from a social/world point of view he should know and remember that he is/will be a father one day and could be faced with the same problem.
If her father is ill then she should lookafter him as much as possible. She doesn't have the financial responsibility but taking care of parents lie on both male and female IMHO.
Surah Nisaa verse 34: Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard (their chastity, their husband’s honor, property, etc.)
If a believing wife wishes to serve her parents by spending time for them, Shariah Law would require that because of her spending time away from her husband might perchance compromise the rights that are due from her to her husband, she should only do so with the precise permission of her husband.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 285 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Had it been permissible that a person may prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered that a wife should prostrate herself before her husband.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286 Narrated by Umm Salamah The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 284 Narrated by AbuAli Talq ibn Ali The Prophet (saws) said: ‘When a man sends for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she should go to him even if she may be occupied in baking bread.’
One more thing is if wife has her own wealth, and finds her parents needy, then her parents have a right that their daughter spend on her parents from her wealth; but if the daughter does not have her own wealth, she is not responsible in Shariah for the financial upkeep of her parents.(YMD)
Sameenji the believing wife is to fulfill her duties unto her parents without compromising the rights due to her husband….that would be akin to piety and righteousness on her part in the Sight of her Lord.
Hazrat Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A person came to Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and asked, "Who among people is most deserving of my fine treatment?‘’ He (PBUH) said, “Your mother”. He again asked, ``Who next?‘’ “Your mother”, the Prophet (PBUH) replied again. He asked, "Who next?‘’ He (the Prophet (PBUH)) said again, "Your mother.‘’ He again asked, "Then who?‘’ Thereupon he (PBUH) said,‘’ Then your father.‘’
Okay, so you might say that the asking person might be a man, hence a ‘husband’ was not mentioned. Then there is other statements in the Quran:
**"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood’ "(17:23-24)
So if a husband wants to sleep with his wife but wife wants to take care of her parents who are on their death bed, what should she do when her husband doesn't allow her to let her look after her parents because its time consuming?????
Do you think she should wait for her mijazee khuda to change his mind?
Why do people take rulings out by reading few ayat and ahadith here and there? Why do they think themselves to an authority on other muslims?
^Some of them are and that's because of the so called mullahs.
There is no ruling that stops the lady to take care of her parents, so husband can force her not to, but cant bring Islamic ruling to stop her from doing that. Mullah husband, even a so called one, cant stop his wife to do that . at least not from Islamic perspective.
Islam has a very simple rule. If you cannot find a ruling that prohibits you from something, then that thing is allowed.
There is no ruling that stops the lady to take care of her parents, so husband can force her not to, but cant bring Islamic ruling to stop her from doing that. Mullah husband, even a so called one, cant stop his wife to do that . at least not from Islamic perspective.
Islam has a very simple rule. If you cannot find a ruling that prohibits you from something, then that thing is allowed.
But then mullah husband can choose few hadith and ayat to support his stance that wife should be always obedient to her husband etc. So I think mullah husband might be dangerous too.
Obedience is only valid if it is expected for Islamic behavior. Just like so called mullah husband cannot throw the obedience card on his wife when he is demanding her to join him in his office cocktail parties, he cannot throw the obedience card when ordering her, not to take care of her parents.
If he does, then she has the choice of asking for a khulaa
It is really wrong and inhuman to expect from wife that she should totally forget and leave her parents and become insensitve towards them. I would say the husband is not normal in head.
If he expects this from his wife then first as an example he should also leave his parents and should not expect from his wife that she will be taking care of her in laws when they are sick or in need. Coz after all his parents are not her responsiblity islamically.
Parents either from husband’s side or wife’s side, parents are parents and their position is very high , rather uncomparable. there should be no descrimnation kept between them. I say one should respect every person who is a parent. Even your friend’s parents. They deserve to be respected.
I have a Hindu colleague in office and her husband doesnt keep any diff between her parents and his own parents. The wife’s income goes to him and he keeps his income too with him. There is a deal between them, that whosoever, either from wife’s side or from his side of family, was in more need of money or any other help ( like sickness etc) that person will be prefered regardless which family he/she belongs from. Does it not sound fair ? And they have never had any issue on this topic ever. I was much impressed with her hubby’s intelligence and his big heart. And its not his wife money thats making him do so. Coz he keeps on telling her if she wants to quit job, she can do that anytime.
Unfortunately such issues are more common in Muslim men, and worst part, the ones who are well educated too.
Tell your friend not to make her husband angry about it but try to make him agree with love. May be some mid way can help. Like if she can go every day for 1-2hrs. while her hubby is at work. I hope if he has some humanity left in him, he will agree to something.
arrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh… why ppl do not think of their Aakhira???
