Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
You can’t really force any kind of relationship on someone. If you don’t have anything in common with someone then what can you talk about? 
It doesn’t just mean that her relatives are from Pakistan and therefore she doesn’t want to speak to them. I have cousins in America who I don’t add for the same reason because they just snoop through my profile and pictures and then chat to other people in my family.
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
I dunno, Zara. Seems like it's just me n you who understand that it's OKAY not to feel compatible with every single relative (regardless of location) and to be selective about your privacy.
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
Lol I agree redvelvet. Hmm I guess everyone just has their own opinion. I’ll just say to the OP do what you feels right. You can’t please everyone.
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
The best thing in this scenario is just to make a profile for family only.
One thing I will say though...I understand the disconnect. I have relatives in Pak that I feel nothing in common with.
However, isn't this disconnect a bad thing? It is. We should try to keep in touch or at least talk and know each other. If someone makes an effort towards you...its a good thing. I added relatives on Facebook that I've never even met or spoken to but because of Facebook...at least we've exchanged some words now. Its a way to keep SOME connection and there's nothing wrong with that.
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
Hmmm htat reminds me I need to log in to my other FB to check up on everyone.
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
I need some advice ... I have no idea what to do ...
Really? Nothing in common?
How about, oh I don't know, being related by blood?
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
^Ditto. I wouldn't be that rude even w/ strangers. But then again I'm really close with my family so maybe I don't get it. shrug
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
I need some advice ... I have no idea what to do ...
My relatives in Pakistan (Cousins, khala chachi etc etc) they are all pretty clingy, when my parents call they want to speak with me and my siblings, even though we have nothing in common when we are in pakistan they push this fake 'closeness' on us, and act like their our best friends, it get pretty damn annoying
I have avoided adding my pakistani cousins on facebook, but they have bugged my parents so I have almost been forced to add them just so they won't call every single day and say things like "oh we're hurt, we're cousins but your kids won't add us, what have we ever done to them nag nag nag!" to my parents. I have added them, or added their 'main profile' but they have other profiles like one of them has a 2nd profile called 'hum tum' and a 3rd profile called 'meri jaan', now i really don't want to add those fazool profiles, i don't see the point of people making them and these cousins have 2-4 fazool profiles I don't have a habit of adding people I don't know or people I have only meet a few times, so when adding them I had to adjust some settings so they could not see my pictures etc etc I don't even know these cousins, I've seen them a couple of times when we where in pakistan and know who they are but thats it, but they insist on getting 'close' to us and I am not comfortable with this and no matter how much i try to explain this to them, they just don't understand and if I block their fake profiles they just create new once ...
let me share my experience.
I have cousins who I barely know, and have not seen in 15 years, we did not exchange emais or call each other. and when i got on Facebook they wanted to connect, at first I avoided it...but then said what the hell, lets just try. I think that was a good decision, because I got to know some of my kid cousins who for some reason look up to me even though we have not had a personal relationship, some are studying in my field and I am serving as a mentor to them. I had to understand that they have a different perspective on life, but then it keeps me from drinking my own koolaid and see things from a different perspective, and same goes for them.
Its not been all hunky dory and I have had run ins with one of the guys once, but once we understood each others position and respect some boundaries it was okay, some are on fb, but we dont interact much, which is okay, i dont expect them to be lil brothers in 6 months. a few and I have really hit it off and interestingly enough its the younger ones who only have memories of me when they were lil kids.
be open, set ground rules, e.g. yo have other family and friends there and you only connect with real profiles. be firm on that. try to build upon your common bonds. I dont think they want anything from you, but just to know you. You may be able to connect with some really good people.
does not hurt otherwise to just create a secondary family profile and not have them be privy to everything in your life. no issue with that either. May be a cleaner approach. the mixing of different aspects of my life has always been an issue and I can see why someone would want to keep groups separate.
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
I have the same story. It gets annoying.
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
I can not understand why people want to befriend some one who is not at all interested in friendship with them..........
where is their self respect................
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
I can not understand why people want to befriend some one who is not at all interested in friendship with them..........
where is their self respect................
True. Another way to look at it.
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
my cousins have like 70 fake profiles too (is that a Pakistani thing to do? i've noticed a lot of them do that) but I told them I'd only add just their "real" one. They're on my "real" one too (I only have 1) but I grouped my albums so that they can't see my pictures that they would have anything even remotely bad to say anything about. They haven't caught on yet so I don't think there's a problem.
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
I feel ya, OP.
After recently visiting Pakistan many of my cousins added me on facebook, and at first I added them because they were so sweet and loving and friendly to my face, and I thought it would be wonderful to remain connected to them.
But then all the drama comes out and I realize that from day one the only reason they tried to get to know me was so they could find dirt to use against me. I realize that they show all my pics to their parents and talk so much crap about me even though they do things that are 100x worse. For example, a picture of me with my friends (both guys and girls) will do the rounds among the family members in Pak. Meanwhile, those same cousins showing my pics around and talking crap about me are posting pics of themselves with their boyfriends etc. But I'm not one to rat them out. I've put all my pictures on limited status due to them. I haven't quite figured out how to put them on a fake account without them figuring out they're on a fake one.
This is not because they're from Pakistan by default, but it just so happens that pretty much all my family in Pak has nothing better to do than to talk crap about my family, cousins included. So yes, they are blood, but that doesn't mean that I must expose my private life to them and open it up to their judgement. And many of my cousins are such that if I met them on the street, I would never want anything to do with them because of their hypocritical, selfish, rude personalities. So just because they are related to me, does not mean that I have to allow their negativity into my life. If they really wanted my friendship I would be happy to share my love with them. But if they are just there to cause drama, then do I really need to put up with it because they are related to me? Their own parents treat my parents like garbage, so I don't expect that trend to change. Honestly, my cousins really make me feel like crap because they are just not nice people at all! I do feel terrible thinking this way about them, but I always strive to be a good person, and associating with these negative people is not something I need darkening my heart.
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
^^Sorry....that turned into a venting/ranting session..
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
dont add them no matter how nice the y r .. theyre gona copy n paste ur whoel profile .. ur pics n comments n make up 
to their parents n make u latest khandani gossip ..i think they get special training to do this crap in paksitan ..
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
Idiot! Not you – them … for being so over the top in love with a cousin of theirs who lives “ABROAD” :halo:
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
I know how you feel OP. There is a huge culture gap in the way people from different countries communicate with each other on facebook. Especially desi's. (feels the hater vultures circling me)
I had the same issue, cousins added me and I panicked. But I got familiar with the facebook security settings and made my facebook virtually impossible to find for my relatives. Then I made another facebook account JUST for family. I think you should do the same. If they ask about your other account, just say you deleted it or it got hacked.
Saying that though, I do think you should atleast try to make an effort to talk to them. Whatever relatives in Pakistan are like, when you go visit them they practically bathe you with love, and its genuine. Make a real effort. They are YOUR relatives. Friends come and go but relatives are ALWAYS there. It's really a part of who you are. No matter where you're born or what colour your passport is, you will always be Pakistani in the eyes of the rest of the world. Don't be so hasty to judge them, they were raised in a very different environment to you.
Im not dissing you or telling you off. Just giving you something to think about in a friendly manner :)
RaniPakistani is right too. That definetly happens LOL thats why in your new facebook account you can't give them ANYTHING that may be considered "dirt" if you add your cousins on your "Prime" facebook account, its pretty much tying the noose around your own neck.
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
I don't understand - what is so private in your lives that you want to hide from your cousins here or there or where ever? We all have our cousins outside & they are added in our lists too. Neither were we dying to add nor are we so intrigued by their lives to do so.
We just belong to family settings where cousins are considered your brothers-sisters partly. Most of the people here live in joint families & connect with each other very well. Since we all consider our cousins out of Pakistan as cousins the same way we would like to connect with them.
Many a times our relatives visited & all cousins & family would take days off from work to give them time, plan events, functions, get-togethers just for them to have fun equally. Mostly, at the end comments from these same people are that people here try to get into our lives whereas they are willing to give a major chunk of theirs happily. Similarly, if any of our family members visited them no one ever takes days off, gives time the same way. Wonder why but family priority is way too high for people here and that is taken as invasion by others.
I am sorry but i think it is pretty snobbish to avoid phone calls when some one from far away just wants to know how you're doing. I am pretty sure they don't call you every single day, they have their own lives too.
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
I am sorry but i think it is pretty snobbish to avoid phone calls when some one from far away just wants to know how you're doing. I am pretty sure they don't call you every single day, they have their own lives too.
Too much truth in that.
Re: Relatives in Pakistan!
That's like my story. My dad's family from the pind kept adding me and I accepted cuz I am not too picky about who I add. But then they would go around talking to my dad about any inside joke I posted, any photos I posted. It would create dramas in our house so I blocked them all. Now I do have cousins from Islamabad (mom's side) who are on my fb and they can see everything cuz they don't start fasads in my house. But then I also have some cousins from London who are fasad creators so they are also blocked. It has nothing to do with what country they are from. Some people have no lives and use facebook to create fasads in other peoples' lives.
OP, the best option for you is to create a second profile and add them there. If anyone comes across our real profile just act surprised and say how it's not yours and it must be fake and then block them from it.