hiding from parents is completely diff than hiding from your husband, no matter who dumb the guy is, he can look at her face see the guilt if that is the case
anyway, hiding is cheating, you guys are making her jump from one mess to another ...???
Clearly you haven't read the posts above or else you would be knowing that i already said it's wrong and unethical to lie about this. But if she has decided to go this way, nobody can do much about it. And for argument's sake i was saying that if she wants to hide, she can hide it from her parents and her husband too. But if the guilt factor is strong, she wl eventually break down though may or may not tell her husband but it will affect her married life.
sumsum190: one night stand cant dictate your whole future.
damage is done and you are also regretting it, good for you. Allah likes you because you have desire to out from this situation.
you need to turn towards Allah and ask forgiveness, and you dont need to tell your parents that you had physical relation with guy.
If guy was so nice why didnt he forbid you when you were physical with him.
you should stop thinking about him. He will not be going to attend college. Do you want taxi driver or some professional guy as your husband.
it is really strange that his father was wearing sleeveless shirt and sitting among women and watching indian channel. look at his alcoholic, dropout brother, and divorced sister.
you should trust your family and get with the guy they wanted for you.
may Allah eases your stress and guides you in right direction.
OK fine, I admit I don’t know many 25 year olds here. I hear stuff from college age kids and this is not a big deal. I have seen my share of shareef and non-shareef men. I don’t hang out with anyone actually but i keep my eyes and ears open. I have seen stuff that leads me to believe this isn’t as serious as we think right now. The world is changing around us, Thanks to bollywood..lol
AND you probably do hang out with either liars or really shareef sahibzadehs.
I’ve heard that Islamically, one shouldn’t tell anyone of his/her sins. So this being the case, OP shouldn’t feel obliged to tell. It was her past, she should leave it between herself and Allah.
As for the guy - let him say whatever he wishes, you just deny it all. If people in the community know their ways, then they will think little of what the guy and his family have to say anyway.
Having said all of that, the only thing you have to be careful of is when you do eventually get married. I’m not sure if things do recover down ‘yonder’ as Theorist put it, but if they don’t, you could be in some trouble.
So, you could do either of the following:
1)Tell your parents now and have the yelling over and done with (along with any consequences). Or
2)Wait till your either engaged/married and tell your fiance/husband. Or
3) Do neither of the above and pray that nobody finds out.
I’ll keep you in my duas, I really hope the best for you. And to be honest, we all mess up in one way or another, it’s how we deal with it that matters.
If u have made a mistake, you don't necessarily need to make a second mistake because of the first one. You had physical relationship with him. A HUGE mistake. You now know his true self and his family and their values which made you to have second thoughts about marrying him. The ONLY thing which is pushing you to marry him is the fact that you had physical relationship with him. This one mistake shouldn't cause you to make another mistake i.e. to marry him.
You need to weigh the consequences of both the options, to marry him OR to leave him and move on. Like everyone said above, leaving him would make you miserable for a shorter period of time whereas marrying him will cause you torture and misery for the rest of your life.
The decision is yours. I suggest that you make astagfaar and seek forgiveness from Allah Swt and cut all your ties with the guy and move on. Marrying the guy will not reduce your sins since you had physical relationship with the guy when you were NOT married to him. Marrying him will make you miserable for the rest of your life since you already you how 'bad' he and his family is. Better to say tauba and leave this guy for your better future.
i said i know friends who are unmarried and virgins. its a fact i just told you and keep it that way, no need to assume anything else. i mean do u really need to label them (without any basis) as liars/shareef just for argument sake?
^ I am stating a fact. You either know liars or shareef Zadehs. What's wrong with saying that? I am saying they are either lying about their virginity or they are telling the truth. If they are telling the truth, I would consider them really shareef :p. I don't think i said anything judgmental or labeled anybody.
the statement - they are liars - could be a fact
the statement - they are shareef - could be a fact
but the statement - they are either liars or sharreef - is not a fact, it is a remark
the statement - they are liars - could be a fact
the statement - they are shareef - could be a fact
but the statement - they are either liars or sharreef - is not a fact, it is a remark
lol
make sense. i saw many girls were involved in touching relationship with bfs. it will not make every girl slut/bad. if they were desperate that does not mean every other guy/girl is bad.
Just because you slept with him doesn't mean that you have to stay with him and marry him. Does that sound sensible to you?
His control freak/possessive behavior is not a reflection of his "love" for you. It's a sign of disrespect.
From your post, I get the vibe that you sort of look down on his family. You're turned off by their home, by their behavior, etc. You want a guy who is educated and financially stable.......which he is not. And even if you were to get married to him in the very near future, I wouldn't be surprised if you'd be living in the same dirty house that you can't stand....because he may not be able to afford a separate place. Moreover, there may come a point when you lose respect for him because of all these things.....and you can't have a relationship without that.
Just because he's not lettig you go and is breathing down your neck and watching your every mom doesn't mean he loves you.
So, you basically have an uneducated boyfriend who can't support you....and who does not respect you. And you don't respect his family. So the only basis to your relationshion...OR...the only reason you're marrying him is because you slept with him. Is it possible that you think he's "the one" because you lost your virginity to him and that makes him "special"??? Cuz you could sleep with a guy for the first time after you marry him and he can still turn out to be a loser that you shouldn't stick around with.
Also, you think it's "weird" that his family openly discusses sex....however that is considered more inappropriate to you than actually committing the act.....which I found strange.
He was rude to you before you slept with him. He was rude to you after you slept with him. He's still rude to you. How? Well...he sent over his parents without consulting your opinion, so there's a communication issue between you and he controls you.
You both are not ready for marriage because there's a lot that you need to consider when contemplating such a huge decision. You're only thinking about the "love" you guys have.....which isn't love. His controlling behavior is a reflection of his low self-esteem. And when you said that you "HAD to sleep with him to prove your feelings to him"......indicates that you also have low self-esteem. And two people with low self-esteem coming together is a distaster...especially for marriage.
Also, you first mentioned that you went only crazy for him because he wasn't giving you attention.......and then you say that you love him. That doesn't make sense either. Cuz if it's "attention" that you want..........you can even get if from a guy who WILL respect you and meets your requirements in a spouse. It may not seem like it now, but one day in the future (if you manage to save yourself).....you will look back at this guy/situation/and this thread that you created.......and you will feel really really silly about the whole mess.
every1 do mistakes tht didnt means tht u hav to do it over n over again … forget the past n start a new life with new motivation … jst do pray n repent for ur sins n do sachii touba , May Allah help u to get over this issue n help to to b on the right path Ameen
Don't marry him just because you slept with him! Also, if you're still intimate with him - stop immediately. I would cut your losses and move on. You're still really young, enjoy your life, experience, learn from it and meet new people. Don't limit yourself and don't end up locking yourself in a bad marriage, esp one your parents don't approve of either. Ask Allah for forgiveness and move on. Good luck!
Again, it's not as serious as we are making it out to be! she is only 20 and things even biologically recover to a point. She doesn't have to tell anybody. ANYBODY AT ALL! not even her future husband.
^are you married? Things do recover even down yonder.. She has nothing to worry about except getting rid off her loser boyfriend.
who the what the waht what what?
If you're saying what i think you're saying.....seriously??????
Firstly if you were my sister is give you a huge hug x
Secondly change all ur passwords etc.
Finally get rid of this guy. I'm not going to lecture you but u slept with him - big mistake but u know that already. Allah forgives his children. Pray for forgiveness sister. If you feel 'tainted' in some way because of this and are taking the 'iv made my bed and now I need to lay in it ' approach then you are wrong. The right choice is the one that will take you closer to Allah and that choice is not this man and his family. Who are we to judge others but if you can see that his family is not what you would like your children to be bought up in then walk away. Inshallah Allah will help you do so.
Even if we forget the family..the actual guy...he's controlling. He's been with who knows how many girls that's why he's againt ur friends.
Oh and u are not over conservative with regards to the sex issue its called 'haaya' its how it should be
I shall pray for you sister may Allah guide you. Also do istikahara as to what u should do
Oh and Allah is the one who should know ur mistake..and He does. No need to tell anyone. I read somewhere you islamically are not obliged to tell ur husband about past relationships.
Oh and Allah is the one who should know ur mistake..and He does. No need to tell anyone. I read somewhere you islamically are not obliged to tell ur husband about past relationships.
Islamically you are NOT supposed to talk about your past sins. Talking about sins is a sin as well. AS long as you've repented sincerely and are not that kind of person anymore.
if you were my sister i would beat the crap out of u
Seriuosly guys, how many of us, if we have younger siblings, would be calm or in our right minds if we were to find out that they were engaging in this kind of behavior? I don't condone violence at all, but most people, as we're not saints, would probably lash out in anger, at least in our words/tone etc.
I would say that if I had a sister, I would slap her too, and then try to help her out of such a situation....but in all honesty, I'd hope that I would be enough of a part of her life that I'd know what was going on with her so that things never progressed to such a low point.
I hear stuff from college age kids and this is not a big deal. I have seen my share of shareef and non-shareef men. I don’t hang out with anyone actually but i keep my eyes and ears open. I have seen stuff that leads me to believe this isn’t as serious as we think right now. The world is changing around us, Thanks to bollywood..lol
