Re: relationship dillema
So you slept with him once - big deal! Is it worth throwing the rest of your life away? No
Very few people change for the ones they love. Do not expect him to change for you- it may or may not happen. Do not risk your life! You live in a country where you have rights. He wouldn't dare blackmail you. If he does, deny it..lol
Re: relationship dillema
As funny as it sounds, i don’t think it’s right. Why can’t she own up to her mistake? If she was bold enough to go for something like this, she should also have the guts to own up to it and say yes i made a mistake but i don’t want to continue on making more by being with this guy. Simple! Nobody can force her to stay with the guy because she slept with him :halo:.
Re: relationship dillema
You're 20, you're young and you'll bounce back quickly. Get far away from these creeps as possible.
Re: relationship dillema
^@ZareenKhan - See this is where we start assuming what her family's like. My parents are the nontraditional type and if i had done something like that, I wouldn't dare tell them about it. OP has already said a few times, her family is pretty conservative. She is already embarrassed, why add to it? She realizes her mistakes but the world doesn't need to know about her mistakes. She shouldn't be persecuted for what she has done and our community unfortunately does just that.
P.S. I know too many such cases personally and the guy never blackmails the girl. If he does, she denies it and he shuts up unless he is a complete A-hole and wants revenge. This isn't Pakistan and things like that are too common now. If she tells her parents now, they will never look at her the same.
Re: relationship dillema
^@ZareenKhan - See this is where we start assuming what her family's like. My parents are the nontraditional type and if i had done something like that, I wouldn't dare tell them about it. OP has already said a few times, her family is pretty conservative. She is already embarrassed, why add to it? She realizes her mistakes but the world doesn't need to know about her mistakes. She shouldn't be persecuted for what she has done and our community unfortunately does just that.
P.S. I know too many such cases personally and the guy never blackmails the girl. If he does, she denies it and he shuts up unless he is a complete A-hole and wants revenge. This isn't Pakistan and things like that are too common now. If she tells her parents now, they will never look at her the same.
Ok this may sound like i m tryin to rub into her wounds but honestly she must have known how conservative and traditional her family is even when she went ahead with this relationship? Why? because she had the guts to go for it. So i would hope she can use her guts here too. However, if she doesnt feel strong enough for that, well i guess she can lie about it if it helps her case.
Honestly, i understand when you say that her parents will never look at her the same way but i think if she honestly repents it, things can change for her. And chalo lets say her parents don't find out, will her inner conscience let her at peace? I think by sharing it with her parents, she will get some of the burden off her chest and at the same time have someone to guard her from any blackmailing the guy might try for.
Re: relationship dillema
^but why ruin the good thing? I know these chichoray guys too well, especially the ones that live outside of Pakistan. They don't dare blackmail their exes. Honestly, they don't care much about ruining their reputation. They had their fun and that's all they really care about. This isn't uncommon among young desi kids anymore. This happens everyday! It doesn't get serious. What she did is personal, too personal even for her parents to know. She absolutely shouldn't tell her parents about it. Larkay ka kuch nahi hoga magar is bechari ki zindagi barbad hojayegi.. telling her parents about what she did will not ease off her conscience. As a matter of fact, she will feel even guiltier.
Re: relationship dillema
fine hide it, but for how long? what do you suggest when she is getting married to someone else?
^but why ruin the good thing? I know these chichoray guys too well, especially the ones that live outside of Pakistan. They don't dare blackmail their exes. Honestly, they don't care much about ruining their reputation. They had their fun and that's all they really care about. This isn't uncommon among young desi kids anymore. This happens everyday! It doesn't get serious. What she did is personal, too personal even for her parents to know. She absolutely shouldn't tell her parents about it. Larkay ka kuch nahi hoga magar is bechari ki zindagi barbad hojayegi.. telling her parents about what she did will not ease off her conscience. As a matter of fact, she will feel even guiltier.
Re: relationship dillema
Get away from him ASAP. You have emotional/physical ties with him which are hard to get over, but you're not comfortable with this and neither are your parents. So you're dragging it on for no reason. The more you drag it on the angrier he's going to get, and the guiltier you'll feel. Are you waiting for him to eventually just end things with you? I don't think that'll happen. Be strong enough to get away from him and face whatever consequences you have to face. Better now than never.
And remember, everybody makes mistakes, ask Allah (SWT) for help and protection. Don't ruin your life just because you're guilty...
Re: relationship dillema
that’s not the issue now, is it? She is only 20. Who knows what kind of guy she will marry? I hope he is a decent and sensible guy. I am just telling her what I would have done if i were in her place. I can only imagine how terrified she must be just thinking about what might happen if she tells them. Not only will her parents be embarrassed, they will taunt her about it later and feel no good man will accept her anymore.
Re: relationship dillema
dude
in all logical sense if she tells her parents now they will be shocked upset and what not, but they will keep it to themselves firstly and secondly if they are reasonable enough they will plan ahead accordingly
but in your case when this matchmaking in going on between her family and some guys family and if she reveals it at that time, not only her parents will be more shocked (as to why she hid it for so long) the news will spread in the community damaging her character, her parents, her sisters. and on top of the possiblity of that guy rejecting her, his family will know and they will tell everyone they meet… get my point??
Re: relationship dillema
But if she has decided to not tell anyone about this, i am sure she wouldnt want to tell her husband either. So kissa khatam!
Re: relationship dillema
which husb ..? the new1 or this guy ... whts the purpose of sharing .... ? tht will create more issues 4r hr .
Re: relationship dillema
[EMAIL="^@sheh[/MENTION]reyarkhan"]^[MENTION=59343]shehreyarkhan- Yes, I get it. :P
Again, it's not as serious as we are making it out to be! she is only 20 and things even biologically recover to a point. She doesn't have to tell anybody. ANYBODY AT ALL! not even her future husband.
Re: relationship dillema
her husband will find out eventually... she cants hid it forever unless she doesnt marry
But if she has decided to not tell anyone about this, i am sure she wouldnt want to tell her husband either. So kissa khatam!
"hope for the best, prepare for the worst"
^@sheh reyarkhan- Yes, I get it. :P
Again, it's not as serious as we are making it out to be! she is only 20 and things even biologically recover to a point. She doesn't have to tell anybody. ANYBODY AT ALL! not even her future husband.
Re: relationship dillema
^are you married? Things do recover even down yonder.. She has nothing to worry about except getting rid off her loser boyfriend.
Re: relationship dillema
i don’t think so, if she can hide it from her parents she will be able to handle it with her husband too 
.
Re: relationship dillema
no man no
hiding from parents is completely diff than hiding from your husband, no matter who dumb the guy is, he can look at her face see the guilt if that is the case
anyway, hiding is cheating, you guys are making her jump from one mess to another ...???
Re: relationship dillema
^How's that cheating? That's her past.
HUmary desi mardon ko agar is baat se takleef hona khatam hojaye to aurtain bhi aisi batain chupana band kerdain. I don't know a single desi guy here that's a virgin and 25. And no they are not married. She does not need to feel guilty because more than likely he is not going to be a virgin either. It's not like he is going to think it's important to tell her if he isn't a virgin. So why should she?
Re: relationship dillema
are you serious
literally all the guys i know (and are my friends) are around 25 unmarried and virgins...
now this only means the company i have is decent and the company u hang out with is not
the guilty feeling is not something you do intentionally, so since its not on purpose you cannot choose to show or hide it........
none of ur arguments are valid in my view
^How's that cheating? That's her past.
HUmary desi mardon ko agar is baat se takleef hona khatam hojaye to aurtain bhi aisi batain chupana band kerdain. I don't know a single desi guy here that's a virgin and 25. And no they are not married. She does not need to feel guilty because more than likely he is not going to be a virgin either. It's not like he is going to think it's important to tell her if he isn't a virgin. So why should she?
Re: relationship dillema
^How's that cheating? That's her past.
HUmary desi mardon ko agar is baat se takleef hona khatam hojaye to aurtain bhi aisi batain chupana band kerdain. I don't know a single desi guy here that's a virgin and 25. And no they are not married. She does not need to feel guilty because more than likely he is not going to be a virgin either. It's not like he is going to think it's important to tell her if he isn't a virgin. So why should she?
I completely disagree with your opinion. i know many virgin guys who are not married and 25.