Re: Red Flag?
Its not about the AMOUNT of money.
Its you thinking you are ABOVE that question which a father asks to the man who will take over the responsibility to provide for and love their beloved daughter.
Re: Red Flag?
Consider yourself a father with a daughter about to go into an arrange situation.
Wouldn't you want to know all these things about the suitor? Asking the exact salary figure is out of line, agreed. But everything else you would want to know. All the questions are definetly legitimate. Some of them may come off as rude, but thats because its just the sort of questions they are.
You know close to nothing about about this boy, wouldn't you want to have peace of mind that the person you are giving your daughter can support her in every possible way?
I don't think its ever about how much exactly you earn, but enoutgh that you can put food on the table and provide their daughter with a lifestyle that would be comfortable. Also most people are looking for someone who is at the very least, in the same financial situation. Don't take these questions personally, it isn't an attack on you. Pretty sure you would ask similar things if it was your daughter.
Also, I think salary affects day to day alot more than past chakkars.
If it’s not about the amount then why ask the amount?
I don’t see the amount of my earning as a factor to provide and care for someone, what hard evidence sound I ask for to ensure the daughter is capable of looking after me?
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If it's not about the amount then why ask the amount? ** I don't see the amount of my earning as a factor to provide and care for someone,** what hard evidence sound I ask for to ensure the daughter is capable of looking after me?
Really? C'mon.
Really? C’mon.
[/quote]
Yep, do you think that? I surely if the husband has a high standard of living he won’t be looking to move into a shack anytime soon..
Re: Red Flag?
Consider yourself a father with a daughter about to go into an arrange situation.
Wouldn't you want to know all these things about the suitor? Asking the exact salary figure is out of line, agreed. But everything else you would want to know. All the questions are definetly legitimate. Some of them may come off as rude, but thats because its just the sort of questions they are.
You know close to nothing about about this boy, wouldn't you want to have peace of mind that the person you are giving your daughter can support her in every possible way?
I don't think its ever about how much exactly you earn, but enoutgh that you can put food on the table and provide their daughter with a lifestyle that would be comfortable. Also most people are looking for someone who is at the very least, in the same financial situation. Don't take these questions personally, it isn't an attack on you. Pretty sure you would ask similar things if it was your daughter.
Also, I think salary affects day to day alot more than past chakkars.
I think all of the questions apart from the Salary are legitimate, however when all these questions get asked in this context, does make you think, as I said the salary question set the entire tone in a negative light.
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Maybe a better way to get this kind of information without asking salary outright would be for the girl's family to talk about their lifestyle a bit and ask if the guy can support it/is willing to support it/will he be able to support it in the future if she doesn't work/stays home after having kids?
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and seriously, you didn't send them ANY picture and you're refusing to show them a picture???
I dont' think your'e ready to get married.
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and seriously, you didn't send them ANY picture and you're refusing to show them a picture???
I dont' think your'e ready to get married.
If I'm not interested, why on earth would I need to send a picture? I haven't replied to any of their questions as I'm not interested.
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bro, let it go, you begining to sound like male version of inspiron :(
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I don't see anything wrong with asking salary, you are not telling them the exact salary but the range. They are giving you their daughter, they have the right to know.
I think knowing how much the guy makes, mentally helps the other side to keep the expectations realistic from the guy and not get a shock after getting married.
As far the pictures, I remember, my mom sending very clear pictures of me and at times aunties would reply saying, we need a full picture where the girl is standing to make sure she is slim. So if guys and their moms can make such requests and not feel ashamed about them, why it is wrong when a girls family have similar requests.
I remember hating the arrange marriage process as the guy and their mom couldn't step their feet on ground, they thought it was okay for them to ask anything and everything.
My marriage is not arrange marriage, we had to fight various cultural barriers to get what we wanted, but I am extremely thankful to Allah for blessing our marriage.
So, back to your question....I don't think any of the things you have stated in your post count as red flags, if you are bothered by these questions, I'd say find a girl on your own, so before you guys meet the parents you two have a some understanding of each other and you guys know what you are getting into.
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I think you're getting a bit high horse about womens' independence. I've never once even hinted about shunning responsibilities, however gathering interest based on your income means there is the potential to lose interest based on lack of income. Read the thread if you want to know my age.
There was a thread on here the other week about a woman whose husband took on a different job and she hinted at divorce, personally I haven't sat and analysed different marraiges.
When have I ever said about marrying a pretty person? Some serious assumptions going on here. I'm starting to wonder if you've actually read the thread.
You're telling me you're not going to marry her based on any sort of chemistry or physical attraction? Is that right? Because if that's what you're saying........really?
You're beginning to sound like you don't want to believe the girls' parents have the right to ask you anything. You...your face should be enough. You should walk into a room and the *noor *radiating from your *chaand sa mukhra *should tell the world you're amazing.
If it's not about the amount then why ask the amount?
I don't see the amount of my earning as a factor to provide and care for someone, what hard evidence sound I ask for to ensure the daughter is capable of looking after me?
It is a factor. Money buys a lifestyle...be it ANY lifestyle. The electricity company doesn't take love as payment.
Regardless, it doesn't sound like you're ready for marriage right now. You have too much negativity towards the process. I've no idea why you're even looking.
Re: Red Flag?
You're telling me you're not going to marry her based on any sort of chemistry or physical attraction? Is that right? Because if that's what you're saying........really?
You're beginning to sound like you don't want to believe the girls' parents have the right to ask you anything. You...your face should be enough. You should walk into a room and the *noor *radiating from your *chaand sa mukhra *should tell the world you're amazing.
It is a factor. Money buys a lifestyle...be it ANY lifestyle. The electricity company doesn't take love as payment.
Regardless, it doesn't sound like you're ready for marriage right now. You have too much negativity towards the process. I've no idea why you're even looking.
Yeah they can ask whatever they want, if I deem it an inappropriate question or I get a hint that there is something not right, I have the full right to tell them to get lost, and the exact same works in reverse.
And no I most certainly will not marry someone based purely on physical attraction, that will be the very last thing on my list to look out for. If we were to take a percentage weighting of physical attraction, I would probably give it a 10-15% weighting. I expect the same in reverse too, I couldn't stand living with someone from whom a significant attraction derived from the way I look as to me that doesn't matter. I've remember watching a TV show several years back, apparently her husband had never seen her without make up on (WTH?)
Money does buy a lifestyle, but it doesn't buy happiness (sounds cheesy, but true!)
Re: Red Flag?
Yeah they can ask whatever they want, if I deem it an inappropriate question or I get a hint that there is something not right, I have the full right to tell them to get lost, and the exact same works in reverse.
And no I most certainly will not marry someone based purely on physical attraction, that will be the very last thing on my list to look out for. If we were to take a percentage weighting of physical attraction, I would probably give it a 10-15% weighting. I expect the same in reverse too, I couldn't stand living with someone from whom a significant attraction derived from the way I look as to me that doesn't matter. I've remember watching a TV show several years back, apparently her husband had never seen her without make up on (WTH?)
Money does buy a lifestyle, but it doesn't buy happiness (sounds cheesy, but true!)
You have the right to anything you want. You can walk into their living room in a Barney costume...you have that right.
But your ego has no place in the process IF you actually want something that works.
Money doesn't buy happiness...duh. Financial problems are a reason why a lot of marriages break though so its something to think about. I don't know why anyone would ignore stability in a rishta and not ask you anything. Your arrogance and refusal are red flags and no one needs additional problems in their life.
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bro, let it go, you begining to sound like male version of inspiron :(
Hey there, brocookie. :D
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Only Xtron can pull that off! That’s his thing!!! 
Re: Red Flag?
Consider yourself a father with a daughter about to go into an arrange situation.
Wouldn't you want to know all these things about the suitor? Asking the exact salary figure is out of line, agreed. But everything else you would want to know. All the questions are definetly legitimate. Some of them may come off as rude, but thats because its just the sort of questions they are.
You know close to nothing about about this boy, wouldn't you want to have peace of mind that the person you are giving your daughter can support her in every possible way?
I don't think its ever about how much exactly you earn, but enoutgh that you can put food on the table and provide their daughter with a lifestyle that would be comfortable. Also most people are looking for someone who is at the very least, in the same financial situation. Don't take these questions personally, it isn't an attack on you. Pretty sure you would ask similar things if it was your daughter.
Also, I think salary affects day to day alot more than past chakkars.
couldn't have said it better myself. It's surprising and appalling that boys' families have the guts to ask for the most ridiculous things and the girl's side has to grin and bear it in the name of "arranged marriage". yet, boys have their panties in a bunch if you ask them a few questions.
I don't see anything wrong with asking salary, you are not telling them the exact salary but the range. They are giving you their daughter, they have the right to know.
*I think knowing how much the guy makes, mentally helps the other side to keep the expectations realistic from the guy and not get a shock after getting married. *
As far the pictures, I remember, my mom sending very clear pictures of me and at times aunties would reply saying, we need a full picture where the girl is standing to make sure she is slim. So if guys and their moms can make such requests and not feel ashamed about them, why it is wrong when a girls family have similar requests.
I remember hating the arrange marriage process as the guy and their mom couldn't step their feet on ground, they thought it was okay for them to ask anything and everything.
My marriage is not arrange marriage, we had to fight various cultural barriers to get what we wanted, but I am extremely thankful to Allah for blessing our marriage.
So, back to your question....I don't think any of the things you have stated in your post count as red flags, if you are bothered by these questions, I'd say find a girl on your own, so before you guys meet the parents you two have a some understanding of each other and you guys know what you are getting into.
I would want to know if I would be unable to afford the lifestyle I have now, being single. It's not to say that I would automatically say no to a guy (I was willing to consider a jobless student for a while until he got his feet on the ground, after all) but I don't want to be in a position where I think I'm going to be able to afford shopping/going out/gift giving like I do now only to find that my husband can't afford it. I'd like to say I'd adjust but...it's not an easy one (see all those marriages that fall apart when things go sour financially?).
Also, look at it from the girl's side (again). Why would you knowingly hand off your daughter to someone that can't provide basic necessities? I know you're going to say "well you don't need to know salary to know if I can provide a house, car, etc". Okay, true...kind of. But "basicl necessities" vary from family to family. Her family just wants to make sure that you guys are at the same level financially. Perhaps it was a rude way of asking so directly but you have to understand where it's coming from.
You're telling me you're not going to marry her based on any sort of chemistry or physical attraction? Is that right? Because if that's what you're saying........really? ** You're beginning to sound like you don't want to believe the girls' parents have the right to ask you anything. You...your face should be enough. You should walk into a room and the *noor *radiating from your *chaand sa mukhra *should tell the world you're amazing.
**
It is a factor. Money buys a lifestyle...be it ANY lifestyle. The electricity company doesn't take love as payment.
Regardless, it doesn't sound like you're ready for marriage right now. You have too much negativity towards the process. I've no idea why you're even looking.
Yeah they can ask whatever they want, if I deem it an inappropriate question or I get a hint that there is something not right, I have the full right to tell them to get lost, and the exact same works in reverse.
And no I most certainly will not marry someone based purely on physical attraction, that will be the very last thing on my list to look out for. If we were to take a percentage weighting of physical attraction, I would probably give it a 10-15% weighting. I expect the same in reverse too, I couldn't stand living with someone from whom a significant attraction derived from the way I look as to me that doesn't matter. I've remember watching a TV show several years back, apparently her husband had never seen her without make up on (WTH?)
Money does buy a lifestyle, but it doesn't buy happiness (sounds cheesy, but true!)
Reha's right. The thing is, parents are going to ask you questions like these. If you have a problem with it and don't think that the parents have a right to do so, then you're out of luck. Find another way to meet a girl because no one's going to give you their daughter without making sure everything checks out. Money is ALWAYS brought up, in my experience and families that get butt-hurt bout it, are usually considered sketchy.
You have the right to feel however you want. The only reason I'm responding is because you sound a LOT like the guy I've been mentioning. And it was the most disrespectful, baffling experience ever. You may think you're God's gift to womankind but if you get annoyed and nitpick at questions people ask every time (and they will, trust me), you're going to have issues. Said guy, who both have similar mentalities and couldn't handle the fact that my dad asked him if he prayed and what he was going to do if he couldn't find a job with SUPER RANDOM grad degree, is still single at 32, despite the fact that he's been looking for 2-3 years and has practically visited the homes of every eligible girl in our city.
There's a lot of stupid stuff that occurs in arranged settings. Tea trolly nonsense, asking the girl if she can cook, ridiculous demands from both sides. You gotta pick and choose your battles and more importantly develop a tougher skin. No one's picking on you for your money. They're trying to learn about you considering the fact that you're a COMPLETE stranger. As my parents told supersensitive boy and his family: "if we were trying to pick on you / imply you were lying, you would never be invited into our house and allowed to interact with my daughter". If they were willing to discuss things with you, they clearly see SOMETHING. They just gotta make sure everything is in order.
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itni lambi lambi posts. 
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whats brocookie?
Wow I am REALLY annoying if this is what I sound like :/