Re: Red Flag?
hit a nerve with the ladies, obviously 
most of them are quotes!
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whats brocookie?
Wow I am REALLY annoying if this is what I sound like :/
well...
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you've always found me annoying philo so thats not a surprise. Anyway I dont want to derail the thread.
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[you're not annoying]
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You have the right to anything you want. You can walk into their living room in a Barney costume...you have that right.
But your ego has no place in the process IF you actually want something that works.
Money doesn't buy happiness...duh. Financial problems are a reason why a lot of marriages break though so its something to think about. I don't know why anyone would ignore stability in a rishta and not ask you anything. Your arrogance and refusal are red flags and no one needs additional problems in their life.
Asking someone how much money they earn doesn't really indicate financial stability. Also I have no reason to see why a marriage would break due to financial reasons if both parties were fulfilling their respective roles islamically.
Also it's not ego to not want to disclose you financial information to complete strangers, or even your in laws to be.
It probably the same groups of people into those money centric marriages with unnecessarily large mahrs and dowries etc. (other things we have zero interest in)
My family has never asked my BILs their earnings.
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UFF!
Yoda, meet Inspiron. GET MARRIED please, thank you!
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stay away from inspi. :ASA:
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couldn't have said it better myself. It's surprising and appalling that boys' families have the guts to ask for the most ridiculous things and the girl's side has to grin and bear it in the name of "arranged marriage". yet, boys have their panties in a bunch if you ask them a few questions.
I would want to know if I would be unable to afford the lifestyle I have now, being single. It's not to say that I would automatically say no to a guy (I was willing to consider a jobless student for a while until he got his feet on the ground, after all) but I don't want to be in a position where I think I'm going to be able to afford shopping/going out/gift giving like I do now only to find that my husband can't afford it. I'd like to say I'd adjust but...it's not an easy one (see all those marriages that fall apart when things go sour financially?).
Also, look at it from the girl's side (again). Why would you knowingly hand off your daughter to someone that can't provide basic necessities? I know you're going to say "well you don't need to know salary to know if I can provide a house, car, etc". Okay, true...kind of. But "basicl necessities" vary from family to family. Her family just wants to make sure that you guys are at the same level financially. Perhaps it was a rude way of asking so directly but you have to understand where it's coming from.
Reha's right. The thing is, parents are going to ask you questions like these. If you have a problem with it and don't think that the parents have a right to do so, then you're out of luck. Find another way to meet a girl because no one's going to give you their daughter without making sure everything checks out. Money is ALWAYS brought up, in my experience and families that get butt-hurt bout it, are usually considered sketchy.
You have the right to feel however you want. The only reason I'm responding is because you sound a LOT like the guy I've been mentioning. And it was the most disrespectful, baffling experience ever. You may think you're God's gift to womankind but if you get annoyed and nitpick at questions people ask every time (and they will, trust me), you're going to have issues. Said guy, who both have similar mentalities and couldn't handle the fact that my dad asked him if he prayed and what he was going to do if he couldn't find a job with SUPER RANDOM grad degree, is still single at 32, despite the fact that he's been looking for 2-3 years and has practically visited the homes of every eligible girl in our city.
There's a lot of stupid stuff that occurs in arranged settings. Tea trolly nonsense, asking the girl if she can cook, ridiculous demands from both sides. You gotta pick and choose your battles and more importantly develop a tougher skin. No one's picking on you for your money. They're trying to learn about you considering the fact that you're a COMPLETE stranger. As my parents told supersensitive boy and his family: "if we were trying to pick on you / imply you were lying, you would never be invited into our house and allowed to interact with my daughter". If they were willing to discuss things with you, they clearly see SOMETHING. They just gotta make sure everything is in order.
True on your first point, I guess you would want to know if someone can provide basic necessities however this is subjective as you mentioned.
Personally Money has never been brought up in any of my experiences (apart from this one) in such a direct fashion. In fact I've generally not been asked any questions in such detail.
I've been asked about education, hobbies, about my previous marriage, a little bit about work interests (what I sell, where I sell it,) and things like that. (this is the UK too don't forget where this question isn't ideal)
Another thing is, I don't tend to brag. One rishta I went to see, their son also happened to run a business in a similar field to mine, however my dad happened to ask him what he does, cue 10 minute bragging session about how he's got years of experience doing it and all sorts of other things. I tend to be very much the opposite as I have a different character.
I tend to appreciate things/people for what/who they are, heck some people LOL when I tell them my favourite things such as car. I have a friend that has his standard, if anything's not to his standard he will turn his nose at it and walk away, be it car, food, people whatever.
I think that's pretty sad personally.
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Well clearly that wonāt work as I would vanish the second I get asked my salary:naraz:
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I think you're too emotional yoda
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You really arent the wise nittle thing your username suggests are you. LIE about how much monies you have pet, lifeās a doddle!
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Milly
Yoda121
Milly
Yoda121
Inspiron & Co
New wife 6 months later
Re: Red Flag?
I'm not a big fan at all of the arranged marriage process. That being said - I would think you would want to know everything about the person you marry, including salary to have realistic expectations of them and the marriage. It's too personal a question to ask without meting someone / at first meeting perhaps but certainly once deciding on someone, I don't see why it shouldn't be asked.
A lot of marriages do fail over financial reasons. You want to make sure both parties are on the same page when it comes to money, how much is needed and how it affects happiness / lifestyle.