quesion for ladies

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: quesion for ladies

Apologies, once again, for my first two lines in specific P_G.

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It's not disliked when the woman's rights aren't being fulfilled - that comes under oppression. And it is perfectly acceptable for her to choose not to be in a marriage where she doesn't feel happy, it has been mentioned here before that it's perfectly halal to divorce a husband for even simply not loving him anymore (but not necessarily the right thing, just like polygyny). Divorce is disliked for 'petty' reasons but our desi interpretation of 'petty' and the Qur'anic definition are two different things.

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‘Muhammad re-iterated his affection for Fatimah when she was made aware that Ali had proposed to a daughter of Abu Jahl. From the pulpit Muhammad pronounced, “she is indeed a part of me” and that Ali would have to first divorce Fatimah before the marriage could go ahead.’ Source: Fatima - Wikipedia So dunno why some people like to pretend it’s somehow wrong to not want ur husband to take a second wife.. and TLK most desi girls (in the west anyway) couldn’t care less if the girl their brothers, uncles, male cousins are marrying are ‘untouched’ virgins or not. It’s not that uncommon for guys to have love marriages and I doubt more than half of those relationships haven’t been consumated.

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^ Deeba

agar app bura na maanin to main sirf itna kahoon gee... k jub 2nd marriage k ley Nabi ki example do to log kehtee hain nahi nahi in ki bat na kero ...hum log waysay nahi ho saktay

lakin jub aisa koi ammal app ki nafs ko satisfication day to app foran us misal ko pick kertee hain

kion ?

behrhal main is waqiya ki tehqeeq Ulma-e-karam say ker k is ki detail zaroor post keroon gee

lakin mera sawal per zara ghor kejeye ga !

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I think if anybody wants to be the second wife or let their husbands marry someone else, just go ahead and do it...why are you looking for justifications and approval from others? Are we not the same people who say to hell with "laug kya kahein ge?"

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This thread was really interesting read!

Ok, someone posted that the OP is not married, well if she was married she would know how hard it is to even think your husband being with another woman! She is not married therfore would not know.

I would never agree if my usband came to me one day and asked if he can marry for sawaab.

There are many divorced men who she could marry, why a married man?!

Many posters have said they would be ready to financially support her and i 100% agree with them. Thats what the woman needs. What else does she need? I know this is vey rude and selfish, but i would not like them to marry for sex!

How can a man treat both wives equally? im suer he would like to spend more time with the second as she's new!

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lolzzz sara .. yeh ik discussion topic hai jis main hum ik dosray ki posts per aruguments ker saktay hain

kisi ko lagta hai main advice lay rahe hoo..koi mere zat ko us position per sat ker raha hai ..or app ko lagta hay main yahan approval lay rahee hoon

ajeeb bat hay ..app log to zaatiyaat per hee utar aye hain ...

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Dont worry PCG - it goes like

baD ne BaD achey ne acha jana muje
jiska jitna zarf , usne utna phechaNa muje

and Dont bother wasting your time on that Fatima and Hazrat Ali ' story .. kia waqt aga'ya hai for Deen and Islamic Knowledge we are referring to a citation resource site like Wikipedia , which is even not accepted by most of the colleges and universities for referencing purpose .

Almost all Shia scholars believe that Imam Ali asking Abu Jehal's daughter hand is a fabricated story and even many Sunni Scholars also believe that ..

and isnt it all about common sense ? how could our prophet dislike something for others , when he has done the same .. He , himself married Hazrat hafza ( daughter of Umar after hazrat Ayesha ( daughter of hazrat Abu bakar ) - I dont remember reading anywhere that any of these shabis has ever shown offence for prophet's act .

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I don’t usually post in this forum, it may be my 2nd or 3rd post here...
but this thread keeps appearing on the main page for last 3 days and reading this really is making me sick... I mean what kind of low life and narrow minded “educated” people we have here? who cannot look beyond “finance” and “sex”. What’s the obsession with “sawab” or not “sawab”???
In this whole saga, the most important player is the man, and I must say, he really is THE MAN. If we think about this hypothetical scenario as the thread opener has mentioned, the couple is happily married, they have a complete life... when the guy is ready to take the responsibility of a lady and her little child (and this takes a whole lot of courage), he certainly is financially strong enough... I believe that marrying only for the sake of lust is out of question here, he can easily go out and find many women ready to sleep with him, and believe me it will not cost him even a fraction of what he will have to spend the whole life when he marries that lady and agrees to take care of her child... when we say he’s happily married and satisfied and loves his first wife, I assume they also have baby or babies... so this doesn’t seem to be a case where he’s only willing to marry for baby...
I see that this opposition of 2nd marriage is mostly from ladies, and understandably so, but how come we all can rule out the possibility that a 2nd marriage can really work out good?
I’ve seen at least 2 real life examples of this, I will mention one. My ex-boss, who used to work in Islamabad as well as in Karachi, he had two wives, one in Islamabad and one in Karachi, and I personally know that they make a big happy family, in the summer vacations his wife in Karachi along with all their children would visit Islamabad and spend their time there, next year his wife from Islamabad would come to Karachi and they will enjoy the time together... of course he had to manage both homes, take care of all the needs of both the wives and his children from both, but all it takes is courage on the part of that man, and little understanding on the part of both the women... and honestly expecting that “little understanding” and good manners from both the ladies is not asking for too much...

and yeah one thing, there is a lot more than just "supporting financially"... one needs moral, social, financial, emotional, religious so many types of support, and in our society that is only possible when you have a real tangible relation with the one you want to support, without hurting his/her feelings... plus, not everyone is always ready to accept the "financial support"

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It doesn't mean he disliked it, just that it shows women have the right not to have to accept being in a plural marriage if they don't want to. Just as the husband could go ahead and marry anyway, she has the right to remove herself from the situation. Saying he must have disliked is a bit black + white, like saying a Muslim who chooses to be vegetarian is somehow wrong just because they are turning down something which is halal and allowed. It's personal preference, that's common sense.

The majority Sunni view, regardless of whether u like it or not, is that a wife is perfectly entitled not to be part of the arrangement if she doesn't want to (tho she can't technically stop him from taking a second wife, only state her displeasure or walk away if she feels her rights aren't being met or she no longer loves him. I only posted a wikipedia link cos it was the quickest one to hand.

Btw I only post Sunni views, not Shia ones (even u have admitted urself it's most SHIA scholars who disregard what I posted, not most Sunnis), Shias are obviously big on mutaa, which is obviously haram to us Sunnis.. Not surprising they have such an issue with the wife's rights being stated so strongly when it comes to plural marriage if they are so keen to allow men to do it so easily..

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For P_G:

The fatwa of major Arab and Indo-Pak scholars is that it is generally wrong and unwise in our times to marry a second wife, without consulting wise and knowledgeable scholars (even though it is in itself permitted), because of the harm and mess that inevitably results:

**a) the harm to the first wife;

b) the troubles with the second wife when the first is upset;

c) the harm of not giving both their legal, emotional, and material rights;

d) the harm to family relations;

e) and, also vitally, the harm to one’s children…**

Marrying another woman is not just a question of providing for both…

Faraz Rabbani

Source: http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=2456&CATE=121

The Fiqh of Second Wife

Can you marry a second wife without getting permission from the first wife. If the husband does marry without the first’s wife’s permission what are the consequences in Islam: is the first marriage still valid?
**
Answer:**

Wa Alaykum Assalam wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuhu,
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful & Compassionate

Though per se permissible, it is generally unwise and harmful for men to marry more than once in our times, because of the harm and wrong that inevitably results

Faraz Rabbani.

Source: http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=3924&CATE=10

Married, wants to marry again for good reasons

Answered by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Question:

**There is a brother that is married right now and he has two children. However, there is another sister that wants to get married and she has five children. But due to financial difficulties, the brother has told her that he cannot. But the interested sister said that she does not care and she will marry him and accept whatever comes their way. **

Answer:

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,Marrying more than one wife is, in principle, without doubt permissible in Islam, **but the conditions for doing so are really strict that they are almost impossible to fulfil, especially in our times.

** The Quran and Sunnah have laid down certain strict conditions for practicing polygyny, such as equal treatment of the wives in all aspects, being financially in a position to provide equally for both, spending equal time, etc. These are just some conditions that are easily said than done. Just ask those who have opted to marry more than once, how difficult it is to maintain more than one wife.

Allah Most High states:

“…If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one…” (Surah al-Nisa, 3).

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:
“A man who marries more than one woman and then does not deal justly with them will be resurrected with half his faculties paralysed.” (Sahih al-Bukhari).

Thus, many major scholars have advised not to marry more than one wife for the sake of it unless there is a genuine and pressing need, such as the husband being sure of falling into adultery (and not just merely wanting to fulfil his desires).

In the mentioned situation (and according to the details given in the question), it seems that the brother should avoid accepting the sister as his second wife. It has been mentioned that the brother has financial difficulties, thus this makes it all the more necessary for him to avoid marrying her.

He has his own two children to look after and provide for, and then this other sister has five children, thus the financial burden and strain this will have on the brother is obvious. It may also harm his own two children, and inevitably create problems with his current wife.

Therefore, the advice to the brother is to avoid getting into this second marriage, and to explain to the other sister in a kind and gentle way (with wisdom) that he is not the right person for her, and that he is not in a position to maintain two wives and seven children. Also make Dua that the sister concerned finds a husband who is suitable for her and that he is not faced with a heavy burden of duties and responsibilities.

The above does not imply in any way that it is unlawful to marry second time, rather this is the practical advice based on what has been mentioned in the question. It would also be advisable to discuss the issue with a local scholar whose knowledge and wisdom you respect.

And Allah knows best
Muhammad ibn Adam

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wht does that mean?

P.S please don't turn it into shia-sunni secterian thread..thanks..i request Naabigh not to come up with a follow up.......

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Both divorce and second marriage are 'ALLOWED', but neither is 'ENCOURAGED'.

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Divorce is 'Disliked' (discouraged) /Allowed
and 2nd Marriage is 'NOT Disliked' (not discouraged)/Allowed

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I would never be able to share my hubby with anyone!!! EVER!
If my hubby mentions marrying someone else.. I would gladly offer to leave the equation.
If the woman has some respect too she would refuse to marry him. :) just my opinion.. plz dont attack me 4 it :)

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ok jaisa k mainay kaha tha k main riwa’yat ka refrence or explanation ka ulma-e-karam say pochoon gee to woh yeh hai k

yeh riwayat sahee muslim (authentic book of hadith ) main hazrat fatima ke fazeelat kay chapter main mojood hai

or is moqay per Nabi pak slal allahu alyhi waalihe wasalam nay yoon fermaya

main haraam ko halaal or halaal ko haraam nahi kerta ..lakin allah k nabi ki beti or Allah ki dushman (abu jahal ) ki beti aik shakhs(hazrat Ali ) per jamma nahi ho sakteen

muhad’seen nay wazaahat kee k yeh ik tab’aye hukam tha na kay shar’yee ..dosra yeh k yeh hukam sirf Hazrat Ali kay sath khas tha
ummat kay kiisi or fard k ley is main koi daleel nahi

agar koi khatoon is riwayat ko apnay inkaar ki daleel banaye to shreyat is ko nahi maantee

[quote="“Deeba1234, post:8, topic:232756"”]

So dunno why some people like to pretend it’s somehow wrong to not want ur husband to take a second wife
[/quote]

nahi ..app ko ghalat laga kion k yahan yeh bat nahi chal rahee thee … jahan tak mujhay yaad hay … bat sharaye hukam kee thee k k 2nd marriage main Wife ki ijazat shert nahi layhaza us k inkaar ki haysiyat nahi ..

yeh do tok sharaye hukam hai ..is per koi ikhtilaaf nahi

haan baqee yeh bat k first wife ka apnay husband ko 2nd marriage say rokna ghalat nahi ..or shaid isee bat per app nay kuch Fatwa post keye hain

to un tamam fatwa ka hasil yeh k ..

2nd marriage aysay inssan k ley jo financially week ho ya ..us per yeh aytmaad na ho k agay chal ker woh dono wives main balance rakh sakay ga ..ya us ki first wife ki teraf aisa reaction samnay aa sakta hai jo is main muhskilaat qaaim keray ga to behter hay k …is say ruka jaaye …

kion k kissi kaam main behtreen results usee waqt saamnay atay hain jub us main shareek afraad dil sa nahi sahee lakin zehne tor per raza mand hoon …

**phir is k sath fatwa main yeh bhi wazahat hay k yeh Advice her insaan k ley nahi …behter hay k is muamlay main her koi apnay halaat or ahliyat bata ker apnay qareebe scholer say mashwera lay **

kio k aysay fatwa to main bhi app ko post ker sakte hoon jis main ulma -e- karam nay khawateen ko is ammal say roka hay k woh mehaz husband ki 2nd marriage per divorce ka mutaalba ker dain … bulkay naseehat ke hay k apnee married life is bat per kharab na karain

lkhair ..asal bat per aatay hain

agar mere 1st post ko insaaf or baghair kisi ikhtilaaf kay perha jata to baat bohat assan thee

this topic not about 2nd marriage for Any Way ..but it has sum conditions …

k jub app ko apnay husband ki wafadaree ..muamlat main iman daree or qool main suchayee ka aytmanan ho …jis ko mainy sirf ik lafz Loyal k sath bayan kernay ko koshish kee… aisay waqt main app kay husband kisi naik neyat say aysay faislay main app ki Permission or support maangtay hain ..

yane kisi teraf say koi khadsha nahi ab baat sirf or sirf app kay faislay per ruktee hai …or waq’ytan is faislay say ik dosre muslim awrat ki zindgee main kharay masaail hal ho saktay hain …to app yahan is moqay per ..waqt ki is aazmaish per apnay Zarf ko kitna bara paate hain ?

plz follow my those lines once again before any reply .. app kay pass paani ka bhara glass hai kia app kisi pyasay ko apnay glass say paani day saktee hain ?

or yeh bat itnee naqabl-e-yaqeen kion k shadee sawab k ley nahi kee ja saktee ?

islam main aik say zaaid shadioon ki ijazat Naikee ki bunyad per hee hay ..islam say phelay kaye kayee shadioon ka riwaj tha ..haqooq main koi balance nahi

islam nay in sub cheezon ko roka .. 4 tak ki limit dee..phir akhrat main sakht saza ka bata ker haqooq main balance kernay ki taqeed kee

*hazrat javeria razi tala anha jo k baande(slave) theen … nay jub app salal allaho alyhi wasl’lam say financial support mangee takay woh apnay maalik say apnay app ko azaad kera lain to nabi pak slal allho alyhi waslam nay fermaiya k main tumhain is say behter hal na bataaon k …*

k main tum say nikah ker loon or tum ko azaad kerrwa loon

financally support he sirf masaail ka hal nahi

mera topic or us ka kirdaar in sub cheezon ko follow kernay ki soorat main tha

agar app apnay husband ko is terah nahi paatay t mere topic ki condition main Fit nahi …

Allah keray k app sub apni zindgioon main shaad abaad rahain .. lakin dosroon kay masaail ko SO called mat kahain … app agar nahi samjh sakteen k woh kon say halaat hotay hain jis main yeh faislay hotay hain to ..app ka aise sooch bhi na ho k app kay andar in afraad k izzat hee khatam ho jayee

ab main is topic say ijaazat chahoon gee ..kion k mujhay afsos hay k yahan mere zaat ko gheestna shuroo ker diya hai ..

behrhaal thread is open for u .. for any reply

Assalamu alikum : )

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Re: quesion for ladies

A 2nd marriage is not ENCOURAGED. A single marriage and being faithful to one partner is ENCOURAGED.

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There is a condition for polygamy in Islam. Men have to exercise impeccable balance and treat all wives equally in all aspects.

Being a caring wife, I would not let my husband get into a situation which will earn him enormous amount of Gunah. I know for a fact that he wont be able to create balance, despite his efforts. He would always wanna stay in my portion of the house. And his mind would be always occupied by me. The poor soul would feel neglected and abandoned. I dont wanna put any lady in that kind of unnerving/depriving situation.

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thanks for explaining this, Jazakallah

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this thread has been a funny and an interesting read.. none of the married ladies seem okay with it but some men and a single woman is advocating for the second marriage.. P_Gput yourself in that shoe and then give your opinion or better yet come back to this thread married to the best husband ever (or loyal as yout put it) and imagine if he asked you such a question!

Yes people have two wives, and apparently they all live happily ever after.. ever wonder how those two women feel about each other.. now that's something that people would rather not talk about it because after all who cares!!!