Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

Students who come to Pakistan for med school, from the States, do it for a variety of reasons; saving those 4 years, not wanting to get into debt and the one you gave inability to score an admission at home. I digress, those students are a minority over here and what they do or don't do doesn't affect us much, cause they go back regardless of their future in Medicine.

I'm going to tell you what a cousin just told me. She said she'd love to practice Med after finishing school, she wouldn't want the money her parents spent on her to go to waste. She's in her 4th year of med school. Her school is a private one, which means her parents are paying a fortune to put her through school, $25 k over 5 years to be exact(just tuition). That might not seem like much to you, but it is a lot where I live. To put things in perspective, my degree cost me less than $ 4 k, that's before I make deductions for the scholarships I got, so the actual number was even lower. Heck going to GIK the top most engineering school costs less than $10k over years, that's boarding + tuiton.

But in the end she also said it'd depend on the kind of husband she got. She wouldn't dare to go against her future in-laws or husband. That's just how she was raised, to be subservient. Hope she gets someone who's supportive.

And it's not just about the money, it's about the time and effort too. Why study so hard when all you have to do is stay at home and raise kids. Don't get me wrong that's very important, raising your kids right, but a high school degree is probably enough for that, or a liberal arts degree if you have money to waste.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

^ Thanks Southie!

I’m posting the article in it’s entirety and highlighting some points that I personally find troublesome:

Headline: Dr Doolittle’s At Home

KARACHI: Sana Yasir toiled through medical school five years to become a doctor, and followed up with a year’s clinical practice. And then, she got married and quit the workplace. As with Yasir, so with many in Pakistan.

That means Pakistan could rapidly run short of doctors. Pakistan’s current doctor-patient ratio is about 1:100. In rural areas it can be as high as 1:600-900, says Dr Omar Farooq, pro-vice chancellor of the Dow University of Health Sciences and principal of Sindh Medical College. For every one specialist, says Farooq, there are 14,000 patients.

“If female students, who form a majority of graduates every year, decide not to continue with studies, and the cream of male students leave for greener pastures, in less than 10 years there will be a severe shortage of doctors,” he says. “Fifty percent of the female medical students don’t practise after graduating, especially if they get married.

“Of the 50 percent who do,” he says, “25 percent often quit once they have kids. Only 12 to 13 percent of the women go for specialisation.”
Since medical schools began implementing open-merit admissions, more women have been able to pursue medical degrees. Today women make up about 75 percent to 80 percent of Pakistan’s medical graduates.

“It’s either the husband who frowns upon night shifts or discourages his wife from keeping long hours that results in young graduates resigning,” says Dr Mariam Waqas.** “A vast majority” of the women who graduated with her seven years ago are currently unemployed by choice, she says. “These were really promising, bright young women.”**

Nashrah Abdul Haq, a final-year student at Dow Medical College, says it is unfair that female medical students are expected to work after they finish their studies. “It should be (their) choice. Many girls from other professional colleges opt not to work, too. Why single out female doctors?”

Haq, 24, also does not believe that ending the open-merit system would give male students a better chance of admission to medical school and eventually lead to a better doctor-patient ratio. “Few boys are opting for medical studies. And those who do want to go abroad in any case.”

My complaint about female medical graduates in Pakistan, is that they are part of a larger problem causing doctor shortages. I’m by no means saying it’s solely their fault since as the article notes, the brain-drain caused by the departure of male doctors to greener pastures is part of the problem, as is the flawed medical system itself which fails to properly value and compensate public sector medical professionals causing a disincentive to work in that field. But what gets my temper riled up is the comment I highlighted by Ms. Nashrah Haq - her comment is proves what PCG has stated and what I’ve noted as well - those women who study the discipline of medicine with no intent to practice.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

‘What’s the point of medical school if you’re just hunting for husbands?’ – The Express Tribune](http://tribune.com.pk/story/424930/whats-the-point-of-medical-school-if-youre-just-hunting-for-husbands/)

wow! who knew this was such a controversial topic?
PCG’s manner of expression may be harsh, but she makes some valid points. There is a shortage of doctors in Pakistan … esp those willing to serve in rural areas.
one of the guppies here made an equally valid point … it is far more difficult for women to pursue their careers in a respectable manner in pakistan then it is in the west.
They have to fight religious, social and cultural dogmas and deal with sexual harassment.
its easy for me to imagine and understand that parents/families of these ladies would not allow them to work far off from home in some remote area for the sake of their safety.
of course there are also ladies (worldwide) who choose not to work after … and that’s ok. it is their choice to make and I support their right to choose.
women worldwide face the same difficulties of balancing careers/ambitions with family. If we want things to change .. then we as a society need to make a much better effort to supports them. and if we lament the lack of physician in pakistan … then lets also raise a finger towards those male doctors, who left the country after their training. yet, as aahmed pointed out … the wprld is a blotch of gray … can we really blame the men for leaving? … they do have to support their families/ambitions … no?
and finally, medicine is no longer all about altruism and serving humanity. medicine is a business .. just like any other.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

I loathe the excuse "but my in-laws wouldn't let me practice". If a woman is unable to stand up for what she wants, then she shouldn't study that discipline or wait to study until she secures a murgha, sorry, husband, and she knows what kind of in-laws she'll have. If they're okay with a dactarni bahu - then she should study after she get married - otherwise leave the seat for someone who actually intends to practice.

To me this passive approach speaks to a lack of commitment to the discipline.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

It's hard for people to make sacrifices in a country where Army offices, minister and bureaucrats get paid a fortune and are treated like royalty for doing literally nothing. If they were doing their jobs, our state of affairs would be a lot different. There'd be no terrorism and the economy would be better.

I definitely can't expect anyone to make the sacrifice and stay over here, when I myself wouldn't do the same. My reasons for being here are selfish and nothing but. Any one who leaves is justified in doing so.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

She's paying for the degree so she has all the right to quit if she wants.

That said the in-laws or husband factor can't be done away with that easily. Waiting to get a husband first is not an option, waiting isn't an option at all. You get penalized for waiting when apply for admission, how'd you like to get you score brought down 10% just cause you waited.

And how's she supposed to stand up for herself? Write down the how's and I'll give you rebuttals. This is Pakistan ma'am, things happen a bit different over here.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

WOAH!!! No, just cuz you PAY for a degree doesn’t mean you aren’t obligated to serve humanity. This is not a business degree or an engineering degree. This degree entails that you SERVE HUMANITY.

Being a doctor isn’t a privelege for YOU. It’s an HONOR to take care of people. It’s not a route to get bling coach purses where once you get a husband to do that for you, then you don’t need to work. It’s about TAKING CARE OF PEOPLE. And if you step up to commit to TRAIN, then you essentially commit to serving humanity.

I don’t get why this is such a difficult thing to understand.

Limited seats → clear important needs of healthcare for a huge underserved population → 70-80% seats held by women of which only 12-13% end up in specialization and another 12% in primary care (if I’m reading those stats right). The remaining 25% men who hold seats are the “sellouts” i referred to in a prior post - so please, this is not just a woman’s issue problem.

And yeah, hard to practice in the country at this time. I was actually looking for jobs and projects in Karachi earlier this year and NO ONE was supporting me working there mainly because of safety issues. :rolleyes: I’m working on a couple of other ways to go back and work there for some time, we’ll see what happens.

And yes, my manner is harsh. You know why? Cuz these girls quit, guess who shoulders the number of patients who they would have otherwise taken care of?? The rest of US who are sticking it out. For those of you who do not work, you will NEVER understand what it means to bust your butt. The true MEN here, however, can probably relate.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

That article refers to Pakistan. The same phenomenon happens here in the US. Girls drop all the time, and whenever someone we know gets married, we always wait to see if she’ll sit at home or keep her commitement. I know a number of female grads here who sat at home. Some openly said that if they got married, they’ll quit. :rolleyes: Some of THOSE never got married cuz they never had time to play social butterfly, so they’re now still working because they don’t have any other choice, and they’re miserable at it too. :rolleyes:

The problem is here too, I promise. I get asked all the time whether I’m going to quit, just cuz I’m brown. I also get asked whether my parents are docs - another wonderful stereotype set by Pakistani families.

Don’t believe me? Go to an APPNA meeting? It’s frikkin stupid. All rich families that are just trying to keep the blood within rich families, rishta-hunting aunties, and girls looking to bag other docs so they can quit their jobs, and if it’s not them, it’s the boy and their parents who are expecting she’ll quit without a problem.

It just shows how little our people CARE about their responsibilities to each other. I don’t know. I work hard. But I do it for the people I take care of - I want them better and living better quality lives. If I wanted to do this to buy nice purses, then I’d have taken up business - way better money and faster. My 20’s - I would have been a sheer rockstar I bet, but I chose to study something else and work for people. I saw it as part of my faith, my religion, my responsibility to my PEOPLE. I always went into it to figure out a way how to contribute back to Pakistanis and improve their healthcare. And iA, that’s where my career is gonna pan out.

Not sitting on my butt and you know what? if that means I’m single, cuz everyone thinks I’ll make an awful mom and I wont cook or clean (please refer to my latest blog entry for all the kick arse stuff I cooked yesterday, and yes that’s only a SMALL PART of the menu I made yesterday), then FINE. I don’t mind.

I’m gonna leave here with a quote that my sister gave me, and it jogged my memory of who I am, in all this stressful time I’ve had this year. And a thank-you to all those guppies who were SO SUPPORTIVE writing little tidbits of support and encouragement in my journal - you people have NO CLUE how you saved me.

And sorry dudes. If you can’t handle girls like me, then by all means. Don’t.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

Well comparing ourselves to people who get a free education at state funded schools, yeah we do have the right to not use our degree.

Especially if those people weren't smarter than us. The only reason they got those free seats is because the system is flawed, it doesn't encourage smart people, it rewards conformists.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

Back track - we do not get free education at state funded schools. Most people in the US pay for their degree too, which makes it all the more reason to use it. Otherwise you just wasted a crap load of money.

That's like saying I have the right to pay 300 dollars for a watch and then throw in the gutter the next day cuz I got bored of it.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

In fact, only people in the US who get money are the African Americans, cuz they're so under-represented in medical education. Like literally, you're lucky if you see one black dude in a class, black girls even fewer. So there are affirmative action and scholarship programs for them.

Other than that. No one gets any money. Not sure what cloud you're living on thinking we get free educations here.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

I was talking about people who go to Pakistani state schools for free.

Everything considered I still don't think it's something a girl should get a divorce for, especially if she has kids. ...... If quitting your career can save your marriage, then do it, cause growing up without a dad sucks. Can't do anything about that if the guy's a Super ahole(as opposed to a regular one) though, but you've got to try. Someone's got to think about the kids.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

I know all about how expensive any kinds of grad school is in the States, been mulling over that for quite some time now.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

Now Sehrysh, do you understand why it's so hard to find a good PCP or female specialist to go to when you're a patient?

I'm in a city with lots of desis, can't find a good desi doctor that I can trust that is female. There a few in the family practice around here, and all incompetent nincompoops, wouldn't trust them with a puppy.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

Totally agree. So why don't you go with your pitchfork after guys.

Sounds like the situation you're describing a man has a huge role to play in helping his wife balance career and kids. So tell the men to step up their game.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

I won't take a pitchfork to no one. All I can do is try to be a better person myself first.

Of course the guy has a huge role in whatever his wife wants to do and vice versa. Haha, telling the men to step up their game. Doing the right thing myself, when the time comes, would be the first step. Can't preach before practicing.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

Men need men to tell them to stop being wussy idiots. They don’t listen to us girls. I mean, we’re obviously not smart enough and good enough and brave enough to keep practicing medicine after marriage, lets we damsels in distress get kidnapped at work or harassed, nevemind that I walked through a ghetto every day to get to class.

:rolleyes:

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

Ok I need to stop posting in this thread. I'm exhausting myself. Need to sit down.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

Sure, will do that when my friends start marrying.

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Re: Pros and Cons of marrying a lady doctor.

At the risk of sounding corny, the future of Pakistan ( and the sub- continent) is bright if your thinking is representative of the young generation.