Re: Property Issues with Newly Weds
^^ true and it is a mess!
And when the loves dies, then is it still a matter of what's yours in mine and what's mine is yours? We don't live in a perfect world and it's neither greedy nor selfish for both partners to expect to have their names on joint assets - it's practical for the protection of both parties.
But let's for a moment forget about marriage breakdown, even for inheritance purposes, why would you want your home or other assets to go through probate? If the spouses are noted as joint with the right of survivorship (this differs from one jurisdiction to another), the surviving spouse can inherit the assets outright and this may in some cases save estate taxes/death duties.
People, do your research and make sensible decisions.
Yeah, we're going through the whole "what happens if dad dies" scenario, and trying to figure out what paperwork my sister and I are going to have to run around doing for inheritance issues.
The way it is right now, my parents both have their names on everything. So if one spouse dies, it automatically remains in the other's name.
I don't think it is considered "golddigging" if your wife asks you why her name isn't on the property YOU paid for, or that was passed down in your inheritance. She has a right to it. Whether she works or not. Your task is to provide for her, and if she's birthing/raising your kids and keeping your home clean, that's the least you can do for her is to make sure she has shelter after you die. Especially if you are financially capable of doing that. Otherwise, you're a serious git, and any sensible woman should seriously not consider marrying you.
**Sehrysh **there is such a thing as a will.
Me and partner have a flat we both paid towards and its in his name. Boo hoo. Never crossed my mind that I'm not secure.
I guess its something I learnt from my mum. She never even mentioned ownerships etc to my dad but my dad put her in charge of all finances from day one. When they went to move out of their flat and into their family home dad was shocked at how my mum had managed to save so much money.
That point on every asset in our lives has been in my mums name. Our house in London, Pakistan and Flori. So in this case my dads not on any papers but I'm as sure as hell he doesn't feel insecure.
Someone said on this post 'when love dies out...'... my advise to you is why not prevent yourself from bringing up cheap ideas like this so that the love doesn't die out?
My parents have been married for 30 years mashallah and I am their only child. I can tell you they are as much in love today as they were 20 years years ago. In fact more.
Ladies, if you want ownership of land, money and wealth from a wedding I suggest you not bother to go through the complications of a wedding. Get a job and buy your wealth and security yourself! This isnt stone age.
Ok, well enjoy paying taxes and fees to get it transferred in your name after he dies.
We should make trust funds instead of will in case if one partner dies the fund tranfers to another partner because of joint tenancy clause.
PS> It depends state to state law what kind of laws you have.Usually spouse gets most of the inheritance and kids have another.But to be on the safe side me and hubs are thinking we should either make a will or we should have trust funds.In my humble opinion if you have property through joint tenancy or trust fund as Sherysh said it will be more easier for a wife to get the ownership of house.
**Sehrysh **there is such a thing as a will.
Me and partner have a flat we both paid towards and its in his name. Boo hoo. Never crossed my mind that I'm not secure.
I guess its something I learnt from my mum. She never even mentioned ownerships etc to my dad but my dad put her in charge of all finances from day one. When they went to move out of their flat and into their family home dad was shocked at how my mum had managed to save so much money.
That point on every asset in our lives has been in my mums name. Our house in London, Pakistan and Flori. So in this case my dads not on any papers but I'm as sure as hell he doesn't feel insecure.
Someone said on this post 'when love dies out...'... my advise to you is why not prevent yourself from bringing up cheap ideas like this so that the love doesn't die out?
My parents have been married for 30 years mashallah and I am their only child. I can tell you they are as much in love today as they were 20 years years ago. In fact more.
Ladies, if you want ownership of land, money and wealth from a wedding I suggest you not bother to go through the complications of a wedding. Get a job and buy your wealth and security yourself! This isnt stone age.
Interesting post.
I dont think people bring up cheap ideas like that in the beginning at all. Love dying out happens in lots of marriages either through someone else's fault or no fault of anyone at all. People just grow apart. Are you married? Have you ever been married? How would you know the ups and downs and how much it takes to keep it going after years of being together? After all the junk women end up going through at times, its not cheap of her at all to bring up property she helped her husband maintain. She bears his children and she cant ask him questions? When it comes to money, its now labeled as gold-digging if she is curious about what will become of her if he decides to call it quits or worse...die? WOW.
The before-marriage woulda, coulda, shoulda fizzle out after marriage.
Everyone's relationship is different. There is no general rule that applies to everyone that if you such and such...all will be well. The truth is, there are dogs out there that firmly believe in limiting a woman's control when it comes to finances and assets.
The fact is, your life and examples cannot be used as the rule, they might be an exception but definitely not the rule. Most people dont have multiple homes in which the wife can feel secure that at least one piece of property is in her name. Lots of men dont give women control of the household money and give them an allowance. These women are generally raised with the thinking that their men will provide and when they dont, they're handicapped. Its not their fault, its their surroundings. Think of ONE house, TWO kids, a COUPLE and INLAWS. In this scenario...she has no right to ask? She should just wait until the day it dawns on her husband to add her name to his property, checking account, etc?
Um...NO.
Re: Property Issues with Newly Weds
And people like that, Reha, are out there ready to be your saas. Lovely, innit?
My husband owes me security if nothing else. Just like he wants me to cook and clean and manage things, he has a responsibility. Now I tell every girl that she should have at least an education and preferably a job, but most desi girls don't agree. So, yeah, in my personal case, I'll contribute to the mortgage, but my name is going on those papers. However, as many women don't want to even work and most husbands don't want them to, it's not exactly easy for them right?
Clearly, this girl has made sure she is getting the property after her hub dies, but she calls other girls cheap for doing the same?
Hm.
So much needless discussion. If you are buying a house after marriage & if you agree to co-own it with your spouse then each party has to legally agree to take care of 50% of the house. I will not put her name on the house because she is my wife, she has to take care of her 50%, otherwise be happy with the husband working 10 hours a day to provide for the house. If the house was bought before marriage by me (and that is the smart thing to do), then no I will not make her a co-owner under any circumstances.
As for the folks here arguing over after death garb - if you are so worried then work and make your own assets, then you won't have to nag your spouse for setting you up in-case they drop dead. Do not expect your husband or anybody else to take care of you after they die, it is a foolish notion.
So much needless discussion. If you are buying a house after marriage & if you agree to co-own it with your spouse then each party has to legally agree to take care of 50% of the house. I will not put her name on the house because she is my wife, she has to take care of her 50%, otherwise be happy with the husband working 10 hours a day to provide for the house. If the house was bought before marriage by me (and that is the smart thing to do), then no I will not make her a co-owner under any circumstances.
As for the folks here arguing over after death garb - if you are so worried then work and make your own assets, then you won't have to nag your spouse for setting you up in-case they drop dead. Do not expect your husband or anybody else to take care of you after they die, it is a foolish notion.
Ladies, he's a catch.
So much needless discussion. If you are buying a house after marriage & if you agree to co-own it with your spouse then each party has to legally agree to take care of 50% of the house. I will not put her name on the house because she is my wife, she has to take care of her 50%, otherwise be happy with the husband working 10 hours a day to provide for the house. If the house was bought before marriage by me (and that is the smart thing to do), then no I will not make her a co-owner under any circumstances.
As for the folks here arguing over after death garb - if you are so worried then work and make your own assets, then you won't have to nag your spouse for setting you up in-case they drop dead. Do not expect your husband or anybody else to take care of you after they die, it is a foolish notion.
Marriage is a partnership. The man does his part and woman does hers. However, since its a lifelong commitment and not an arrangement...its nice to take care of each other.
Dont expect your wife to contribute to 50% of the household expenses and bear your children...just dont. And if you do, you better be ready to take care of her because she didnt get pregnant alone...you had 50% to do with it.
Dont expect her to make your meals and definitely never expect her to clean after the whole family or look after your parents. Pick up after your parents, yourself and make sure you also clean 50% of the mess your kids make. Dont expect her to entertain your friends, relatives or make the house into a home...because that is now 50% your job. If thats how you want to live your life, then by all means lets make it a real 50-50 deal. You make your food, she makes hers. You change one diaper, she changes the next. You feed baby once and she feeds him next. You keep a separate checking and savings and she keeps her own checking savings. You contribute to 50% of the baby's expenses and she contributes 50% also. You cannot question her spending or ask her how much money she has. Its her business and you cannot meddle in her finances. She can buy herself another property aside from the family home and it will be only in her name, not yours.
OH and lets not forget you pitching in for daycare because she will need to keep her job to come up with her 50%...and no she doesnt want to leave her baby with your parents because most probably by that point she hates them.
Think of ONE house, TWO kids, a COUPLE and INLAWS. In this scenario...she has no right to ask? She should just wait until the day it dawns on her husband to add her name to his property, checking account, etc?
Um...NO.
If I got married I would make damn sure I have my assets in my name before marriage. There is no way that I would ever jeopardize any asset that I have worked for on my own, if that is not acceptable to her she can leave and find someone else, I could not care less. Saying this I would never marry anyone who does not have assets of their own & is just looking for a walking wallet to support her for the rest of her existence, that pretty much counts out 95% of the desi female population.
Re: Property Issues with Newly Weds
GI, then in that case, be ready to do 50% of all the responsibilities that go into having a family.
BTW, even we working girls need support. That is, by defintion, a marriage. I help you, you help me, and together we survive.
I think you may think differently after you have a wife and kids, and then, maybe not.
But glad to know you’re coming clean. At least girls know to avoid you. :k:
Re: Property Issues with Newly Weds
Reha : calm down, this is not a personal attack on anyone, it really goes to show the mentality desis have.
No my parents wont be living with me, no I don't expect her to cook, I'm infact a very good cook, no I do not expect her to entertain my friends - I do not like friends over, home is a husband-wife private space - that's how I like to think of it, no I do not expect her to 'clean up' after me, no I do not expect her to clean my house or clean my clothes (I can do these myself). My kids will be my responsibility, their expenses and my wife's expenses are my responsibility & lastly yes she can work as much as she wants, no I do not expect her to.
I fully am well aware of my responsibility. But I know how to protect myself, accumulating assets on your own is immense hard-work, no I am not going hand it over on a silver platter.
Re: Property Issues with Newly Weds
PCG : thank you, I will avoid you
Re: Property Issues with Newly Weds
You'll take care of her expenses while you're alive, but in the event you pass away, which you inevitably will, she does what? Lady is on her own? That's a nice way to pay back the woman who had your kids. You can make it up however you want by taking care of yourself, but the very fact that she has given birth to your kids - nature has set it up so that you owe her.
Whether you like it or not.
True, you can protect yourself from greedy women.
Just don't marry one.
PCG : thank you, I will avoid you
At this rate, if you divulge these details to anyone, including gori's, they too, will avoid you.
No PCG you are being emotional, I don't owe her anything for having my kids expect for what she would get for being my wife & as much as you would like to think otherwise I take that very seriously. If I do write a will it will be for my children not for my wife. I would not marry a woman if she has not worked even for a week or has gone to university, I am more likely to help her accumulate her own assets with her own earnings rather than go in their and provide the ready-made 'halwa'. A wife has many rights Islamic-ally, don't make one out of your own way of looking at things, most of this thread is based on a hypothetical event if the husband drops dead all of a sudden, that is is not a realistic way of looking at things.
This thread should be more focused on how women can accumulate their own wealth rather than looking for their hubbies to provide them but then again it is gupshup.
I think this needs to be a sticky for all the women out there who destroy their relationship over ownership issues. Seriously, get a job.
And Reha: I'm not married but ive been in an amazing relationship for over 4 years with my best friend. Hes bengali and I am Pakistani. I dont need to have marital proof to be eligible to discuss this topic.
Jeez, I'm so glad me and hubby did everything together and in halves and neither of us had to make this 'names on paper' such a big deal.
Our recently bought home was paid for half by him and half by me but its in his name due to my credit being sucky. Even with me having paid half I don't give a damn and it hasn't become a matter of prestige for me that the house is not in my name, so what. Hes my other half whats his is mine and whats mine is his.
Sometimes for attention I make a sad face that I don't get any important letters like he does so lets me open his post lol.
Relax people, LET YOUR HUSBAND be the one to one say 'i want you on the papers'. Dont be a greedy monster and ruin a moment that could be so sweet between you both.
Even if he doesnt put your name on it. Go out and work like the rest of us! You cant sit on your bum and expect a marriage to be a route into wealth as some do.
I have paid half yet it doesnt bother me who's name is on papers. If it was soley his property he had bought without my help I WOULD NOT have the gutts to say put in my name mister! How cheap.
Re: Property Issues with Newly Weds
The way I see it.
If my husband had just landed in my country and demanded I name him my flat, (that was not fully paid at that time) I seriusly would have hesitated, why because I put my effort and money in it, and I dont know how our relationship will develop as we were newerly married.
But he never asked for such and he never minded why I get all letters in my name, I said it in the beginning .. all this belongs to us, no matter whose name is on it.
Well over 4 years, my husband paid most of the lown and the flat was still on my name and bought before our marriage. He trusted me and I trusted him.
One thing he said, if he allah na karey dies young, I should give around 10% of the money to his parents, which is ok, I asked for the same thing. My life insurance was on my mothers name, if something happens to me. But now I have it on kids name.
Now our next flat is on boths name, but that is good so, as this is the best options for the kids, if something happens, then one partner and kids will still have a home.
I know some guys are saying we are not naming our wifes in our homes that we bought before marriage, but I tell u after some years of marriage, it becomes their right and laws here give them the right, so its better if u see that she is not a gold digger to put equal names on property, this is the best options for kids as in paksitani law the guys family has some share in the properety too. This way, u will be sure that the wifend kids will not get kicked out by any family members coming to claim their share.
**Sehrysh **there is such a thing as a will.
Me and partner have a flat we both paid towards and its in his name. Boo hoo. Never crossed my mind that I'm not secure.
Have you and your partner prepared a will yet? Because if you haven't and you're not yet legally wed nor common-law, then you don't have first claim on the assets, Allah na karay, in the event of his death - his family would.
Reha : calm down, this is not a personal attack on anyone, it really goes to show the mentality desis have.
No my parents wont be living with me, no I don't expect her to cook, I'm infact a very good cook, no I do not expect her to entertain my friends - I do not like friends over, home is a husband-wife private space - that's how I like to think of it, no I do not expect her to 'clean up' after me, no I do not expect her to clean my house or clean my clothes (I can do these myself). My kids will be my responsibility, their expenses and my wife's expenses are my responsibility & lastly yes she can work as much as she wants, no I do not expect her to.
I fully am well aware of my responsibility. But I know how to protect myself, accumulating assets on your own is immense hard-work, no I am not going hand it over on a silver platter.
Its not a personal attack at all...reality of it is...property should also be shared and a woman should never feel like she has to have her own in order to feel secure in her relationship.
No PCG you are being emotional, I don't owe her anything for having my kids expect for what she would get for being my wife & as much as you would like to think otherwise I take that very seriously. If I do write a will it will be for my children not for my wife. I would not marry a woman if she has not worked even for a week or has gone to university, I am more likely to help her accumulate her own assets with her own earnings rather than go in their and provide the ready-made 'halwa'. A wife has many rights Islamic-ally, don't make one out of your own way of looking at things, most of this thread is based on a hypothetical event if the husband drops dead all of a sudden, that is is not a realistic way of looking at things.
This thread should be more focused on how women can accumulate their own wealth rather than looking for their hubbies to provide them but then again it is gupshup.
Yeah, you do. You owe her a lot more than you can possibly imagine. Its sad you dont understand this but then again...it takes all kinds to make the world go round. Im sure you have your place somewhere in society as well.
I think this needs to be a sticky for all the women out there who destroy their relationship over ownership issues. Seriously, get a job.
And Reha: I'm not married but ive been in an amazing relationship for over 4 years with my best friend. Hes bengali and I am Pakistani. I dont need to have marital proof to be eligible to discuss this topic.
Yeah, you do. These idealistic thoughts change with time. Ive been there and done that myself. All of the things I thought of before marriage and after marriage...worlds different. Your relationship prior to marriage means nothing afterwards...dating is not the real thing people! No matter how close you are to your partner or how well you try to get to know him/her...it doesnt prepare you for the real thing. Girls and guys fool themselves into thinking that playing boyfriend-girlfriend or having a fiance means you're now a relationship expert! All of these married women have it all wrong, dont they now? Your 4 year relationship doesnt hold water when compared to a 4 year marriage.
Its like me dispensing advise on how to raise kids without having one. Its ridiculous and holds no merit.