Seriously dude! Haven't you read any SUFI book? I mean come on man! You can't hold one single desire? Try fasting for 40 days without food or drink! Sex is nothing dude! A woman is nothing. This whole entire planet our bodies and everything that we feel or see will not exist! It will all perish one day. Why do you hold it so near to your heart? As Allah says, "Men are the most reluctant to leave this earth, but little do they know of the paradise." [sic]
Seriously dude! Haven't you read any SUFI book? I mean come on man! You can't hold one single desire? Try fasting for 40 days without food or drink! Sex is nothing dude! A woman is nothing. This whole entire planet our bodies and everything that we feel or see will not exist! It will all perish one day. Why do you hold it so near to your heart? As Allah says, "Men are the most reluctant to leave this earth, but little do they know of the paradise." [sic]
Dude, have you forgot ramzan just went by? in which we already have oberved the abstinence your on about.
and its not the case of holding desire. Its the case of nature.
-^ And the chap does not want to become typical molvi detaching from world and work ending up relying on state benefits to be spiritual.
Now back to question.
He is worried that as he has now accepted that a strong sexual nature is a part of him, that after marriage he may be unfurfilled or get ''bored'' with one women like other men and feel the need to makeout additionally.
Maybe man being Polygamous is true - explaining why so many men need to cheat or change partners.
So if this chap knows he also has his multiple attractions for women and feels at one time he may have to 'let loose' what he has held.
Should this be before real marriage or after.
Assuming he is polite and nice by nature and intends to be loyal to his proper wife, will his past matter?
so he's certain he wants to commit the sin. he just needs suggestions on whether he should do it before or after marriage? wow..does he listen to himself?
Yes, he should do it. Let loose and get it over with so it’s out of the system and if he wants, he can go on doing it even after he’s married. After all, who knows what kind of a wife he’s gonna have, right?
Is that what you have been wanting to read all along in this thread? There, be happy now.
Dude, have you forgot ramzan just went by? in which we already have oberved the abstinence your on about.
and its not the case of holding desire. Its the case of nature.
-^ And the chap does not want to become typical molvi detaching from world and work ending up relying on state benefits to be spiritual.
Now back to question.
He is worried that as he has now accepted that a **strong sexual nature **is a part of him, that after marriage he may be unfurfilled or get ''bored'' with one women like other men and feel the need to makeout additionally.
Maybe man being Polygamous is true - explaining why so many men need to cheat or change partners.
So if this chap knows he also has his multiple attractions for women and feels at one time he may have to 'let loose' what he has held.
Should this be before real marriage or after.
Assuming he is polite and nice by nature and intends to be loyal to his proper wife, will his past matter?
Serious and honest answers please.
Buahaha dude, there is no strong sexual nature to people its desires, we as rational beings do what feels good. Read Utilitarian ethics, we utilize what we have to find a mate and then shag her/him. What this guy is going through is strong sexual desires and you cant change words with nature etc. He needs to eliminate his desires and be happy with what Allah gives him. If he does not he will fall in to the abyss of sin and be forever lost. Now what would he think if his wife did the same thing? Before coming to him she did it with couple of boys and totally enjoyed it? Would he knowing that she was touched by men before him able to touch her again? Now imagine how his wife would feel if she found out about his premarital escapades? What a selfish prick he is, only thinking about his own pleasures and not caring about others needs. He dosen't even deserve to get married. Let the prick roam in Las Vegas and catch STDs. I know boys like him who are not thankful for what they have and what they will have. Guys who's parents buy them fancy brand new cars and then they come tell you this was not the car they wanted. And for the girl, the boy's rich parents literally scout a girl from Pakistan as a toy for their son who is a selfish prick beyond all boundaries. I feel sorry for the girl who's gonna get married to him.
What makes him think he will be able to "get it out of his system" as he puts it?
Why is he assuming that he wont be satisfied with his one marital relationship?
And what I find strange is that he's concerned about what impact this will have on his marriage? Now this is one seriously messed up guy.
Im a fairly new member who needs your genuine views on:
Should a clean man, intending to marry, who however is irresistebly attracted to multiple women, indulge in his desired promiscious needs before marriage and 'hopefully' get it out his system, or practice them after marriage?
The man fears if he does not 'explore' himself beforehand he may end up compelled so afterwards.
So What should our Chap do.
All suggestions welcome.
Apologies in advance for any offence (unintentional) caused.
I have not gone through the thread so apologize if this has been said before.
the dude has to do 2 things.
1) does he have the same freedom for his wife, u know so she can explore with other men before marriage so she does not do hankyy panky afterwards?
2) tell her thats hwta he wants for himself and that she is also free to do the same.
events afterwards will take care of the situation itself.
@ amir_pindi: Virginity is VERY important to us too..... but a woman probably won't get into that crazy fit of rage that guys get into if they find out their wives were non-virgins followed by talaq, talaq, talaq.
And yeah I'm saying this honestly.... if I found out my husband was not a virgin, I would be upset but won't go crazy. He's the one who committed a sin in the past and will be punished for it after death, so I wont go into a hissy fit over it. I will also NOT ask him details and try to find out how many times did he do it and how many girls were there, etc. etc. I would just rather not know.
Adultery is another matter.... I won't stay with him (even for kids' sake), no question about it.
Men should do the same.... if a woman is not a virgin, its a sin SHE committed and she will be punished later by Allah.... why do YOU go crazy? Doling out her punishment is not up to you.
Also you said **"The virgnity the chap holds so far is not for God, (God does not need anything)." **Wow! How can you say that, when Quran clearly says that sex before marriage is NOT permitted and is a sin.
i say he just marry 4 wives. islamically, its allowed and it will satisfy his polygamous "urges".
thisway he can go about his polygamous self and not worry about having to explain his past or present encounters AND not commit zina.
the hard part- trying to find women/girls who will allow their husband to havemore than one wife!
Also, being able to pay for all of them, 4 wives, 4 houses, 4 sets of all bills.. If he can't afford to look after them equally (not stick no. 2/3/4 in a council house scrounging off benefits and prob unaware that no.1 is living in much more comfort lol) it's haram.. Oh, and there's always misyar marriage as well..
Thanks oh enthusiastic but you rumbustious people with your perverted therories.---especially your artificial ****e 'explore the hand'
The thing is, the clean guy is aware of all the religious and cultural deterents.
and has tried the associated suppresents.
However he still is a man, who has his strong and unpreventable urges. Mybe he hs seen professionals who themself adviced him his body is in need of the hump.
And granted he does strongly feel insecure about fellow pre-marriage promiscius mens who are now married happily to nice virgin women.
The man just wants to know if he had presently, safely (to both parties) explored his 'polygamous' urges, in order he could be calmly loyal to his wife after marriage...would that be okay with women?
In summary: The man is saying he has his polygamous inclinements which he feels one day may need to be satisficed, so would it be better for him to get them done and 'out of the way' before proper marriage or risk the more detrimental inclinemnets to 'cheat' after marriage.
would his past matter?
aap tu mind ker gaye bhai.
Whats wrong with left hand, most men with "urges" before marriage use it, and their fantasies are polygamous.
I shall wish to revoke MANNERS in this thread. Some stupid people are making unnnecesary and offensive comments, the thread starter hads a genuine issue and these leave the thread if you cannot tolerate somebody who needs to discuss somthing.
Agreed thread isnt an ideal, but YOU WOMEN should atleast appreciate some man to have the balls and come out with WHAT BOTHERS ALL MEN, and find advice for a solution. Here is what a mind of a common man is, before he cheats on his wife or gf------which you girls ALL complain about so you should appreciate the learning oppurtunity.
Agreed thread it sounds awkward. But arnt so all other emotions and tantrums that people come in throwing here.
And to the sufi whiz kid. I dont even wanna pass the line wid u, Id say just briefly dude, sexuality is a part of humans biological nature as opposed to the desire for wordly material things that love of Love of God would help erase. The are eternal nature of men such as eating, drinking, sexual furfilment are those to stay.
Also when people came to the Prophet (pbuh) complaining of s.frustration did he tell advice them basics like fasting, praying, zikr, marriage, masturabate, mutah or did he give them some advanced spiritual lecture. Those people were already spiritual and they were still troubled by thier nafs.
and you shud get it there were major differances between that and dis time.
If/when he meets 'the one' he might stop feeling the urge to put it about..
If he does sleep around before he gets married hope he's not one of those idiots who thinks it's ok to demand future wife is a virgin..
LOL.......now hopefully the "chap" won't be so hypocritical as to demand a virgin for himself when he couldn't keep himself pure..
Chap stick Ji..............my apologies if I sound harsh. Nobody is perfect. But by giving GREATER PRIORITY to what "women" in general think about the possibility of you having a promiscous past as opposed to what Allah thinks..................it's like you're committing SHIRK. Because you've given the womens' opinion about premarital sex more weight than Allah's rules and and judgment. Without realizing it...........it is like you're placing one above the other. And if you value your religion.........then hopefully this thought..............should deter from you pursuing this question any further, which is non-debatable from an Islamic stance.
It is obvious to many people here that you are subconsciously hoping that we would tell you that it's okay to quench your lust and sleep around before marriage and that your wife will totally disregard your past so long as you treat her with love and respect. Okay...........so let's say that your future wife is totally fine with your horny past.....and is able to overlook it. The question remains*..........."WHY ARE YOU SO CONCERNED ABOUT WHAT YOUR FUTURE WIFE THINKS?"......*when Allah's rules don't change regarding this matter?
Why are you seeking your future wife's approval.............when it is not even up to her to forgive you for this sin? If you commit zina......its forgiveness does not depend upon your future spouse.........its forgiveness is asked and dependent upon Allah.
If Allah HIMSELF has forbidden it.................that ends the debate............there is no room left to question what some girl would think about fornication.
I'll give you a real-life example of what your question sounds like. A kid wants to go to a party. He asks Mommy for permission. Mommy says, "No." So now the kid whines and pouts and then goes to Daddy and asks the same question hoping that Daddy will say, "Yes beta you can go." Only in this scenario..........both mom and dad are parental figures and could be considered to have equal authority.
BUT IN YOUR CASE................Allah..........and your future wife.............don't have equal authority. You don't like Allah's view that premarital sex is prohibitied.......so just like whiny kid.............you are now seeking permission/approval from the women folk.
A person who places more emphasis on the approvals of others.........than on the opinion of his own CONSCIENCE and ZAMEER...........is becoming weak.
Chap just wants to know that since looking at so many of our virgin paki girls are marrying/going-out with non-virgin or past player type men, is its indication true that virginity to women is not as big a matter to women. so long the present guy is polite and nice?
This is the what to what my chap requires an HONEST and SERIOUS answer from you girls.
RV,your honest contribution is appreciated. But really stop trying to end by thread. You girls carry on ranting on baseless unnessesery issues, so why deprive my right so quick? Stop your gundargerdi before something equally nasty comes your way.
You said some stuff about Allah obvlsy I aint got time for a full explanation-but Inspite basically will say that the chap im talking about can get his 'stuff' done legally to which no one can complain.
- So his greater concern is his future women, and the paragraph in purple is which i require to be re-read.
(Sufi-dude just observe the dudes (safely and legally) having fun, repenting whatever and ending with virgins.----it envokes jealousy in ma clean side dunno bout yours.)
