you know Islam isnt as complicated as you make it out to be. i dont think that women should just sit their mute and not say a word. The Prophets (SAW) wives werent even like that. The consulted with each other and made decisions together. All I’m saying is that if you have a husband who is dead set against you working yet u want to work…are u going to ruin your marriage over such an issue? i wont…i’ll quit to keep my marriage together. however there may be other ways to keep both party’s happy. (ie work from home, etc)
All I'm saying is that if you have a husband who is dead set against you working yet u want to work...
Ah interesting remark which takes us back to the original topic.
Wouldn't a professional woman be smart enough to sort that issue out prior to marrying her husband? i.e. if she wants to not work, then match up with someone that is OK with that. or i.e. if she wants to work, then match up with someone that is OK with that?
I dunno, call me crazy, but in my mind, that is just good preparation...which is what a real professional knows how to do.
Anyhoo. Deewanagi, I have been wanting to get my hands on that book. Its an interesting read from what I hear. :) Definitely something most girls should read...
ppl change their views after marriage. A person might not wear hijab before marriage and decide later to do so. I might not want to be a working mother today but may change my mind later on. who knows!
btw a professional doesnt have to have street smarts (or communcation ethics) just because they have book smarts.
Can you tell me one type of "professional" that is not required to have communication skills? Are u seriously kidding me?
That's where the common term "professional" comes from...like if you do task X professionally, you've done it with perfection and tact...that requires communication skills, since you could have done your homework, but if you didn't communicate it well, then you'll be a flop.
Every professional is required, at least in the States, to have a particular manner of dressing and behaving with others. By Required, i mean, its something professional schools look for, and its something they try to groom into you if they feel you lack in that area. Post-professional training, if there is any, will also take care of these skills if somehow your professional school failed to do so.
PCG you should know what i mean…if every professional had good communication skills. I dont think men and women would complain about not understanding each other in terms of relationships…i wasnt really referring to communication in the workplace i was referring to interpersonal communication.
Okay, so you're saying that a professional might have good communication skills at work, but doesn't know how to communicate with the opposite sex in a rishtaa scenario?
Well but that's preposterous. Communication skills are communication skills. Putting forth where your limits are and making sure he KNOWS that, and making sure he agrees to that. If you get wishy washy answers at work, you should take a hint. Likewise, if your "love" gives you wishy washy answers, you should also take a hint....
Again brings us back to the original topic. So why do "professional" desi girls get swayed and tricked by guys...why do they not take the hints? Why can't they see thru a guy's behavior before marriage...are they too desperate to get married? Or do they have this bollywood image in their heads, that "yes, he is telling me he is in love with me he wants frandship, so he's really meaning it, yay, I'm getting married in 12 months".
well perhaps you've nvr studied "communication in the workplace" and "interpersonal communication"..they are 2 different things.
anyway....
why, why why....we will never know why. that is just how some women are...it isnt just desi girls...girls in general can be naive.
like i said before...a guys view may change. He may say yes i support your career. after marriage and a couple of kids he may not see it that way. marriage is a gamble. no matter how much you try to analyze a guys behavior..there is no guarantee that you will see eye to eye.
“oooh, I found him he is lovely and very pretty and we’ll have gol matol goray bachay, and i’ll have mehndi on my hands, and man will so-and-so be so jealous because my wedding jora is going to be 49 pounds with gold threaded embroidery, and we’re going to have sheer khorma at the nikkah and cake and oh, we’re going to go to switzerland on honeymood and wont it be so nice in the snow with my husband all cozy and warm oh yes it will be like movie Raja Hindustani.”
The two forms of communication do have their differences, but the basic underlying concept of communicating what you want clearly is present in both. The same girl who is unafriad to let her co-worker know she means business is afraid to tell her rishtaa-proposal family that she doesn't like their idea about x, y, and z?
Angel Eyes, hmmm no marriage aint a gamble. Its a very special relationship based on trust, understanding, communication and love… if u go into a marriage thinknig he’ll change or wont change… or with all these if’s and but’s,.. u shouldnt be marrying that person… u should go into the relationship with a clear conscience of what ur getting urself into.. and at least know the person enough to know what they are like, what their expectations are of u… and what YOUR expectations are of them.. and if u dont know… then u need to talk things through before saying ur “qabools”
it is a gamble…can u guarantee that your marriage will be successful before you get married? no you cant…it is a gamble in the sense that either you win or you lose.
americans get to know each other for yrs before they get married. apparently it doesnt make a difference…the divorce rates are soaring high in the states. why? because people change their views, their way of thinking, they fall out love etc etc. There is no guarantee that the person you got to know before marriage will be the same person after marriage.
the only thing you have is the quran and sunnah to follow.. if you follow the ways of the prophet (SAW) and his wives…you have a good chance of making your marriage work.
