First off PCG your very basis for an argument is flawed. This discussion does not include the typical desi housewives who are very much content in producing gol matol bachays and chapatis. They have no wish to get pushed around in the work world. And yes, working isn't exactly as cushy in other parts of the world (read Pakistan) as it is in the US. Not all women are priveleged enough to hop in an air conditioned car and commute to their comfy cubicle.
Ok so now we are left with "career" minded desi women. Even these come in two types, first the haan-careers-are-all-the rage-type. These women are enrolled in professional schools but that doesn't necessarily mean they intend to work. That's a totally different can of worms. More times than not, these wannabe career woman seek to enhance their rishta resume rather than contribute anything meaningful to society. Or their education is a back up for a marriage gone horribly wrong. Sorry that's how it is.
Finally, you have the hardcore career oriented housewife-over-my-dead-body types. Now if they are in a situation where the husband is forcing his wife to stay at home then the fault lies with both partners. Such priorities really should have been discussed prior to marriage.
So where does the professional woman forced to stay home predicament come in?
Sara well done, you pointed out very valid points there. I wonder why there are more problems in the world, because we are taking those things as weak. I guess its how you mould your mind into.
On other side, it depends on indivdual circumstances. I think husband have to be considerate towards his parents in law as well, he should take care of his wife too. Are those who talking about taking care of parents in law as bad or weak forgetting that both sides have parents in law?
Going to profession, me and my wife went to a big store yesterday, and two asian girls on counter was keep flirting with a guy, I felt really bad, everyone is looking at them, and they kept laughing and giggling (totally unprofessionalism comparison to 10-12 other counter staff, when we came out my wife said to me, their parents send them to work and they may be so innocent at home, but look at them here. When I see those things, then I wonder why people are against women working. (before anyone jumps on me, my wife does work :-).
Also, she’s asking why men don’t get asked. Very few women would actually ask men to stay at home, and I think that’s because they haven’t been raised with expectations that that demand is okay. That’s not to say they aren’t demanding in other ways.
Exactly! Women are happy staying at home looking after their family- thats what has been followed in Pakistan for generations and thats the way should be. I see the pakistani girls in the Us and it really saddens me to the core. No, I am not for paindu type girls or something like that but I had stayed in one good pakistani family. Everyone in their family was nice, gentle and polite except their daughter, fariah who was barely 17 or so. She would get drunk. Come home with guys and talk about sex.. She would wear mini and show her cleavage etc.. Once I felt so bad that I thought of bashing the black dude who came with her.. I asked her parents and the poor parents told me that tried their best but she went the american teen way. I suggest that all the pakistani girls should be made to stay in Pakistan after their birth here in the states.. they should learn tehzeeb, mousiqi, tameez and nazakat.. We have become impure.. the girl should be only allowed to come to America after getting married to a guy in Pakistan.. WE SHOULD MAKE IT A LAW.. I hate these modern girls.. things are changing in Pakistan too..
Brothers and sisters, I suggest we enfore the following:
ALL girls should step out of their house in burqa accompanied by a male relative or husband.. where here in the west or Pakistan.
They should not be allowed to talk loudly or use these words like bitch, f**k etc. They should know Urdu or Punjabi..
They should not be sent for higher education.. If they do. they have to observe hijaab and not talk to any paraya mard..
I am sad to learn even posts like this one are so actively discussed.. next year or so me and my pakistani friends from usa/canada will personally take responsibility of visiting families living here and punishing them if they dont observe these points..
skhan: Good points, and I actually agree with you on all of those. There are women of those categories. I think I might be talking about a category that actually borders on this categorization of yours:
haan-careers-are-all-the rage-type. These women are enrolled in professional schools but that doesn't necessarily mean they intend to work. That's a totally different can of worms. More times than not, these wannabe career woman seek to enhance their rishta resume rather than contribute anything meaningful to society. Or their education is a back up for a marriage gone horribly wrong. Sorry that's how it is.
Now within this category, there are those women who will go so far as to allow themselves to be stepped on, and there are those who will not. I think I am talking about the subcateogry of girls who will allow themselves to be stepped on. In this subcategory of girls,
I honestly don't believe these women are sincere about their profession, and are using it to either pass time, enhance resume, or as a back-up plan...but inside their personalities are not kick-arse professionally serious at all. The professional behavior is a facade, and deep down, these ladies are no different than the typical "Allah mian ki gayn"...a saccrificial cow.
although each person is complex and their backgrounds,experiences etc make it hard for us to generalize them into any category i would think that there are those women that are ‘forced’ to abandon their careers and those who are not forced but are just not up for the challenges a career demands. when i say forced…i mean both physically, directly and Indirectly…emotionally. an indirect force could include the in-laws or husband constantly criticising a woman for her housework not being done correctly, praising another woman for how clean she keeps her house and the yummy food she cooks, or the sauce (umm thats saas) hinting now and then how much work she has to do on her own. although the family might not directly tell her to stop working, since it could very well be a condition she placed before marriage that the hubby would let her work, but the woman will be indirectly made to feel really guilty so much so that she will quit…and the family will go on to say that it was her own decision.
as far as the ones who are not serious about it…i will go the distance to claim that these women probably belong to comparatively well-off families and that was why they could afford a good education but can also afford to not work.
although each person is complex and their backgrounds,experiences etc make it hard for us to generalize them into any category i would think that there are those women that are 'forced' to abandon their careers and those who are not forced but are just not up for the challenges a career demands. when i say forced...i mean both physically, directly and Indirectly...emotionally. an indirect force could include the in-laws or husband constantly criticising a woman for her housework not being done correctly, praising another woman for how clean she keeps her house and the yummy food she cooks, or the sauce (umm thats saas) hinting now and then how much work she has to do on her own. although the family might not directly tell her to stop working, since it could very well be a condition she placed before marriage that the hubby would let her work, but the woman will be indirectly made to feel really guilty so much so that she will quit....and the family will go on to say that it was her own decision.
Yes PCG I agree, this is the case for many women. Rather than take a stand (and risk ruining marriage), they take the easier option of staying at home. But you can’t really blame them, after all, it’s all about priorities. To take a stand means taking risks and you only do that for something you are truly passionate about. Now that is something that cannot be feigned. It’s either there or not.
I mean seriously, the least of the problems is that she went the “american teen way.” Not all american teens are like this, unless you live in a Hollywood movie.
I haven’t read this whole thread, but here r my thoughts about the original topic…some probably are…i think the bollywood stuff ur talking about is similar to wot most girls in general dream of when they r growing up…it’s like a fantasy i guess…most of us know that in reality it doesn’t always go like that…i don’t think that just bcos u fall in love and want to get married that it suggests that u r weak or selling urself short or anything like that…marriage is a blessed union and most of us (Paki gals) know that either way (arranged or not) we have to go down that path…
In ex) 1…lol, there’s no harm in dreaming i suppose…and i have heard of ppl meeting on trains and hooking up at other relatives weddings…but every case is different…in the end, how u end up getting married/meeting ur spouse, is all about kismet.
In ex) 2…there’s nothing wrong with that…hey, u shud treat ur husband the way u want to be treated rite…it’s about love, compassion and kindness…if u care about ur spouse, u won’t even wait til they ask u…u wud just take off their shoes cos u care…after all, they r the ones u spend ur entire lives with…now, if the husband is a complete wanka then it is wrong that the wife puts up with that nonsense…it shud be a two-way street.
In ex) 3…i say if u “baby” ur own parents, then do the same for ur in-laws…they raised ur husband…u shud treat them like ur own…and it certainly is dutiful to treat ur own parents like that, so in my eyes, u shud with them too…again, if these in-laws are mistreating u then it’s another story.
& in the last ex)…this depends on many factors in the situation…if u have to give up ur job bcos ur family thinks the housework needs more attention, then maybe a compromise somewhere in the middle wud be best…if ur a new mother, then that is a blessing and spending as much time with ur baby shud be ur first priority…sometimes, they may say that cos they feel there is no need for u to work (financially)…it’s not the end of the world if u don’t have to work, and instead spend ur time in ur home taking care of ur family…to some, that is the most important job of ur life…in past generations, mothers stayed home whilst the men wud make the money…times have changed, and thesedays couples are doing it 50/50…and a lot of in-laws want their future D-I-L to work and help out their son…so yea, it depends on the type of family i guess…at least u have ur education, if u need it, it’s there…if u feel like u NEED to work (not for financial reasons) then that can usually be sorted out btwn the couple also.
bhai jaan for the time being worry about your sisters only…
i knew a gurl in high school who’s brother sounded like u…she wore a burqa when she stepped out of the house…then changed into tight as*s capris and skimpy tank tops at McDonalds..then went to school
